The electric was turned on by itself, but none of us cared enough about how strange that was since we were occupied with something else. It was something we never did and felt before; tempting and addictive, I could say.
As someone who finally got a chance to experience this exciting, sweaty moment with someone I loved, my thoughts and understanding about sex had changed completely. I used to think that sex was a form of satisfaction to sexual and sensitive parts of the body, scientifically, and of course emotionally. But emotional satisfaction during sex remained unclear to me until I felt it myself with Chae Richards in my arms.
Sex was how her eyes looked at me in plea, begging to be owned. It was how her breath hit my skin, telling that I made her breathless. It was how her kisses changed from time to time, showing that she was miserable in pleasure. It was how her moans called for me, stating that I treated her the right way. It was how her body sweated and trembled, expressing the sensation I gave to her.
It was Chae.
For me, sex was Chae.
I listened to nothing else that was so calming; her breathing. She was asleep next to me, facing the other side as my arm rested under her neck and my other hand was hugging her bare chest. I smelled her hair that had been one of my favourite smells of her, which driving me to my own comfort and sleepiness.
So I got up, carefully, leaving the bed since I didn't want to risk anything. Falling asleep like the last time was definitely a bad idea. It would give the other Lisa access to her body back and she might attack Chae like a maniac again.
I brought myself to the kitchen, thinking of drinking something cold to ease the thirst I was having. And as I was waiting for the water dispenser to fill up my glass, I heard a soft voice that came from the bedroom.
"Lisa?"
Yelling a little, I responded to her.
"Chae, I'm in the kitchen!"
She didn't say anything back so I guessed she might have gone back to sleep, which she should be since she must had been tired. She had to work, cook for our dinner, and do our stuffs on the bed, all on the same day. But I heard footsteps approaching when I was wetting my throat as my front rested against the counter, eyes looking at Chae's figure seconds later that had my shirt on and her naked legs.
"Lisa..." She called with her low voice, snuggling into the side of my neck and wrapping her arms around my waist.
"Hey?" I smiled after I put the glass on the counter. "You should go back to sleep"
"I would love to," She gave me a playful squeeze. "But you aren't on the bed" She sounded like she was whining a little.
I sighed. "I'm sorry I woke you, Chae"
My index finger pressed on the water dispenser again, getting another fill up and I passed the glass to the woman behind me.
"Thank you, Lisa"
I turned around to face her when she was forced to let me go, taking the glass from my grip.
A small smile emerged, pulling one side of my mouth as I was looking at how thirsty she was at the moment. Chae drank the whole glass empty at one go.
"Are you alright?" I asked, reaching out for the same glass again and wondering if she needed more water.
Nodding, she showed me her own kind of magic by her lips.
"I was just thirsty"
"Anyway, I bought an orange juice earlier," I spoke, taking a few steps towards the fridge as I was ready to get the drink. "For you"
"Lisa, you shouldn't have-"
"You love it so I thought I should" I interrupted her, chuckling.
Silence grew between us when Chae didn't say a word, and neither did I. She gave me a smile that I knew wasn't just a smile she always put on her face, but the one she would make whenever she had something in her mind. And I knew she noticed the same thing about me too.
Because I guessed even my face couldn't hide it any longer.
She twisted the bottle cap after taking a few swallows of the juice and she brought her eyes back on mine as she leaned against the kitchen island.
"What's the matter, Lisa?" She finally asked, letting me know her thoughts at the same time; she was worried about me. "Something's bothering your mind?"
"Yeah," I breathed out. "I'm just thinking about something"
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Her sentence wasn't just a question. It was a twist that actually luring me to talk to her about stuffs that were running in my brain at the moment without giving me any pressure, but we both knew what would happen next. She would try as best as she could to make me opened up to her, just the way my Chae used to do, and that could be stressing at the end.
Most of the time I would just tell my Chae about my thoughts because I didn't want to be pressured and the possibility of offending her also.
"Of course. But can you come closer? I want to hug you"
Her smile went wide, probably feeling the relief that I was so comfortable to talk my mind out and even ask for her affection.
My hands caught for her hip to keep her close as her forearms stressed against my chest, creating a good distance in between our faces so we could look at each other.
Chae raised her eyebrows while the same smile remained, looking like she was waiting for the next move that I should have done after she gave me the hug I wanted.
"Okay," She chuckled. "Can you please tell me now?"
She sounded impatient as if she was so nervous of what I would talk about. Chae probably had a few guesses in her mind and couldn't wait to be lightened up.
"Not yet until you kiss me" I gave out another order to her to follow, but she was kind of hesitated compared to the first one.
"Lisa, I'd taste like orange juice"
"And what's wrong with that?"
I guessed she knew I'd keep arguing if I didn't get what I wanted and she was desperate to know what I had inside my mind as well. The situation I put her in left her with no choice.
So I began to feel those smooth lips of hers that I missed, forgetting the fact that we had kissed for so long after the sex and only stopped when she got so sleepy. Yet, it wasn't enough to cater my needs and longing for my Chae.
I had learned my lessons in a hard way. I had learned to appreciate her kisses and fondness. I had learned to value her presence and love even more. Because I didn't know when would be the last time for me to have her in my arms. I didn't know how long this happiness I was having would last. I didn't know when this would end.
And her lips moved in a way that was so poised, so transcendent, kissing me like she had her own pain too and we shared ours without words.
But I broke the kiss when my eyes were already filled with tears, and I forced them closed with a hope that they would all get pushed back up instead of spilling out.
"Lisa..."
I felt her touch right after, cupping my face in softness that blended just right with the firmness she put along her fingers.
"Tell me what's wrong, please?" She sounded really worried at the time as I kept my head down.
"I'm just thinking, Chae" I answered softly, buying myself more time to be saved from the water inside my eyes.
"Is it a serious matter?"
"Yeah, it's very serious but I think I can handle it"
"Work related?"
I shooked my head.
"It's personal"
Chae put more strength in her grip and so did I, holding her by her waist since I was ready to ask her some questions that had been around ever since I lost her.
"Tell me, Lisa..."
Sighing, I let out the first question as my eyelids were still closed.
"How long have you known me, Chae?"
"You mean, as my customer?"
"Yeah"
"A year plus?"
"Do I eat at the stall or somewhere else?"
I asked her about the culprit Lisa's routine to compare it with mine. Because I would always have my Yakisoba at the stall while the food was still hot, wondering if that worked the opposite also for another Lisa.
"You always eat at the stall"
I hummed, pushing my head back up and I saw those confusion and worries in Chae's eyes straight away. I could tell that she was working her brain out to connect my questions with the actual thoughts I was having since none of those sounded like serious matters as claimed.
"Do you always watch me eat, Chae?"
She made a frown on her forehead this time but she naturalised it with a chuckle that only portrayed the appearing nervousness in her.
I started to think if my suspicion was actually true.
"What?"
"Do you?" I flashed a smile for her, considering the answer for my question was probably kind of embarrassing for her to admit. "We are together now, right? You shouldn't be shy about that"
Her shoulders went down when she let out a heavy sigh, and her head did the same, breaking our eye contact.
"I do, Lisa"
"Chae..." I called for her full attention. I wanted to see her eyes again. "Chae, look at me please"
"Why do you ask me those questions, Lisa?"
"Because I'm a detective, a good one" I stated. "And you should've been more careful with me"
She squinched, showing me how confused she was through her pair of brown eyes that were perfectly framed with soft wrinkles.
"What are you talking about?"
"Tell me, Chae..." I felt the quivering at the back of my throat as heavy as it was getting, shaking my voice in the process. "What are you doing here?"
She began to show her discomfort when she just tried to push herself backwards, releasing her grip on my face.
"I don't understand-"
"You have been watching me eat, here in this universe. I bet you know that I don't have OCD" It was me who held her stronger this time, crossing my hands behind her to lock her in my arms. "Yet, you gave me antibacterial wipes in the cinema"
Her face changed automatically; no frown, no expression. It was blank while her lips parted a little.
I was more than convinced that my assumption towards her was correct. She had known the culprit Lisa for quite some time until she got used of how rough and bad the Lisa was, but she still treated that fucker as if that Lisa was the same Lisa she used to know.
"I need to go" She struggled to free herself in my held but I didn't make it easy for her. Not at all.
"Answer me, Chae" My voice broke as the tears came back, and I just let them weighed my chest. "What are you doing here?"
"I don't know what are you talking about, Lisa"
"You clean and place those glasses exactly like the way I want them to be arranged on the shelf"
Her eyes widened instantly and I could sense the anger not only by the way she was looking at me, but by her breath that was touching my face.
"Let me go"
"I won't"
"Lisa, please-" She stopped herself when her voice went firmed, arms pushing me harder this time.
So I let her go because I knew she wasn't playing anymore. Provoking her patience was the last thing I wanted to do since I never seen my Chae ever been this serious before. No matter how well I had known her, I shouldn't put a caged lion into a test.
Temper was still one of the human natures even though she would always choose not to show it to anybody. I wouldn't want to be the first to witness it either.
But she pushed away the expectation I had on her; she would walk away as soon as I let her go to avoid further conversation with me. Chae stood still on her stubborn feet as her eyes narrowed, staring into me as if she was looking for more answers that could satisfy her doubts.
"You haven't answered me yet" I repeated my demand earlier, softly, trying not to put the pressure on her shoulders.
"I don't want to talk to you anymore"
"Why not?"
"Because I know you!" She gritted her teeth, sending a small surprise to my heart as there was no softness in her voice. "You can do bad things to me, Lisa. You can treat me as bad as you want and later change to someone who is completely the opposite" She spoke without any stutter, words flowing in a river stream manner. "I don't know what kind of trick you are trying to put on me, I don't even care. Do whatever you want" Chae began to walk away in backwards, eyes still locked on mine. "But don't you ever pretend to be someone you are not"
She turned away, gesturing her frustration to leave the kitchen but my voice interrupted her small steps.
"That is so confident of you to assume I am pretending"
She huffed. "I won't trust anybody here, Lisa. This place is deceitful, and so are you"
"Why are you running then?" I began to provoke her this time. If a detective-suspect kind of conversation she wanted, it was an honour for me to execute it. "Did I scare you because I'm the closest to someone you claim I pretend to be?"
"Stop!" She finally yelled at me, as expected, even her eyes had turned sharp. "You are not my Lisa"
"You don't know me?" I started to question. "Even until now, you still don't know me?" My legs took a few steps closer to her. "I knew you are my Chae right after you hugged me in front of the cinema"
The tears I had gathered in my eyes fell at the end, flowing along my cheeks and meeting my chin for another stop before they fell once again.
"You are not her"
"I came here for you, Chae"
"No, you didn't" She shook her head as her voice toned down while her eyes began to water second by second that passed along us. "You can't be"
"Why can't I?"
"Because my Lisa didn't believe in any of these"
I sighed, still trying the soft approach on her.
"I-I did now, Chae" The heaviness in my chest started to pull my tongue down. "I'm right here..."
I tried as hard as I could to convince her but she continued to argue everything that came out from my mouth, probably still in denial.
"I'm leaving, Lisa"
"It's 3 in the morning-"
"I'll be fine"
"Please listen to me, Chae"
I saw her continued walking, leaving the kitchen to the bedroom without giving a single care to respond to me. She tortured my soul with her silence, minding her own business to get dressed and collect all her stuffs back. She looked like she was so determined in leaving my place, which made it harder for me to make her stay.
"Please don't leave" I begged, still trying to soften her heart. "You can go home when the sun is out"
She managed to convince me that my words wouldn't work on her anymore as she continued to ignore me. If she wanted to leave then she still would no matter what. That made me disappointed in myself for confronting her about this matter at the first place, because I no longer had her trust like I used to. I already made her uncomfortable with me after we shared the most intimate moment together.
How could I be that stupid?
"I'm almost done, Lisa, could you please open the door grill for me?"
It was me who gave my silence this time since I wouldn't unlock the door for her, except if the situation gone out of hand. Only then I would. But I didn't want to give up yet because I knew I still had a small chance.
"I'm sorry I upset you..."
She didn't respond, putting her watch and cell phone that she placed on the dresser into her handbag.
"We still can talk about this"
She shrugged off my pleading.
"Please don't leave me"
She spun around, walking towards the bedroom door as she was leaving while I was leaning against its frame.
"Chae, baby?"
She dragged her eyes back on me, looking like she was taken aback by the way I called her that definitely caught her attention.
And she stopped her feet right away.