Chapter 7
"Mom, have you seen my sunglasses?" Orchid asked as she walked down the stairs. "I swear, I left them on the shelf by the front door but they're not there, and they're also not in my room."
"I haven't seen it," Mom said as she continued to wrap the bandage around my wrist to replace the old one. Even though my whole family knew about it, Mom was the only one I let replace my bandages. They have all seen the bandages, but Mom and Dad were the only ones who've seen the wounds.
I didn't want anyone else seeing it.
"Didn't your mother tell you to get all your stuff ready yesterday?" Dad asked from his spot in front of the stove, flipping a pancake over.
"And I did," Orchid said. "Like I said, I could have sworn I left my sunglasses by the front door. It's not my fault they mysteriously disappeared."
Alan came down the stairs just then, carrying everything he was going to need for the school-wide beach field trip. And the first thing I noticed was the sunglasses perched on top of his head.
"They didn't mysteriously disappear," I said. "They're on Alan's head."
"What?" Orchid asked before looking in Alan's direction. "Hey, those are my sunglasses!"
"I know," Alan said. "This is revenge for when you made me do the dishes yesterday when it was your dish night."
"Then I'll do the dishes on your next dish night," Orchid said. "But you are not using my sunglasses. Go use your own sunglasses."
"I don't know where mine are."
"Then go look for them."
"I tried."
"Then try again."
"I've been trying ever since I woke up. I'm not trying again."
Dad sighed heavily as he put the last of the pancakes he made onto a plate. He placed it on the island counter before looking at Alan. "Alan, give your sister her sunglasses."
"But then I won't be able to wear any," Alan said, taking the sunglasses off his head and handing them to Orchid. "If I take even one accidental glance at the sun, it can burn my eyes and I can go blind. And if I go blind, I won't be able to play basketball. Or watch Ryder dance. Or look at Nolan's artwork."
"Just borrow one of my sunglasses," Dad said. "Now come eat some breakfast before you head off to school for the field trip."
"Also, make sure to pack some snacks," Mom said as she finished wrapping up the bandage. "And sunscreen. In fact, put some sunscreen on before you leave. And when you get to the school. And--"
"Okay, we got it," Orchid said. "Put on sunscreen."
"Do we have to?" Alan asked. "It's only the end of February. Speaking of, I'm not complaining or anything but why is the school-wide beach field trip in February? Why not have it in June? Or, like, not in the middle of winter?"
"Hey, if it means we don't have to go to school all day, I'm all for it," Orchid said. "And it's not really the middle of the winter. It's close to the end."
"Potato, tomato."
"That's not the saying," I said, pulling up my sweater sleeves to cover my bandages. I knew I didn't have to do that at home but... It was just a habit.
"I don't care what the saying is," Alan said, walking over to the counter and filling up a plate for breakfast. "Ooh, any chance I can bring some of this bacon with me to the beach?"
"Absolutely not," Dad said. "All the leftovers are going right into my stomach."
"Rude," Alan said.
Everyone else got some breakfast to eat and afterwards, Ryder, Alan, and Orchid did some last minute preparation for the school-wide field trip to the beach. I was just staying home today instead of going on the field trip so honestly, I didn't even know why I was awake so early.
I should have just slept in.
"Remember, sunscreen," Mom said as Ryder, Alan, and Orchid were heading to the door to leave for school. "And don't put it on just once. Put it on when you get to the beach and halfway through the day."
"Mom, I love you, but you go a bit too crazy with the sunscreen," Orchid said. "We know when to put on sunscreen. At least Ryder and I do. Can't say the same for Alan."
"Hey!" Alan objected. "Wait... No, that's true. But still. It's only February. It was literally snowing last month. Again, why are we going to the beach now?"
"Alan, I have two words for you," Ryder said, opening the door. "Let's go."
"Yes, please," Orchid said, slightly pushing Alan out the door. "We're going to miss the whole field trip if we're late getting to the school."
"Okay, I'm going, I'm going," Alan said. "Geez, you're all so touchy."
"Don't lose those sunglasses I'm letting you borrow!" Dad called after Alan as Ryder close the door behind him. "Alright, Tulip, let's get you to school."
"How come I don't get to go to the beach?" Tulip asked as she got on her shoes.
"Because elementary schools get to go on better field trips," Dad said, getting his shoes on as well. "Like trips to the aquarium, the zoo, the amusement park. You literally went ice skating last week. You'll get to go to the beach when you get to high school."
After Dad and Tulip left, Mom started cleaning up from breakfast. "You still have paint in your hair, by the way."
I sighed. "I know. I've tried washing it out multiple times over the weekend. It will come out eventually. I hope."
"That's what happens when you get paint all over yourself," Mom said. "How did that happen anyway? Because I don't see how you could get paint all over yourself just by going for a walk. A very long walk."
I didn't give Mom the answer she was looking for as I got up from the table, carrying some of the dishes over to help her out. All I said was, "My walk just... took an unexpected turn."
"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Mom asked.
I shrugged.
"You didn't get into any trouble, did you?" Mom asked.
"Oh, no," I said. "Definitely not... It's just... Nothing. It's nothing."
Mom stopped washing the dishes as she looked at me. "Wow, it must have something special."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why makes you say that?"
"You were smiling," Mom said. "A lot."
I didn't even realize I was smiling, but I couldn't help it. I had so much fun hanging out with Jerome that night. Not only do I feel very comfortable around him, but he knew me well enough to know I would enjoy painting in that place.
And okay, maybe a part of me was starting to like him. Yeah, I was already attracted to him, but it was Jerome Roy. Who wouldn't be attracted to him?
Now, what I was started to feel was a whole lot more than physical attraction. I really liked him.
But was I going to tell anyone that? Definitely not. Nobody knew I was gay, and I already knew that was going to be a very hard thing for me to admit. It was part of the reason I started self-harming. I wasn't ashamed of being gay or anything. I just... was afraid people would hate me. I was afraid my family would hate me.
Having anxiety and depression certainly didn't help those fears.
Even if my family did know I was gay, they wouldn't take it easy if I told them I liked Jerome. I mean, this was the guy my brother fought all the time. The guy that didn't have the best reputation.
They really wouldn't be happy about it.
"If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to," Mom said. "I'm just happy you're happy."
"Who said I'm happy?"
"Your smile did, Nolan. Again, you don't have to tell me a thing. Well, as long as you're not getting into any trouble."
"Don't worry," I said. "I'm not."
I couldn't make any promises for the person I've been hanging out with, though.
Once I finished helping Mom clean up the breakfast dishes, I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook and pencils. I came back downstairs to sketch. I tried my best to spend most of my day outside of my bedroom. When I used to spend my whole day in there, things got dark.
And I was really trying my hardest to get passed it.
Shortly after I sat down at the table to start drawing, my cell phone beeped with a new message. I took it out of my pocket, seeing a text from Jerome. You okay? I didn't see you arrive with your siblings.
I hesitated, trying to figure out what to tell Jerome. I didn't want to tell him I was sick because I didn't want him to worry. But I also didn't want to tell the truth because it wasn't something I liked talking about.
In the end, I just texted him back, I don't like the beach.
There. That should do it.
Jerome soon texted me back. I'm gonna pick you up. We'll go do something fun.
Hanging out with Jerome again? That was something I definitely wanted to do, especially after he took me to that painting place.
So I told him I couldn't wait before I packed up my art stuff. I just kept it on the table so I wouldn't have to go all the way to my room and come back down.
"Mom, I know you let me stay home to miss the field trip, but is it okay if I go on a walk?" I asked.
"Okay, two things," Mom said. "One, there's nothing wrong with you missing the field trip. You just didn't want to go to the beach, and that's fine. So yes, you're allowed to go on a walk. And two, you don't have to call it a walk every time you go out somewhere. Just say you want to go out somewhere."
"I want to go out somewhere."
"And you're allowed to. Just don't get into any trouble."
"I won't," I said as I put on my shoes while waiting for Jerome to show up.
It didn't take long for me to get the text message from him, telling me that he was here so I left my house and met him in front of my house. "You know, Mrs. Goth tried stopping me from leaving the school," Jerome said. "Told me I should stop skipping."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "But it's just a field trip."
"Exactly what I told her before I left anyway. So is there anything you want to do?"
"Nap."
"Besides napping."
"Sleeping."
"That's the same thing."
I thought for a bit. "Anything?"
"Anything. Even something illegal."
"Ha ha, very funny," I said. "I kind of want to go bowling."
"Bowling it is," Jerome said before leading me to where his car was parked.
We got into his car and he was about to start it up, but he got a sudden text message. He took his phone out of his jacket pocket, looking at the message. He sighed, ignoring it as he put his phone back in his jacket pocket.
I wanted to ask if everything was okay, but I didn't want to seem like I was being nosy, even though any normal person would probably just ask him if everything was okay. The joys of constantly overthinking everything.
Jerome noticed my concern as he started his car and pulled out of the parking lot. "That was Anita. She's wondering why I'm blowing off the field trip after I already blew off the party. Sometimes I think it will be easier to tell her."
"Are you ready to tell her?"
"That's the thing. I'm not. I'm not ready to tell anyone."
"...You told me."
"Yeah, but... You're easy to talk to. I never feel like you're going to judge me. I mean, you're Ryder's little brother and you probably hear all his stories about me."
"That's... true."
"And yet, after all those stories, after everything else you've heard, you didn't hesitate to help me in the parking lot that day. You don't mind talking to me."
"For the exact same reason as you. You're easy to talk to, and I normally don't talk to people easily."
Jerome smiled. "Which is why I'll be here if you ever need someone to talk to."
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okay this is a short author's note because i'm really tired anyway stan jerlan and watch skam france, and all the other skam remakes.