Things aren't going in the way Yeonjun expected them to be.
He thought that maybe after the kisses they shared from the other night, things would be a little different. Different in a sense that there would be more—what's the word? Affection? Yeah—affection involved.
But guess what?
That's what he thought.
They spent the other night with let's just say, a few more kisses and cuddles with another hour of talking until they fell asleep.
It was pretty great so the next morning when Yeonjun woke up, he expected that things between him and Soobin would be even just a bit warmer. He even went out to get some breakfast though he was feeling lazy just so Soobin would start the day with a good meal when he wakes up.
However when Yeonjun returned back into their suite, eager to see the surprise look on Soobin's face when he shows up with boxes of food and two cups of freshly made coffee, he didn't think it would be him that'd be surprise. Because there, sitting on the dining area, was Soobin with a laptop facing him as he seriously read something from the device.
Where he got the laptop? Yeonjun had no idea.
Seeing the male already awake and busy instantly put a frown upon the elder's male formerly excited expression. He wouldn't admit it out loud but he was a little disheartened when Soobin didn't even notice his presence because he was too immersed with whatever that was he was doing.
Yeonjun approached him after minutes of waiting for the male to finally look at him but realized it wasn't going to happen. He asked Soobin to go and eat with him but the taller only dismissed him and said he would eat later. Yeonjun, of course was taken aback but chose not to dwell on it since Soobin was probably doing something important.
And then noon came and they were supposed to eat lunch so Yeonjun thought that Soobin could perhaps take a little break and go eat lunch with him, even if it was only at the hotel's diner. But when Yeonjun was about to ask, Soobin just had to take a phone call and it went on for who knows how long Yeonjun got tired of waiting he went out alone. He was fucking starving so he couldn't bear another minute and left; he texted Soobin that he would be at the diner and he could join him if he wanted to but he received no reply.
Awesome, right?
Anyway, time passed by and Yeonjun was bored out of his wits. He grew sick of watching 'Metube' videos and decided that he should probably look around the city to kill time. Again, he tried to ask Soobin to go with him but the male declined by saying that he had something to take care of first. But that was going on for hours already and Yeonjun was starting to get annoyed.
He pestered Soobin, tried his best to get the busy male off of his damned laptop and phone. He even tried to negotiate but it was of no use. Soobin was still not paying him any attention and was ignoring him completely that he had enough and walked the fuck out to roam around alone.
That shit happened yesterday and Yeonjun was half-expecting and fully hoping that whatever Soobin had to take care of was done by now.
But no shit, it's already afternoon and Soobin still hasn't said a word to him.
The raven haired male is isolating himself in the room, drowning in emails sent by their companies Yeonjun—who's sulking in the living room, has no clue what are about.
It's upsetting the elder so much now. He's irritated and displeased he feels like shouting until he has no voice left. Not like he's being overdramatic or something, but he kinda feels pushed aside? He isn't asking for any special treatment or anything for that matter, he just wants to receive a simple greeting or just a little span of attention from the one he's physically with.
Is that too much to ask?
He already spent half the day of his birthday alone, is a simple greeting too much?
Sure, his mom and dad greeted (and scolded) him earlier as well as his friends and his hyungs but it's still different when it's done personally. And the person who has the capability to do just that, is still pretending like he isn't existing and is having his own share of phonecalls.
To be honest, Yeonjun's beginning to think that he should've stayed at home.
Okay not entirely, but he's thinking that maybe they should've just gone home yesterday. In that way, he'll be able to spend his birthday with everyone.
Not like this.
Alone and ignored.
Yeonjun sat by the fireplace, watching the crackling flames as some of the flares fly around with each other. His eyes carefully followed the movement of the fire, being captivated by its powerful dance and wondered why something so beautiful could be so dangerous.
Is that how things always are? The prettiest ones always have to be the most painful ones?
He took in a deep breath and was about to leave his spot on the floor when he felt a presence sitting next to him.
And there was Soobin, finally off of the laptop and off his phone, looking directly at the fireplace. Yeonjun took in his appearance and noticed the indisputable exhaustion written on his weary eyes. He felt bad for the younger male and upset with himself.
Soobin's obviously so worn out and so sick of what he's been preoccupied with but here he is, sulking about being snubbed when the younger didn't mean to.
"You should go and rest." He told the male in a soft tone, as if being too loud would inflict more harm on Soobin.
The raven haired shook his head slowly in disapproval before turning onto Yeonjun with a tired smile on his lips, trying to assure the older male that he's fine. "I'm alright, besides I still have something left to do."
"Can't that wait? You look drained already, don't push yourself." Yeonjun chided, giving Soobin a stern gaze.
Soobin let out a chuckle, the sound mixing with the burning woods' quiet crunching. "Why? Are you worried about me?"
"Of course, I am!" Yeonjun did not even hesitate to answer, catching Soobin off guard. "So you should go and rest. I won't let you be too close with your laptop and phone anymore, do you understand?"
Soobin doesn't know whether to be scared or laugh at this nagging Yeonjun because he just looks adorable to his eyes. He focuses on that instead of the warm feeling he got after hearing Yeonjun admitted he's worried for him.
"Alright, I won't use them anymore, happy?"
"You better."
Soobin nodded, "But I still have to get this one thing done."
"You said no more work—"
"It isn't." the younger male poked Yeonjun's frowning face and received a slap on his hand in return.
"Then what is it?"
"Your birthday gift."
Now that's something Yeonjun did not expect.
___
"Are you certain you aren't luring me in to sell me to the black market?"
"For the hundredth time Yeonjun, no. I'm not selling you anywhere."
The brown haired male squinted his eyes at Soobin, acting as if the other was so suspicious. Ever since they left the suite, Yeonjun's been pestering him about his birthday gift and when Soobin refused to tell him what it is, he began asking ridiculous questions with the hope of finding out what the gift is only to fail miserably.
"I don't believe you." Yeonjun said, fixed his brown coat and walked passed Soobin who only rolled his eyes before catching up with the child-like elder.
They walked with each other under the fighting hues of orange and red sky. The sun's about to get down and rest after being up for the day and these two just have the perfect opportunity to watch that scene unfold in front of their eyes—that is if they walk a little bit faster to get to the good part of this park.
"Hurry up, we're going to miss the sunset if we continue walking like this." Said Soobin, grabbing Yeonjun's wrist to drag him along with him.
Once they reached the so called part and the sun aligned with the horizon to settle down, Yeonjun turned to Soobin with the thought that this might be the younger's present. He tugged on his sleeve, smiled and was about to thank Soobin when a phone ringing stopped him from doing so.
It startled them both, especially Yeonjun who just let go of his hold on Soobin's shirt sleeves.
The younger has an exasperated expression on his face when he pulled out his phone and answered it. He quickly excused himself and went away, leaving a dumbfounded Yeonjun behind with his mouth hanging ajar—the words he's supposed to say, forgotten.
I thought you won't use your phone anymore.
A couple of minutes later, Soobin came back with an apologetic look. Yeonjun just gave him a nod and a simple smile in return, trying to hide the unsettling feeling that creeps onto him from the inside.
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine," Yeonjun looked up at him with an unreadable expression. His tone was also static so it was hard to know what the older really meant. "Let's just go back, the sunset's done anyway."
He then proceeded to walk away, each step he took heavier than the previous one.
But a hand on his arm prevented him from taking another step.
He was pulled back, and when he turned around, Soobin was frowning down on him and he could feel the stinging from the back of his eyes already.
To be honest, he doesn't even know what he was so upset about anymore.
Or maybe he does.
He doesn't fucking care. And it doesn't fucking matter.
If it's just going to be like this, Soobin shouldn't have mentioned about the gift. He shouldn't have asked Yeonjun to go out. He shouldn't have brought him into this park, hinted that he wanted to watch the sunset together just to leave the last minute.
He thought it was finally his time. He thought the focus was on him at last. He thought he'll be able to celebrate his birthday, even if it's for a short while.
But guess who's wrong?
What a fucking idiot.
"What?" Yeonjun spat out, trying his best not to sound so weak.
"We're not going yet."
"Why? Wasn't the sunset your gift?" The elder said, pulling his arms back hastily.
"But it wasn't." Soobin simply muttered, causing a look of confusion to take over Yeonjun's features.
"What do you mean?"
Soobin didn't answer him, but instead he just got a hold of Yeonjun's hand and they walked towards this black limousine waiting at the corner near the benches. Yeonjun was still confuse as heck but decided it'll be best if he'll just follow and retreat from asking so many questions.
"This is really sketchy, you know that right?"
"Just trust me, okay?"
"Okay."
The car ride was silent.
Yeonjun actually wanted to start a conversation but noticed Soobin being busy again with his phone. It wasn't a call, sure, but he was typing down seriously and it seemed like he was too engrossed with whatever that was so Yeonjun chose to stay quiet.
Not like he could do anything more than watch the male does his own thing.
The elder sighed, leaned closer to the window and just stared outside. Assuring himself that once they reached this place, he can finally talk to Soobin and forget all this ignoring thing ever happened.
He isn't gonna let that ruin his day any further.
Once they got out of the limo, Yeonjun didn't imagine they would be at a port. His eyes opened wide and his mouth fell in amusement at the sight of the wide sea. He was trying to absorb the sight around them, oblivious that someone was staring at him instead.
Yeonjun felt glad. It was like, the city lights and the night sky imitating themselves in the water compensated for the bad feeling he got earlier. It was beautiful, to say the least.
And the fact that Soobin was the one who planned and brought him there, made him feel delighted. Even though the guy has been too busy lately, at least he made it up to him.
"Soobin," Yeonjun called out, facing the younger with an appreciative grin on his face only for it to fall back when he saw Soobin on a fucking phone call once again.
He calmed himself down. What's important is that Soobin is still there with him, right?
Yeah, he's here but he's practically elsewhere. His subconscious told but he shook that thought off of his mind.
He tried filling his head with happy thoughts, all things he should be grateful of.
When Soobin was finally done with the call, he was furious.
He ran his fingers through his hair out of frustration and tons of curse words just circulated in his mind.
Because just like Yeonjun, this day isn't going in the way he expected it to be.
It occurred yesterday, when he received an email from the company about a deal and a project. He went to Japan with the sole purpose of getting away from responsibilities but they just so happen to always, always, fucking find him.
He has to review contracts and make an agreement as soon as possible but he's out of the country. And it pissed him off a hell lot when they sent him that task just yesterday. Couldn't they've done a better job and send him that when he was still in Korea? Was that so fucking hard?
He got this day planned out already and he was trying too hard not to let anything ruin it but the circumstances were testing his patience.
Soobin swore he finished all of it yesterday, he didn't even sleep just to complete all the reports and make this day a successful one but guess what happened?
Their stupid fucking client just changed his dumbass mind at the last minute.
And now, the company and directors were expecting him to find a substitute as soon as right now?
Are they fucking kidding him?
He had done all the shits already, sacrificed his sleep and meals just to get the work out his way, and they fucking expect him to find a client real quick?
The fuck are they doing then?
Spinning on their chair?
Once he set foot back in Korea, the first thing he'll do is report all these stupidity to Seokjin, trust him on that.
And if this shit became the reason why his plan for Yeonjun fails and the male doesn't look satisfied. Mark his words. Reporting wouldn't be the only thing he'll do.
Soobin controlled his breathing to calm himself, put his phone deep in his pocket before he could throw it out on the sea. He paced around and spotted the brown haired male staring at the floor silently and when Soobin said he felt his breathing stopped when he saw the gloom look on the elder's face, it fucking stopped.
Trying to calculate all the possible right words and action to make, Soobin walked towards him and buried his hands inside his coat pocket.
"Are you okay?" Soobin managed to croak out, making Yeonjun looked up at him with an assuring smile, though Soobin could tell he was just faking it.
"Yes."
___
"Are you okay?" Yeonjun asked as he put his hand on Soobin's shoulder in an attempt to comfort the male.
It was funny, how hours ago he was the one asking the very same question. It was him who was trying to figure out what was wrong and now he was being asked.
They're back at their suite now. Soobin's plan, a major fail, according to him.
They're supposed to be on a cruise right now. That was supposed to be his birthday gift.
He got them a place on this one luxurious cruise ship to sail around Tokyo for the entirety of the night but he wasn't informed that the date was moved.
Or he was, but he just didn't get the time to respond to their email because he was too busy doing reports as to not ruin this day but it still got ruined anyway.
Soobin was sulking, he was even more upset than Yeonjun.
And the trip being cancelled wasn't the only reason behind that.
Well you see, earlier, when Yeonjun got fed up of Soobin's constant phone calls, he just straight up stole the phone away from Soobin's grasp and answered it, himself. Only then did he found out about the company's problem and offered to help.
Of course, Soobin insisted he could do it and that Yeonjun shouldn't bother but the shorter was persistent and so Soobin ended up ranting to him about this stupid client they had that changed his mind after everything.
Yeonjun listened and let him pour out all of his frustrations, while also finding out about the male's thoughts. He was flattered after knowing that Soobin planned everything and that he was so upset and mad that there suddenly was a turn of events. Meanwhile, Soobin was just talking and didn't realize he just outed himself, much to Yeonjun's amusement.
Another turn of events occurred when Yeonjun became a big help. Because apparently, he knew someone that could be the replacement to that stupid client Soobin's company lost.
It happened that the project was about recruiting possible managers and instructors and the one that backed out was the recruiter of those. Fortunately, Yeonjun instantly got an idea whom to go and that, apparently, was the son of the owners of the hotel they're in.
Since Soobin was too busy, Yeonjun managed to make a friend whilst the other was doing business. He met this guy at the hotel's pool last night and they just so happened to be alone that time and they began conversing. Mostly with Yeonjun's complaints and the guy's whining about how much he misses his boyfriend who apparently has some unfinished business in China.
They got along instantly and shared some information and that was how Yeonjun found out he's Yuta Nakamoto, the son of the hotel's owners.
How did Yuta manage to help them? Well, this boyfriend he's missing so much just happens to be a real good replacement. The guy was so ideal their previous client got nothing compared to him. And with the help of Yuta, they managed to convince this guy named Dong Sicheng to have an agreement with Soobin, hence, saving the project and Soobin's efforts.
They then agreed to meet up next week in Korea to discuss about the matters personally, with Yuta being so grateful because he'll finally be with his boyfriend again.
Now, that doesn't sound so bad, right?
However, Soobin disagreed.
Because somehow, all the events that took place hours ago, were able to bring out one of Soobin's insecurity.
He feels so bad, and down, and defeated, and pathetic.
He's feeling so much overwhelming emotions right now and he feels like he's suffocated? That by some means he feels closed off and claustrophobic even though the place was huge.
He even flinched when Yeonjun put his hand on him, causing the older male to retreat his hand back and just sat beside him on the couch; making sure to leave a good amount of personal space for the younger.
Yeonjun stared at Soobin who sat there quietly to himself. It was so silent, but it was the kind of silence where you could hear the thoughts that were unsaid. The kind of silence where you could hear something drops because of the heavy feeling inside someone's chest.
And right now, Yeonjun could hear it.
Coming from Soobin.
He still hasn't asked the younger what was going on. He was puzzled of course, as to why the raven haired male became like that when he's sure they solved the problem.
What could possibly be bothering him now?
After a while of agonizing silence, Yeonjun couldn't take it anymore and got up to take Soobin into a warm embrace.
He pulled Soobin's head into his stomach since he was standing up. His hands were wrapped around the male in a protective manner, while also combing the younger's hair with his fingertips.
And that's when he felt it.
Soobin, he started crying.
There were no sounds but Yeonjun was certain he felt the guy sobbed and the other's arms wrapping around his figure too.
Yeonjun felt his heart dropped.
He sensed Soobin hugging him tighter and his voice being caught in his throat because never, never did he expect Soobin to break down, more so, in front of him.
It was after a minute or so did Soobin pulled away and tried to cover his face. But god, he couldn't hide the tears coming out of his eyes and Yeonjun's heart broke right then and there.
Because that's Soobin.
And seeing him crying caused an indescribable feeling to creep up inside Yeonjun.
"I-Im so sorry, fuck, this is so embarrassing." Soobin mumbled, while also trying to rub his eyes and hide his face.
Yeonjun doesn't know what to do. He sat there beside Soobin again and just let him continue.
"You weren't supposed to see that. Fuck, forget that ever happened." The younger said and was about to leave when he felt a hand tugging on his hand, refusing to let him go.
"Soobin," Yeonjun called out, his voice soft and sounded so caring Soobin might have started tearing up again. "you can tell me what's wrong."
It took everything on Soobin to pull his hand back and not just lie there on Yeonjun's arms, "It's nothing. Just something stupid." And he began walking away again.
"But it's the stupidest things that hurt the most."
That made Soobin halts his steps.
"It hurts so much to the point that we convinced ourselves it's stupid to make it less painful but really, it's everything. Because something stupid shouldn't hurt that bad." Yeonjun continued.
Soobin could feel arms wrapping around him again, but this time, from behind and felt a head pressing on his shoulder.
"You can tell me what hurts, Binnie."
And that was what it takes for Soobin to vent out.
He turned around, let Yeonjun take him on the couch and let him put his arms around him, with his head resting on Yeonjun's shoulder.
They sat there for another round of silence, just listening to each other's breathing in front of the fireplace until Soobin spoke. "I feel like a failure."
Yeonjun was about to turn to Soobin but stopped when he felt the younger play with his hand. "I've been doing my best all these times, trying so hard to be like Seokjin hyung but it seems like my best wasn't enough. Over the years I feel like I have to live up by the people's expectations as to not disappoint anyone because my brother never did but I keep on feeling like that's what I always do.
"I keep on failing, and failing everyone even though they wouldn't say it out loud I could feel it. It's always Jin hyung they see, always Jin hyung who's good and always, always Jin hyung they're proud of and never me. Don't get me wrong though, I love my brother. I never wish anything bad upon him but I also want to feel appreciated sometimes because I just feel like living as my brother's shadow. It's just him everyone always sees.
"And what happened earlier just made me realized the reason why. Because I'm a fucking failure. If it had been Jin hyung, the first client wouldn't even refused the deal, he'd convince him to sign the contracts right away and wouldn't even need anyone's help because he could manage. But then, here I am, couldn't even do a simple task on his own. I even ruined your birthday."
To say that Yeonjun was distraught would be an understatement.
Soobin, the guy who seems to always know what he's doing just confessed to feeling inferior. The guy who does his best in everything he do but still feels like it wasn't enough. Yeonjun felt like slapping the guy beside him.
However, instead of slapping him into reality, he raised his head up away from his shoulder and hold Soobin's face with both of his hands. Yeonjun stare right into Soobin's gloomy eyes and just felt like he has to turn everything around.
"I want you to listen into everything I'll say."
Soobin avoided his eye contact.
"Look at me," Yeonjun sternly said. "Soobin I said look at me."
And Soobin did.
"You aren't anyone's shadow, you hear me? You are your own person and you're doing your best. That's what matters. Fuck everyone who couldn't appreciate that as long as you know you did your part. People would always expect something from you but that doesn't mean you always have to give them that.
"It doesn't matter what they think. It doesn't matter what they say. What should matter is what you think of yourself and I'm telling you Soobin, you are not a failure. You would never be. And I don't fucking care if you don't end up like your brother, and honestly I don't want you to. You should be you, and never anyone else."
Soobin listened to everything Yeonjun said and feel like crying all over again. The elder sounded so genuine and it was the first time someone said something like that to him. And the emotion he got while hearing those words were inexpressible.
However, he still got one doubt left.
"But if I'll be myself, I wouldn't be enough."
"Soobin," Yeonjun breathed out, "for me you're more than enough."
"Even if I ruined your birthday?"
Yeonjun shook his head, "You didn't ruin my birthday. Who cares about that cruise? Taehyung hyung owns a yacht, I could just borrow it once we return and then we'll go around Seoul. And you opening up to me is a better gift anyway, oh and remember this," Soobin frowned when the older male pinched his cheeks with a smile on his face.
"Whenever you feel distressed or anything, just remember that I got you, okay?"
Soobin smiled because of that and pinched Yeonjun's cheeks too. "And I got you too, okay?"
The brown haired male nodded his head and giggled before they both let go of each other's cheeks.
"I could kiss you right now, do you know that?"
"Do it then, no one's stopping you."
And so Soobin did.
He slowly captured Yeonjun's lips with his, bringing a smile on both their faces as they shared a sweet, chaste kiss in front of the crackling fire.
~~~
yall im still alive.