In case you haven't caught on by now, each chapter picks up immediately from the last one. It would be beneficial to go back and read the end of the chapter before, this chapter moreso, I believe.
I feel him shift and hear his breathing hitch. "I don't know," he responds in a voice just as soft. "I just won't. Living without other humans in this factory for so long, I've forgotten what certain emotions feel like and what they are. But this one...the one I feel for you...I don't think I've ever felt it before." My cheeks burn red and I pull away. I'll tell you what I feel right now; confusion. Will retracts his arms, unaware of what made me pull away. "I...I didn't mean..." I turn and begin following the others to the other side of the bridge. He catches my hand and heat sears my palm. Not a painful heat, good heat, the kind that comes after a long day in the cold, the kind that happens when my family is all together and happy, the kind that warms me all the way to my heart. "I mean...what you make me feel is good, it makes me happy. I like it...I like you."
I slip my hand from his hesitantly. What do I say to that? How do I respond? I've been told all my life that I am worthless, stupid, and loathsome. I know how to handle that, alone time and tears. But this? I have no idea what to do with this.
I'm just about to open my mouth to say something, I'm not sure what, but something, anything, when Charlie, bless his angelic heart, calls for me up ahead. I look down and turn, walking quickly to catch up with Charlie before awkward silence cements itself around Will and me.
Will steps off the bridge after me just as it folds back in on itself. He sweeps past me to unlock the door and for the first time since meeting him, his gaze refuses to fall on me. His posture is very stiff and his arms move rigidly. His face darkens as he waves everyone in. I messed up, didn't I?
As I pass him, he averts his eyes and I can feel cold emanating toward me. He's not happy. About what? Me not reciprocating his puzzling sentiments? Me not understanding? Me not responding at all? What did I do? More importantly, what do I do now? How do I fix it? What does he want me to do?
A small, warm hand finds its way into mine, and I breath a sigh of relief, waiting for the bad thoughts to go away like they always do. Mike makes a face at a passing Oompa Loompa, and I frown. Not because he was rude to the little person, though that was extremely impolite, but because clarity didn't find me. Charlie didn't help. He always helps! His presence always helps! What do I do? Will won't help me. I was mean to him. I wronged him. He hates me. What do I do?!
"I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier! The elevator is by far the most efficient way to get around the factory." Will gestures to an elegant glass box large enough to fit six people max. He didn't think of it before because it wouldn't have worked before, I think sarcastically. I'm still fighting to stay in control and focus on the discordant sounds of feet pounding as we pile into the glass elevator.
"There can't possibly be this many floors," Mike avers cockily. He raises an eyebrow in challenge at Mr. Wonka. I mean, Will. He's still the same Will I know, just a little mad, I chastize myself silently. At me. I focus on the buttons covering the walls labeled with all sorts of names. These are probably the names of rooms, not floors.
Will raises an eyebrow as well, meeting the challenge. He doesn't wiggle it and glance in my direction though. He doesn't cast a secret smile my way meant for my eyes only. He doesn't even seem to notice my regressing state. Instead he has been watching Charlie with a proud fascination as the boy gazes in wonderment at the buttons around him. To Mike's comment, he cleverly responds, "How do you know, Mr. Smarty Pants? This isn't just an ordinary up and down elevator, for your information. It can go sideways, slantways, longways, and any other ways you can think of. You just push a button, and whoosh, you're of!"
He presses a button to his right a little haphazardly, and smiles. The elevator whirrs to life and drops suddenly. Charlie, being a few pounds lighter than me, almost flies into the air. I wrap my arms around him to steady us and begin looking at the buttons again. Grape Nuggets. Emperor's New Clothes. Razzelberry Pellets. Fragile Waffles. Bedroom. Huh. I suppose he has to sleep too.
The elevator careens to the right and I widen my stance to keep from falling with Charlie wrapped tight in my arms. I haven't zoned out entirely, but I am still hyperventilating a little and I feel wrong. I can't describe it any better than that, something's just not right. In a split second, our view turns from dark walls encasing us to a picturesque mountain with a blizzard swirling around the elevator. Oompa Loompas are crawling all about the mountain, chipping off pieces of the mountain and putting them in pails strapped to their waists.
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Fudge Mountain!" Will waves a dramatic arm and I press my face to the glass of the doors without buttons to see better. A little smile graces my face, but then I see an Oompa Loompa shiver and suddenly feel very very bad for him. I know what cold feels like, almost everyday I have to endure freezing temperatures while I work. Being here at the factory, feeling so warm and happy and, for the first time in a long time, companionship, I had almost forgotten my reality. Tomorrow I'll go back to work and it'll be like today never happened.
The elevator starts to move again, but my mind is still wrapped up in the fact that I probably won't see Will after today. But I just found him! I know it sounds strange, but I feel like I was always meant to have Will in my life. I feel whole here. Will is my other half and I don't want to lose him again. Wait...again? Now I'm confusing myself, and my heart and head are screaming at each other making me dizzy.
The elevator comes to an abrupt halt over a large warehouse with a variety of activities going on. In front, we see a group of Oompa Loompas shearing a sheep with pink wool. Will clears his throat. "I'd rather not talk about this one."
The elevator slides right, still in the same large, vaulted room. We see a hospital like setup where the patients are the half-melted puppets from this morning and the doctors are Oompa Loompas. Will's mouth curls up in a guilty grin. "This is the puppet hospital and burn center. It's rather new."
The elevator slides right again, but this time out of the room and into a wide vertical tube with desks filling carved out little workspaces for Oompa Loompas who appear to be doing desk work. I can't see an end up or down to this cylinder of cubicals. Will's smile grows extremely friendly and earnest. "The administration offices. Hello, Doris!" He waves at a particularly feminine looking Oompa Loompa who reluctantly returns it with two fingers.
The glass box whisks away again and we go though what I thought was a solid wall. I knew feats happened here, I just didn't expect they'd defy the fundamental molecular laws. We come to a stop after a series of stomach-turning maneuvers just in time to see a volley of rockets launch off of a central tower and explode in the air. The elevator takes us closer until sparks and pieces of rockets fall around us. Charlie shuts his eyes and hugs me for reassurance. Will taps his shoulder, "Believe it or not, this elevator can withstand seven consecutive nuclear explosions. Don't ask me why seven, it just is. The point is, we're safe." His tone started out joking, but the end was sweet and consoling.
I can't help but notice that when Will steps back, after Charlie begins being more interested than afraid, Will never once looked at me. In just three hours I've grown used to his calm, violet eyes meeting mine and his soft, expressive voice whispering devious words to me. Now, he refuses to look at me. I shudder and blink, trying to force myself not to cry again. He's not trying to hurt my feelings, but I deserve it. I'm a bad person. My father knew that and he left. Everyone knew it, everyone but Will. He's been locked away here all these years. He didn't think I was a bad person until I messed up. Now he's just like everybody else.
"Why is everything here absolutely pointless?" Mike asks. Normally, I'd be furious and jump to Will's defense, but I don't think I have the mental capacity for that right now.
Luckily, Charlie jumps in for me. "Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy."
Good, simple words. Charlie is good and simple. He's not like me, he doesn't make stupid devastating mistakes. What do you want me to do, Will?
Mike sneers. "It's stupid. Candy is a waste of time."
Stupid. I'm stupid. Everything's stupid. If everything is stupid, is anything stupid really? My breathing quickens and I hear Charlie's voice, but I can't tell what he's saying. My hands find the hem of my shirt and knot into the soft fabric. I pull at it it, stretching the fabric and am practically dead to the world. My mouth is dry, and my eyes drip salty tears but my throat is unable to sob audibly. Darkness closes in on me, folding blankets of blackness, enveloping me, absorbing me until everything left is inky darkness. Gone is warmth. Gone is happiness. Gone is hope. Gone is love. Gone is Will.
My head pounds and I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. I clutch my head and stumble. I'm moving. The elevator is moving. It makes a sharp left turn and I fall. Straight into strong, soft-sleeved arms.
An itty-bitty pin prick of light appears. All is not darkness. All is not gone. There is a bit of warmth. There is a tad happiness. There is a miniscule amount of hope. There is a speck of love. There is Will.
He's not talking though, not like normal. I think he's been absorbed by memory too. But that's alright. Just having him is alright. My hand moves of its own accord, sliding down Will's sleeve and grazing his wrist momentarily before lacing our fingers together and giving his hand a gentle squeeze.
I wait. The light grows. A heartbeat pulses. Fingers twitch against mine. He squeezes back.
Thank you for reading this chapter! You'll never know how much 4k reads means to me! Check out the picture for this chapter, I created it myself. Happy 20th chapter! And Happy Holidays if I don't update again this year.
Thanks again!
xoxo, Tilly