"I want you inside me," I moaned to Sean.
Surprise and shock covered his face. "Lydia, I don't think that's a good idea."
"You don't want me?" I asked with a sultry smile. Okay, I'll admit, I was anxious as hell. I never liked my birthday, mainly because we never celebrated it. I wanted to start making new memories, good memories. I wanted to drive out the bad ones and not think about them anymore.
"You have no idea how much I want you." His voice was low and throaty; and it made my body heat.
"Then what's the problem?"
He positioned himself between my legs as he kissed me. "Are you sure about this?" He whispered against my lips. "We don't have to rush this."
"I know that," I said as I kissed his neck. "I want this, Sean. With you."
He dropped his head into the hollow of my neck with a groan. He wanted this just as much as I did. Even though I was beaming with confidence, I was still a little nervous. And scared. In some ways, I was still a virgin. But, I wasn't going to let anything ruin this.
Sean looked up at me. "If you want me to stop--"
"I won't," I interrupted. The fact that he would even say that made me trust him even more than I already did.
Whatever he had been holding back when we've messed around before must have burst open. He attacked me with his mouth. His tongue stroked mine and I gripped his shoulders. After deepening the kiss, my body was on fire for him.
"Now, Sean," I begged between kisses.
I felt his hand slide down my body. He lifted my leg as he positioned himself at my entrance. He kissed me long and deep as he slid inside me slowly, torturously, until he was all the way in. He stayed like that for a minute and his eyes met mine.
"Are you okay?" He asked in a ragged voice.
I sucked my bottom lip between my teeth. I was so lost to the new sensations that I couldn't form words. All I could do was nod and I could have sworn he whispered, "Thank God".
He withdrew before pushing himself back in and we both moaned at the contact. He rested his weight on his arms as he started going faster.
"God, Lydia. You feel amazing."
The faster he went, memories from my childhood started flashing through my mind. I started to panic and Sean must have noticed.
"Hey, hey," he said as he stopped thrusting and looked into my eyes. "Just you and me here. You understand?" When I simply nodded, he said, "Say it."
"It's just you and me."
"Good. Are you okay?"
What was it about his voice and his touch that seemed to always bring me back from the darkness? "Yes. Please don't stop."
He crushed his lips against mine and started that delicious rhythm inside me again. My body responded and I found myself lifting my hips to meet his.
I was surprised at the sounds that were escaping me. I was moaning his name, asking him to go harder; faster. When I raked my nails down his back, he looked me in the eye and said, "I could stay inside of you forever."
It wasn't long before I found my body exploding from the pleasure and Sean was right behind me. After he released himself, he stayed like that for a minute. He looked down at me and gave me the slowest, sweetest kiss. Almost like he was trying to tell me something he couldn't say out loud.
When he pulled out of me and fell on the bed beside me, he pulled me closer to his body. I cuddled up next to him and ran my fingers over the light sweat on his chest.
I can't believe I just shared my body with someone. And...I enjoyed it. More than anything else.
"Thank you," I said quietly.
He put his finger under my chin and lifted it so I was looking at him. "Beautiful, it's I who should be thanking you. You are so amazing."
Thursday July 23rd
7:45am
I woke up to the most amazing feeling. Someone was kissing my neck and working their way down to my breast. A quiet moan escaped me. Sean. There would be no one else who touched me like this.
I opened my eyes and he was stretched out next to me with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Good morning, beautiful," he said.
"Good morning, yourself." I could tell he wasn't being honest and I frowned. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said and I could hear the lie in his voice.
"Sean, tell me the truth. Did you not--enjoy last night?"
"What? No. Of course I did. Last night was the best night of my life, Lydia."
"Then what is it?"
He let out a sigh. "I was worried you might...regret what we did."
Was he serious? I never thought it would be possible to be with someone like that. I never thought I would even be this comfortable with anyone.
I met his stare so he knew that what I was going to say was the truth. "I don't regret anything about last night."
He kissed me nice and long before pulling back with a smile. "I have something for you."
He got off the bed and I sat up with a smile, tucking the sheet around me. "I thought I got my present last night," I said teasingly.
He let out a deep chuckle as he pulled on a pair of shorts. "Baby, that was for both of us." I watched as he reached into the closet and pulled out a gift. He brought it over and sat it on my lap. "I was going to give this to you after dinner, but we ended up doing...something else. He cupped my face as he said, "Happy birthday, Lydia."
I didn't know how to react to this. I can't remember the last time I got an actual gift. I took in a ragged breath and when I got the paper off, I reached out with shaky hands. It was...everything someone could need who wanted to be a painter. Color pallets, brushes, canvas...
"Do you like it?"
I couldn't speak in that moment. I couldn't breathe. Fear and panic took over me. Memories flooded my mind from my childhood. I heard my parents' voices telling me drawing and painting was for children. That I would never amount to anything. My mom told me I would grow up to be a whore on the streets.
I looked at Sean and I could see he was concerned for me. I knew he cared about me and that's what scared me.
"Lydia? Are you okay?"
"I--I can't-" I couldn't speak. I felt like I did that night in San Francisco. When I ran into Michael and had that panic attack.
The ringing of Sean's cell phone made me jump. The phone rang three times before he got to his feet and answered the phone. "Anne? Yeah, okay. Wait, let me get some paper. Okay, go. Got it. Do you know what this place is?"
I fisted the sheets in my hand as I listened to Sean talk to Anne. This had to be about my mom. My anxiety rose as I heard the hitch in his voice.
"What did you say? Are you sure? Okay. Thank, Anne."
He hung up the phone and his turned towards me. From the look on his face, I could tell this was bad. Very bad.
"Tell me," I said.
He held my gaze before he said with a rasp, "They found someone who matches her description. Almost spot on. The address she gave me is for..."
"For what?"
"The morgue."