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IT WAS THE EVE OF her match debut. What a coincidence her first match at her new school was against Leehan. Eunra was giddy. Her heart fluttered like her eyelids getting heavy with sleep and she did need sleep. One more jog around and then she would head back.
The evening air was a discomforting warm; it was humid. Even though she would rather be indoors, she needed this. To prep ahead of tomorrow. To prep herself for what she was about to do tonight. She was going to come clean. Once she heads back to the dorm, she's telling Yuta everything. Because she knew that the longer she stalled, it was only a matter of time.
A matter of time before all would be lost and Jaehyun would be right.
Though it still weighed on her choices the fact that Yuta hadn't waned in his pursuit of Jisoo, it didn't have to count. Or determine whether or not she kept her mouth shut. Because it hasn't been just her, has it? No way Yuta would say he's not starting to feel anything. Regardless, it must be said and it must be known. Eunra wasn't only going to come clean, she was going to confess to Yuta that she liked him.
And hope for the best.
So what if today, throughout lunch, Yuta had eyed the girl of his dreams with longing, food forgotten, and Eunra had to sit and watch and torture herself because Jaehyun was too occupied in his head to give her attention. Kim Jisoo had sat a few tables over completely oblivious to the lives she was affecting from just existing. Eunra had found out she couldn't hate her for it.
The training warped into an unsteady jog, where she would pick up the pace, slow down, then pick up again. As humid as the air was, Eunra was hardly sweating, but sleep had resurfaced. Perhaps it was best she headed in now. Yuta did warn her not to overexert herself. That random act of concern alone had fueled Eunra's motivation to fall for me a tad more. In fact, she would love to have him here, except Eunra had wanted to be left with her thoughts. This way she gets to make this resolve in her heart and there would be no going back. Now that she was done making resolutions and sticking by them, she wished Yuta would show up unexpected to train.
'I knew I would find you here,' someone said.
No matter her state of mind, Kim Sungwoo would always be that voice of danger she could easily discern. He was always on her case but not once had he sought her out. Eunra didn't like that, however the last thing she'd ever do is give him the satisfaction of knowing she was troubled by him. 'What do you want?'
He raised his hands in surrender. His overt smugness made her wary. 'I come in peace.'
This guy says he comes in peace, everyone knows it's the opposite. Although their run-ins with each other were nearly frequent, they were never on civil terms. Sungwoo loathed her existence as much as something told her he hoped she reciprocated. If she ever bothered with someone who didn't like her for any valid reason she might consider returning the favor. Sungwoo's dubious nature and complete lack of discreetness were both balanced. That had been the one thing he ever got down to a minutiae.
'Peace? I don't think that possible where I'm concerned.' She would try to keep open mind here and keeping one meant she thread with caution. They were alone. Eunra didn't think she had much of an upper hand here. But if she was careful, she could get out of this unharmed. Up until now, Sungwoo was barely someone to have qualms with regards to. Put off by his power trip, yes; disturbed by his existence, hardly.
'You don't know, I could be here to wish you luck on tomorrow's game.'
Eunra scoffed. 'Unlikely. You're a lot of things, but at the same time you're not.'
'You see, that's the problem with your kind,' he preached. 'Always quick to pass sentence on anyone you've deemed an enemy. It's why I don't keep friends.' Sure, Sungwoo, me and my kind are the reason you don't have friends. 'You're the ones with the problem, and yet not ready to accept you do have a problem.'
She couldn't deal with this. 'What do you want, Sungwoo?'
'Principal Jung's nephew isn't here to save you this time.'
'I don't think I need saving from the likes of you?' Eunra hoped today would be no different. Was that going to be the case then she could really use a Jaehyun any second now.
'Your name isn't Doyoung, is it?'
The discovery would have been shocking if Eunra was thrown off guard by the fact her heart didn't try to dash from her chest. Somebody knew and it didn't feel like the most worrisome thing that could happen. If anything she would be angry with Yuta, for not finding out before this creep.
Eunra schooled her expression. 'Are you done?'
'You're not even a boy.' Sungwoo didn't seem pleased with the lack of reaction, so he delved deeper. Brought more facts to the table. 'I wonder why that is really, but I don't care. You have done enough damage to last me a lifetime.'
'I have caused nothing,' she said, folding her arms over her chest. 'But you're starting to lose it, Sungwoo. Take a hint and give up. Adapt to a normal life—have decent conversations with your mates, make friends. A glorified hall monitor title is less pathetic when you don't overdo it.'
'You know I'm not wrong.' He wouldn't budge. Sungwoo refused to back down his claims. This had to be the textbook definition of dogmatism. 'By tomorrow tomorrow, everyone will know. Your friends won't look at you the same anymore.'
Managing a smile, she told him, 'Good luck with that.'
Then Eunra left.
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TAKING THE QUICKER ROUTE BACK to her roommate was not the better idea.
'Yuta?' She called for him with a timid whisper, staying by the door as if she was visiting. Eunra hoped he wasn't in (he wasn't), and at the same time decided that in or out neither mattered. She woud find him if she needed to. Especially with the update, Eunra didn't want to imagine Sungwoo getting to Yuta first. On cue the door was pushed open on the other side, from behind it emerged Yuta as if he'd sensed he was summoned. He looked neither shocked nor pleased to see her. This returned Eunra to the chicken stage: she couldn't tell him. Maybe she shouldn't. What he doesn't know won't kill him. Or she could sleep a coward tonight, wake up and borrow some courage tomorrow. (Jaehyun wouldn't mind lending some of his, not in this situation, he won't.) Tomorrow: another day, another chance.
'You're back.' Not that she expected him to roll out a red carpet, but a little enthusiasm didn't hurt. From his countenance, whatever occurred where he was coming from must not have been good.
So Eunra decided to do the one thing she didn't have practice at and cheer his soul. A tale of Kim Sungwoo never failed to hit right spots, if there was one thing he was at least good at. It was that. If only Sungwoo knew to appreciate the fact he could cure depression in CA students just by existing. 'You will never guess who I ran into.'
'How was training?' He ignored her question.
Eunra paid little mind to this. Whatever had pushed Yuta into this standoffish state where he merely tolerated her, like the opening chapter of their relationship had been, must have been well beyond him. 'So-so. I would say I got in enough minutes before Sungwoo came and ruined my general mood.' Eunra paused then to get a good look at him. It might be the last time she ever gets such opportunity. If only his mood had been better. 'Regardless, he said things that got me to thinking...' she trailed off, 'thinking about some—'
'I see this is how you want it.' By now, Eunra had stopped finding his transference of aggression cute. It was as though Yuta had been speaking to himself just now, but he wasn't. He was speaking to her, eyes trained on her guilty-indignant face. His glower spoke volumes and, of course, all meant for her. That's when it hit. Eunra blanched. All the worst case scenarios hit at once, most directionalized towards Jaehyun because Sungwoo hated nearly everyone as much as he hated Eunra—Yuta wouldn't be the exception. And although it smelt nothing of Jaehyun, it had to have him written all over somehow. Stupid Jaehyun and his knack for loyalty. Stupid Jaehyun and his biased loyalty. Stupid Jaehyun who couldn't keep promises.
'Pardon?'
'Be honest with me, Doyoung, where were you?' Yuta was asking in the way one did when they had an answer already. Or had it at the back of their minds what they wanted to hear. Except they aligned somehow, Eunra didn't see this night ending any better than it would've if she was making the other confession. It was supposed to be the highlight of the night. 'You're above lying, at least I think you are.' So Jaehyun did tell him? 'Be honest with me. We can work something out.'
Yuta was putting her under a spotlight.
'And that's what I just told you. You even suggested it.' She laughed, tried to make light of the situation. 'Have you been with Jaehyun lately, by any chance?'
'I saw you with Jisoo. You were with Jisoo.' One speaks in such a resolute manner and you're forced to question your own existence. Had she actually been with Jisoo all the while thinking she was out training? Because seemed to know better than her at this point. Her absence could be attributed to Kim Jisoo, the girl she'd last seen this afternoon. Eunra thought, at least. Not that it explained why Yuta was on the verge of seeing red. He had nothing against her hanging out with Jisoo; they were friends long before he came into the picture. If anything , he may have been responsible for their being friends. Next, Eunra welcomed the possibilities of him being drunk except she would have to lean in close enough to whiff his breath. However from this safe distance, she smelt nothing. This was Sane Yuta slowly beginning to resemble that one from the bad dreams.
'No, I wasn't. What are you talking—Yuta!'
He shoved her. Literally.
'Don't lie to me. I saw the both of you, you kissed. I saw that it and I wish I could unsee it. You kissed her despite knowing I liked her, despite assuring me you don't have feelings for her.' What? 'You're supposed to be my friend. You don't do that to your friend! And somehow you've managed to make it worse by refusing to fess up. What are you?!'
'But I didn't kiss—'
'Stop it! Just admit it. You liked her. You always did!'
Eunra—first, addled; next, speechless—wondered what was supposed to hurt more. Yuta standing firm on her betrayal she was ignorant of (and now had her sharing like feelings with him, the betrayed). Or Yuta unwavering in his claims of catching her in the act. The last time she'd spoken to Jisoo, she'd been giddy for some reason Eunra stood here wishing she paid more attention to. Not even when Jennie mentioned something about being any more obvious. That day, they had been normal enough.
Was all of that meant to lead up to all of this?
'And you're supposed to be my friend,' Eunra fired back, the fierceness not as immense. To think she'd thought Sungwoo was the only person to be wary of this evening. 'Believe me when I say I didn't kiss anybody. Why would I do that to you?'
'Bullshit.' He spared a cynical laugh this time. Amidst the mockery of amusement he was making, Eunra noticed something die. Yuta's stare, from painful defeat were bordering on icy. 'Complete and utter bullshit!'
'Why won't you believe me?' she asked, to which he refrained from saying anything. Instead Yuta seized the moment to catch his breath and regroup. He'd even moved—farther away from her and closer to the foot of his bed.
He wasn't going to answer and him refusing to answer could only mean one thing: he expected such from the likes of her. Don't go all in trusting the new guy, Yuta may have proposed in his heart from the getgo. It was then something took shape inside her; Eunra recognized the marks of a letdown.
It was unfortunate he wasn't done yet. 'You know,' he took his seat at the edge of his bed, 'I truly wanted to believe you were different. That I misjudged you from the start, because I was unfairly resentful. Maybe I was. But I see it now: I'm jealous of you.' That is quite the confession, Eunra was thinking, unable to make heads or tails of it. 'I know I shouldn't be, but I am. And this jealous asshole is letting you know that you win, Doyoung. You can have her.' Eunra blinked, surprised the tears weren't manifesting themselves. 'She wants you anyway. I'll learn to live with it but so long as I'm in the process of accepting it, I'm afraid I can't do this anymore. So, please,' Yuta raised his head and met her eyes to say. 'Get out.'