trigger warning; talk that mentions self harm and suicidal thoughts
***
"Are you ready?", Taehyung knocked on the bathroom door, waiting for Jungkook to finally get out of there after he locked himself inside the small room for almost an hour now. He got no response which made Taehyung only sigh. Taejeon was next to him, leaning back in his wheelchair while he only eyed the older. "You're nervous", he commented amused and pinched Taehyung's arm.
"I am-", Taehyung said quietly, "I have to make him fall in love with me again. It was hard enough the first time."
Taejeon giggled and then drove away, heading right to his room.
Not much later the door opened slowly and Jungkook stepped out. He was dressed in a suit, had a bow tie around his neck and his hair parted to its sides.His hair grew longer lately and Jungkook kinda liked it. "W-wow", Taehyung's eyes widened as he shyly put his hands on Jungkook's waist and pulled him closer, "You look like a goddamn snack", he whispered shyly and then looked up and down on him. "Who allowed you to?", Taehyung chuckled, getting completely flustered by Jungkook.
"I remember", Jungkook started slowly, taking Taehyung's hands as he softly brushed along his knuckles. "I remember when we were really young you once told me if you'd be a girl and my girlfriend you would love to show me off to everyone", Jungkook blushed a little, "So I thought if I dress up--, maybe you still want to show me off."
Both of them went silent and got incredibly flustered at the whole situation. "Only if you don't mind me telling everyone we're going to see that I'm blessed to marry you someday-"
Jungkook rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to Taehyung's cheek, "We're on our way to our first date, stop thinking of marriage already-"
Taehyung shrugged, "Can't help it. Imagine holding your hand on business events when we're real adults and have our life together and you've got my ring on your finger and I can proudly tell all my colleagues that you're my man."
"Oh shut up", Jungkook's cheeks heated up when he glanced away and grabbed Taehyung's hand, pulling him along. Taehyung followed him, eyes glued to their intertwined hands.
That what he'd been dreaming of all his life. That's exactly what he was fighting for all the time. Yet they never made it out on a date. All they ever did was hiding in the sheets and secretly stealing glances of each other. But this was now, finally, coming to an end.
A little while later they sat in a small restaurant at the end of the street, a candle lit up between them and two glasses of wine on the table. Taehyung couldn't help but stare at Jungkook the whole freaking time, he still couldn't trust his own eyes that he had Jungkook back, sitting on a chair with nothing but a calm smile on his lips. He looked so much better than he ever had, maybe taking the pain of the past away was the best thing that ever happened to him. "So, do you usually fuck me with lube or not-", Jungkook asked suddenly.
"What--", Taehyung lost it.
"I googled and I found out that it's easier with lube but I couldn't find any lube anywhere near our bedroom so what do we use--"
Taehyung blushed. Then turned his head away. "We're in public-", he whispered when he saw the lady at the table right next to them looking over in a more than just disgusted way.
"So?", Jungkook asked unaffected. "Are we ashamed of us or what-"
"No, we're not", Taehyung immediately said. "I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable, you don't like people staring-"
Jungkook shrugged, "I don't mind when I'm with you."
"You don't like lube that much, we once used coconut oil and it was okay. But you prefer it rough and if I loosen you up with my fingers or my tongue, you're getting wet all by yourself-"
The lady next to them covered her mouth in shock when she heard Taehyung saying that. "Oh, so I'm more of a rough type of guy?", Jungkook tilted his head.
"Actually it depends on your mood", Taehyung hummed, "At least when we were younger. We don't have as much sex anymore-"
Jungkook looked at him with widened eyes, "What?? I can't imagine. All I do is think of your dick since you told me I'm used to be your boyfriend-"
The woman next to them grunted out some curses under her breath, crossing her arms, "This youth nowadays-"
Now she drew Jungkook's attention towards her. The boy smiled and tilted his head innocently, "Got a problem over there, Miss?"
"Yes, indeed. The way you talk to so freely about private things that I didn't want to hear."
"How about you stop listening then?", Jungkook laughed out and didn't feel cornered at all, usually he'd cry or something after someone snapped at him like this. "It's impossible if you talk so freely."
"It's quite impolite to listen to strangers having a conversation. Why not go home and watch some porn instead of listening to sex talk between two boys half your age? Pervert."
Jungkook smirked satisfied when the woman got up, grabbed her purse and rushed out of the restaurant as fast as she could.
"Damn, Baby", Taehyung let out quietly. "You're cockier than ever-"
"It's because my cock needs-"
"No shut up", Taehyung covered Jungkook's mouth quickly, "As much as I love you but you're making me hard if you keep talking about things like this."
The younger licked his lips, leaning back in his chair. He liked that, it was fun to tease the people around him. No matter if it was this old lady or the handsome boy in front of him. Jungkook loved it. "I shaved", he then said, "When I was in the bathroom. I shaved every inch of my body-"
"Jungkook", Taehyung let out a sigh, eyes glued to the boy's tongue that kept licking above his lips.
"I like it nice and clean", he then continued, "But I feel like you did me dirty back then, there's no way you're not some kinky bitch. Remember when we were watching Fifty Shades of Grey when we were like 12 and you said you'd love to tie someone up."
"JUNGKOOK", Taehyung said again, already being a blushing mess.
"That's my name. Do you yell it in bed as well?"
"I-"
"I think I want to have sex with you."
"Kookie-"
"Like, right fucking now."
"We're in public", Taehyung gritted his teeth, "I can't fuck you right on this table-"
"There's a bathroom", Jungkook pointed across the room. "Can we please?"
"N-no", Taehyung let out in frustration, "I planned it to be special and perfect because it's the first time for you."
Jungkook rolled his eyes, "I googled", he started talking again and Taehyung wanted to die right on the spot when he felt Jungkook's foot that somehow left his shoe, brushing along his inner thigh, reaching for his middle. "I googled what we could do in bed and I think I wanna try riding you when we do it for the first time."
Taehyung shook his head, face red like a tomato when Jungkook had his foot pressed up against his clothed cock, rubbing it softly. "Can you talk about this later-"
"But why?", Jungkook looked all innocent. "Is there something wrong?"
"Jungkook, come on stop the teasing", Taehyung let out weakly.
"Did you seriously think-", Jungkook suddenly said, "Did you seriously thought I forgot why I was in the hospital? Dude the fuck, do you seriously think I would forget about you?", he now got up from his chair and walked over, sitting right onto Taehyung's lap. "You're stupid Tae. So stupid."
"What are you saying-", the older asked completely confused and not getting it right away.
"Your stupid jealousy over Minho or Lyza is what almost broke us up and I hate you for it, Tae", he started kissing his forehead, "I loved you all my life and you seriously thought I'd cheat or anything after you've been the one putting your dick into my Ex-girlfriend. Pathetic, really."
With that he opened Taehyung's zipper, "And just so you know, I love it rough, it does not depend on my mood."
Taehyung nodded in embarrassment, still not fully understanding. "I'm confused."
"I thought what if I forgot about you", Jungkook started, "What if I'd be fine with anything. I asked myself if you'd do anything different, if you'd tell me the whole fucking truth about us. I thought what if he doesn't fight for me-"
Taehyung gulped dryly, "You didn't lose your memory?"
"Oh Tae, remember when we were at my father's house and you kept locking me and shit? When we had sex there the other night? That's when I thought about this. What if-. What if it all was different. Would you take the chance and go for Lyz? Would you still want me? What if you had every choice in the world."
"Go for Lyz?", Taehyung asked confused.
"I didn't know anymore who you really love, Tae", Kook shrugged, "I felt as if I'm the one being pushed around like I did with Lyza back then and honestly, I didn't want that. It wasn't planned that Taejeon would drive home with me that night, it really wasn't and I feel horrible for it but did you never think about why the police never put the driver who was at fault to jail? Wasn't it weird how I let you do anything with me all the time, treat me like shit and still stay with you? And then shit happens to me when we're about to break up? Come on, Tae I thought you knew how good I'm at acting, I faked being straight all my life-"
"So you were faking basically our whole relationship for months", Taehyung blurted out.
"It's not like it wasn't obvious Tae. The Jungkook you know would end up slitting his wrists and cry all day, get anxious and afraid but I never was, hm? I thought you knew me."
"And I thought you changed over the past five years", Taehyung let out weakly.
Jungkook suddenly started moving on Taehyung's lap and grinned amused, "I didn't but you told me you loved me the day we met again so I decided to show you what it feels like if someone is falling out of love. I did nothing but love you for the past five years, I told everyone about you, every one night stand I had had to listen to my stories about you first. My boss, my friends even Minho. Everyone knew how much I love you and you had the audacity to show back up in my life and say you LOVED me? It hurt man."
"I'm sorry-", Taehyung said quietly.
"It's fine", Jungkook pressed another kiss to his forehead. "I just love how you fell for it. For the whole shit. I never slept with Minho or anything, he's the one who helped me pull all of this. We were testing you."
"Wow", Taehyung let out. "Do you know how bad I felt during all this time?"
"Well do you have any idea how bad I felt when I found out about you and Lyza? Do you have any idea how it felt to be brushed off after I left my own wedding for you? Do you have any idea how it feels not to get a call in five years?", Jungkook asked back.
Taehyung didn't say a word. "Were you faking the coma?"
"No as I said, it wasn't supposed to end like this. I wanted it to be an accident from which I wake up immediately", Jungkook hummed. "And I know that that was a bit too much."
"So did I at least pass your test", Taehyung let out slowly, tears filling up his eyes. "If all of this was for nothing I'm going to jump off a bridge I mean it."
Jungkook shook his head, "Don't", he chuckled, "You didn't just pass. You proved me wrong in every single way I assumed you'd do me wrong. You told me everything even though you could have left out details, you didn't look at Lyza once. You took care of my son and my apartment, got a job and you treat me so well since I woke up. You did everything absolutely right", Jungkook leaned forward and kissed Taehyung's lips passionately.
Taehyung felt a pain in his chest when their lips met but he kissed him back. He kinda deserved it after all.
"I think", Jungkook whispered after he pulled back, "We're fucking toxic for each other."
Taehyung nodded and glanced away, "Like a drug", Jungkook continued, "You taste it once and you take it again and again no matter how much it destroys you."
"That's why you go to rehab", Taehyung let out sadly. "Just that I really fucking love you and us and everything", Jungkook mumbled. "There's no way I would stop drugging myself with you."
"Sounds like something an addict would say", Taehyung chuckled. "Kookie do you really love me or are you playing me right now? I'm tired of us not being able to have a normal date without any drama going on-"
"Tae it wouldn't be us if we'd have a romantic dinner with lame ass conversations about random things we don't care about. We're not that kind of couple", Jungkook shrugged. "I'm meant to be on your lap right in the middle of everyone, getting you hard and then tease you about it."
"Don't you think we could be normal for once", Taehyung asked quietly, "I really don't want to get hard in public, Koo-"
"Oh too bad you've got yourself a brat of a boyfriend", Jungkook laughed out.
"You didn't answer my question", Taehyung suddenly mentioned. "Do you love me or is this some kind of game to you?"
"I love you", Jungkook answered in all honesty. "I love you so so much."
"Why can't we treat each other properly then", Taehyung asked in a small voice, "Because I feel like all we do is run in circles. We get each other mad, then get revenge for it and then get hurt over it. This isn't what relationships should be like", the older explained. "And I really want to reach a point where I can put all my love and trust in you and tuck you to bed every night, read goodnight stories to our kids and walk our dog at nights. I wasn't kidding when I said I wanna marry you and build a life with you. I want, no I need us to be happy."
"You sound like an adult", Jungkook said.
"And you sound like a teenager."
"Sometimes people mentally stay the age their soul died", Kook let out weakly. "Kidding, I'm kidding."
But he wasn't.
And that's when Taehyung realised how fucked up they really were. A simple I love you wasn't enough for them to trust each other. Because all they knew was cheating. Their whole love grew in an environment where they had to hide from everyone just because Taehyung was nothing but an affair.
How do you fall in love properly if all you ever knew was holding the hand of someone you feel nothing for in public, quietly craving the person you want on your insides.
There were times when they stood next to each other in school and all they could think of was the other. How their lips would feel or how exciting it must be to sneak out and kiss.
It's the hardest shit to do to love someone for ages in secret. How do you even know how to properly treat them when you're finally free to do so?
How can anyone expect them to be a usual couple, fighting over dumb things like which movie to watch or which food to order.
They were never meant to be that kind of couple and Jungkook was right with that. The best things in life don't come in for free.
And in the end the sacrifices you make, the loss you suffer and the tears you cry-, they don't mean shit if there's not a happy ending. If there's not a moment when you sit back and think, fuck we made it. We really did.
Taehyung and Jungkook still had a long way to get there. But they were on their way.
"Kookie", Taehyung hummed. "I think we needed that."
"What?"
"All of it. All the pain", Taehyung said slowly. "Because right now all I can think of is how lucky I am to still have you in my life after all. What you pulled on me was shit and everything but god I'm lucky to still be able to kiss you. There were times when I couldn't and even if you don't like us being a normal couple-, from now on there won't be a single day you'll doubt my love for you."
"That's not being a normal couple, usual couples have relationship issues all the time", Jungkook giggled.
"I just wanted to say I'm happy you're alive and breathing, there were times when this wasn't all too sure and I'm never taking this or you for granted again, deal with it."
Jungkook blushed, hiding his cheeks in happiness. He could swear his heart almost lost it.
But the next thing he realised was Taehyung smacking his ass, then getting up and pushing him onto the table, grabbing his crotch through his pants. "But you're such a fucking brat and you won't be able to walk for a week straight I fucking swear to GOD", Taehyung grumbled and spread Jungkook's legs, pressing himself in between them while the other customers looked at them in shock.
Well, they started making out and got thrown out of the restaurant not even ten minutes later.
-
"Seriously", Lyza rolled her eyes when the boys told her they were back after one hour because they got thrown out. "What the hell did you do?"
"I was about to fuck him on the table", Taehyung said in a small voice. "It's not my fault though, he teased me way too much."
"You love teasing though", Jungkook said a little cocky. Taejeon lifted an eyebrow and then bit his lips, "How do you know-", he asked a little confused because Taehyung and Jungkook seemed different around each other after this date. They seemed like how they were back then, 10 years ago.
"Oh did I mention about the fact that Jungkook tricked all of us and faked his memory loss? My Baby remembers every single thing-", Taehyung chuckled, wrapping his arms around Jungkook's tiny waist.
Lyza bit her lips, "Oh he did?"
"Actually he faked a lot more than I thought he did, he's been playing me since the day we met again, even the accident was partly acting", Taehyung whispered, kissing Jungkook's cheek. "And you're not mad?", Lyza only asked. "No I'm just glad I got to call him mine finally."
They heard a door being slammed and locked and that's when they noticed that Taejeon left the room without saying anything further.
Lili was also sitting in the room, arms crossed while watching the adults. "For fuck's sake", she said and got up. "I can't wait to turn 18 so me and Taejeon can move out."
With that the girl rushed over to Taejeon's room, unlocked it with her own keys and walked in just to slam it shut all over again.
"Taejeonie", the girl said quietly when she found Taejeon on his bed, crying. "Don't cry or I will too", she begged, sitting down next to him when she took his hands. "Don't mind them, they can't be taken seriously as adults", she patted his shoulders but Taejeon only balled his fists and slammed one of them right onto his thigh. "I can't fucking walk or feel my legs", he cried out, punching his legs all over again. "I spend my childhood watching my Dad almost die out of depression and all that shit", he scratched his own knee full of anger. "I never got to have a real family or friends because all we did was moving. Dad was always busy doing his shit and I always been there for him I am a good son I really am I do everything for Dad."
Lili nodded, "You are."
"He's happy and Taehyung is too. I'm glad they are", Taejeon sobbed, nails pressed into his skin, "But why am I not?"
Lili could feel tears coming up when she took his hand away from his knee, wiping away the blood that was dripping out of his knee. "What if I never be able to walk again. What if we can never get kids because of that. What if I can never run through the rain again", he cried out. "Look, I can cut them and it doesn't even hurt because I feel no shit", he shouted out, scratching his legs again. "If I would never be born things would be so different. Dad and Taehyungie never had it hard then and Mom would have lived a happy and successful life."
"But what about you? Or me?", Lili asked quietly.
"You would've found someone else. Everyone is replaceable."
"What about you?"
"I wouldn't have to live. No one ever asked me if I wanna live and I think my parents shouldn't have gotten me. An abortion would have been the right thing for them to do, none of them is ready to be a parent.."
"Don't say that", Lili whispered, tears sparkling in her eyes. "The world would be a shitty place without you."
"If I wasn't born everyone would be okay."
"But Taejeon, it's over now. Everyone is finally okay again, things will get better", Lili tried, hugging her best friend softly. "Times are about to change."
"You forgot about someone when you said everyone", Taejeon said. "You forgot about me."
"You'll be okay too", Lili mumbled, "I'll make sure of it."
"Did you realise that my Mom and your Mom fool around as if they didn't know I love you and you love me? We'll end up being step siblings. Did you realise I will never be able to walk again thanks to my father's faked accident just to pull another useless drama with Tae? Did you realise that all I really have lately is you? Everyone is so busy growing up that they completely forgot about me still being eleven. I need someone to look up to as well, not just a bunch of adults who are still mentally stuck in highschool."
"Taejeon-"
"No I'm sick and tired and I need shit to stop."
"Don't say that", she sobbed, pressing her head to his shoulders. "Please don't say that."
"I feel like it's dumb to say I can't be feeling like this when I'm only eleven but since everyone thinks I'm dumb anyways, I don't care. I am sad and I know I'm too young and dramatic but there's this heavy feeling in my chest all the time and when I go to sleep at night I hope I won't wake up again."
"You sound depressed." Lili crossed her arms, "And your bleeding legs aren't exactly proving me otherwise."
"I'm trying to make them feel pain, maybe that's how they wake up."
The girl shook her head, "We're too young to feel that way. I shouldn't worry about my bestfriend scratching his legs until they bleed and you should mind not waking up in the mornings. This is not how it's supposed to be oh my god."
Taejeon nodded, "Right. But that's how it is."
"It doesn't have to be like that", Lili said calmly. "We'll get better, I won't leave you alone. If our Moms marry, we'll ask Taehyung to adopt you on the papers so it's fine. If we can't have kids then we'll adopt some and if you won't ever walk again I'll drive you around in your sexy wheelchair all the time."
"I love you", Taejeon blurted out. "I think that's the kind of love which is written about in books."
Lili blushed, "You never said that before. T-that you love me."
"I don't want to be your best friend", Taejeon said suddenly, "I really don't fucking like being just a friend."
"You can be my best friend and boyfriend at the same time, you know that right-", Lili giggled and Taejeon looked shook. "Would you wanna be my girlfriend?"
"YES", Lili squeaked. "Oh my god I wrote in my diary every day how much I want to be your girlfriend."
"Can I read your diary."
"No?????"
"Why not I'm your boyfriend", Taejeon argued, pouting a little. "Please let me read it."
"No a diary is for private things. Like periods and stuff."
"You don't even have your period yet, you would tell me", Taejeon crossed his arms. "You tell me everything so why am I not allowed to read your diary."
"Do you ever had a diary?", Lili snapped. "Of course. I write in it everyday."
"What do you write in it usually?", she asked stubbornly.
"What you wore that day and what things you said that I want to remember. If we take pictures I also print them out and put them in", Taejeon explained.
"See, and that's why you can't read mine, cuz I do the same", Lili explained.
That's when Taejeon's expression went blank, "YOU HAVE A DIARY FILLED WITH SWEET STUFF YOU LIKE ABOUT ME AND YOU WON'T SHOW IT TO ME I HATE YOU I BREAK UP WITH YOU."
"Oh someone's being dramatic", Lili rolled her eyes and then gave him a kiss to his cheek. "Don't ever harm yourself again and if you won't then you can read it on our wedding day."
Taejeon sighed.
"Pinky promise?", she asked and showed him her pinky.
He wrapped his own around it and nodded.
"Pinky Promise, Lil."
***
ugh