Dedicated to Sonia <3 Lots of love for all YOUR love :*
Edited on March 15th, 2018.
| . . . C H A P T E R . . . 1.2.1 - M I N I S C U L E - D E T A I L . . . |
Slipping next to Riddhima at the booth in the restaurant, I whisper-scolded. "How could you?"
She answered in remorse, "Sorry, he wouldn't let me go!"
I shake my head in response. Out of everyone present here, she knows everything. She should have argued with him, done anything she had to, to not leave me alone with him.
Amanda spoke up, "Aren't you going to order food?"
"Not hungry," I answered pressing my lips in a polite smile.
I hadn't eaten anything today but I was still not feeling up for eating. My appetite had slowly been killed off and even though I should be starving, I wasn't. Only thing keeping me together was the hot chocolate I had in the morning and then a bag of popcorn somewhere in the afternoon.
I say, boys ruin my appetite. It bothered me to the core how Arnav could pick up on that one minuscule detail about me when he didn't even know me. The message it gave me that he observed me enough to know that scared me a little.
Why?
Unless it was just Riddhima and Kripa, I didn't talk much. To say, the rest of the group didn't know me as well as they knew Kripa and Riddhima. Or better, they didn't know me at all. I kept to myself and I was comfortable with that. I preferred a low profile now. Along the way, the rest assumed I was just a shy introvert and so wouldn't bother me much to join in on the conversations or whatever they did.
Out of extending courtesy, when the whole group was going someplace, they'd let me know. Sometimes I went with them and other times, like today, I was forced to tag along.
My phone rang and I picked it up instantly seeing the caller ID. Just the person I needed to talk to, to make myself feel better. To get me out of today's depression... or the moody state I seem to be in whereby I didn't feel like talking to anyone or doing anything.
I whispered to inform Riddhima, "Armaan," and slide out of the booth to walk outside and talk in privacy. "Amy!"
His chirpy voice made me feel better at once, "Hey doll, how are you?"
"Eh," I answered in one word and I knew it's all he needed to know to understand. "You tell, how are you? And mom and dad?"
"All fine here, though I think dad is a bit worried. Something to do with business I imagine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Why are you just 'eh'? What's wrong?"
"Today's just not my day."
He pressed, "Details."
I whined, "Do I have to."
"Doll." His tone conveyed his seriousness. I had to tell him what was on my mind.
"Fine," I grumbled before trying to put my thoughts in words, "I don't really know though. It's just one of those days, you know? Then there is Kripa's cousin. Just seeing him makes me want to punch somebody."
He laughed softly, "What'd that poor fella ever do to you?"
I gaped at his words, "Poor fella? Hello! You cannot sympathize with the enemy. All he ever does is irritate me." As my brother, by default, he is to be on my side.
He, however, points out the facts I don't want him to, "Doll, if I have listened properly in our conversations, and I have, then the guy barely talks to you."
"And when he does, he is just..."
He is quick to cut me off, "Okay, point noted. What did he say this time?"
"More like what he observed?" I answered knowing he wasn't going to like this, "He figured out my so-called tell for when I lie."
"Seriously? Punch him for me. That's just so not fair. I, being your brother, still can't figure it out. How the hell did he do it in just four months, that too with barely ever talking to you?" He went off on his own rampage which somewhere made me smile. Looks like I just gave him his very first reason to dislike Arnav.
"Well... you did figure it out. I just convinced you otherwise."
He gasped, "You! Just you come home. I will have my revenge. I knew I was right then. Why would you do that to me?"
I laughed at how quick he changed his line of anger to me though I know he wasn't really mad. He was just saying it. "I dunno, it sounded fun at the time? Seeing you so confused had made my day. As you know, it's not every day I get the chance to be smarter than you."
Between the two of us, he was the genius born with the smarts. I had to always study my ass off but I never saw him studying and still he'd usually be at the top competing with Riddhima.
I added, "Anyway, any new girlfriend I need to know about?"
"Why won't you believe I have changed? I don't have any girlfriend! Besides, it's no fun going out with girls just to see Riddhima fume when she isn't here anymore."
I grinned, "And he finally admits it. I so knew it!"
"Doll..." He started to warn me when he realized his slip up.
"Yeah, yeah." I interjected, "I know. She won't hear of this from me ever. You know, you're a bad influence. Telling me to lie to my own best friend."
I could imagine him rolling his eyes, "It isn't a lie, doll. You're just hiding the truth. There's a difference."
"Sure there is," I agreed for the sake of it, grin still plastered on my face. The extent he went to in order to manipulate things when it comes to her. The guy is whipped. "Alright, listen. I have to go. I'll call you later."
Suddenly, I'm so hungry. My appetite is back.
"Kay, both of you take care. Love you."
I teased him, "I'll be sure to pass on that message."
"Khushi!"
I laughed while bidding and walking back towards the restaurant. It's fun to mess with him when it comes to Riddhima. "Okay, fine. I was just kidding! Bye, love you too."
I reached for the door to open it but never got around to it as it was pulled from the other side and I ran smack into Arnav. I took rapid steps away. On looking around, I noticed everyone else was coming out too. They were done eating this quickly?
The question must have been evident on my face for Riddhima informed, "We're getting late for the movie. We'll just eat after."
I pouted, "But I'm actually hungry now."
Ron asked, "Can't you hold it for two hours?"
I shook my head, "I haven't eaten anything today."
Kripa scolded, "Idiot. Why did you say you weren't hungry before then?"
"Because I wasn't then?"
Amanda pointed out, "That was barely five minutes ago."
I just shrugged my shoulder. Blame it on my changing moods. One minute, I can be at my lowest and next, happy. "How about you guys go on? I'll get something to eat and..."
Riddhima finished, "Meet us there."
I was thinking of going back home but didn't correct her knowing she would give me an earful if I tried to convince her otherwise. "Yeah, sure."
Kripa asked, "Arnie, get me a turkey sub too then? I don't want to miss the movie and I know you don't really care about this movie."
Much to my dislike, he nodded. Why was he such a good brother? Only part about him that as remotely good that I hated for it seemed to be working against me lately.
"Thanks!" With that, Kripa joined the rest and the walked off towards the theater.
. . . ∞ . ∞ . ∞ . ∞. . .
| . . . C H A P T E R . . . 1. 2.2 - O N E - M E R E - T O U C H . . . |
I turned to enter the Chinese place and ordered my food. Ten minutes later, I was at a booth reading on my iPhone when Arnav slipped in the opposite side. He placed the wrapped sub in front of him. I eyed it and then him. "You can go, you know? You don't have to wait for me."
"I know." He replied but didn't say why he chose to stay behind. Letting out an inaudible sigh, I returned to reading.
When my food arrived, he was still there. "Are you really going to sit there and watch me eat?"
There was his trademark smirk as he shrugged his shoulder in response. I thought of saying something when his knees brushed mines as he shifted about in a more comfortable position for himself.
I inched further in my seat, away from him.
He questioned the change in my expression, "What?"
I didn't give him the real reason, "You're creepy - watching a girl eat."
He suggested, "Then maybe you should hurry up. How come you aren't freaking out over missing the beginning of the movie?"
"I don't even know what we're going to watch."
"Rescreening of A boyfriend for Christmas."
"That movie is old."
"People still like it."
I held back my thoughts this time and advised instead, "You might as well leave then. I'm not going to watch that movie."
"Really?"
I nodded wondering why he looked surprised but then brushed it off quickly as well. what does it matter to me anyway?
"Hmm, would've thought you'd be one of those who love the movie too."
"What makes you say that?"
"Just that you always seem to be reading something or other on your iPad. Figured you were a romantic who'd like such movies."
So typical for a guy to assume a girl was romantic just because she was always reading. He couldn't be more wrong. I scowled, "You don't know me at all." Just because I read, it doesn't mean I read romantic novels. Just because I don't speak much and keep to myself. Things people assume!
He concluded after being silent a few seconds, "Apparently so."
Then, it was comfortable silence till I finished eating. Atleast it was comfortable for me. I can't speak for him. I thought of telling him to leave again but a part of me knew he wouldn't. he seemed to have made up his mind on waiting for me to finish dinner.
He was texting on his phone when I finished eating. Without a word, I walked out. Seconds later, he followed. "Hey, where are you going? The theater is this way."
I stopped walking with a low sigh. Without turning to face him, I said. "I already told you I am not interested in watching the movie."
"And?"
"And so, I am going back home." I resumed walking not waiting for his reply and plugged in my earphones from my side bag. I didn't realize he was following until I caught a glimpse of him next to me. "Don't you have anything better to do then follow me?"
He smacked his lips in a negative. So very annoying.
"Really. Get lost. Please."
He answered amused, "You can't even say that without being nice about it."
He was getting on my nerves. He was. "What do I have to do for you to leave me alone?"
He placed his fingers in front pockets of his jeans. "See, I'm not even saying anything! I'm just silently walking with you."
I argue, "Yes, and you don't have to. I can get home by myself." Sure, a tiny part of me was freaking out but I had an illogical fear. I would never admit it to him. "Or are you one of those male chauvinists you believe girls can't go anywhere by themselves?"
He snapped, "Look, just walk alright? I'm not even bothering you."
Okay... maybe the last comment was uncalled for. Why do I judge him so quickly and look for reasons to justify my dislike for him?
I wish I could tell him that he was bothering me. Just his cold and blank eyes made me want to disappear in thin air. I even opened my mouth to say it but no voice came out. Defeated, I continued walking hoping he would stick to his word and not say a word. Just... walking. I can manage that.
Though, just in case he didn't, I turned up the volume of my music.
Minutes later, I felt his palm envelop around my elbow and sharply pull me back. I gasped at the anticipated move and snapped, "I told you; don't fucking touch me!" I jerked my hand out of his hold. My language check can go to hell right now.
"Alright, jeez. Watch where you're going and I won't have to." He defends himself with slight anger in his eyes. It takes me aback for a second for I have never witnessed any sort of extreme emotions coming off him. He's usually composed.
I looked ahead to realize it was a cross section and I was about to walk into ongoing traffic. My heart started thudding faster realizing how careless I was. As much as I hated him for touching me and bringing me this close to hyperventilating, I mumbled a 'thank you'.
I'd have never heard the end of it from Riddhima... if something had happened to me.
I changed almost everything about me but I supposed something things cannot be changed. I was careless then. I am careless now.
Some habits stick with you like your shadow.
Until we reached the apartment, he remained silent and invited himself in. I said nothing either. As long as he stayed out of my room, I didn't care where he was or what he did. Leaving him in the living room area, I locked myself in my room, practicing my breathing.
His one mere touch.
One touch and I was undone.
It must have been atleast five minutes since but my skin still burned where he had held me. I could still feel the touch of his fingers lingering.
It wouldn't go away.
I felt like scratching every inch of my skin to stop this disgust churning inside of me.
Not knowing how else to stop the memories from taking over my senses, I opened to door and stepped in the washroom, turning on the shower. The nipping cold water drenched me and I let it. I needed to not feel anything and just maybe, the cold water would numb me. I didn't bother with taking off my clothes.
Frantically, I scratched my exposed skin.
It didn't matter that Arnav hadn't touched me there. He had. The tears uncontrollably slipped down my cheeks mixing with the water and losing its identity. With wet hair, my head felt heavy.
I could smell it.
Burning candles.
Cinnamon.
Riddhima hunched over the birthday cake making a wish.
Then everything went dark.
I could feel myself slipping away. There was no sense of what was real and what wasn't, what was in the present and what was the past. All I felt was completely helpless. There was nothing I could do to stop it, to snap out of it.
I pressed my hand over my mouth tightly in an attempt to muffle my sobs. To silence them so they wouldn't be heard. I have no idea how long I was standing there, eyes shut, until my legs gave in and knees buckled with weakness and exhaustion.
Mentally, emotionally, physically.
I slid down against the glassed cubicle of the shower, still feeling sprinkles of the shower. I have no idea how long I sit there huddled, my feet pulled against my chest as I hug myself. My eyes only blink open when I felt someone pulling me out and my skin no longer felt numb with the cold water.
Until a towel was wrapped around my damp clothes, I hadn't even realized I was shivering. Someone was standing in front of me, shaking me by the shoulder, calling my name. I wanted to see who it was. I just couldn't focus on their image long enough. My vision was blurred and mind lost somewhere. Tears mixed in with trails of water drops. I could only hear my voice fighting them to let go of me, saying the words repeatedly as I once had to free myself.
Begging him.
Then, a pair of arms wrapped around my body. That is when I lost it. Slapping them away and doing everything I could to step away, out of their grasp. They were too strong. Not a match for my fading strength. The harder I pulled away, I was pulled back with just as much force.
The pressure crushed around my body. It made me gasp for air. I couldn't even feel my own heart beating. It was beyond control. Until eventually, I could breathe freely again even though I was still being held against my will and a firm grip had me captive. Trying to breathe through that suffocating hold pulled out of my distorted mind frame and back to reality.
Slipping back to present, there was a body flushed against me. Or rather, I was flushed against it. One hand was on my head holding me there while the other wrapped around my back. Feeling the firm chest and strong muscles around my shoulders was like a cold bucket of water thrown my way. I found enough courage and strength to push whoever it was away from me.
He stumbled back.
Arnav.
My eyes widened in horror. I let him hug me. Touch me. See me like this. "Wha-what are you do-doing here?" I fumbled with a dry throat and shivering.
His hand reached forward and instinctively, I flinched away before it touched me. He was stubborn and continued till his fingers grasped the towel around me. My eyes followed his movements as I stood frozen. He pulled it tighter around me and the shivering returned, my skin covered in twice as many goosebumps. My jaw clenched to stop the chattering.
He grabbed another towel hanging on the rack behind me and shrugging it open, draped it over my head. "Go change."
It's the only words he spoke.
No explanations given for his actions.
No questions asked about my reaction.
I didn't know what to think, just nodded absentmindedly. He stepped back, clearing the doorway. I took the passage and exiting the washroom, disappeared in my room.
Locking the door behind me, I rest my head against it.
What had just happened? I was confused. I would have thought he would be asking questions. Anyone would. I was afraid to hear them, scared to think what I would answer with. He already knew how to tell when I lied. Nevertheless, there was some relief that he wasn't asking the questions I didn't want him to.
Pushing it all away, thankful to be back into reality, I changed. As I was tying my hair up, I winced. Walking over to the mirror, I saw a scratch mark. Had I done that? I didn't remember. How do I even scratch myself there? It went from between the side of my neck to my back. It was too long too.
I was startled when there was a knock on my door. I remembered Arnav was still here. Unsure of how to face him, I still went to open it. I didn't have the choice to avoid it. He knew I was in here.
He was standing on the other side of the door with a cup of something in his hand. An expression of worry filled his face. This was one emotion I had only ever seen on his face towards Kripa. If not for her, I wouldn't have ever believed he was even capable of having emotions. I had never imagined I would see it for me.
He cleared his throat forwarding the cup, "Uh, hot chocolate?" My expression must have given away my curiosity of how he knew for a person would normally offer coffee or tea or water in such situation. "Um, Kripa once said you drink this stuff all the time."
Once? How could he remember it? And the 'uh' and 'um'? He was nervous... when that should be me. It was like I didn't know the person in front of me at all. This is unlike him. Only for that, I slightly smiled and accepted it carefully so as to not brush over his fingers in the process. "Uh... about what happ-"
He cut me off, "Do you want to watch a movie?'
Confused, I answered. "Um, sure?" Why did I agree? I would rather sleep this off.
Nodding, he turned and left. I should be okay with the fact that he wasn't asking any questions. that he didn't want to know. But no, it still made me uncomfortable. Curious. Why wasn't he asking anything?
I had been a complete wreck.
Broken.
A breakdown.
Yet, he didn't look surprised, shocked, stunned, or even curious.
Nothing.
Just... concerned while avoiding talking about it just as much I wanted to.
Forgetting about tying my hair up, I followed him out and sat comfortably on the couch while he put in one of the DVDs from the shelf. I didn't know what movie he'd picked but I doubt I'd be paying attention to it anyway.
He sat on the opposite side of the couch and handed me a cream. "For that scratch."
Uncomfortable again, I took it from him. Now it made sense. He must have unintentionally ended up scratching me when I kept on trying to push him away and he was pulling me closer instead. It happened in the struggle.
I bit my tongue gently to hold back the wince from the burn when the cold cream touched my skin. I reopened my eyes when I heard him quietly say, "I'm sorry."
He was watching my expression. I made it a point to not look at him. "It's - it's okay."
Did he just apologize? He never apologized. For anything. Kripa always makes it a point to mention it.
I internally groaned. He must be apologizing because he had seen me at my most vulnerable moment. He must be feeling pity for me. That was the only explanation for why he was saying sorry.
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| . . . A U T H O R ' S - N O T E . . . |
Thank you for the 500+ reads already! <3
I like listening to appropriate music while writing to get me in the mood. So, I started a playlist on youtube that I can listen to when writing this. Any suggestions? If I feel I can relate it to Arnav-Khushi in Dare, I'll add to it!
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZQbLwUrldFMaLX1X54Vq5QCWktthEL90
PPS: I was interviewed by our Aman & Sheetal aka @Crazy_Arshians for their book Avid Recognition. Check out my answers! Tell me, did I rock the interview ;)
https://www.wattpad.com/535880516-avid-recognition-unspokenrain