Home of Michael Preston
3:35pm Sunday July 18th
San Francisco
I tried to focus as I got out of the yellow cab. My head has been pounding since I left the hospital. It didn't help that Sean's words keep ringing in my head:
"I care about you, Lydia. You, mean something to me."
I was still upset that he paid for my hospital stay, but on the other hand, what choice did he have? Considering the strong bond that we've made since we first met, if the roles were reversed, I would have done the same thing. In a heartbeat.
After he stormed out of the room I did some thinking of my own. Before I could deal with Sean and our complicated situation, I needed to face my brother. The thought of doing that, after all this time, scared the hell out of me. Seeing him in person brought back some of those old feelings.
I refused to allow myself to let him make me feel that way again. So, I made the brave decision to go and confront. Although, it probably wasn't smart to leave with this head injury.
Sean is probably looking for me right now, I thought. I really didn't want him to worry about me. But first things first...
I held my breath as I looked at the brown and white house in front of me on Maple Street. It wasn't too hard to find my brother; he was listed.
On the way over here I tried to think about what I would say to him. Old thoughts and memories blew through my mind and I still came up blank.
I don't know where the courage came from, but I found myself taking the step towards his long driveway leading to his brown wooden front door.
I took another deep breath as I lifted my hand and knocked three times. I heard shuffling around on the other side of the door as I wrapped my arms around myself, and shifted back and forth on my feet.
When he finally opened the door, his expression went from surprise to anger. "What the hell are you doing here?" He barked at me.
"I think this confrontation is long overdue. Don't you, Michael?" I was surprised at how strong my voice sounded, considering how scared I was.
Before he could answer me, I asked the question I've been asking myself for almost two decades. "Why did you guys leave me in that hospital? You, Alex, and mom left me there!"
"Life wasn't easy for me and Alex either. They beat us, too. They left us to fend for ourselves; just like you." He ran his hands through his brown hair. "That night, mom told us that they were going to keep you at a mental health clinic or something. We didn't find out until later."
That seemed to just piss me off more. "So, what? You just accepted that she supposedly shipped me off somewhere? You never tried to call me or find me."
His voice started giving away his emotions. "We thought she was lying! She told us that in a drug haze. Then two weeks later, Alex and I were taken away and dropped into foster care. We were kids too, Lydia! She was so upset about dad and--"
"WHAT?! Are you fucking kidding me?" Before I could stop it, the dam holding back my tears burst wide open. "That sick bastard deserves to rot in hell! He almost killed our mother that night. Or what about the multiple times he snuck into my bedroom and assaulted me!" I couldn't take it anymore. I turned away from him and started to leave.
I ignored him as he yelled after me to come back. The tears made my vision blurry and I tried to run. I barely made it five feet when I ran into something hard.
As two arms held onto me, I heard that familiar baritone that seemed to soothe me. "Lydia? Are you okay?"
I couldn't control my emotions and my head was pounding from my injury. "Get me out of here," I begged Sean.
"Let's go. We're going back to the hospital." He wrapped one of my arms around his neck as he helped me walk to the car.
"I'm coming too," I heard Michael say from behind us. He must have followed me.
"Not a chance in hell," was Sean's threatening response.
I vaguely felt Sean putting me into the car and their voices became muffled. I tried to listen to what they were arguing about, but I couldn't do anything except surrender to darkness.
7:21pm Sunday July 18th
Saint Francis Memorial Hospital
I woke up with a frown as my head throbbed.
"There she is. Our little Houdini. Not many people can give me the slip."
I looked to the left and Sean was sitting in the chair beside my hospital bed. "How long have I been out?"
He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "Few hours. They said your blood pressure spiked and you had some serious vertigo. But, you'll be okay."
I let out a long breath as I remembered fighting with my brother. "Is he here?" I asked as I looked back to Sean.
His expression hardened. "Yes. We argued about him coming with us. But, in the end, I just wanted to get you back here. He's in the waiting room."
I remember the look on Michael's face when I dropped the bombshell on him about what our father did to me. I always thought he knew what happened.
"Can you get him for me? I...need to talk to him." I needed to know if he knew what had happened to me or not. More than that, I needed closure.
"Yeah, sure." Sean rose from his chair and headed for the door.
"Wait," I said and he paused with his hand on the handle. "When you found me at my brothers-- How much did you hear?"
His expression softened and my heart sank. His face didn't show pity, like I feared. It was concern. For me.
"I'm going to get your brother. If you need me to kick him out, let me know."
He left the room and I covered my face with my hands. I wasn't mad that he knew what happened to me. I was probably going to end up telling him at one point. But, I didn't like the way he found out.
Not even two minutes later, Michael came in the door.
He remained quiet for a moment as he sat in Sean's vacant chair. "Did-- did dad really do that to you?"
I looked away from him, unable to answer his question.
"I'm so sorry, Lydia. We had no idea. Did mom know?"
A bitter laugh escaped me. "Oh, she knew. But she always called me a liar."
"I...I see everything that happened differently now," he said with an edge to his voice.
I glanced over at him and he was fisting and unfisting his hands. He looked up at me and I was surprised at his expression. I think that was the first time I've ever seen love in his eyes.
"I'm going to make this right," he vowed. "I'm sorry, Lydia. Alex and I should have tried to find you. I can't change the past, only what I do now and in the future." He hesitantly reached forward and grasped my hand in his. "I'm your brother, I think it's time I start acting like it."
"I'm sorry, too," I said to him. "I should have tried to find you guys. I just thought-"
"Enough of the past. We're going to start over." He glanced away before looking back at me. He obviously had something uncomfortable to tell me. "You should know, Alex joined the military. We've been estranged since we got out of foster care. Perhaps we should try to bring the three of us back together."
I was quiet for a few minutes, trying to process everything that happened. Of course, I could never forget the past or anything that's been done to me. But, Michael is right. They had a hard childhood, too. Maybe the three of us can actually be a family now that our sad excuse for parents were gone.
"Yes, I'd like to try." I thought back to that night on the bridge. So much has changed since then. I've changed.
Michael got to his feet and offered me a smile. Something he hasn't done since we were little. "Now, should I be worried about your friend outside?"
"No," I let out a laugh. Sean had his faults like anyone else, but he was a kind person. "He's a good friend."
Michael raised an eyebrow. "Baby sister, I don't think he likes you as a friend." Michael grabbed the notepad and pen from the table beside my hospital bed. "This is my cell. If you need anything, I'll be there."
He held out the paper to me and when I reached for it, I saw his eyes go straight to the scar on my wrist. Reflex kicked in and I pulled my hand away. He already knew what happened that night. But I was still a little ashamed of what I did.
He cleared his throat and headed for the door. "Lydia, our mom said something that I think you should know. Keep in mind, this was during a drug haze, as usual, so I don't know how much is true." He held my gaze as he continued. "She said there was some big secret about you. Something that seemed to upset her. I have no idea what it is, but I wanted to tell you."
He left the room and my head was spinning, again. What secret could she be holding about me? What if it explained all these questions I had about my life?
"Hey, you."
I looked up when Sean came into the room. He took his normal seat beside my bed and stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankles. "How did it go?"
I let out a long breath before I returned his smile. "It went good. We...worked some stuff out."
"Good. I'm glad."
I wanted to apologize to him about our argument. I wanted to make things right with Sean, especially since he was probably, well maybe besides Michael, who would have done what he did to help me. "I'm sorry, Sean. For yelling at you. And I'm sorry if I seemed ungrateful for your help."
I could see the surprise on his face at my apology. And I knew it wasn't because he thought I wouldn't apologize, but probably because he felt like I shouldn't have to apologize.
"After I thought about it, I realized that, if it had been you who needed help and I had the capabilities, I would have done what you did." Then I added with a smile, "Even if it was going to piss you off."
He got up from his chair and braced his arm against the head of my bed, which was in sitting position, putting his face inches from mine. "Sounds like someone cares about me."
The playful tone I enjoyed so much had returned, and it set off another round of butterflies in my stomach. "Yes, you know I do." I lost my smile when I remembered the issue I needed to address.
"What is it?" He asked. He was always so intuitive with me sometimes. "It's your eyes," he would always say.
"You don't see me differently? After you found out I was..." Fuck, I still couldn't say it.
I realize how scared and nervous I was in that moment, waiting for his answer. After that happened with my father, I've always felt...unworthy. Dirty. I had never dated or even kissed a guy until Sean. He just made me feel-- different.
The smile he gave me nearly broke my heart. He leaned forward and cupped my cheek. "Lydia, I told you once before, you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. I meant it when I said you were a survivor. And you still are the most beautiful woman who has ever ditched me in a hospital."
I couldn't hold back my laugh at his joke regarding my Houdini act. He stroked my cheek with his thumb and brought his lips to mine. The kiss was slow and tender, and I felt it with every nerve of my body.
When he pulled away from me, I took my bottom lip in between my teeth. "Sean, can I ask you for a favor? It's kind of a big one."
His eyes widened with genuine curiosity and, no doubt he was surprised that I even asked for a favor. "Of course."
"Will you help me find my mom?"