Tired:/ to be in need of rest or sleepy. Bored or impatient with.
I was all of the above. After allowing myself to doze after my mid-morning writing because I had a thousand more words to put down on paper, my mind took a vacation of it's own sending me into oblivious paradise. I haven't slept in days and in this moment my body was giving in. The alarm on my beside table flared sending me in a maddening frenzy. I sat up heart racing a million a mile, my body shaking until eventually the blood started to circulate again. My head throbbed as the blood went into my head and I watched the room spin for a minute before everything stabilized. It was four o'clock in the afternoon and I was late-again for my shift at the coffee shop. Shit!
Walking into the small Café, I quickly skipped my supervisor and headed into the back pulling on my uniform hastily and headed out to take orders. My colleagues glanced around at me as I walked past and they knew I was out of it again.
"Another late night?" Asked Mary walking up to me.
I nodded. "Another late night" I repeated.
She held my hand as I poured a customer our special. "Go easy on the coffee, not all of us want to stay awake all night long" she chuckled.
I smiled at her thanking her that she had the wits to help me out of my drama. My eyes were in holes and underneath bared a darkened mark screaming excessive lack of sleep. My shift wasn't going to end until ten and since I was already late to begin with I better put in some over time to help set up for tomorrow.
The hours crawled slowly and with each customer stepping through the door and the bell going off I resented being alive. When my phone started to vibrate, I went to get it welcoming the shift in pace. It was maverick. The main guy in my life. The only guy in my life.
"Hey honey. I'm sorry I know I was supposed to call" I apologized profusely before he got a chance to put a word in. "I overdid the writing thing"
He sighed. "Ah, yeah that's fine kendall"
Okay that's definitely not the maverick I know. No lecture, nor anything. Seriously?
I kept hearing him sighing in the background, his breathing slowing and I could tell that he was hiding something.
"Honey, is something wrong?"
"It's Jesse" he said finally.
"Okay, do you need me to keep her?" I asked trying to get him to speak more than two syllables at a time.
"No"
I started to get nervous fiddling with the cups and saucers as I glanced constantly back into the store to check if there were any customers that needed something.
"So then...." I said boosting him to say more.
The thing with maverick was he wasn't really a man for many words but when it came to me he spoke rather fluently and I didn't mind since half the time I was submerged in my world of make believe. It was my escape really, something I did effortlessly; especially when I felt like my burdens were becoming overbearing. So now that his already few words were even fewer, I know something's up.
"Maverick come on, what's going on with Jesse?"
"She's in the I.C.U, she's in the hospital Kenzy" he replied his voice frantic and looking hope.
My hands fell to my sides immediately. I.C.U. Oh my gosh! My mind went black for a moment and when I came to I heard him on the phone calling out to me.
"where are you right now?" I asked quickly noting a customer coming up.
"what'd you mean? I'm here with her" he responded. "can you make it? I can't do this on my own"
It broke my heart hearing him talk like that. Maverick had an eight year old daughter that he decided he was going to mother and father after her mother left to be with someone else. He said, in all good conscience he couldn't go through every day knowing another man was taking care of his child and her mother gave her up to him without fight or question. She didn't call or make appearances for birthday's, it was as if she didn't exist at all. But for all the three years of my relationship with Maverick and Jesse I knew she missed out on something beautiful. Jesse was a free spirit, adventurous and kind. She loved the outsides and rain, though her sickness prevented her from being able to play in it like she used to; but every time it fell, she watched it from the window touching the drops as they swam down the sides.
I shifted knowing I wouldn't be able to make it anytime soon, I had a late shift today and I couldn't pass it to anyone else this week.
"I won't be able to get there right away"
I heard him sigh again and immediately a knot in my stomach tightened.
"But I promise to get there as soon as my shift ends. At eleven" I inserted hoping he wouldn't feel as if I was abandoning him on his worst day yet.
"Yeah, I know you care even if you're not here"
"Maverick" I said heading through the door.
"Yeah babe?"
"She'll be okay"
"Yeah. I know" He hung up.
🌟
Beep. Beep, beep, beep.
She was attached to a machine to help her breathe. I wasn't cleared to the exact reason behind her trigger but I knew looking at the sweet kid lying on the bed next to me attached to so many tubes, I knew it couldn't be easy. Maverick hadn't slept all night last night hoping he'd see some sign that she was going to be okay. But afternoon came and there was no change in her state. He left, thankfully to update his company on his situation hoping to get a few days off and a well needed shower while I stayed to watch his lifeline hanging on to what seemed to him like her last thread of hope.
The nurse came in to check her vitals and also her feeding tubes before heading out again and I watched eagerly to see some change, hoping that when her father finally returns I'd have some news other than what he already knew leaving this morning. I watched the clock, every tick, every tock and it felt like eternity going by sitting only listening to the eternal beeping of the machines around her. I wasn't even aware I had fallen asleep until I felt a nudge. Waking up, I found her dad leaning against the door watching his daughter, hope seeming to be falling without his grasp. He looked away from her a moment meeting my questioning eyes and walked over handing me a cup of coffee.
"Thanks"
He nodded and I knew we were back to the silent world. He sat down, his hands against his face just staring as if by some miracle she'll eventually wake up from her state and we could go home forgetting about this disaster. If only life was like books, the story pages could be edited the way we needed them to be. No matter how many times we found ourselves in this position, we could never get used to it. Her condition was sensitive. Her diet strict and you knows kids, they always want to try whatever their friends were having and that freaked him out every day he she went off to school. Overprotective? Maybe not. Not when you get front seat to watch your only child fight to stay alive. But she came back well every day, well three fifty five out of the three sixty five days of the year. He ran his hand through his wild hair taking a deep breath and pulled me closer to him.
"She's going to be okay right?"
I returned his embrace knowing I was wrong for about to give him false hope when I myself was praying that she was.
"Of course. And we'll go out and enjoy the night at the park like we planned to"
"No, maybe the night dew wouldn't be good for her" he said contesting.
I knew he said it because this was the worst situation he'd been in all their life and he was going to try everything if she made it this time to keep her safe. A fatherly thought but a promise to himself he could never be able to keep. He couldn't keep her locked up forever; eventually she was going to lead her own life. It wouldn't help turning her into a bubble girl this early.
"Babe, she'll be fine. She won't die from a little dew. Well just ensure she's perfectly covered from head to toe" I replied squeezing his arm.
"Die" he repeated. His eyes darkened as the words fell from his mouth. "you don't think she's going to make it this time either don't you?"
"No, no" I said shaking my head frantically. "She'll make it maverick. You'll have her around to obsess over for years to come"
For the first time since I stepped through the doors of this room, I finally got a smile out of him. It was short and rather thin but it was a smile none the less.