19 Summer
The worship was nothing like what I'd seen in my childhood church where everyone sang a boring hymn in a robotic tone from a falling-apart songbook. All around me, people had their hands raised in the air, and some were shouting and dancing, including Sebastian. He'd taken several steps away from me to approach the altar/stage, and had both hands raised in the air as he bounced on his heels. I'd never seen anything like it.
Though I was quite obviously the only person in the room not moving, I tried to keep my mind focused on the music, and less on worrying if I was being stared at. I recognized a few of the songs from childhood church camps, and lip-sang quietly along to them, feeling a little more of my discomfort break away with each one. I didn't think I'd ever be ready to jump like a lunatic like a lot of the others were, but I did find myself swaying to the music. My heart was thumping with a bizarre warmth that I couldn't place, and out of nowhere, my eyes started tearing. It was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. It was almost as if I could feel God's presence in the room.
I was almost disappointed when the music ended, and I lowered back into my seat. Sebastian sat with me for just a moment, then excused himself. I watched him as he rounded a corner and disappeared back into the entrance.
Tom stepped up on the stage and began addressing the audience, taking up a full five minutes with announcements about upcoming events for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I mostly tuned him out, my eyes still watching down the hall for Sebastian to return. He'd been gone for quite a while.
"Alright, Sebastian," Tom began, and my head whipped forward. "You know I'm gonna do it, buddy. Get up here." He shielded his eyes from the stage lights as he looked around. "Bas, where you at?" His eyes landed on me, and I shrugged, shook my head. "Bassy!?" He called out, and just then, my phone dinged in my pocket.
Pulling it out, I glanced down to see a single word from Sebastian. "Help."
My eyes found Tom again as I grabbed Sebastian's backpack and rose to my feet. Something about my expression must have alerted him, because he inclined his head subtly, then asked someone else to take over the announcements before following me out to the foyer. He went immediately to the men's bathroom on the right, and I followed.
Sebastian was sitting on the floor of an open stall, his head resting on the forearm that was draped over the toilet seat. He was gasping and choking, with blood dripping down his chin. His eyes were closed as he wheezed.
Tom knelt beside him and took Sebastian's arm around his shoulders. "Come on, buddy, come out of here so we can get you breathing."
Sebastian grunted as Tom lifted him, then dove away from his friend to choke into the toilet again. The bowl, I noticed, was full of blood. Tom seemed to notice, too, because his face paled, and he swallowed hard as he pulled Sebastian out again, and took his backpack from me as he set him on the floor to lean against the wall. I knelt in front of him and used a paper towel to clean Sebastian's mouth before Tom fixed the mask over his face and turned on the machine.
Through the thin walls, I could hear the mumbled announcements still being made, then whoever it was calling for Tom to come back. He pursed his lips as he looked at the door, but didn't make a move to leave.
Sebastian was still gasping, his hands balled into fists at his sides, the splint sticking straight up like an authoritative finger. Tom laid a hand on his shoulder, then reached into the backpack to turn up the oxygen.
"Deep breaths, Bassy." He said, but Sebastian shook his head.
"It's... not working..." He gasped. "I can't... breathe."
Tom glanced at me as tears filled my eyes, and he gestured for me to come. After trading positions with him so that I was holding Sebastian upright, he dug his phone from his pocket. "I'm gonna call an ambulance and let the congregation know. Stay with him?"
I nodded, and let a tear slip down my cheek as Sebastian's hand found mine and squeezed it. There was fear in his eyes when they finally opened and looked at me.
"You're gonna be okay." I whispered.
"It... hurts..." He choked, and I nodded, swallowed hard.
"I know. Tom's getting help, okay? Just hang in there."
Yet, even as I said it, his eyes squeezed shut, and he started coughing to splatter the inside of the mask with blood. My heart was about to pound out of my chest. Tom returned with the wailing of sirens somewhere outside, and from beyond the doors, I heard the voices of hundreds of people talking and praying.
"Did you... cancel?" Sebastian choked, and Tom nodded.
"You are more important right now. Steve is taking over service."
"He... stutters." Sebastian complained, and Tom smiled.
"He'll manage."
Sebastian shook his head, then choked as he coughed again, his head falling to the side to land against my shoulder. With my hands shaking, I held him against me, my eyes searching Tom's, wanting to find hope, and instead finding just as much fear as I felt.
I rode in the ambulance while Tom drove behind us in his own car. Sebastian had fallen unconscious minutes before the paramedics arrived. He was laid on the stretcher with a mass of onlookers, his shirt unbuttoned, with sticky pads stuck to him, and a kid maybe ten years younger than us manually expressing air into his lungs. I heard people from the church praying as he was loaded into the back of the ambulance, and for the first time, I wanted to join them, but I didn't. I didn't know what to say.
Tom and I were left in the waiting room after Sebastian was rushed away. He was sitting in a padded chair with his elbows on his knees, fervently praying while I stared in a numb disconnect out of the sixth story window. The sky was clear today; a deep blue that glowed against the white snow covering everything. It was beautiful, a perfect day to go and pick out a Christmas tree, only now Sebastian and I wouldn't get to do that.
I wrapped my arms around myself as my heart and mind spasmed with worry over the man that had come to mean so much to me. Despite the short time passed between us, I'd be devastated if he didn't pull through.
"Mr. Wilson?"
I turned as a man in a doctor's coat approached Tom, who bolted upright in his seat before standing. He glanced at me as I stepped in beside him, catching the doctor's attention.
"Are you family?"
"Um..."
"She's his girlfriend." Tom spoke for me, and I nodded, my mind barely comprehending what was even happening.
The doctor said something about being pleased to meet me, then glanced at the tablet in his hand that held all of Sebastian's electronic charts.
"How is he?" Tom asked, and the doctor hesitated before blowing out a strong breath, which couldn't have been a good sign.
"He's stable for now." He said, his hand raising to rub at the sweat on his forehead. "We ran a PET scan, and the cancer in his bones is unchanged. However, the tumors in his right lung have metastasized to his left."
"How bad?" Tom questioned, and the doctor frowned.
"Sixty-percent affected, and it's filled with blood, which is why he's in his current state." He glanced between the two of us a moment. "Have you noticed him struggling lately? Maybe using his oxygen more often?"
I nodded.
"All the time." Tom said. "He was getting completely winded by things that generally didn't bother him so much."
"Mm-hmm." The doctor looked at the chart again. "Looked like he'd been slowly suffocating for some time. Frankly, I'm amazed he got this far."
Tom scraped a hand over his face as I shook my head, my eyes on the doctor. "What... what does mean for him now?"
"It means he's dying." Tom said, and turned away to take my place at the window.
"Not necessarily, Mr. Wilson." The doctor spoke up, and took a step toward him. "We're not going to give up this fight, and I know that Mr. Crawford won't either."
Tom huffed. "You don't know Bassy. There gets to be a point when he just can't take it anymore, then he resigns himself to death. I've seen it once already." He muttered, and returned to stand next to me as the image of Sebastian crying in his arms on Facebook floated through my memory.
My mind was whirling, my heart breaking, and I found myself in a state of having no idea what to feel or how to deal with what was happening. "What are you going to do?" I asked the doctor, and he looked away from Tom to nod at me.
"Well, it's my recommendation that we strengthen his rounds of chemotherapy to what he was taking a while back, and possibly even try radiation again."
Tom muttered what sounded like something equivalent to a curse for a Pastor, then shook his head. "He lost his hair last time. He was always sick... what's the point of using it to fight the cancer if it's not going to improve his quality of life?"
The doctor held a hand to calm him. "I understand your concerns, but it may be our last weapon with which to fight. The decision is ultimately up to him."
"He won't do it." Tom said immediately. "I can guarantee you that."
The doctor cocked his head. "Well, like I said, it's his decision, but I can tell you this, that without even trying, I'd give him thirty, maybe even upwards of sixty days... tops."
My heart dropped into my stomach so hard I felt nauseous. Turning away, I clamped a hand over my mouth, afraid I might vomit right there in the hallway.
"Can we see him? Is he awake?" Tom asked, and I turned in time to see the doctor nod.
"He's in 602, and I recommend you inform his next of kin." He said, then with a plastered apology, he turned and walked away.
"Summer, you coming?" Tom asked, and I looked to see him already starting in the other direction.
With a nod, I ran after him, followed him down and around a long, circular hallway to the area where the in-patients were kept. "You know this place well." I commented.
Tom pursed his lips as he nodded. "Bas was here for a long time."
"You care about him a lot, don't you?"
He nodded. "He's my best friend, my family."
"How long have you known each other?"
"Since we were five." He said. "We were in the same kindergarten class, and got sent to the principal for fighting at least three times a week."
"Oh..." I had to resist the urge to laugh. It wasn't the time. "Sounds like a charming story."
He huffed. "We couldn't stand each other, but always ended up getting stuck in the same classes. He drove me crazy. He was hyper and disobedient, and I was always in trouble because of him."
"And yet... you're friends?"
He nodded as we slowed and passed the nurse's station. "In third grade, I got cornered on the PE field by these seventh graders. We went to a charter school, so it was K through Eighth, you know?"
I nodded.
"So, anyway, these three kids had me over by the fence and were beating the tar out of me. Sebastian saw, and ran clear across the field with a hockey stick, smacked all three of them in the back of the head so hard they bled. After telling a teacher, and seeing me all beat up, the bullies got suspended, and they never picked on me anymore afterward out of fear of Sebastian. From that day forward, Bas has always had my back, and I swore to always have his."
I smiled despite the turmoil going on inside me. "That's cute."
"Yeah, but I can't save him with a hockey stick..."
He slowed before stopping outside a door on the right wall that was left slightly ajar. We both seemed to take a deep breath before he pushed it open and we stepped inside. Sebastian was the only patient in the room, dressed in typical hospital garb, his defeated expression staring cold out the window. His prosthetic had been removed and left leaning against the wall, allowing me to see his tapered leg for the first time where it stuck out from beneath the blanket. I swallowed as I looked him over.
A cannula had been fixed into his nose, attached to a monster of an oxygen tank on the right side of the bed. His chest rose and fell slowly as he breathed. He turned his head when we approached, his lips lifting into a small smile.
Tom rounded to his right while I stayed on his left. His hand reached for mine as tears filled my eyes again. For his sake, I blinked them dry while Tom pulled up a chair and sat.
"How are you feeling?" He asked, and Sebastian shrugged.
"Didn't... you hear? The reaper's... in town." His voice was strained, as though he didn't have enough breath to use it, and he gasped deeply when he fell quiet.
Tom shook his head. "The reaper can go suck an egg. We're still praying for that miracle."
"Pray hard." Sebastian rasped. He turned his head toward me and smiled again. "This isn't... what I had in mind for... for your first trip to Wayside."
"It's okay." I said, squeezing his hand. "I'll get to go again. All that matters now, is you."
He shook his head, his attention passing back to Tom. "You know they... they want me to do radiation again... right?"
Tom nodded, his expression barely controlling the hurt I could see in his eyes. "Radiation shrunk the tumors last time; bought you these last couple years." He licked his lips, his eyes sweeping over Sebastian before he continued. "What do you want to do?"
Sebastian shook his head. "I don't want... radiation. I'm not gonna... do it."
"No!" I blurted, and both men looked at me. "No, you'll die without it!"
Sebastian shrugged. "I'm dying... anyway. Radiation... will only post..." he winced as he gasped. "Postpone... the inevitable." He gasped again, prying his hand away from mine to press against his chest as he wheezed.
Tom laid a hand on his shoulder, his face concerned as he frowned. "Take it easy, Bas. You need to stop talking for a while. Save your breath."
Sebastian continued to wheeze, his eyes squeezed shut as one of the machines he was connected to, began to beep. A minute later, a nurse came in, and pushed around us to turn off the beeping, then lifted Sebastian's bed so that he was sitting up a little more.
"Comfy honey?" She asked him, and he nodded. "You need more air?" He nodded again, and she rounded the bed to Tom's side, cranked up the oxygen tank. "Better?" Again, Sebastian nodded, and she patted his leg before walking out.
"Hey, we can beat this thing, right?" Tom said, forcing a grin I know he didn't feel. Sebastian's eyes fluttered open to look at him.
"Harder than... beating kids with... hockey sticks." He said on a grin, and Tom glanced at me.
"I was just telling Summer that story on our way here." Still smiling, he tucked his folded hands beneath his chin and fluttered his lashes at Sebastian. "You were my hero." He said in an exaggerated southern belle twang.
Sebastian grinned, his eyes closing just a bit as he coughed out a laugh. "I totally... saved your life."
Tom nodded. "Totally."
"But then..." Sebastian gasped as he looked at him. "You saved mine." He swallowed hard and took a deep breath through the cannula. "You... introduced me... to Jesus."
I saw Tom's lower lip quiver just a bit as he nodded. "Yeah, buddy. But He woulda found you no matter what I did. You know that."
Sebastian nodded slowly as his eyes started fluttering closed again. "I'm... tired."
Tom nodded and patted his shoulder. "You can sleep. We'll be here."
Sebastian's head turned toward me, his eyes lifting open to half slits as he smiled. "Don't... cry for me. I'm... going home... to my Father... in Heaven."
Swallowing hard, I squeezed his hand and kissed his knuckles. "I can't help it."
Very slowly, he shook his head. "Believe... for a miracle, then." And with that, his eyes fell closed and didn't reopen.
I squeezed his hand again before laying it to rest at his side. There were tears running down my cheeks that I didn't even notice until I sat back, and I used my coat sleeve to wipe them off. Tom stood and moved across the room to look out the window, his back to me.
"What do we do if he continues to refuse treatment?" I asked.
Without looking at me, I heard him let out a long breath. "Do you pray, Summer?"
I licked my lips as I watched his back. He was wearing a coat similar to mine, over light blue jeans and dark boots. From behind, he reminded me a lot of Dean from Supernatural, but this was neither the time nor place to focus on that.
"I said a prayer yesterday, and again this morning." I said, and he slowly nodded.
"But prior to that, have you made a habit of it?"
"No, I haven't. Not in a very long time."
Again he nodded. "You asked what we should do if Sebastian refuses treatment..." He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets as he stared out the window. "First, I suggest you learn to pray fervent, honest prayers. And second, I suggest you put a little less faith in medicine, and adopt a belief in miracles." He turned his head to look at me, and I frowned at the tears running down his cheeks, and the crack in his voice when he spoke. "God is the only one that can save Bassy now."