"Computer! Analyze me again!"
"No. I already told you the atmosphere here is not laced with the same chemicals as the atmosphere around the ship. Therefore you no longer are short in stature. You grew. It's part of growing up here on this planet."
"But I don't like it. This is ridiculous. Ridiculous, I say!"
"Well, suck it up, Zim. Someone is at the door."
"Video footage of the front door. Now!"
"Of course, sir."
The screen came to life with a moving picture. The front door cam was picking up someone who's been a scourge on my side since I came to live on this miserable planet.
"Dib. Nothing in hand this time. That I see."
"Scanners indicate that he has nothing on him remotely weapon like. Knome cannons?"
"Zim? Get out here. I need to have a word with you."
"No, I shall handle this myself."
"Want me to come with?"
"Yes. Come along Gir. I don't trust you alone down here."
"Hurray."
"Can I come too?"
"Fine. Hurry up and take over the robot I made you, computer."
"Yes!!"
Why is Dib coming over here? Like I said, I am well known by the government. They don't care
Well, I guess he doesn't know that. What an idiot. He doesn't know a lot of the things that I know. Like the fact that he was created in a lab as an experiment by his father. His sister as well. That his father's memory was erased by the government so that he wouldn't try to leave. Men in black described it best. What a weird movie thing.
"And here we are. Now what does this idiot earthling want?"
"Your disguise, Zim."
"Right, Gir. The stupid eyes. Woo."
Still can't believe that this sad of an excuse of a disguise did enough so people didn't know I was an alien. How feeble of a mind do these earthlings have?
"Dib. What are you doing here in my domain?"
"I came to talk with you. Uh... why haven't you schemed over anything... wow you've grown."
"Indeed. Long story short, I've adapted to the environment around me."
"Is this another scheme?"
"How am I suppose to use this taller thing as a scheme?"
"I dont know."
"No. And to answer your question, I haven't schemed because I have no reason to."
"So, why can't you just leave then?"
"Where am I going to go, dib'n'dumb? My home is gone."
"It was your fault."
"If you're going to be like that, just leave."
"Wait, who are those guys in suits that come over here all of the time?"
"Don't worry about it. It's not your problem."
"But-"
"Dib, go away. Why are you asking about schemes?"
"Well, I have a new device of my own that I know will stop you."
"Yeah, well have fun with that. But like it or not, Dib, this is my home now. And before you say anything, I'm not happy about it either. Now leave me alone. I have plenty of mess to clean up after because of Gir. Not even a real bot helper. Just trash in a shell."
"I thought you liked Gir."
"Oh, I do. That is quite literally what is wrong with the way he functions. He was built with no form of a brain. I made him one and he's better, but-"
"Is that my nacho delivery guy?"
"No, Gir. It's Dib. Your Nacho guy isn't here yet."
"Yo Zim."
Hmm? Right on schedule, agent 234.
"A guy in a suit!"
"Chill, man. I see you grew two feet, Zim."
"Indeed. Do you have them?"
"I do."
"Are those fresh grown vegetables?"
"Yes, walking meat-stick."
"Who is this guy, Zim?"
"My annoying neighbor, Agent 234."
"The one that you hate or the one that-"
"Agt Agt Agt. Yes. Yes to both questions."
"So you know he's an alien. Well normally I would erase your memory but considering the fact that this guy has been around you this whole time, that would be most of your memory. So let's go with second best. Zim is under the protection of the MIB Corp and if anything goes around or you expose his identity to anyone, family or otherwise, you will be taken in by us and we'll extract your memory and build it off of your sister's."
"How do you know about my sister?"
"I know a lot, Dib. Now stop pestering Zim. Understand?"
"Y-Yes sir."
"See, the movies portray us a bit softer than what you see in real life. Love the idea of seeing Zim in a giant test tube awaiting experiments? Because in our lab, you're the experiment."
"I get it, sir."
"Don't you tell anything about me and my company, either."
But I need to vent to someone. I can't just ignore this. I deal in the extraordinary. That is what this whole thing is."
"Seems to me that your only option is Zim. Alright. Later Zim. I'll see you next week for more and an update."
"Thanks. Later."
"Wait, almost forgot. Here are Gir's nachos."
"Gir, come get your food. And show some manners!"
Oh, I can't wait for Gir to make more of that stew. It's so good.
Gir came rollin in and ripped the nachos from my hands.
"Nachos!"
"Manners!"
"Right. Thank you, agent 234. Wee!"
And there he goes. Jeez.
"We're trying. Later 234."
"Mhmm. Later."
Great, there he goes. Wait, what is Dib staring at?
"What, human? What has your stupid eyeballs' attention?"
"Uh, hey um... what kind of vegetables are in there?"
"None of your business."
"I've never had fresh vegetables before."
"Oh fine. Come with me, Now!"
Dammit. Now the earthling is in my house. Well at least I added a password into the tube so he can't use it. That would be terrible.
"What are you doing?"
"Peeling a carrot. You can't eat them fresh from the ground. You have to peel them."
"Oh. Then why did I have to come with?"
"You do not trust me, correct?"
"Right. And therefore, if you give me something I have to see what you do with it. What are you making?"
"It's what Gir is making."
"I'm making a stew. A veggie stew with chicken in it."
"He means tofu because he hates chicken after he figured out how you get chicken."
"I can still hear her cry for help, Zim."
"Yeah. Here."
"Uh, thanks."
"Now get out!"
"Alright! Whatever!"
I watched Dib the house and then stood in the middle of my living room.
This is as bad as Shmorebore day.
Or is it? Shmorebore Day is mourning day. Dumb holiday. We had nothing to mourn over, but the My Tallest would have that day every year without fail. Yeah, it is as bad as Shmorebore day. I don't even know what that is. Huh?
I can see Dib standing in his yard. But what is he doing? He no longer had a carrot. Did he eat it? Is that why? Wait a second he's coming back!
"No!"
"I locked the door."
"Oh. Well good job, Gir. Would you like a cookie?"
"I get a cookie?"
"Yes. Here."
"Hurray!"
"Keep the door locked and I will give you another one. Understand? You have your nachos so leave the door locked."
"Yes sir!"
"Good, Gir. I'll be in my lab."
"Of course, sir."
"Ah!"
What is with the aggressive knocking?
"Go away!"
"No! Get out here, now!"
"Leave me alone, despicable human!"
"No!"
"Leave or I will fire the gnome Cannons!"
"I will get you, Zim!"
"No you won't! Because the government won't let you! Now get off of my property! Computer!"
"Yes sir."
"Alright, I'm leaving."
Mhmm.
"Front door Camera, Computer."
"Of course, sir."
Here we go. Wow, how original. he's standing right there, ear pressed to door.
I walked up to the door and then kicked it, making Dib jump and grab his head.
"Ow!"
"Go! Now!"
"Screw you!"
And there he goes.
"Excellent. Now Computer. Open the pipe!"
"Verbal password, sir."
"Dib is... weird."
"Password accepted."
Here we go again.