Lately this place is just a place to collect a pay check at the end of the month. Nothing more, nothing less.
I wish I could say I love my job and the things I do but I do not. At some point I think I did like it even if it was just a little. I did like it at some point.
What I really wanted to do was be an Author, to create stories. Since I was a little girl, I aspired to write books. Signing autographs for my fans but due to my father's wish I studied business instead.
Daddy gets what he wants always. What you need to do is suck it up and do what he wants. He says jump and you ask how high. With Father it is either his way or the high way. Which is his way.
I walk to my office. I work as a COO at Thompson Stock Exchange. And I really hate the job. I have many reasons to hate the job mainly because my father is a sexist man.
I could be the CEO when he retires but he wants me to marry and give that position to my husband.
He makes it clear that he wanted a bit not a girl. And unfortunately they have one child.
"Morning Ms Thompson, you have a message from your Mother and another one from Grace." She informs me. I give her a polite smile. "Mr Thompson asked to see you when you arrive." She adds
"Thank you Stacy." I take the pieces of paper from her.
I walk straight to my father's office. I greet people on my way. I am known for my politeness around the office. I am never involved in office gossip or politics.
I knock on the door once and open it. Father gesture for me to walk inside. He is listening to someone on the other line while taking notes.
I take a seat and wait for him to finish. My father's office is the definition of luxury. From the paintings to the cream white carpet. It all scream money.
"Morning father." I greet him when he is done with the phone call.
"Morning Riley. Thank you for honouring me with your presence this morning." He sarcastically says.
My father is the most sarcastic person I know. If you don't know him, you might even think he's complimenting you. Whereas he doesn't appreciate someone else's sarcasm.
He is a hippocrate I know but he is the boss. He has the money so people kiss the floor he walks on. I understand their intention; you feed his ego, he gets you places.
I try really hard not to grimace or storm out of his office to the comfort of my own. He is not in my good books right now. I am very angry at him. He knows that but does not really care.
What matters in his books is him and only him. He is a selfish man. Probably that is why he is so successful.
"I was informed you wanted to see me father?" I try to ask nicely.
"We are invited to the Greyston's this coming Friday for dinner." He tells me.
That does it for me. Father does not know his boundaries. He is being very cruel now.
He knows visiting or even mentioning the Greyston right now is torture for me but does he care? No, he only cares about money and business. Those are his children, wife, siblings and parents.
"Surely father my presence is not required." I persuade him.
I do not know why I am even trying because at the end of the day he will get what he wants.
"No no dear, your presence is required. Clear your schedule because you are going." That is no question. No room for argument.
I stand up and grab my laptop bag and had bag angrily and storm out of his office. I should have ignored him and never went to his office in the first place.
I open my office and lock the door behind me. I slide down against the door and hug my knees. I bury my head between my legs and cry my soul out.
Everything I ever had was brutally taken away from me. In five seconds, I watched as my life slipped away from my grasp.
After what felt like forever, I pick myself up and touch up my make up and went to bury my head in work.
I have been doing that lately. Taking every account so I can stress about work not my life that os crumbling like a cookie which I have no say in.
I have been working ever since. It is Wednesday today I can figure out how to get out of the Greyston dinner that is on Friday. Maybe if I talk to mom she'll bail me out.
My alarm rings. I set alarm for lunch time. I stop my alarm and gather my car keys and hand bag and walk out of my office. I pass by reception.
"Stacy, if anyone call I went out for lunch okay?" I tell her and press summon tget elevator.
"Yes Ms Thompson." She is always formal. Sometimes it makes me wonder if it is mockery or genuine respect.
The elevator ride is full and crowded. I do not mind crowds but I am a little claustrophobic. Elevators always makes me nervous and a full one scares me.
I make it to the underground parking without any problem. I drive to the little cafe that lately I always go to.
The door chimes like always when I push the door. I walk over to the counter and order a sandwich and a Latte. I take a seat on one of the bar stool facing the road.
I eat my lunch while checking my emails and responding to some. I hav not seen Zayn since that day we talked and that was last week.
I come here everyday expecting to see him and maybe witness his drama. His drama always manage to make me feel better.
I am very disappointed that I have not seen him for a whole week. It is sad how I escape my life drama by witnessing his drama. It never fail to make me laugh for the rest of the day.
After two hot chocolates and two hours later he still has not arrived. I have ran out of emails to respond. I have been playing a game on my phone just to pass time. Lunch time has been over for a while now but I'm not worried. Pecks of working for your father.
I drive back to the office down than when I left. I park my car and plan to go straight to my office and maybe catch a quick nap.
Stacy stop me before I can sneak past her. I may or may not have been ignoring her calls for two hours.
"Afternoon Ms Thompson. Ms Grace called again but didn't live a message. Mr Trevor called to confirm the meeting. I told him I'll get back to him once I went over it with you." She explains.
I swear I forgot all about that meeting. I am in so much trouble. He is an important client and I did not prepare for the meeting. Father will have my head for such incompetence.
"Confirm it Stacy. Thank you." I sprint to my office.
Luckily, I am only doing a briefing so there is not much to stress about. I have been so distracted lately that today is not the first time I forgot a meeting. Luckily I have Stacy to remind me each time.
After I am done updating the Ink folder and making copies for Mr Trevor I decide to call Grace. I have been ignoring her for quite some time and with good reasons too.
"Riley." She squeal and I immediately pull the phone out of my ear. I still value my hearing thank you.
"It's been a while." She points out. Grace is one of my best friends. I trust her with my life. We grew up together how can I not.
"Yeah it has been a while." I respond but not with the same enthusiasm.
"I'm at the country club, join me so we could catch up with a game of golf." She practically orders me.
I do not mind though. I grew up with her and she has always been like that. It is her nature to be a little bossy.
Just like it is my nature to be introvert and calm. While my friends are loud and outgoing. I am somewhat loud and somewhat outgoing but just not as much as them.
"Okay I will be there." I say my perfectly recited good byes and she says hers.
I look at the time. I still have twenty minutes until my briefing with Mr Trevor. I have enough time to call mother. I dial her number.
I already know what will be her answer and advice but I am hoping that today she will use her motherly instinct. I am not necessarily saying she is a bad mother, it is just that...
"Riley hello." She stoically greets formally.
"Hello mother." I return the stoic greeting.
"How can I assist you today?" It is better to talk to a machine because that way you know it is a machine.
But to talk to your mother and be confused if whether it's a machine or indeed your mother.
"Mother do you know about the dinner at the Greystons this coming Friday?"
"Yes dear, I am aware of it." I picture her nodding.
"Mother, I do not wish to go." I state without hasitation.
"Your father will not allow that, you know it already." Just as I suspected. My father always comes first.
At times like this I wish I was a snapping person. So I could snap and tell mother all the things I really want to shout at her.
"Mother it is too painful to look at him. How am I suppose to sit at the same table with him and keep my composer? How mother tell me, how?" I plead with her.
I wish I could have shouted the words but I am still me, I am incapable of raising my voice at another person much less my own mother.
"You are a lady Riley. You will sit and fix your issues with Mark. I raised you better." By the time she is done with her speech tears are soaking my cheeks.
God, I cry a lot.
"He cheated on me mother. We were going to get married but he cheated." I sob quietly.
"You need to get married. Forgive him Riley. Women forgive it is what makes us strong."
I sob while mother listen. She tells me everything shall pass. She tells me to be strong. I wish I can listen to her advice but she does not understand.
Father never cheated on her. Father loves mother. He may be many things but father is not a cheater. He loves her.
"You will attend the dinner because your father said so dear." She finishes. "I love you." I don't reply and she takes it as a sign to hung up.
I finish sobbing and pull myself together. I put on a strong front and apply make up. That is what I was taught, to put up a front and never show emotional weakness.
Mr Trevor arrives shortly after. We discuss the changes and we update his account together.
"You need to increase the budget Mr Trevor." I joke and he laughs. He stand up and pack his folders.
"Very funny Ms Thompson. Won't you like me to spend more money on your company." He comments. I try to smile genuine at him but fail.
There is nothing wrong with Mr Trevor. He is a nice man and a good businessman. But I ca not seem to truly smile at him or anyone for that matter. I am not the same person I was a month ago.
After I walk Mr Trevor to the elevator, I walk back to my office. I decide to knock off early and make good on my word to Grace. I drive home and change from my work attire to my golf attire.
I drive to the country club with my gear in my back seat ready to play golf and catch up with Grace.
That is what I thought I was here to do about two minutes ago. My heart clench at the sight not too far away from me. I feel tears pool eat the back of my eyes.
I pinch my eyes closed. Maybe I am thinking about it that now I am hallucinating, maybe I am going crazy. I have been trying to ignore the pain for so long that coming here opened the flood of pain.
After all this was our spot. We came here every weekend to relax or play golf. He proposed right here in this golf club.
At a distance I could spot him. He turned his back on me but I know him. I could even identify his shadow. We dated for so many years that I know him like the back of my hand.
In the distance, he is with Veronica. The person I saw as my sister once. The person I made maid of honour because I thought we had an unbreakable bond.
I blink rapidly to avoid tears spilling. I have cried enough for one day because of one person. But I know I will cry myself to sleep tonight just like I do everyday for the past month.
I see my former fiance. The man I was suppose to marry in two weeks. The man I built my whole life around. The man who has my heart. He is helping Veronica shoot.
I feel like dying and screaming at him at the same time. He is holding her hands from the back. Her back pressed against him like we always did. Like when he taught me.
I can not help but feel sorry for myself. They both look happy like I once was. He looks happy with another woman like he did when he was with me and after he cheated he never came to apologise.
I let out a deep breath and turn out to walk back to my car. I need to get out of here. I need to leave before I get sick or die of heartache.
But I do not get my wish because Grace stop me.
"You were going to leave without saying hello." She walks toward me. I open my mouth and close it. I only have one question for her.
"Why did not you tell me he will be here." I whisper my voice cracking. She rolls her eyes.
"Does it matter?" I gasp at her insensitivity.
"You know how I feel about them. It is destroying me." I choke out the words.
You would feel my pain if your childhood love left you from one day to the next. Or in my case cheated on you with your bestfriend.
"He doesn't want anymore. Get over it and stop being pathetic. He's only marrying you because he has no other choice." She says the words slowly like I have a hearing problem.
"You know that's an arrange marriage. It's a contract. Get over it Riley."
The last of my composer crumbles down as tears slide down my cheeks. My vision blurs out as the flood in my eyes slide down my cheeks.
I take the last of my self respect and dignity. I clutch them close to my chest and walk to my car. I slide into the driver's seat and start my car. I drive till the country club is out of view.
I drive off the road and park next to the road. I turn off the engine and breakdown. I cry my soul out. I cry for my ruined dream wedding. I cry because no matter what I still love Mark.
I cry because I already cried today. I cry because of Grace insensitive but true words. I cry because I'm pathetic. I cry because i have nothing to live for anymore.
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Lewis Capaldi - Someone you loved
But now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug