It was beautiful watching the sunrise through the window door with a big smile on your face and your eyes widening at its beauty. My mom was happy when she saw me at the kitchen making breakfast for the family. Her smile made my heart soar with happiness, knowing that the reason behind the smile was me. I laughed when Ahsan wiped his cheek in disgust after I kissed him 'good morning'. When Yousi and dad saw their favourite pan cakes with whipping cream on the breakfast table, I smiled when they both kissed my cheek together.
As I was walking to school, I remembered my beautiful morning. For the very first time I didn't slept after fajr and even saw the sunrise. My mornings should be spend like this and I was sure that the whole day would turn out great too. I concentrated on my converse that hit the pavement and crushed the dry grass. But then soon my walking adventure was over and I had reached the gates of Little daffodils primary school. I took a long deep breath and entered the school with a strong heart. But as soon as I entered, I was greeted with the esteemed presence of none other than, Zeeshan Harris.
What a wonderful way to start my morning, note my sarcasm.
He was working early in the morning, instructing all the workers, guiding and directing them. He was in black shirt with black pants, his shoes were black and his wrist watch was also black. He looked classy and like a bad boy. He hadn't brushed his hair and it was messily falling on his forehead.
His eyes were focused and he had only one goal set up in his mind. This determination made my heart race and I tried to control the drum rolls which could be heard from my heart. Nerves started to kick in and I dashed towards the teacher's staff room.
"Izza you're here" I was startled by the sound of Principle Abdullah. When I turned to face him, he was smiling at me so kindly with a cup of hot tea in his hands.
"Assalamu alaikum" I said keeping a hand on my heart and bowing a little to show him respect
"Wa'alaikumussalam. Can you do me favour and give this to Zeeshan ?" He didn't wait for me to answer and hand over the cup
"I'm so sorry. I have a meeting today and have so many unfinished things to do !".
With that said he rushed back to his room and I mentally groaned in annoyance. I slowly, slowly walked over to were Zee was and he had his back turned to me. He was shouting over to the workers and I had to clear my throat but still he didn't even hear.
"Zee !"
His hands stilled at my sudden voice, he slowly turned and I was met with his dark emerald green eyes shining brightly. I smiled and gestured towards the cup in my hand. He nodded his head and motioned me to keep it on the table. I turned around and placed it on the table but when I was about to leave, his phone which was kept on the table started to ring.
Usually I ignore and would have left but the caller ID caught my attention. I wanted to take the call but I wasn't suppose to do it, since it was his phone. Suddenly the phone went off and it was no more ringing. I sighed and started to head back but it started ringing again. This time I took the phone without hesitation because I wanted to talk to this person eagerly.
"Assalamu alaikum" the kind voice which I missed for six years spoke. I didn't return her salam and stood still with my breathing coming rapidly. The person on the other side was still speaking, calling out for me. But I stood there frozen on my spot unable to form any words.
"Izza dearest is that you ?"
And just like that, Ayesha Harris finally found that it was me. Of course she would know, since Zee must have told her that I was here.
"Ayesha" I breathed.
"Izza Is that really you ?" she asked in a disbelieving sound.
"Yeah".
"Sub'hana allah ! , I missed you so much"
"I missed you too"
"How are you dear ?".
"I'm fine, alhamdulillah"
Then we spoke about all of the memories we shared together. When we first met and when I showed her the football meeting room, dinner with the Harris family, meeting her at the hospital and herself seeing to Yussa. We spoke for almost half hour and we were disconnecting the call but before that she had said,
"Take care".
I cut the call and was about to turn when I heard someone clearing their throat. I gulped and stood still because I knew who it was. I turned around closing my eyes tightly. Then slowly opened them and spoke in a high pitch sound.
"I'm so sorry. Very very sorry. I'll never do this again".
"Stop it already sapphire"
I opened my one eye and saw that Zee had an amused smile on his face and he chuckled.
"So did you both catch up ?" I nodded my head and he smiled.
"Okay then gotta go, have lots of work to do".
"Oh okay"
I said feeling a bit down. He was always busy and we never talk that much. But before he turned he was asking me,
"Can you and your brother be my tourist guide ? I really didn't get to see Yasrid".
••••••••
"Give it back. That's mine !" Ahsan shouted and it was of no vain as the being he had yelled to didn't give a ear.
"You can get another one" Yousi said chuckling a bit.
"Nope thats my lucky charm. I want it back !".
Ahsan never changes. He was still the baby of our family and still whined for things he wanted. Only me and Yousi know how to tolerate his annoying behaviour.
"Take your stupid mouth off my cap, you filthy creature !"
"Uhm. Do you still want that after all the saliva on it ?"
Zee asked, amused at Ahsan's behaviour. The cap was drenched in saliva of the camel, it was of no use. We were now in desert safari park and it's almost evening. This was our last station, we had went to the large flower garden of Yasrid, we went to the dates factory, Yasrid's famous market where all the sweet dishes are sold, the old museum and at the old monument.
I had thought about asking to Yousi to come along first and of course I should have known that Ahsan had big elephant ears and he heard, now he's here trying to get rid of the camel. The camel was just sitting when Ahsan exclaimed he wanted to take a selfie with the camel and when he stood next to it with his head bend a little showing his two fingers as peace the camel had turned its head and ripped off the cap from Ahsan's head.
And now here we are, literally watching a comedy show.
"Give it back, you annoying desert truck that has two humps-
The camel literally spat out the cap and Ahsan was thrown to the slippery sand. The disgusting cap on his face and sand all over his body was hilarious. Three of us burst into laughter and couldn't control ourselves. Some of the tourist roaming around stopped to watch our show, and some of them even gave us weird glances.
"Get up Ahsan, you are embarrassing us" I whisper yelled at him, I was the only one trying to get rid of this, the other two were just watching and laughing. Ahsan finally gets up dusting his pants and then he threw the cap back to the camel and snapped at the creature.
"I'll never ever ride you - you, what's your name again ?". He checks the collar of the camel and continues
"Ha ! You moustafa khan. I'll tell everyone about this, and then you and your master will fall off from business. Mark my words" he huffed in breath and the camel just rolled its eyes and continued chewing. Ahsan smirks then walks away to the parking lot where our car was and three of us went trailing behind him trying so hard not to laugh.
"Don't laugh !"
But we couldn't hold it anymore then burst out laughing and Ahsan groans in annoyance. We all buckled up inside the the car with Zee on the passenger seat and Yousi on the driver's, me and Ahsan at the back.
"Today was fun" Zee spoke, his eyes meeting mine through the rear view mirror.
"Thank you guys"
"Mention not !" Ahsan said
"Because of Ahsan, it was more fun"
Yousi said giving a high-five to Zee and we all laughed. This particular moment just melted my heart. After sometime we dropped Zee at his house and then three of us returned back home. Once we opened our front door, dad and mom stood up suddenly and gave me a nervous smile. At that very smile, I was suspicious.
"Oh you are back" mom said and gave a fake laugh. She elbowed dad and dad too laughed. What was there to laugh about ?, we just came back. Both Yousi and Ahsan didn't notice the change in the atmosphere and straight went back to their room. When I was going to head upstairs dad suddenly jumped towards me and said,
"Izza let's have coffee ! Its been so long we sat and drank coffee together".
"Dad you don't drink coffee" I said in a flat tone with my eyes narrowed. His eyes widens and then he splutters saying,
"Well, I could have one coffee with you. Humaira ! get us coffee"
Dad made me sit on the couch beside him and started asking about my school and later plans. In the middle of the conversation mom gave us coffee and made an eye contact with dad. Now I really had it enough.
"Ok spit it out" I said in annoyance.
"Good luck khalid !" Grans shouts from her room and now i looked at him in a skeptical way. From the day Grans started living here, our house was more lively. We watch more football match, we had one enthusiastic player as an audience to watch me, Yousi and Ahsan play football. Grans was upset that I quit football, so she made me play everyday so that I don't forget my dream.
"Uh-uhm, he's a good guy, g-good family and I've r-researched" dad scratches his head and wipes the sweat that formed on his forehead. He was literally having a nervous break down. I snapped at him
"Dad"
"Yougtamrriageprpsal"
"Dad slowly, I didn't get you"
"You got a marriage proposal !"
How I wished there was a hole and could swallow me.
••••••••
In the twenty two years of my life, I've never being pressured or stressed about a certain topic, I usually ignore such things. But now I just can't seem to get my mind off this. This was a marriage proposal, and I thought it would come when I expect about it - not when I wasn't even ready. But then mom asked me,
'When are you ever ready ?'
I'm twenty two and I was late, usually every one get married way before that. But when I look at myself, I still think I'm a kid and not at all responsible. I wasn't even mature enough to get married. But Maryam used to get proposals every time and she used to decline them all saying,
'They are showing it out of pity and I don't want that'
And I used to think, why wasn't I getting any one ? Was I too boring ?, not beautiful ?, is it because of my work ?, and over think a lot about that. But then grans reminded me.
'No its not about that. Its just that Allah is keeping you away from all wrong ones and making you available just for the right one. The one, who will call you beautiful and the one who is going to fall in love with every little flaw of yours'.
This was a huge step, a big part of my life and one word from my mouth could change everything for the rest of the years I live. All I need to say was 'yes'. But I didn't, just like everyone, every single girl I denied the proposal and said,
'No, I can't'.
But they told me to think about it, and repeatedly said he was a nice guy, told me his name, his job and I had been shell-shocked from that moment onwards. I couldn't even teach my kids properly, everything felt messed up. I wished I was a toddler and never grow up. I could sleep whenever I want to, eat a lot, I don't need to overthink about things, everybody will be fond of me, I can laugh, cry and do whatever the Disney land I want to do. But that was just a never happening dream of mine.
"Its gonna be fine".
Maryam said hugging me from behind and then massaging my shoulders. We had a fight and she was keen on making me realise what I was letting go. I told her she couldn't and will never understand what I went through. She said to me that I was being stubborn to forget the past and move on. She told me to give it a try and accept the proposal. But I still said to her,
'I'm sorry, I can't'
Nobody will ever understand. Marriage was miles away from me and I had never tried to be serious about it. But why now ?, why so suddenly like a bomb it exploded into my life ? I sighed and tried to concentrate the answer sheets in front of me, but then the bell rang and my heart started to beat so loudly.
"You just need to talk and everything will be okay".
After school, I was supposed to meet him and I suddenly wished my school hours were longer. I got up and packed my bag ready to run back home and to avoid everyone, so that this misery would end soon. But Maryam was stubborn enough so that I would go and talk to him.
Getting out of staffroom I covered my face with hijab, so that no one could recognise me, not even my students who'd call me so loudly 'Izza Ma'am !' and which will lead to everyone staring at me. So I quietly and very quickly walked. I was almost there, almost at the entrance of the school. But luck was never on my side.
"Izza !".
He called and even though it wasn't that loud which leads everyone to notice, but I heard and will always hear him from anywhere. I pretended not to hear and continued walking. But he called me again and I groaned stopping myself from further going. I turned around and uncovered my hijab, he was panting - sweat formed on his forehead and he took a deep breath.
Seeing him made me loose control and instead of calmness surrounding me, I was filled with anger. It was because of him that I couldn't teach my kids properly, it was because of him I felt stress and pressurised through out the day and it was because of him that I had a fight with my best friend. Everything was his fault.
Because he was the one to ask my hand in Marriage.
"You're avoiding me".
"What do you think ?" I asked him and was trying my best not to let my anger out. His eyebrows furrows together in confusion as if racking his brains to find out and then asked me,
"Did I do something wrong ?"
"Are we playing dumb Zeeshan ?"
"Izza stop being sarcastic and say to my face !" I laughed bitterly and looked at him dead in the eyes and spoke with venom in my sound.
"You send a freaking marriage proposal !"
For a minute he stood there, frozen in his spot, his mind blank and he was emotionless. And then slowly, slowly realisation dawns, his eyes widens and he looked down clenching his fist. He was mad at the timing and he looked vulnerable unable to do anything. His dark brown hair falls over his forehead and it covered those emerald eyes that were looking down.
"Dad" he breathed.
"Yeah" I mumbled.
The great Harris had send a marriage proposal for his son and I couldn't be more shocked. Even Zee was shocked and I was telling him.
"Yes ! I can't even understand why the Disney land your dad would send a marriage proposal for his son to a messed up girl like me ?, he should look for someone much better than me. I'm such a path-
"Don't !" He cuts me off and when I look at him, he was staring at me with a longing glance.
"Don't call yourself pathetic, when I know how much of a great person you are"
I stood still and felt everything going around me in a slow motion way. Does it mean that Zee was giving this a try ? No that can't happen. I shall not let that happen. He was watching me and contemplating my moves. He sighs pushing his hair away and then took a deep breath.
"Can you give it a chance ?"
I remembered Maryam telling me.
'Its not like he fell in love with you, he just wants to give it a try. Now both of you - I don't know about him though - but you, now have no feelings towards him. Thats how love works in Islam. First you marry the person and then fell in love. It'd be beautiful and blissful'.
But then I remembered every single moment of my Bloom woods high-school days. Where I got bullied because of him and where I had nightmares because of him. Do I want to relive those painful memories ? Do I want to remember every single thing he had done to me ? The pains and the wrath ? Do I wish to live with someone who had gone through a painful life just like me ? Do I wish to be with someone who is messed up just like me ? Atleast one of us have to be strong. Then I answered him, just like how I answered to my dad, mom and Maryam.
"I'm sorry, I can't".
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