It was only a five minute drive back to their house. When we pulled up I saw my baby. I jumped out of the car and jumped on the hood. I made sure I didn't damage her but I was holding onto her for dear life.
A cough stopped my reunion. I looked over my should and saw them laughing at me.
"Are we interrupting something?" Oh Zach thinks he's so funny.
"Actually, yes, yes you are."
Eventually they pried me off my car. It wasn't by choice though. Currently i'm hanging over Luke's shoulder, all the blood is rushing to my head. Zach got my bags out of the boot.
I saw Zach dump my bags right by the door. Oh i'm going to kill him if anything's broken. Yes I have valuable stuff. I have a laptop and a phone. Which may now be broken.
Luke dropped me on the couch, then picked me up and sat me not on his lap but practically. At this point in time I actually like the fact he's holding me close. It offers reassurance and support as i'm about to relive my worst nightmare.
The other three sat on the carpet in front of me.
"Ok what did you want to tell us?"
I took a deep breath. Here we go. I guess if I can believe them then they can believe me. I'm not supposed to divulge information but we all do things that we're not meant to.
"Before I start can I just ask that you not ask question's until i'm finished....please?" They all nodded.
This is going to be a long night.
"Ok well I guess I should start at the beginning" Luke smirked and my choice of words. The same words he had used only hours earlier.
"My name is Alexandria Jamie Smith and I am a 3rd Generation British Marine." I gaged their reaction. They all shouted "WHAT" at the exact same time. Wow that's a skill. I shushed them and continued.
"I grew up on a Marine base, went to military school and then joined as soon as I was of age. I was sent to various places mainly keeping the peace. Helping build schools, teach children, help the women. About 7 months ago I was chosen to join a special mission. A Black Opps kinda thing if you will. We were sent to Afghanistan to hunt down a unique terrorist group. It wasn't my first time in Afghanistan but it was my first time there on this type of mission. There was seven of us in total. They told us we were the best of the best. We had a month to become experts in each others skills. Eventually we were sent in. Everything was going perfect. We had our camp and eyes on the target. Our attack was scheduled for day five at 04:00 hours. Except on the third day we were ambushed in the middle of the night."
I was shaking at this point, the flashbacks hitting me hard and fast.
Sarah had just checked the plans and satellites. She was our computer geek. Dave and Scott were loading up the guns around the fire. Jason was cooking. Layla was wrapping up a cut she had got when being taught 1 v 1 combat by Mike. I was under the hood of the truck, making sure this bad boy would hold up. The last thing I remember was sitting around the fire with not just soldiers but friends, eating dinner, having a laugh with the stars above us.
The sound of screaming woke me up. My eyes adjusted to the dark. My arms were held above my head, shackled to the wall. I heard footsteps and I had no way out. It was four walls, chains, me and a door. The door was slammed open and I was face to face with one of the men we were brought here to kill. I rarely forget a face.
They wanted information and they had 7 of us. One of us was bound to break but they didn't count on the fact that we were the death over dishonour kind of people. Some say that's what made us so great.
It started with a pistol whip. That got my sarcastic comments going.
"That all you got?" got me a punctured lung .....
They wanted details and that's what they got. I went through every hour.....that I could remember. I know I blacked out a few times. Talked about every bit of torture I was exposed to during those few days.
Bonnie was crying. The boys well they were shaking and growling but I continued. I told them how we were rescued.
"Ironic the best of the best needing to be saved. We later found out we had been sold out and let's just say someone left a file open and we dealt with that person in a manner we saw fit."
I saw the looks they were giving me and chuckled a bit
"no we didn't kill him. We simply roughed him up a bit and let the system deal with him."
"We finally thought we were safe. We had all made it out alive. They took us back to the base. I had cuts, bruises, broken bones, fractures. You heard what happened so you can kind of guess the state I was in. It was nothing major, I would heal in a few weeks however the mental scares would never fade. But I didn't get that opportunity. They were transporting us to another base where we would be able to be air lifted home. We were attacked on the way. They threw a grenade first. I lost hearing, my vision was blurred, my leg was broken and I had shrapnel damage. They were all affects of the blast."
I was cut off by Luke pulling my completely into his lap. He squeezed my hand in reassurance. I noticed Aaron was comforting Bonnie and Zach was engrossed, hanging on my every word.
I felt like a writer, reading out the first draft of my book to publicists. I went on.......
"I stood up and the pain was excoriating. Staggering and the world spinning around me I drew my weapon and took cover. Long story short I managed to drive us out of there. We had lost 3 people. When we got to safety the last thing I remember was people shouting at me to wake up."
"Then what happened?" Bonnie was still crying although she tried to hide it her tear stained cheeks gave her away.
"I woke up in a hospital bed in the UK. They told me I had been in a coma for several weeks. My body went into complete shut down. They told me I shouln't have survived. They said it was a miracle. I must of had someone looking out for me. I had pushed my body to the limits. I had too many broken bones and fractures to count but the worst was my leg. They told me i'd never walk again. I had been shot in the chest and abdomen. I was then diagnosed with PTSD, hypotension and anaemia as a result of dehydration and malnutrition.
Scott and Dave had come back with me. They were in almost the same condition as me except as it turns out the bullet I had taken saved Scott's life. His body wouldn't have been able to handle it. Dave told me that even after I was shot I dragged Scott to the tank. Apparently I performed CPR and did a lot more than I can remember. I received a Georges Cross. Awarded for acts of the greatest heroism or of the most conspicuous courage in circumstances of extreme danger."
I couldn't help but let out a dry laugh. Heroism my arse. I did what I was trained to do. I survived. I sacrificed nothing. The fallen veterans were the ones who made the sacrifice. They gave up their lives. Mike and a few others had lost limbs due to the grenade. Just because I lived to tell the story and I made it out in one piece i'm some hero? How is that fair?
"I was told my parents had been notified but with also being in the Military for safety reasons we couldn't contact each other, but I was assured they were being updated constantly. I was damaged and now useless to them. I was put on 'sick leave' . Ordered to either stay on the base, abstain from training and missions or leave. I just had to allow myself to heal. The temptation on the base was too strong, I lasted about a week before a senior rank found me at training and well I ended up here."
I hadn't realised I was crying until I felt the tears fall onto my hand. I looked at the clock. That can't be right. It said it was 1am. They had sat in silence and listened to my story for 5 hours.
"Holy crap"
"You are AWESOME"
"I'm going to hug you" and Bonnie did exactly that.
"Uh I don't want to intrude, like you don't have to if you don't want to, I completely understa-" I cut her off, she's blabbering.
"You want to see my scars don't you?" She looked away, ashamed but nodded.
I showed them the bullet wounds, the stab wounds, the scars from my surgeries, and all my other battle wounds. Luke's discontent didn't go unnoticed. He would growl every time one of the boys would look too long or get too close.
I also showed them my dog tags, uniform and medal.
They now know everything. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I've never told anyone what happened other than the people who went through it with me.
I feel relieved but there's also that tiny part of me that regrets telling my story. Part of me worried that they'll treat me differently or use it against me. It is always difficult for any Soldier, Marine, Navy Seal or Air Force pilot to come to terms with what they've been through.
"Always a fighter, never a victim" is a tattoo I got. I promised myself that after that I would never be a victim again. A victim of war but also a fighter.
I have known military personnel who lie about their occupation because they cannot handle the questions or bare to talk about it.
Some people make us out to be heroes, the best people ever and others look at us like we're stone cold murders. Which is true but it came down to us or them.
We all had therapists but no matter how hard they try they cannot begin to imagine what we went through. People think after a while it doesn't get to you, but it does. You see every face, every body. You relive every scream and gunshot. When your heart is pounding so hard you can feel it in your ears and you watch your friends die trying to save innocent people, you never forget. You close yourself off and seek a pain killer. Some turn to God, some to alcohol and drugs. You may come home alive but war kills you inside.
The last thing I remember before I fell asleep was the empty plates from our improv dinner and Little Mix's new song Salute. How ironic?
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Author's note :
This was a sad chapter and if you want you can message me if it had an impact in you. As always let me know what you think in the comments
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