Jì Chengyang bent down and clamped both his hands on her shoulders, wanting to continue telling her that she could not be so willful and just shut off her mobile phone whenever she felt like it, that regardless of what happened, she could not solve her problems this way.
Before her eyes was Jì Chengyang's face.
Because the headlights were beaming directly onto them, his seldom-seen blatant anger was highlighted, and she felt very frightened.
"Why didn't you call me first and tell me where you had gone?"
"My phone's battery died," Jǐ Yi explained, her voice soft. "My phone's battery died. It wasn't because I shut it off. And there were no shops that had phones for public use. There were only those types of telephone booths that you need to plug a card in to use. If you don't have an IC card, you can't use those... I wasn't able to catch a cab. There are no cabs out and about... It could be because of SARS that no cabs are out working. So, I waited for the bus..."
The glow of the headlights shining on her made her face seem terribly pale. And then, she suddenly said, "Nuannuan knows. She's really mad."
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The weight of all of the different negative scenarios that he had speculated on was still crushing down on him.
Earlier, he had received Nuannuan's phone call and rushed back. After managing to calm that little niece of his, who had been sobbing until she was an utter mess, and taking her back to her school, he had been unable to get ahold of Jǐ Yi. Or it should be said, since receiving that phone call from Jì Nuannuan while he was still at the television station, he had been unable to get ahold of her.
He was not able to keep himself from being angry.
Even after she explained things to him, he still was unable to make all the stress that had amassed for more than two hours completely dissipate.
"I know. I've already talked with her about this matter." Jì Chengyang said quietly, "We'll go home first and then talk about it."
"Mm."
They were already standing in a place not far from the entrance gate to the community compound, so Jǐ Yi did not get into the car with him and simply waited for him at the top of the stairs outside of the underground parking garage. As Jì Chengyang strode up from the bottom of the stairs, his hand holding his car keys, he saw her outline enveloped in the hazy moonlight. She was dressed in a rather thick, rose-coloured hoodie and a slim pair of beige pants, and her hair draped down over her shoulders—a very pure and innocent, young-girl type of look.
She was waiting quietly for him.
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Jì Chengyang recalled what Nuannuan had said when she threw herself into his arms and sobbed. These were all things he had carefully thought through before, so they had not been much of a surprise to him. Because he was a twenty-six-year-old, mature adult man, this situation was one he had considered long ago. But it was different for Jǐ Yi. She still was not mature enough yet. He had not yet had the opportunity to talk thoroughly and in detail with her about all these future hindrances and obstacles before, without any warning, accusations were already being hurled at her.
The brunt of the responsibility should fall on him, should it not?
Jì Chengyang gave a slight laugh. From the bottom of the darkened staircase, he walked up, facing into the moonlight.
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Jǐ Yi had thought that once they were home, he would immediately have the talk with her. However, Jì Chengyang merely motioned to her with his hand that she should first take a shower. She therefore could only swiftly shower, change into her homewear clothing, and come back out again, where she was right on time to see Jì Chengyang stooped over and pulling out ingredients for dinner from the refrigerator.
When Jǐ Yi stepped closer, she smelled the faint scent of Dettol disinfectant all around.
During this period, Jì Chengyang had been paying very careful attention to disinfecting the home. When he returned home, he would immediately give it a round of cleansing and scrubbing. This also included, every day, putting the clothes that they had worn on that particular day into the washing machine and washing them. It was a little better with clothing, since the garments were mixed with laundry detergent and, in the end, no disinfectant smells would be left behind.
It was a different matter for the rooms, though.
In the beginning, she had not liked this type of smell, but gradually she had grown accustomed to it. Now, this sense of familiarity actually allowed her heart to feel more secure.
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Jì Chengyang readied the wok and began making dinner.
The kitchen range hood whirred loudly. Heating the oil, he poured the whole plate of peanuts in. As a result of Jǐ Yi's one remark of "I love peanuts," this dish was soon going to switch over to become Kung Pao peanuts, and the diced chicken was about to turn into merely an accompanying ingredient.
He picked one up with his chopsticks and fed it to her. "Have a taste."
This was the first sentence he had spoken to her since coming home, only three words.
Opening her mouth slightly, Jǐ Yi bit down on that peanut that was already stir-fried until crispy. Her eyes were fixed on him. Jì Chengyang was still angry and was not at all covering up the icy expression that was in his eyes and extended all the way to his face. It was as if his single glance had penetrated straight into the atriums of her heart, and he could see her blood flowing and her heart beating. This made her become so uneasy.
"Taste good?"
"Mm-hmm..."
"You don't think it's a bit over-fried?" he asked.
"It does seem a bit." It had indeed been stir-fried a bit too much.
Jì Chengyang picked one up for himself with his chopsticks and tasted it. "It's not too bad. Still edible."
She made a sound in agreement.
He, though, turned off the stove. "Forget it. We'll have hot pot. I bought lots of stuff this afternoon."
Jǐ Yi made another affirmative sound. Hot pot was actually pretty good, too.
While she was thinking this, Jì Chengyang had already placed both his hands on her arms and bent down into a half-crouch. "Is it, whatever I want to eat, you'll just follow suit and have it, too? How come you don't have your own opinions?"
Jǐ Yi was slightly taken aback. "I quite like hot pot, too. If you want to have it, then let's have it. It's no big deal."
Jì Chengyang gazed directly into her eyes. After a moment of silence, he said, "Xixi, do you know what your biggest shortcoming is?"
Shortcoming?
Jǐ Yi mulled this over, then answered very forthrightly, "I care too much about what people think."
Smiling, Jì Chengyang added, "And you also put too much importance on your relationships. You and Nuannuan are both very straightforward, genuine people, and to the ones who are close to you, you two are devoted and wholeheartedly give yourself to them. But she's the type who is warm on the outside and cold on the inside. Don't judge based on how she was crying like the heavens collapsed on her; she's actually not that fragile. You're different; you're cold on the outside but warm on the inside. You seem calm and impassive about everything, but you are much more pensive and reflective. You place too much weight on relationships."
Jǐ Yi's eyelashes fluttered slowly and lowered.
Yes.
Perhaps because she lacked these things, she placed a great importance on them. Familial love, friendship, romantic love—so long as anyone gave her a little of any of these, she would be able to forever rememember it clearly. Layer upon layer, they would build up over time, until they weighed down heavily on her heart and she wished with all her might that she could repay those ten times over.
To this day, she still clearly remembered what happened when she was eleven years old. One time, when she was at Jì Nuannuan's home and the two of them had woken up in the middle of the night and gone together to use the bathroom, her period had suddenly come. She had sat on the toilet, staring blankly at her panties. While she was still deliberating over whether or not she should go back downstairs to her own home, Jì Nuannuan had already pulled out a sanitary pad from the bathroom cupboard and squatted down.
Yawning as she tore open the packaging, Nuannuan stuck the pad securely onto her panties for her. "In the entire world, I'm the only one who won't get turned off by you." Nuannuan truly was not turned off by her at all, helping her make sure the pad was in place before going to wash her own hands. Her eyes were even drooping slightly from sleepiness. "Why do I just want so much to be nice to you? It's so scary. In the future when I'm married, my husband is definitely going to think I'm a lesbian..."
Half a year later, when Jǐ Yi mentioned this little incident, Nuannuan had already completely forgotten about it and had paused blankly for a moment before bursting out in guffaws. "Then you just need to remember to be good to me. Why was I not turned off by you at the time? That's just too scary."
But she remembered it clearly.
Every time she thought about it, she would be very touched, and she swore that she and Nuannuan would be this close for the rest of their lives.
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Their two shadows overlapped, landing together on the white tile floor of the kitchen, like a splotch of ink that had been faded by water.
"You don't need to do a self-reflection on what you did wrong." Jì Chengyang interrupted her thoughts in a quiet voice. "Everyone has different experiences growing up, and personalities are wide and varied. It's very normal. Placing importance on relationships is a good thing. You can stand by her loyally and steadfastly and help her when she's in need. But you do not need to make yourself do what she wants just because of what she likes and prefers."
Jǐ Yi lifted her eyes.
Jì Chengyang gave a chuckle. "Nuannuan views me as her idol and hopes that I'm perfect in every aspect. Even though I do very much love and want to take care of her, I am unable to meet this type of unreasonable demand. I am a normal man. I have strengths, and that means I also have faults. I have times that I want to be serious and proper, and that also means I have times that I don't really want to be serious and proper. I'm not perfect."
Jì Chengyang paused briefly, then carried on, "Today, it's accusations from Nuannuan; tomorrow, they might be from your father and mother, your family members; the day after tomorrow, it might be the neighbours... For example, there's the auntie who works in the emergency clinic in our compound. When you were little, she saw me take you there to get a tetanus shot, and she must have thought that Jì Chengyang really is quite a kind person. But if she saw you and me hugging or kissing now, she would definitely feel that that's something dreadful. She would think, 'Jì Chengyang is depraved and immoral. The little girl calls you uncle, but you've taken advantage of her while she's still young and doesn't know anything and made your move on her.'"
What he spoke was the reality of the matter, yet his word choice was light and relaxed.
"Those are also my elders, and I respect them very much, but I cannot give you up just because of what they think." Jì Chengyang was open and frank. "I don't live a dissolute life of eating, drinking, whoring, and gambling, nor am I a flirt and philanderer. I have not even had a girlfriend before. My body and mind are healthy, and my past is pure and clean. Why can't I date Jǐ Yi? Just because she used to call me 'uncle' when she was little? Because she was still a little girl when I met her? Because I'm eight years older than her?"
The way Jì Chengyang was speaking was simply too amusing. A giggle slipped out from Jǐ Yi.
"Since even before you met me, this has been my temperament. No one should think of me as being that perfect. No one needs to do that; you don't need to, either—because I can't do it. It's the same for you, Xixi. We haven't done anything bad or wrong. You don't need to take into consideration what everyone may think, and you absolutely do not need to be sad about any gossip or rumours and then think that there really is something wrong with our relationship and our love. Trust me, there is nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. It is wonderful. It is wonderful now, and it will be even more wonderful in the future."
Jǐ Yi could not hold herself back and burst out into laughter.
It was genuine laughter. She felt that today's Jì Chengyang was particularly different.
Just how he was different, she could not say exactly.
Jì Chengyang's tall build was crouched between her and the marble counter, but being stooped over for so long really was a bit uncomfortable. Now that they were done talking and she was also smiling, he decided to simply straighten himself back up. However, seeming to think of something, he quickly added the most important part: "Also, I'm not just dating you. Dating someone is something that consumes so much thought and energy. To me, doing it once is enough. I have put all of my effort and heart into doing this one thing, and I am going to bring it to completion."
With absolute confidence, he gave his conclusion, his voice carrying that unique feeling in it that only he had.
"We will get married."
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Married.
Married...
Jǐ Yi felt that her heart was basically going to explode open.
She felt a little dizzy. This thought of marriage caused her cheeks to involuntarily become tinged with red—bright red, through and through.
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After remaining quiet for several seconds, he suddenly grabbed her arm and, bringing his head down, touched his lips against hers.
Originally, he had merely wanted to soothe her, but when their lips made contact, like a prairie fire, things became difficult to control. He held her lips between his own lips and teeth, gently nibbling and sucking on them, infusing into this kiss the earlier worry and agitation of being unable to find her. Jǐ Yi felt slight tingles of pain in her lips. With a light "mm," she tried to skirt away from him, but his arms tightened and she was pulled completely into their enclosure.
When the two finally pulled apart, Jǐ Yi's lower lip was already a little red and swollen, and her limpid eyes gazed fixedly at him.
He was not certain what she was thinking, but all of a sudden, she turned around and left the kitchen with quick steps...
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Jì Chengyang watched as her figure disappeared from view. From the sounds of her footsteps, it appeared she had gone into the bedroom.
"You and I only have a six-year age difference. It may be just barely, but we can still be considered peers within the same age group. Nuannuan, be more rational when it comes to matters related to me." The words he had spoken to Jì Nuannuan this afternoon rose up in his mind. "Do not use hurting me as a way to repay the love and care that I have shown you all these years."
That was the first time that he had communicated with Nuannuan in the way he would a grown adult.
He could understand the shock Jì Nuannuan had felt to suddenly discover that her best friend was dating her uncle. What was more, the beginning of this discovery had been made with the very sexual basis that this was "cohabitation." Indeed, this would be very difficult to have to face.
However, he did not believe that Nuannuan would be unable to come around to this. She only needed some time.
As a man, long ago before this relationship had even started, he had thought through and considered all the various obstacles and reactions that they would encounter, and he had also thought of ways to respond to and conquer each and every one. By the time Jǐ Yi was grown up and a marriageable age, more than half of the "awkwardness" of their relationship would just naturally go away.
What he needed was also simply time.
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Jì Chengyang tried the stir-fried peanuts again.
The peanuts' taste really was quite good, very crunchy as well as very flavourful, but they also really were over-fried.
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A furrow formed between his brows, and the look in his eyes deepened slightly. This sort of expression was rather sexy.
He was mulling over whether to continue making Kung Pao chicken or prepare a hot pot. When he thought about the notion that having hot pot would more likely cause her face to become flushed while she was eating and little glistening beads of sweat to form on her forehead and even her cheeks... He very decisively made his choice. Covering the plate of peanuts with plastic wrap, he tossed it into the refrigerator. Then, he began washing the vegetables, cutting them up, and prepping for hot pot.
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Additional Comments:
Love how Jì Chengyang understands Xixi's personality and helps her apply it to her situation. Love his resoluteness. Lots of thoughts on this chapter, but I'm actually just choosing one topic.
Jì Chengyang explains it quite well, but I thought I would put in my little thoughts regarding Nuannuan's reaction to finding out about the relationship. 🙂 Just my opinion.
I get the feeling that perhaps some clarity needs to be made on why the relationship between Jì Chengyang and Jǐ Yi is such a taboo. It is not merely an age difference of 8+ years. It is not merely because he is her best friend's uncle. It is the relationship between the two families. Jǐ Yi and Jì Chengyang both come from military families that are very traditional. With the closeness between the two families and Xixi's grandfather and Jì Chengyang's father being peers, Jì Chengyang is not just Nuannuan's uncle by blood, he is also Jǐ Yi's uncle by familial relationship. Most of you have likely watched Return of the Condor Heroes, which shows the traditional views of seniority and generations. Xiao Long Nv and Yang Guo had no blood relation, yet their relationship was so violently opposed because XLN raised YG and was essentially like a mother to him. While modern day views aren't quite so extreme, in families such as the Jì and Jǐ family that have strong traditional views, the generational divisions are still particularly prominent. Jǐ Yi and Jì Chengyang are breaking that.
Furthermore, the crux of the issue is this: "Their generations and seniority were different, and since childhood, their interaction had been like family. He had always been her uncle. But in the end, things had left their control, and they had turned this relationship into one of love that exists between a man and a woman. For anyone, this change would be one that was difficult to accept, and people would even think in the dirtiest of directions..." (chapter 16.3) Let's disregard traditional Confucian views. In everyone's eyes, Jì Chengyang has always played the role of a semi-guardian in Xixi's life, and for many years, that was true. Even to date, despite the change in relationship, the guidance he gives her at times is still like that of a guardian. We have been privy to the development of the relationship because we, as readers, are semi-omnipresent, but what about everyone else? They don't know about the details, don't know about their thoughts, don't know about Jì Chengyang's inner struggles and mindset shift when he had his brain tumour, etc., etc. If others learn of their relationship, what they will see is a significantly older man who appears to have taken advantage of his authoritative role in a young girl's life and possibly enticed her. This is the "dirtiest of directions" that was referred to.
For Nuannuan, it was worse. "He could understand the shock Jì Nuannuan had felt to suddenly discover that her best friend was dating her uncle. What was more, the beginning of this discovery had been made with the very sexual basis that this was 'cohabitation.'" (chapter 17.1) She saw Jǐ Yi's clothes in his house, and everything about it seemed like they are living together in a not-so-innocent way. Her belief that her little uncle is a righteous, noble man has been shattered—he used his role of authority in a girl's life to entice the girl into his bed! And that girl is none other than her best friend. "That vulnerability from having her beliefs and faith shattered in a single moment..." (chapter 16.3) She's likely thinking, why didn't Jǐ Yi tell her about her feelings for Jì Chengyang? She had all the time in the world, if it were something truly innocent and not reprehensible.
Is Nuannuan's anger understandable? Personally, I think so. And that's coming from me, who is rooting for Xixi and Jì Chengyang through and through. Did Nuannuan let her anger get the better of her such that the reaction that came forth from her was too extreme? Probably. The more rational, mature reaction would have been to take a deep breath, express her anger to Jǐ Yi but still listen to her side of the story. However, at the beginning of last update, in Jì Chengyang's phone conversation with Nuannuan's dad, there were already hints that Nuannuan is not behaving all that normally of late. "The general gist ... was that Nuannuan had skipped classes for many days in a row already, and every once in a while, they would not even be able to find or get ahold of her." (chapter 16.3) We don't know the whole story for Nuannuan yet. Is there an explanation for her extreme reaction?
I definitely agree that Nuannuan is spoiled. Her parents have doted on her and let her go wild too much. She's certainly not the good girl that Xixi is and has put Xixi in some awkward and even downright bad moments (such as at that night club, where Fu Xiaoning showed Xixi Ecstasy). However, her heart for Xixi is true, and she has always treated Xixi as her best friend. "She still remembered, that day, outside of the school's main gates, when even the teachers had been frozen with fright and had not dared to step forward to stop anything, only Nuannuan and this O great Class Prefect Xu had run out and pulled her and Zhao Xiaoying out from that circle of violence." (chapter 14.3) That gang fight outside of the Fuzhong school gates was not some random little schoolyard fight. It was a "circle of violence" that caused a boy to nearly lose his life. When Nuannuan stepped into the middle of that to pull Xixi out, she was not thinking of herself; she was putting her life at risk, or at the very least, setting aside her fear, to rush into the midst of fists and trampling feet and fighting men who could not be bothered to care whether you were involved or not. She did this simply because she did not want Xixi to be hurt. This was not some good Samaritan act; even the teachers did not do that.
We are all naturally biased towards Xixi and Jì Chengyang, myself included. How can we not be? Their love is beautiful. But we know about its beauty because we have been allowed to view every aspect of its development. Give Nuannuan some time. That discovery was shocking and hurtful to her. On top of that, as alluded to at the beginning of last update, there are some things going on in her life as well. But her love for both of these people is great, and, as Jì Chengyang said, she will come around. 🙂