"So when do you go back to America?"
"I'm from Canada, I got an open ticket so whenever I guess" Shawn answers Jacobs question.
Jacob nods grabbing the empty beer bottles from the bar. He pauses looking directly at Shawn.
"What's your intention with her?" He asks. Shawn's face falls to confusion, his brows scrunching as he figures out how to answer the question.
Jacob sighs leaning against the counter. "She's up there getting ready for you, like she has been for the last two weeks since you gave her that letter. It's nice because she's starting to smile but is she truly happy, is this temporary?" Jacob asks in all seriousness.
"Temporary?" Shawn scoffs. "I'm not letting her go this time... wait don't tell me you love her? I've been down that road-"
"I'm gay" Jacob cuts him off. "Oh" Shawn lets out in relief.
"Well I'm here to right my wrongs and she's forgiven me, I know she'll never forget him but I believe she can fall in love again" Shawn firmly answers.
"Well she's been hurting for too long now. It's just been a year and-and you should be careful" Jacob warns him. "She's still healing, can you still love her when she might think of him?"
"I've done it before, but this time there's a chance she might love me back" Shawn gets up grabbing his jacket, walking away from Jacob.
"Shawn?"
He turns around humming. "She deserves the best"
"I know she does" Shawn mumbles walking away. He strides up the upstairs and knocks a few times but there was no response.
"Ayla?" He reaches for the handle. The door opens yet there was no sign of her.
"Ayla?" He calls again.
"In the bathroom! Erm don't come in" She shouts quickly. Shawn laughs to himself sitting on the sofa.
She quickly rushes out shoving the tiny bottle in the back pocket of her jeans. Shawn gets up walking towards her.
"Hey" he smiles. "Erm hi" she wipes her nose with her sleeve.
Shawn notices and steps forward. He leans in wrapping his arms around her. "You okay?"
She hums closing her eyes, her body pressed against his. Shawn runs his hands down her back, his eyes glancing down as his fingers reach into her pocket.
"What're you doing?" She quickly says about to pull back but Shawn keeps her close taking the bottle from her pocket, looking down at it in confusion.
"Shawn" she sighs pulling back, he stops her and cups her cheeks, his eyes examining her face. She looks away with guilt.
His thumb gently wipes her nose. "Stop it-"
"Ayla, why?" He asks cupping her cheeks. She doesn't dare look at him.
"Hey, look at me" his fingers gently run down her jaw, tilting her chin. Her eyes begin to water, soon she's crying but no noise comes from her lips.
"How long?" He asks feeling his heartbreak that she had turned to drugs.
"No one knows, don't tell anyone please"
"I won't, just how long?" He asks softly. "Two months" she answers sadly trying to look away in shame.
Shawn takes her hands leading her to the sofa. He sits and she melts into his body, trying to get as close as possible, her back firmly pressed against his chest. His arms snake around her waist, his lips kiss the top of her head.
"Lay it on me" he simply says.
Ayla hiccups a cry, she doesn't speak for a good two minutes, just closes her eyes feeling Shawn's warmth radiate on to her.
"I hired this barmaid, a widow and she stayed back one night to help clean up because Jacob had to go home. I was drunk- so fucking drunk and she told me she-" Ayla takes the small bottle from Shawn's large hands.
"She has one of these for a whole week, said it keeps her sane" Ayla sniffles. "I was so desperate Shawn" a sob escapes her lips.
Shawn's grip around her gets tighter.
"Coke?" He asks broken-heartedly.
She hums keeping her eyes on the bottle. "I'm still so desperate for something. This just, it just h-helps me" she admits sadly.
"Ayla-"
"You hate me don't you? I know it's so fucking disgusting but-but-" she turns around, her legs straddling Shawn's lap. He cups her cheeks and she reciprocates, her small hands encasing his jaw.
She sniffles, the tip of her nose red like her wide eyes, her cheeks flushed pink. "I had it all you know and I was loosing the will to live. It's hard- so fucking hard when no one is in your corner t-to help you" Ayla hiccups, practically gasping for a breath. "And just spending nights alone, you get-get lost in your thought and I wanted a escape but- but once the high is gone I remember it all, how much I sobbed, how I felt my heart break and how I thought there's no point anymore" her lips tremble.
Shawn's heart broke for her. Listening to her tumble over her words was painful for him to hear, he couldn't imagine what it was like to be in her shoes.
"I can't possibly know half of what you're feeling but this will ruin you, you don't want that do you? You want to be happy, have a good, safe life. Don't you?"
"I do- I do but this helps me. I'm not an addict, I can go days without it but it helps t-take the edge off sometimes" she looks down ashamed. "You're letting yourself think that Ayla. It's doing nothing for you" he tells her, making her look at him again.
His heart ached for her.
"It is-"
"It's not-"
"You don't understand Shawn" she scoffs bitterly. "No one does"
"Then help me understand Ayla. I'm here for you now, tell me anything and everything. No matter how small or big. I want to know it all Ayla. For gods sake I love you... let me in"
Ayla gulps falling to his chest weakly. His arms trap her in a hug as she cries into his chest.
"I'll help you if you let me, I want to see you smiling everyday and not because of something artificial. I know and you know that you don't need it" he rubs her back soothingly.
-
"Is that all of it?" Shawn asks her. "Y-Yeah" she nods handing him the tiny sealed bag.
"Ayla" his voice so precious and small. He puts his stuff down so his free hands could lovingly cup her cheeks. "It's gonna be hard you know"'
She nods bringing her bottom lip between her teeth, her innocent eyes welling with tears.
"You'll be there won't you?" She gently brings her hand towards his, pressing her cheek further into his palm. "Always"
"Okay well I'll go now, erm text me if you need anything" Shawn grabs his jacket. Ayla suddenly felt her heart ache at the fact he was leaving.
He didn't want to leave either. He wanted to stay and make sure she didn't cry herself to sleep, that she didn't have a dull moment and that she wasn't left alone.
"I don't have your number" She blurts out, which was true. Shawn smiles gently "wheres your phone?"
"I don't know" she shrugs. His smile gets wider.
"Y-you could just- only if you want- I guess you could stay" she mumbles quickly, looking away shyly. "I'll go get my stuff then, yeah?"
Ayla looks up at him nodding. Before he leaves she rushes into his arms holding him tightly. "Thank you"she whispers near his ear.
He squeezes around her hips, then pulls back. "I'll be quick"
She nods letting him go, she was left feeling giddy that he was coming back, she felt cared for after such a long time.
Shawn skips down the stairs quickly and enters the bar spotting Jacob having an conversation with another woman.
"Do you work here?" Shawn asks confidently. She nods quickly feeling intimidated. He moves closer and Jacob watches carefully.
"Stop selling to Ayla, even if she begs you say no. Okay?"
The woman nods. "But-"
"I don't care. There are no buts, just don't" Shawn says sternly then leaves in a rush to get back.
_
next chapter is my absolute fave, we are all going to die