Chae's tears wet her skin as she stood at the same spot, looking at someone she deciding whether she could trust or not when everything just seemed, unbelievable.
Her lips had a slight tremble, probably holding the urge to cry. Even her arm couldn't bear the weight of her handbag as her hands fell to the side of her body, forcing that accessory to get involved in a free-fall on the floor. Her breathing looked like it was so painful to be done as if there was a force that weighed down her chest, letting me know how shocking and overbearing this situation was for her to take in.
So I knew better that I shouldn't rush her.
"Hey?" I gave her an assuring smile, continuing my footsteps slowly to approach her. "That's alright, baby"
Chae blinked her eyes for multiple times, giving me a good sign that she was doing some deliberation. She wasn't struggling to write on one of the blank pages of her thoughts but she was actually trying to erase a full page of mind torture so that she could write more stuffs on it.
Also, it would be much easier to try to explain stuffs to someone who still had her brain working compared to the one who was in a total shock, unable to think anything at all.
Her breath became audible when I was standing near enough; an arm reached distance from Chae, and more tears escaped my eyes when I saw hers up close. She was really in a kind of sadness that reddened her eyes and nose, giving my heart at least half of the pain for seeing the agony she was enduring right before my eyes.
She didn't deserve those tears.
A beautiful soul like hers didn't deserve to cry out of pain.
Chae curled her lips in, looking like she was about to say something but she couldn't, or just hesitated to. Her eyes softened as she kept looking at me and I knew that she was just like me back then when I came back from Glasgow; in a denial state. I knew for good that her inner self had always been telling her about me, that I was her Lisa. I knew that she had been thinking about the possibility of me being her Lisa. She just didn't want to accept or admit those chances she might have in this whole ridiculous process because of what she said earlier; this place is deceitful. And she was just being careful on that.
But she might have forgotten who she really was. She might have went off course from the church girl I knew before. She might have neglected the fact that when God, angels and demons were put together, nothing was impossible, I guessed?
And the proof for that was literally standing right in front of me.
I knew she lowkey believed that I was indeed her Lisa because she gave me the same treatment, the same trust. That was how I found out.
The only step left was to get her out from the denial bubble she was living in, and I wished it wouldn't be that hard for me to perform since she was my Chae anyway. I should know how to get inside her mind. I should know how to handle her. I should know how to treat my girlfriend.
"Lisa?" She finally let her voice out even though it was shaky.
I reached for her hands, clutching to them only by the tip of her fingers as I was still being careful with her emotions.
"Hey, baby..." I smiled even more when I felt she tightened the grip I put on her.
"Lisa..."
A sob gushed out when my name slipped off her lips. Her eyes were squeezed shut and I pulled her in with no hesitation, securing her with my arms as she burst into tears.
"That's alright, baby" My hand stroked her back a little harder, hoping that it could brush off the heaviness in her chest that I wanted to be gone forever. I didn't want her to cry because of me again. I just wanted her to be happy. I just wanted her to be my bubbly, cheerful Chae Richards who I had promised to myself to give all the happiness in the world to. "I'm here now, didn't I?" I turned my head slighly, kissing the side of her head. "I love you so much, baby. Please don't cry"
Her chest was hitting against mine as the sobs rushed out from her mouth without any sympathy while her body shuddered in my strong embrace.
"Lisa, I'm sorry"
"I know. That's alright" I rested my head against hers, still smiling in the relief and calmness I just gotten the opportunity to enjoy. It felt so good when I no longer had anything to hide from or to lie about. "I'm sorry too, baby"
We shared the warmth and the love we had towards each other for a moment; no talking, no distraction. We kept hugging until Chae finally got herself back, free from those emotional attacks.
"Lisa, tell me-" She put a small distance in between us when she grasped my face with both of her gentle hands. "What have you done, my darling?" She asked softly as our foreheads met. "Please tell me you didn't do it"
Looking down, I whispered to her. "I did it, Chae"
"No, God, please no" She shook her head in disbelief. "No, you didn't"
"I did, baby. I swear I did"
She nearly cried again so I gave soft pats on her back immediately, hoping that I could lessen the emotional burden she had to carry in her.
"Why did you-" Her breath hitched, sounding like it was hurting her each time she wanted to talk. "Why did you do all this, Lisa?"
I took seconds, inhaling my own pain when Chae asked me that question.
"Y-you left me, baby" The same heaviness tried to guard along my tongue. "I'm sorry but-" I sighed, closing my eyes when they began to water again. "...I can't live without you"
"Lisa, I-"
"Why did you leave me?" My own sobs were dominating my chest. "You know I love you, Chae. You know me"
"You shouldn't have done any of these" Her thumbs caressed my cheeks. "I know you love me but- I didn't expect you to go this far"
"My love for you has no boundaries, Chae" I sobbed that sentence under my whisper. "Our love has no boundaries"
I brought my head up, giving her a long, passionate kiss on her forehead.
If only she knew how much I loved her, she wouldn't want to leave me again, ever again, considering the kind of things I was willing to do just to be with her. If only she knew how much I had been missing her since she was gone, she would know that being with me was the only solution to my suffering, and she should stay with me forever.
She should. She must.
Stay.
"Baby, tell me what happened?" I demanded for the answers to all those questions I had been working so hard to investigate.
"I can't"
"Tell me why did you do it?"
I craved for her explanation on what actually happened to her on the night she died. That would be the first thing I wanted to know and also the reasons for her to ask help from a demon just to get my love.
"I don't think I can, Lisa"
"Are you afraid of something, Chae?"
"Of course I am, my love" Our painful eyes met one more time. "We both should be. We shouldn't have played with that creature"
"We can still fix this-"
"We can't. Nobody could"
She cut my sentence off and this was the first time she ever acted negatively towards something. The Chae I knew had always been positive on everything, but not this time I guessed. That freaking Asmodeus ass must had gotten into Chae's brain about this.
"Trust me, baby. Please trust me" I tried to convince her as a lover should. "We can work on this together. Just-" I had to blow a heavy breath out. "Please tell me what happened"
"I died while travelling, Lisa" She answered me instantly, probably knowing that I would keep asking for as long as she decided to keep her mouth shut.
But her answer invited a frown on my face, forcing my heart to pound harder than it was supposed to.
"What?" I questioned in bafflement.
"I shouldn't die while travelling or I wouldn't be able to get back to the universe I came from"
I loosened my arms as soon as she finished speaking, taking a few steps away from her.
"What are you talking about Chae?" I began to feel the anger creeping under my skin, waking up the small hairs on my body. "You were travelling?"
"I died in your universe that night-"
"Don't" I warned her not to make any move when she just tried to approach me back. "Are you telling me that you are not actually from my universe at the first place?"
"Yes, Lisa. I'm not from there"
I sighed as new tears blurred my vision when she hit me with the truth that hurt so much.
"So that was why you never wanted to move in with me?" I intended to attack her with new questions that came into my brain at the moment. "That was why I only saw you on weekends?"
"I'm so sorry-"
"So I'm just another Lisa?" I interrupted her again with the most painful statement I had to label myself with.
Chae was silent as guilt plastered all over her face.
"Answer me, Chae" I repeated myself. "I'm just another Lisa in a different universe?"
"Yes, Lisa. I'm sorry"
She cupped her mouth right after she told me something I needed to hear about myself; I was just another Lisa for her. I was never the first Lisa she loved.
I was just another version of someone she loved so much. And that shit pained me in a way I couldn't explain.
Lowering my head, I pushed those tears in my eyes out as my lips trembled. "It's not me who you love, Chae"
"No! Lisa!" She sounded surprised and I heard her footsteps shortly after, running towards me.
"I'm not your Lisa"
"No, love, please!" I felt her arms around my neck as our chests were pressed tight. "You are my Lisa, please don't say that"
I got it all wrong. Draco got it all wrong. We were all got it wrong about Chae. She didn't ask Asmodeus for my love. It was nothing like that at all. She asked for soul travelling from him just like I asked Lucifer for myself.
"Lisa, I'm sorry"
Taking my own time that was ticking, I finally had the strength to touch the Chae I had learned to love with everything I had in me. I grabbed her arms, gently, without any difference from the way I used to touch her even though I just found out a painful truth. I would never get mad at her.
She was my Chae. And I loved her so much.
I snuck my fingers in between hers, pressing her hands against my chest so she would feel how my heart was thumping while my eyes were looking at how beautiful her face was.
"I think I already know your answer to this," I spoke in disappointment that had grew heavier. "But I still want to hear it from you"
"No, Lisa-"
"Please?" I gave few kisses on her hands, feeling how those tears of mine streamed down. "Answer this for me"
Shaking her head in sobs, she pleaded not to. "Don't, Lisa. I can't tell you"
"You travelled to my place just to see me," I asked her anyway even without her willingness. "What happened to your Lisa?"
That was when she crashed to my chest again, holding my hands even stronger when she could no longer restrain her cries.
"Lisa..."
"W-what happened to your Lisa, Chae?"
The lump in my throat was weighing my entire jaw as my heart continued to race to undecided finishing line. I had never felt this scared before while waiting for an answer. But I finally did at the time and it started to weaken every single bone that kept my legs standing on the ground.
Since I didn't get any response from Chae, I guessed the answer that I had in my mind was the actual answer that she couldn't tell me in any way possible. So I took a deep breath before I decided to voice it out.
"She died, wasn't she?"