(I don't know why the song isn't playing, but it's a really good song to place to this)
Okay guys since I did Natasha's and Wanda's feelings, I'm going to do the guys feelings, since I haven't been much of the other guys besides Tony's evil depressing thoughts lately, I might as well just do the guys too.
Let's do tony, since we know a little about his dark and stormy thoughts that go insane inside of his head.
Tony (my poor baby 😢😭)
He felt like a monster.
He destroys everything.
Everything he loves.
The woman he loves.
He almost got her killed.
And now, now she's restricted to a wheel chair. Everything he did, this was the worst, he put her in a chair, where her legs can't work. He almost got her killed and that was on him. He said those ugly words to her.
It should have been him. It should have been him! Damn it!
Everything he loves dies! His parents and now Chloe almost dies, because of him.
He should have never listened to Bruce. He should have never let her in. He should have never fallen in love. If he didn't, she wouldn't have gotten hurt, she would be okay, she would be happy.
He was trying to look past his own past, and his enemies and everything else and fall in love with the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. He loved her more then anything, and he knew she loved him too, but he was blind and he thought dark things. He thought she was cheating on him, only with him because of his money, when he knew that half the time she won't even let him pay for anything. He only ever felt love coming from her. From her soulmark. And that should have been enough for him. It should have been enough!
But no! He didn't even get evidence! He stood his ground and angrily accused her of something that she didn't even do! She went shopping for them, Christmas shopping! Happy told him, and it just made him feel worse.
He broke her, and now he wanted to be broke, by her, he wanted her to break him beyond repair. Where he can't be fixed or helped. He wanted to be that piece of glass that shatters and breaks into a million little pieces.
He knew she loved him, everything she did for them, him, she cooked, she cleaned, she even did they're laundry for them, every time she said I love you, he knew it was the truth. She comforted him, defended him, cried for him, hell she even loved him.
And damn it! He bought that fucking ring! He went to that shop and bought that ring that he was going to propose with. He loved her so much, that he wanted her to be Mrs. Stark. He wanted to see that ring on her finger and know she was his soon to be wife, he loved her enough to show her his weakness, his love for her. But now, now she might not even talk to him after she gets her memory back.
And that's what breaks his heart and soul even more. He may feel like he already lost everything, but truthfully, she was his everything, and If she decides to leave him for the others, well he might just break into nothing. He'll be nothing because she made him feel like a somebody. He might feel likes already broken, but he'll be little pieces of what she used to love, her past.................her regret.
Loki (since he always thinks he's thors shadow, my baby has felt pain, always feeling like second best)
He felt horrible, no, worse then horrible. He felt like the monster he and everyone knew him to be. He truly was the monster people called him. He kills and breaks, until there's nothing left. He breaks people until there's nothing left of them. Even the people he loves. He broke her. He broke her heart and her spirit.
She didn't see him as the blue and ugly monster everyone thought he was. She thought he was beautiful. She touched him in ways, in his blue form, that nobody ever had. She called him beautiful. He looked into her eyes when she called him beautiful, looking for any sign of lie. But there was nothing. No lie, no disgust, just love, adoration, and truth. She loved him the way he was. And this is what he does to her? Accuse the very woman he loved? The woman that was made for him? He truly was a monster.
He broke her, he broke her heart, he broke her love and trust.
He loved her more then anything. He would've gave up anything for her. Just like she did for him. She gave him her trust, her love and her innocence. She trusted him enough to make love to her. And this is what she gets after trusting him?
He truly was the monster everyone knew him to be.
He broke her.
He broke the woman he loved.
And for what?
Something that didn't even exist.
Where was his trust?
Where was his loyal?
When she was loyal to him.
Where was his love?
Where was his comfort?
Where was he?
Why did he do what he did?
Didn't he love her enough to trust her to be faithful?
He thought he did.
Before those horrid thoughts and feelings hit him all at once.
And you know what he got in the end?
A broken heart.
Broken trust.
Pain.
And a broken soulmate.
All of those was his fault.
He had no one but himself to blame.
And that's what he did. He blamed himself.
Thor (he might be confused, but he knew what he did was bad)
His lady Chloe.
His princess.
His soulmate.
His everything.
He knew humans on earth sometimes did horrible things to people they loved.
Hurt them.
Yell at them.
And cheat on them.
But once he heard rumors of his lady Chloe cheating and having a affair. Well he didn't know what to think. He was confused. He knew his lady Chloe loved them, him, but humans do horrible things to people they loved. Even though she loved him, would she actually cheat?
He didn't want to believe it. But something new was happening to him. He was feeling scared. He felt depressed. He felt like he was getting trust issues, especially when she wasn't around as much for the past few weeks.
He really did know she loved him. But did she love him enough to stay loyal?
He loved her with all of his heart.
He should have known she would have never had a affair. All he ever felt was love and adoration coming from his soulmark, and that she have been enough. But seeing everyone depressed and worried, it got him thinking some not so good thoughts.
But he should have pushed it away like he would have usually had. But this time it was different. He was having doubts when he shouldn't have.
And now, he wanted to beg and plead for the forgiveness of his princess. To kiss her feet and beg. To plead. All for her forgiveness.
He made a huge mistake, that almost cost him his soulmate. And he deserved to be sent to the dungeons of Asgard. For all of eternity.
Soulmates and marriage was a big thing on Asgard. Most didn't have a affair. They loved they're soulmate till the very end of eternity. He saw it with his mother and father. And he wanted that with his soulmate, his Chloe. Only if he trusted her enough to be faithful.
Maybe she wouldn't have gotten in that car.
Maybe she wouldn't have gotten so anger to get in that car.
Maybe she wouldn't have been driving so angry.
Maybe she wouldn't be in pain, because of him. He should have confronted her. Nicely of course. And he would have known she had no affair and was completely loyal. But like the big idiot he knew he was. He didn't. He broke his princesses heart and watched as she left and never looked back.
He was the one that wasn't being trustful.
He's the one that should be in pain and suffering.
He's the one that should be in the dungeons suffering.
He should have trusted her more.
Because he knew she loved him.
He didn't deserved to be loved by such a goddess.
She loved him to much and look where that got her.
It almost cost her,
Her life.
And If she would have died.
He would have no reason to live anymore.
He'll rot like the corpse he felt like.
Because without her.
That's all he was.
A rotting and decaying corpse.
He was nothing without her.
Peter (my smol bean! My poor baby!)
He felt terrible.
He felt like an asshole.
He felt like the guys he fought as Spider-Man.
He was no better then any of them.
First he stole her heart.
Her love.
And her trust.
And then here comes.
Breaking all of it.
Like it meant nothing to him.
He cried for days on end.
When he found out she wasn't cheating, and that he accused her of something she didn't even do.
And she almost died.
He felt like he was dying on the inside.
Not even May, who tried to comfort him.
Could help him.
Because he knew, he was no better then any criminal he fought.
He broke the girl he loved. The only girl he will ever love.
The day he saw her. He thought he was seeing a angel.
And now he's clipped her wings and broke her halo. She's a fallen angel because of him. And he can never forgive himself for breaking her, when she was the most perfect person in the world to him.
She was and is his angel. His fallen angel.
He will always love her.
But it's his fault.
And If she doesn't want him anymore.
He could understand that. He deserves to be left behind. To be left in the darkness he holed himself into. Because he deserved it.
She did everything for him.
She was okay with him being Spider-Man.
She always bandaged him if he ever got hurt during being Spider-Man.
She even met aunt may.
She defended him.
She comforted him.
She fed him. Cooked for him.
Cleaned after him.
Made sure he was okay.
She always thought about him before herself.
And the most thing she ever did for him was.........
Love him.
And he took that for advantage.
He didn't mean to, but now he feels so guilty, and broken about it.
He should have been strong, and talked to her about it.
Not stand there and cry like the weak little boy he knows he is.
He should have never let her get in that car.
If he did any of that. She wouldn't be like this.
She would still be his Chloe.
His angel.
He killed his Chloe.
He's a murderer.
He always gets the people he loves hurt or dead.
He's a curse.
He's a monster.
And he doesn't know if he can ever make it up to her.
He only wished she'll give him a chance to.
Or she'll leave him. Like he wants her to. Because he didn't deserve to be loved.
Monsters don't deserve to be loved. Not after what he's done.
He got the girl he loved killed and now she's just a shell of the girl he loved. And he'll always have a reminder of what he did. That scar on his heart.
Bruce (my smol baby 😭😢)
In the past.
He didn't know what love was.
His parents never cared for him.
He didn't have family that cared. He didn't have friends. People didn't even see him past his knowledge and what he had. Or him, people were scared of him because of him because of the hulk.
The avengers just wanted him for the hulk and for what he knew.
No one wanted him because he was just him.
Not until he met her.
Not until he looked into the eyes of an angel.
Of the woman he loved.
Of the woman that loved him for him and nothing else. She loved him despite everything that's ever happened to him.
He felt like it was a dream. A dream where she loved him.
But now, now it feels like a nightmare.
If he loses her, he'll become a nobody again.
Because with her. He felt a like a somebody, she made him special,
Not because of the hulk, but because of just being him.
And If he loses her, he'll try again And again. Until he's with her. He'll take himself out, one way or another, he'll find a way.
Because he loved her to much to live without her. She was like a life line, she was the only thing keeping his heart a whole. If she goes, his heart will break into a million tiny pieces of heartbreak and tears.
He couldn't go on without her. He loved her, so much. He would do anything for her. But he never thought of her cheating, not until that one time. It was only him. The hulk, who had a soft spot for they're soulmate, didn't believe that she cheated, so it was all on him. The human part of him anyways.
And he'll never forgive himself for ever doing that. He was supposed to be protecting her, not getting her to get closer to her death. He tries to hide his pain, under a mask. But his mask is breaking thin. And he fears he'll snap and he'll turn green and then hulk.
It's his fault and he might just lose her. Because of him, he'll lose her.
Just like everything in his life. It's his fault. He screws up everything in his life. Even the things and people he loves. He truly is a monster they say he is.
Bucky (my baby boy, must protect baby boy)
He screwed up. He fucked up. He always destroys everything. Back in the war. He wanted to be hers. He wanted her. But after going under the ice. He never thought he would ever get the chance to see her beautiful face. That he was a goner. And then when he woke up. He was stuck in hydra. He didn't even try to fight. Thinking it was useless. He thought Steve was dead, and then his soulmate, born, married, had kids, and then died. He was useless. So why fight? It was useless.
But then he was saved by Steve, he was still depressed after that, but after like two years, he met her. The stars to his moon. The love of his life. She wasn't old or dead, she wasn't even old enough to be his age, but he loved her. She was everything he wanted and more. She was his sunshine to his darkness. She made the darkness go away. She loved him for he was. She wasn't scared of him. She loved him for who he was. It was like she was seeing his old self instead of his new self. But yet it was like she loved both parts. She didn't care about his scars or his metal arm. And she was perfect. She was too perfect.
And then he goes and fucks it all up.
She did everything for them. Cleaned, cooked, she did they're laundry, she even bandaged them after a rough mission, and the best one yet. Was she loved them, despite they're past.
He would have thought she would have accused him of cheating, because of his past with women, but she didn't. She trusted him. And he should have trusted her. Just the look in her eyes, made him want to die right there and then. Because he was the one to cause that pain. He's hurt so many people in the past, but this one hurt the most. Because she was his soulmate. The love of his life. She was everything to him. And he fucked everything up. He should have ran out of that tower and picked her up and threw her over his shoulder and they could have talked it out instead of her almost dying.
He could still remember the look on her face when he saw that video of her. And how much he wanted to be back in hydra. Then to ever see her in pain. But all he could have done, was stand there, but he couldn't. So he almost broke his flesh hand in the tv screen. But he wanted to feel the pain, the blood flowing down his hand.
He promised himself that he would protect her. And he didn't. He almost drove her to her death. And he will never ever forgive himself for that.
So if she does get her memory back and she doesn't want him back. Then that'll be fine. He'll go, but he won't be to far. He'll protect her from afar. It may hurt to only see her from afar. But he'll know he deserved it.
It's his fault that she's broken.
It's his fault that he saw the heartbreak in her eyes.
It's his fault that he saw the tears well up in her eyes.
It's his fault that she ran out of the tower angry.
And it's his fault that she got in that car and drove away angry.
And it's his fault that she almost died.
He thought things would be different after he had her. But now, now it just feels like he's dragging her to death himself.
He's killing her.
And it'll be his fault.
Steve (aye aye captain! If you understand this, I will love you forever)
He Believed he loved her.
That since he loved her, he would never hurt her. Ever. He was never supposed to hurt her. He should have had those negative thoughts. But he couldn't help himself. And now, now he might just lose her. Because of him.
He's never had a negative thought about himself. Not even before the serum. But now, now he felt like he wasn't meant to have her, that he wasn't worthy of her. That she deserved better. That he should be put back in the ice.
She never deserved any of the stuff that she was accused of. He was supposed to fucking love her! For crying out loud! He should have never thought of her cheating. All he's ever felt from her was love and adoration. That should have been enough for him. He knew, he knew, that she loved him. That should have been enough for him. He should have listened to his heart instead of his head or his gut. But now, after seeing her in that car. About to die. It tore a big bunch of strings in his heart. She was going to die if he didn't save her.
Everyone thought he was a hero. But he's anything but. He's a villain that caused her to get in that car in the first place. So he was no hero. He was no ones hero.
He knew, he knew she loved him. She said it every day, she put enough love in her kisses every day. She didn't favor over any of the others like he she would have. She have everyone equal attention and love. And that should have been enough. She defended them, she cried over them, and she loved them. To everyone that would have been enough. But sadly to him in a difficult time, it wasn't. She tried her hardest to love him. And he saw how hard she was trying. Hell she got hurt over them. She did everything to show that she loved them. And he just spit in her face and said it wasn't enough. And the second he saw the look on her face and in her eyes. He knew he screwed up, and it wouldn't be easy to make it up to her.
Everything she did, should have been enough for him.
She was everything to him and she still is.
And the only person he hated right now.
Was himself.
The only person he blamed right now.
Was himself.
And he didn't regret hating or blaming himself.
Knowing he deserved it.
Clint (my half deaf baby! I love you! They didn't give you enough credit!)
He was the only person who didn't believe it. He knew she never would have done it. He knew she loved them and him. And he knew he loved her with all his heart. He could see it in her eyes and her words. The love, the adoration. But what really ate at him. Was, he should have ran after her that night. Maybe if he did, she wouldn't have went into that car, if he did, they wouldn't be in this situation. She would still have her memories of him and the others.
She would know that he loved her, that the others loved her, despite them thinking she cheated. A lot of them have a lot of heavy shit weighing them down. But it wasn't an excuse. Accusing the woman they loved was not excusable. She was supposed to be treated like a princess, and loved like a queen. But she wasn't supposed to be accused of something he knew she would never do in a million years.
But seeing her like that. In that car, about to die. Well shit. If she went out. He would too, he would have went out with her. Because he loved her and couldn't live without her. And seeing her In that hospital bed. He wanted to tear everything apart. He never wanted to see her in a hospital bed. Never, the only exception would have been the birth of his or the others children. But for life or Death? That shit just doesn't roll with him!
Seeing the love of his life in a coma, not knowing when she would wake up. He cried, he punched the wall. He stomped on his hearing aid. He only heard half the things he said, or half the volume of his screams. He had to be sedated. Before he hurt himself even further.
Without her. He was like a crazy animal. On a rampage.
He was like a animal without it's mate.
And it feels like hell on earth.
And now, now her without her memory. He only hoped she would get it back and he could beg for forgiveness and beg to make it up to her.
Because he loved her, and believed her.
He'll always believe her.
Because she was his one and only.
Pietro (I miss you baby! You'll never be forgotten! No matter what people say!)
Pietro, he loved his Princesa more then ever. But once he heard the rumors of her cheating, he didn't know what to think. He was a womanizer himself. He didn't know what to do or think. He was new to love and he was very sensitive to it. He knew he shouldn't believe the rumors. He should have listened to his heart and not his gut, like he always did. The woman he loved was Chloe Sue Annesley. And nobody else.
And he knew deep down, she loved him too, every morning, he was greeted with a kiss and I love you. He saw the look in her eyes. The love and adoration. He thought that much love should have been impossible. But to her it wasn't. And he should have thought that was enough. And at first it was. But he kept falling deeper and deeper into the dark hole, he started to think dark thoughts. And he knew he shouldn't have. Everyone was else was thinking it. And he thought it really happened, that she really...........cheated.
But now, now he felt like kicking his own ass. He broke her enough to almost get her killed and it killed him on the inside and the out. He felt broken. Because he was supposed to pretend to not be in love with her. To show her that he did love her.
He should have ran after her, for gods sake! He was the fastest one there. And he just stood there and did nothing. While she almost died.
She almost died in his arms.
He remembered all the blood he had on himself. It made him cry every single time he remembered it. Because her life was in his hands that night. And he never wanted to have to do that. To not know that if she was going to live or not. Or if he ran fast enough, or if he was to late.
But seeing her in the hospital bed was the worst. Not knowing if she was going to wake up, it crushed him. It broke him. Because he was the one to believe that she did something he should have known she would have never done. The look in her eyes. When tony said that. The trust and love, it dimmered.
Now, now he won't ever forgive himself.
He broke her trust.
He broke her heart.
He broke her love.
He broke her.
And he just wants to piece her back together. But he didn't know if she wanted him too. If that she wanted to stay broken, to show them how much they broke her.
She was his forever and always and now he'll never accuse her of anything again. Because the first he did. It almost cost her, her life.
And he never wanted to do that again.
He didn't want to almost lose the love of his life.
He would go out before she did. So she wouldn't have to.
Because he loved her.
He'll never doubt his love for her again.
Because his love for her was pure and strong.