A/N: I SAW DINAH IN CONCERT! She was so much fun and sooooo gorgeous in person! *sigh* I want her to come back to meee!
Dinah's POV
Normani and I simultaneously kissed Ryder on the cheek as a part of our goodnight tradition. "Good night, Ry. I love you," Normani said as I said, "I love you, baby. Sweet dreams."
My daughter blinked sleepily at both of us, before saying, "I love you guys too, but can I ask you a question that I've been thinking about a lot?"
"Do we really have a choice?" I asked, exchanging an amused glance with Normani.
"I guess not cuz I'm gonna ask it anyway," Ryder said, her eyes half-closed, "You two always say I love you to me, but never to each other. Why? Don't you love each other?"
I blushed deeply, but Normani just laughed it off and said, "Of course, we love each other. Is that all you want? For everyone to say 'I love you' to everyone before we sleep?"
"Mhm..." Ryder hummed sleepily.
"In that case..." my dance partner leaned over my daughter to kiss me on the nose playfully and said, "I love you, Dinah."
Goosebumps erupted all over my body at her gesture. I knew she was just indulging my daughter, but that didn't stop my cheeks from burning hot at her words.
"Mommy, your turn," Ryder commanded.
Normani raised her eyebrows at me and teasingly added, "Yeah Dinah, your turn to tell me how much you love me."
I rolled my eyes playfully at her, but as I spoke, I looked directly into her beautiful dark brown eyes and with the utmost sincerity said, "I love you, Mani..."
....more than you'll ever know.
"Good night..." Normani said, her voice relatively softer.
Was it my imagination or was she blushing too?
The next morning, I vaguely registered Ryder waking up and running off to watch cartoons. But I didn't bother getting up after her because it was the weekend, which meant that I could sleep in and let the little brat do whatever she wanted. The next time I woke up, I noticed that both Normani and I had inched closer to fill Ryder's vacated spot in the middle. Usually Normani woke up before me, but today, she was snuggled tightly against her blanket, fast asleep.
I loved waking up next to her. Even when she slept, she looked so beautiful. Her chest rising and falling rhythmically. Her eyes gently shut. Her skin glowing. Her hair cascading neatly on the pillow. Before I realized what I was doing, my hand was gently caressing her cheek.
Normani stirred at my touch and opened her eyes, looking confused. "What'd you want?" she asked, half-sleepy, half-grumpy.
I quickly pulled my hand away, and panicking, I blurted out, "You're snoring so loud."
"Shut up. I don't snore," she mumbled grouchily, closing her eyes again.
Smirking mischievously, I goaded, "Mani, you snore."
Normani opened her eyes to glare at me in sleepy annoyance and said, "I know I don't snore."
"You snore so loud that it sounds like a jet taking off."
"Stop! That's Ryder! Not me!"
"Nope, it's you! I checked!"
"You snore!"
"You snore louder!"
"No, I don't!" Normani whined, whacking me in the chest with the back of her hand.
I grabbed her hands and pulled her closer to me. She tried to kick me, but I sandwiched both of her feet between my legs.
"It's too fucking early for this," Normani complained grumpily as she struggled against me.
"That's one dollar for the swear jar!" I said mischievously, holding her firm, "Admit you snore, and I'll let you go back to sleep."
"No!" she said stubbornly, pushing against my chest.
But I was stronger. I rolled over, pinning her body underneath me and gripping her wrists firmly above her head. "Admit it, and I'll let you go!"
"No..." Normani said in a softer voice. I watched her eyes flick to my lips.
Suddenly, I realized how close we'd gotten during our wrestling match. Our lips mere centimeters apart. Our cores pressed. Our chests brushing, rising and falling together, hearts pounding in sync.
Blushing deeply, I made a move to get off, but that just resulted in my thigh grinding firmly against her core. She gasped faintly at the unexpected touch. I had the overwhelming urge to repeat the movement of my thigh, this time on purpose to elicit a moan. I had the overwhelming urge to kiss her parted lips, swallow her gasps, and have my lips memorize every inch of her naked skin. I had the overwhelming urge to make love to her...to physically show her how madly in love I was with her beautiful being.
But before I could make a move, the doorbell rang. Trying to hang on to the moment, I ignored the doorbell and impulsively whispered, "Mani...I have something to tell yo-"
"Mommy! There's a stranger at the door!" my daughter yelled from downstairs.
Mentally cussing at my kid, I reluctantly got off my dance partner and made my way downstairs. "Ry, how many times have I told you not to open the door for strangers?"
"He's not here to kidnap me. I checked!" my daughter said, sounding pleased with herself. But I wasn't listening, I was staring at the familiar looking stranger.
"Sean!?" Normani shouted in surprised excitement behind me. She rushed past me down the stairs and ran into his arms.
As I watched Normani jump on her fiancé and kiss him, my insides disappeared. My heart shattered into pieces as reality hit. She could never be mine...
"What're you doing here!? I didn't expect you till the showcase!" Normani said after she was done non-verbally greeting him.
"Surprise! I came a few weeks early since you said you missed me. Took off work and everything," Sean said.
"Really...? For me...?" Normani asked in a soft whisper, looking at him lovingly, "Thanks...you have no idea how much that means..." She kissed him passionately again, and unable to bear it, I looked away.
"Is this the man you said you're going to marry, Normami?" Ryder asked.
Normani broke off the kiss with a laugh and said, "Yes, Ry. Meet Sean. And Sean, meet Ryder and Dinah."
"I'm so sorry, Dinah. Normani and I got so caught up that I didn't even introduce myself," Sean said apologetically, offering me his hand, "It's nice to finally meet you in person."
"Y-yeah. Nice to meet you too," I lied, shaking his hand.
I was less than thrilled at the arrival of Normani's fiancé, but nevertheless, when he talked about staying in a hotel, I refused to hear of it and busied myself in setting up the guesthouse in the backyard. At least, that way, Normani would be near me for a bit longer.
"You sure Sean can stay here?" Normani asked, helping me set up the guesthouse as Sean went to get his luggage.
"Of course! He's your fiancé! He's like family," I said with as much fake enthusiasm as I could muster.
"Thanks!" Normani said brightly as she helped me change the bedsheet, "Anyway, what were you trying to tell me earlier?"
That I love you...
But I ignored the shattered pieces of my heart and played off my pain by joking, "Just that you snore hella loud."
"Fuck you," Normani said, rolling her eyes with an amused scoff.
Everything changed over the next few days. Normani stopped having sleepovers with Ryder and me and started living with Sean in the backyard guesthouse. I tried hard not to imagine what they were doing locked up with each other, but nauseating images of my dance partner being intimate with her fiancé kept me up at night. Even worst than that was having to watch Normani and Sean interact with each other during the day. He never let go of her hand and accompanied her everywhere we went, including dance rehearsals, where he charmed the dancers with his humor, and pasta night, where he charmed Kalin and Ryder with his cooking skills.
"This is the bestest pasta I've ever had!" Ryder said excitedly to Sean, "Can you cook every night?"
"I agree with Ryder," Kalin said, going for seconds.
"Hey! What about my pasta?" Normani asked grumpily.
"Well...you taught me how to cook, so it's really a compliment to you, isn't it?" Sean flirted, wrapping his arm around Normani affectionately.
"You're so full of BS," Normani said, but she smiled and kissed him appreciatively on the cheek. My insides burning with jealousy, I looked away from the couple and disinterestedly played with my half-eaten food.
"You are a good cooking teacher, Mani," Kalin said, "I mean, I used to set my kitchen on fire before you showed up. Now I can make pasta and sauce from scratch! My goal is to get you to write a cookbook for hopeless people like me before you leave."
Normani laughed sheepishly at Kalin's compliment and said, "I don't think a month is enough time to write a cookbook, especially with the showcase going on."
"What'd you mean leave?" Ryder asked, suddenly looking serious, "Where are you going in a month, Normami?"
"Well...after the showcase is over, Sean and I have to go back to our house in New York..." Normani explained hesitantly.
"But...you said you wouldn't leave me again," Ryder said sternly, her little eyebrows furrowed.
Even though I whole-heartedly was on Ryder's side, I tried to be the adult and explained, "Ry...Mani only came here to put on the dance show. Think of it like an extended vacation. But after the show is over, she has to go back to her life in New York. Just like after a vacation we have to come back home."
"So, I was just a vacation to you? You don't think this is your home?" Ryder accused my dance partner, standing up from the table. I saw the hurt I felt reflected on my daughter's innocent face. "You said you wouldn't leave me again," Ryder said, water forming in her eyes.
Ry...I-" Normani started to say, but Ryder cried, "No! You're leaving! You lied to me!" before running upstairs with tears streaming from her eyes.
"Sorry...I'll be right back," I said, standing up to go check on my daughter.
"Actually...do you mind if I talked to her? I have something that might make her feel better," Sean said, standing up and taking out a large bag of Gummy Worms from his backpack.
"Okay..." I said, not wanting to be rude, but feeling annoyed that he was trying to parent my child.
"Sorry..." Kalin said sheepishly as Sean went upstairs, "I shouldn't have brought up the fact that you were leaving soon..."
"It's my fault..." Normani said, sounding really upset and putting her face in her hands.
"She had to find out one day," I said, taking the opportunity to wrap a comforting arm around my dance partner, "Don't worry, she'll be fine. I think I'll go check on them, just in case."
"I'll go with you," Normani said.
"Ry might feel overwhelmed if all of us are there," Kalin said, "Why don't I clean up down here and then join you guys?"
Normani and I climbed the stairs and found Sean sitting on the floor of my bedroom. He was trying to talk to Ryder, who was hiding under the blankets and facing away from him.
"Okay...if you won't talk to me, then will you at least take this packet of Gummy Worms?" Sean was saying. Instead of entering the room, Normani and I exchanged a quick glance and stopped on the top step to quietly observe Ryder's reaction.
At the words Gummy Worms, Ryder rolled over and turned to face Sean. Her eyes were puffy, face drenched in tears, but she sniffled and compulsively said, "That's a really big bag."
"Yup. Normani picked the biggest one there is because she knew how much you liked Gummy Worms."
"You're lying. Normami gives me the little packets so my tummy doesn't get sick. You're just trying to make me like her again."
"This kid..." I muttered under my breath as Normani giggled softly.
"Okay. Okay. You caught me. These are from me," Sean said in surprised amusement, "Will you take them?"
Ryder sat up slowly, as if contemplating the gift. Finally, she said, "I'll never eat Gummy Worms again if Normami stays with me. Instead of Gummy Worms, can you give me her? That'll be the best gift ever! You can stay here too!"
My insides sank at Ryder's words. She had grown attached to Normani almost as much as I had. And it was evident that Normani had gotten attached to my daughter. I could tell this was just as hard for her by the way her hands were clenching the banister of the staircase for support and she was biting down hard on her lips to keep her emotions in check.
"I don't have to give her to you, Ryder. Mani's already yours," Sean said comfortingly, "She used to talk about you every time she FaceTimed me."
"Really? What did she used to say about me?" Ryder asked eagerly.
"That she wants our daughter to be just like you," Sean said, "She loves you very much, you know...?"
"Then why's she leaving me...?" Ryder asked in a small voice.
"She's not leaving you, Ryder..." Sean said, getting up from the floor to sit next to my daughter and putting the giant bag of Gummy Worms in her lap, "She's just going to New York for a few days to plan the wedding. Then after the wedding, she'll come back here and stay with you for a while to officially open her LA dance school. And you're going to come to New York for the wedding too, remember? We can't get married without our flower girl."
Ryder's face lit up and she excitedly said, "I'm going to be the flower girl!?"
"Of course! It's a very important job that we wouldn't trust anyone else with," Sean said reassuringly, "So what'd you say? Will you come to New York for our wedding and be the flower girl?"
"Yes!" Ryder said, hugging Sean happily.
Seeing my daughter in a better mood, Normani went into the room. Ryder made up with my dance partner with a big hug and excitedly chatted with them about their wedding and her role as the flower girl. I stood in the staircase feeling conflicted. I wasn't planning on attending the wedding because I couldn't watch Normani get married to someone else. But how could I break that news to Ryder who was suddenly super excited to attend.
"Can you believe I'm going to be Normami's flower girl, mommy?" Ryder asked later that night when both of us were getting ready for bed.
"Mmhmm..." I said vaguely, pulling the covers over both of us.
"Mommy, are you going to marry Kalin?" my daughter asked as she snuggled into me.
"Wh-what?" I spluttered at the sudden topic change.
"Cuz I was thinking if you married Kalin, then his niece might be the flower girl, not me. And I'd feel jealous," Ryder said, following her own chain of thought, "So I was thinking, what if Kalin married Sean instead? Then his niece can go to New York and be their flower girl. And I won't be jealous cuz I wouldn't want to go to their wedding. And if you married Normami, then I could be your flower girl, and she wouldn't have to go to New York. That way she could live with us forever and ever. I mean, Normami already said she wanted a daughter like me. And if she married you, then she would get a daughter like me cuz she would get the real me! And you said you wanted a princess anyway, right? And Normami's my princess! So can you please marry her before Sean does, mommy? Pleeaaaseee!"
"That's not how it works, Ry..." I sighed. I really wanted to do what Ryder wanted, but unfortunately, that's not how the world worked. So, I spent the entire night having a grown-up conversation with my daughter, by the end of which she came to terms with the fact that Normani was going to have to leave.
"That's not how it works!?" Ally said the next day after I told her everything that'd happened with Ryder during pasta night. Ally and I were sitting in the park, supervising our kids playing on the playground. "But why not!? I'm with the kid on this one!"
"Are you serious? Can you see Kalin and Sean getting married?"
"No, you idiot. The part about you and Normani getting married!"
"Oh, come on..." I said, rolling my eyes and trying to play it off so that she wouldn't notice my blush.
"You can stop hiding your feelings for Normani from me. I've known for a while now. You ain't slick."
"There's nothing to hide," I said defensively.
"I've known you for 8 fucking years, Dinah Jane. Don't fucking try me!" Ally cussed so loudly that the moms next to us glared at us, "We both know you went out with Kalin to get the fuck over her!"
"Okay. Okay. But please stop cussing," I said in an urgent whisper. "There are kids around."
"So, you admit that you have feelings for Mani?" Ally asked in a quieter voice. When I looked away from her without answering, she got my confirmation and said, "You have to tell her Dinah..."
"What!? Are you crazy? She's getting married!"
"So what?"
"You should see them together, Ally. They look so happy with each other. I tried to hate Sean and find red flags, but the way he is with Mani and the way he handled Ryder yesterday...I hate to admit it, but he's actually a decent guy. I can see why Mani likes him."
"You're an idiot. You can see why she likes him, but you can't see that she's still in love with you?"
"We've talked about this, Ally," I said, rubbing my temples in frustration, "She used to like me a long time ago, but she's moved on."
"Okay. Then just indulge me for a second and think about all the times you've hung out with Mani this year. Was there ever a time when you had even the slightest feeling that she could still have feelings for you?"
--Flashback--
"Because I already know her strengths," Normani said without looking at anyone else and still smiling at me, "And apart from a family-sized bag of Hot Cheetos, Dinah Jane doesn't have any weaknesses."
"Cuz after you left, Normani and I went to Starbucks to talk," Ally replied, "And when she found out we lived across the street from each other, she brought you this trente caramel Frappuccino cuz she thought you were having a bad day. Apparently, that was your college ritual."
"Dinah...?" Normani said hesitantly, inching closer and taking both of my hands in hers as I sniffled back tears, "Dinah...many years ago, when I was feeling shitty, you were the one who made me feel better. And now, when it's my turn to return the favor, I'm not going to let you push me away. I'm not backing off and I'm not going to abandon you, Dinah. You hear me?" She caressed my cheek gently and lifted my chin, so I was looking directly into her eyes, "I'm here for you. Okay?"
"So, can mommy be your princess, Normami?" Ryder asked as if to clarify and settle things once and for all.
"Of course, she can. She always has been," Normani said, giving me a brief, playful wink.
"You shouldn't have done that Mani. I'm not worth it."
"You're worth it, Dinah. Every bit of it," Normani said firmly, looking up intently at me, "I'm not doing this without you."
"I'm not saying stuff to make you feel better. I genuinely think you're a sexy woman. And being a mom doesn't mean you have to give up things you used to like doing. Who said moms can't dress up and go clubbing? You were sexy before motherhood. And after motherhood, you're just as sexy. Actually, some would argue that being a MILF makes you sexier."
"Listen Dinah," Normani said, placing a comforting hand on my cheek, "In college, do you know why I used to go to clubbing night after night when I didn't want to socialize? I went because I wanted to dance with you. Not everyone. Just you. Because dancing with you always made me forget whatever stresses or insecurities I had. And I just couldn't get enough of that feeling."
Normani pulled me against her body so suddenly that I had to grip her hips to keep my balance. Leaning in close, she slurred, "I need you..." and pressed her lips against mine.
Normani and I leaned in from opposite directions and kissed Ryder's cheeks at the same time, making her giggle sleepily. As we were pulling back, Normani was smiling so tenderly at my daughter that my heart fluttered. Then, Normani's gaze met mine. Her tender smile was still intact. And my heart lurched at the way she was looking at me.
"No. You need to stop trying to find flaws in your beauty that don't exist. Lift your chin up, Dinah, and try to see yourself the way others see you," Normani said firmly, standing next to me and lifting my chin up again till I was staring at myself in the mirror, "You know what I see? Someone who Ryder thinks is the best mom in the world. Someone who Ally thinks is the best neighbor in the world. Someone who Camila thinks is the bestest friend in the world. Someone who I think is the best partner in the world. And..." Normani smiled goofily, "...someone who all of us think is still 'hella cute'."
"Oh damn...a good-looking guy serving kids with cancer. Could he be any more perfect?" Normani said. She sounded like she was impressed. But...was it my imagination or did I sense a little bit of resentment in her tone.
"...How you feel about someone is never just black and white, especially for your first love. You can never forget how good they made you feel. How excited you'd feel waking up every morning knowing you're going to see them. How your heart would race when they smiled because of you or when they texted you first. Life's beautiful when you fall in love. And no other love, no matter how true, is like your first..."
I couldn't help but smile as I watched them bond through my rearview mirror. Sensing my gaze, Normani looked up and our eyes met through the reflection. I blushed as she smiled at me but didn't look away. I was done avoiding her. For the rest of the car ride, our eyes kept locking through the mirror, non-verbally communicating nothing, yet everything.
"Cuz I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you or Ryder ever again," Normani said firmly.
"I'm so proud of you, Dinah," Normani said with a grin, before kissing me on the cheek.
"No..." Normani said in a softer voice and I watched her eyes flick to my lips.
"In that case..." my dance partner leaned over my daughter to kiss me on the nose playfully and said, "I love you, Dinah."
Goosebumps erupted all over my body at her gesture. I knew she was just indulging my daughter, but that didn't stop my cheeks from burning hot at her words.
"Mommy, your turn," Ryder commanded.
Normani raised her eyebrows at me and teasingly added, "Yeah Dinah, your turn to tell me how much you love me."
I rolled my eyes playfully at her, but as I spoke, I looked directly into her beautiful dark brown eyes and with the utmost sincerity said, "I love you, Mani..."
....more than you'll ever know.
"Good night..." Normani said, her voice relatively softer.
Was it my imagination or was she blushing too?
--End Flashback--
Ally touched my arm gently, startling me out of my thoughts. "You have to tell her how you feel, Dinah. What's the worst that could happen?"
"She could leave and never come back..." I said quietly, voicing my fear of rejection for the first time.
"Dinah...if you don't tell her, she'll leave with someone else for sure. But if you do tell her, then there's a chance she might stay..."
A/N: Thank you so much for sticking around! I'm super excited about the last chapter cuz it's gonna be 'fun' if ya catch my vibe...:D
PS: Please tap that vote!