After about three seconds, I push myself off of him and practically run to his car. My face burns bright red, and confusion reigns in my head.
I have no idea what came over me. I've been certain that we are just friends, and I don't want anything more than that. But if I don't, why did I kiss him? Why did it feel like that?
All these questions spin through my head as I frantically look for a way home that doesn't involve Adrian.
"Jordan, why did you do that?" His voice floats through the darkening yard.
My words catch in my throat, as it seems very dry, coming out strangled. "I don't know."
"...would you like me to drive you home?"
I think for a moment. The reservation is a decent distance from my house. But the weather isn't bad. Although the threat of Victoria is still there.
My choices; either spend half an hour or so in a confined space with Adrian, while I am still very confused. Or walk an hour or more back to my house, with the possibility of being horribly murdered by a vampire who hates me more than anything.
"No, thanks. I'll walk."
In fact, I already am. My feet have already taken me to the road, where my path home is shrouded in darkness.
"Jordan, its far too dangerous. With Victoria out there, and nothing but a cell phone, there's no way I am letting you walk home alone," he says, catching up to me far too quickly for my liking.
"I've come across Victoria before. She won't touch me," I say.
"Why not? She tried her luck back there," Adrian counters, still walking beside me.
"Because she knows that Jasper-" I cut off, suddenly coming to a standstill on the road.
"What is it?"
"That's what she's doing," I mutter, a dawning realisation bringing mounting horror with it. "This isn't about me."
Adrian frowns, his dark brows pulling together. "What?"
"Don't you get it?!" I exclaim, rounding on him with manic energy. "She doesn't care about me, she never has. It was James that wanted us--Bella and I."
My mind races as I pace. The words coming unbidden as I think out loud, not really caring for anyone's presence.
"But all Victoria wants is revenge for Jasper and Edward killing James, her mate. Killing me or Bella isn't enough, that isn't what she's interest in. Victoria wants Jasper and Edward to feel the same pain she felt when they killed her mate."
"She's using you to get to them," Adrian says, catching on as his eyes widen.
"I have to warn them," I say, beginning to walk towards the highway. "I have to."
"Wait, wait, wait," Adrian says, running to block my path by standing in front of me. "You just kissed me. Why do you have to tell Jasper anything?"
My teeth set at his tone, as he makes no effort to stay his disgust. "You could never understand, Adrian. And never will. This effects both of us."
"He left you, Jordan. He left you here, and he broke up with you," Adrian says hardly, his eyes burning. "I don't get how your death effects him at all."
"Exactly. You don't get it. And I don't expect you to. The bond that Jasper and I have is stronger than anything you could imagine," I say bitingly, an odd disconnection from him coming to my chest. "He may have broken up with me, but that is not enough to truly break us apart."
"What about the fact that you just kissed me, is that enough?" He steps closer to me.
But I don't feel anything of what I did mere minutes ago. All of that heat, the passion, is gone. Like a gust of cold wind has just turned it to ice in my chest.
"No. It isn't."
"So you aren't attracted to me? Flustered by me?" He asks, his voice deepening as he takes another step forward.
Something in me reacts to this, and it takes a moment for me to realise I have adjusted my position to one of defense. Then, I recognise the feeling in my chest as how I usually reacted to Johnny.
"You, confuse me, Adrian," I say quietly. "You can never be what Jasper is to me."
I don't want to use Adrian, no matter what is going on in my head. There may be some odd attraction there, but right now it is nonexistent. And I'm not lying. If I am truly honest with myself, no one will ever come close to him.
"I could be more," he says. "If you give me the chance."
I shake my head sadly. "I'm sorry, Adrian. Really. I don't know what came over me, and I don't want to lead you on. But Jasper..." I sigh, and feel rain drops falling on my head. "No one can come close to him."
My tone is final, and the rain comes down heavier as I walk past him along the road.
Confusion and pain swirl around my head, banging against each other and causing a headache to build behind my brow.
In less than five minutes, I am soaked to the bone and shivering. Never before have I been so glad to see Bella's beat up orange truck.
I hop in as she pulls up, and she throws a thick blanket over me.
"How could you be so stupid? It's freezing and raining and you decide to walk home alone?! What the hell, Jordan?" Bella scolds, scowling deeply.
"Oh, quit it, Bells. I'm eighteen not four," I mutter, even though my shivering takes something away from it.
"You'll catch your death from this," she says, shaking her head as she starts driving back towards home.
"You sound like mom."
"You sound exhausted, and freezing," she retorts.
I sink back in my seat, wrapping the blanket tighter around me. Rain pounds against the glass, putting strain on the truck's window wipers.
"Who told you?" I ask.
"Adrian got Billy Black to tell me so you wouldn't get hit by a car or something."
We fall back into silence, and I don't like it. Bella and I haven't really spoken in the last few months. We used to speak so often, about everything. Now something feels...detached.
Thinking about Jasper has made me emotional. As it's not a regular occurrence, I don't always know how to handle it. But Bella's truck is the last place I want to start crying.
"I miss him." The words burst out without prompting, sudden and rough.
Everything falls silent for a moment, then Bella speaks. "I know. You did a good job of hiding it at first, but the longer it went on the more obvious it became."
She bites her lip, shifting a little awkwardly in her seat. I flick my eyes to her for a moment, hating the burning in them.
"I know you call him. I've known for a while. I don't quite understand why you didn't tell me."
"I didn't want to make you worse. To be honest, I don't think you really know how bad you were. Although you've gotten a little better lately."
"But we've always told each other everything. Recently..."
"I know. We've been distant."
"No. I've been distant. Most of this is my fault. All of this confusion and pain. Disarray." She sighs heavily. "I never want to lose you, Jordan. In any way."
"You won't," I promise, and I mean it.
"Please talk to me about how you feel, Jordan. You've always had a terrible habit of bottling things up. It's not healthy."
"You're one to talk," I say under my breath, but she catches it and sends me a glare.
"I have never been as bad as you. Just...talk to me about it."
"I will. Not right now, but I will."
I turn my head to look out the window, allowing the tears to slide down my face; matching the rain pouring outside.
Thoughts of Jasper are the one thing that makes my chest go into turmoil. All sorts of emotions burst open walls I prefer to keep up.
But they also seem to kill any feelings I have for Adrian. What I feel for Jasper overwhelms it so much it doesn't seem as if it's there anymore.
I cough, more tears burning my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. "I just miss him, Bella."
"I miss him so much."
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A/N
I hope this makes up for last chapter! :)
What do you think is going on with Jordan? Is she falling in love...or something else? ;)
Thanks for reading!
R.A. <3