"Take care, Nick" I said to Baxter by the door as he was leaving, pulling Chae closer to me with my arm around her shoulders.
"Thank you, Lisa" Nick said. "And thank you very, very much Chae!" He addressed how thankful he was. "Your cooking is just magical!"
Jisoo joined in from the kitchen. "Chae! I hope you open your own restaurant one day. Jen and I would come every week!"
"Oh my God! Guys!" Chae started to blush, hugging my waist as if she was asking me to help her from praises that were given by my friends. "It's just regular food!"
She was really bad at receiving compliments. Denying them was self defence mechanism that she would automatically did to chase out the shyness she grew inside her.
"If these were just regular food to you," Jennifer continued the conversation, refusing to accept what Chae just said. "I don't know how your fancy food would taste like!"
"It's nothing, guys" Chae giggled while I was stroking her arm.
"Have a great night ahead, ladies" Nick bid his goodbye and walked along the corridor, heading to the lift. "And Lisa?" He turned around as his legs continued the steps.
"Hmmm?"
"Have a good rest, take a break. I need you on Monday"
I nodded, knowing what he actually meant by that. We both had worked together with the whole team in Samantha Young's homicide case for 2 days straight, having only 1 hour of sleep at the police station.
He must have been worried about my stubborn attitude; being so hard on myself, and I dragged him with my working pattern as well since he refused to leave me working alone at the station.
"You too, Nick"
"Chae!" He yelled a little after he pressed the button on the wall. "Make sure Lisa sleeps later! She's very good at sneaking out!"
"I'll keep an eye on her!" Chae smiled, waving at my colleague before he entered the lift.
I pulled the stainless steel door grill, securing and locking it since The Kims would spend a night here like they would always do whenever our weekend hang out was held at my place.
And I was glad that they were here too. At least they could give Chae a company for a movie later if I fell asleep.
Because I had been trying so hard to hide my sleepiness in front of my guests for the dinner we had, being so active and talkative just to distract myself. And I wasn't sure anymore if I could put on this acting much longer, I might fall asleep while both of my legs standing up straight.
"Who's ready for Netflix?!" Jennifer asked with her energetic voice.
Jumping, Chae was the first one to respond with the excitement that sent a smile to my face. "Me!"
She made her way to the rug, sitting next to the older woman with pillows around as I entered my opened concept kitchen, thinking of helping Jisoo with the dishes since I didn't like the way my plates were arranged after they were cleaned.
"How's you and Chae so far, Lisa?" Jisoo asked with a low voice, avoiding the possibility that the two women in front of the TV might hear us talking.
I knew why she suddenly asked me that question when we finally had alone time together, well, kind of. Jisoo had always been concerned about me ever since I told her and her wife that I liked Chae Richards, which was undoubtedly made sense to put my relationship with Chae as the very first commitment apart from my career I had chosen to have into the main reason.
"We are doing great so far, Jisoo" I answered, wiping those plates dry with a kitchen towel.
"No issues so far?"
"Yeah. You can see Chae yourself" I added. "I know that I said perfection didn't exist before, but Chae, and everything that we have right now are literal perfection"
Jisoo chuckled. "It's only been 6 months, Lisa. I wouldn't be surprised what else you might say after this" She started to tease me. "Maybe even God exists later on!"
"That's a good thing, right?"
Jisoo shifted closer, causing me to look at her since she appeared like she was about to whisper something.
"Lisa?"
I was right.
"What?"
She hit my shoulder with hers before speaking. "How's the sex?"
"Jisoo!" I pressed my voice in whisper, expressing how that question just made my heart raced. "We are talking about Chae here!"
"Of course, we can't be talking about my wife"
I sighed.
"She's a chaste woman, Jisoo"
"So?"
"We-" I paused, still deciding if I really should tell her about this since it was my personal stuff with Chae. "We haven't had sex"
The older woman stared at me, probably trying to process what I just confessed to her.
"You are telling me, that you guys have been sleeping together, on the same bed" She whispered. "But never have sex?"
"Yes," I confirmed her again. "That's what I'm telling you"
She spun her body, leaning her back against the kitchen counter as she finished with the dishes. Her eyes were looking at the other two women in the living room who made noises, and all I could see was Jennifer squashing Chae under the belly.
I couldn't blame my best friend though, it was really fun to tease an adorable human being like Chae. Only a cold-hearted Jisoo managed to resist my girlfriend's cuteness.
"Okay, I know she's a church girl" Jisoo resumed the chat we had. "But she's in a relationship and she also has love interest with a woman" She stated her point. "That means she's a liberal, right? Same like Jen"
"I'm not actually sure," I ran my hair in between fingers. "But I guess she is"
"You two should talk about that"
I crossed my arms, looking at Chae who was being crushed by Jennifer's weight.
"Lisa!" Chae called in laughter from the living room. "Help me!"
Deciding to continue talking, I pretended like I didn't see anything that was happening to my girlfriend.
"Should I? I mean," I brought my head down. "I don't want to make Chae uncomfortable"
"I know but you have to confront her about it sooner or later" Jisoo voiced out her opinion. "You need to figure out how far her religion thing can get in the way between you two. This is important, Lisa" Her words opened my mind about things I never even considered before.
"What do you mean her religion can get in our way?"
"Think about this," She began to explain. "You wouldn't want a two or three years of relationship with Chae and when you ask her to marry you, she says she can't" Jisoo's words just created a film of nightmare stories to be played later at night when I went to bed. "Determine how far you think this relationship can grow, find out if she's actually as serious as you do" She continued. "I have lesbian friends who only willing to do these same sex sins and such. But when you hit them with marriage, all of the sudden they can't continue to be sinners anymore"
Jisoo's points began to take their own places in the deepest part of my brain.
"But Chae isn't like that?"
"Are you sure though?" She asked. "Because it's her who has been living with a God in her belief, not you"
I breathed out.
"You are right" I responded. "Why I never thought about this matter before?"
"That's not important anymore. You already did now" Jisoo said. "Have an adult talk with her about this. I don't want you to get hurt later on"
▪️▪️▪️
I couldn't stop thinking about the conversation I had with Jisoo in the kitchen while my latest murder case would pop out at the same time even though my eyes were fixed at the TV. But I was actually zooning out in my own miserable thoughts. I did hear them laughing and talking, and Chae would pat my thigh just to get my attention when I didn't even know what they were talking about.
So I pretended that I wanted to sleep, despite of being sleepy for the truth, I knew I couldn't actually sleep.
And I found myself thinking in this dimmed room, failed to brush off those thoughts that were attacking my already tired and full of information mind.
I didn't notice how long it had been until the door was opened, revealing my girlfriend who just entered the room and made her way straight to the closet.
"Lisa?" She called, hand opening the furniture. "I thought you were sleeping?" She took out her sleepwear and began changing.
"I can't sleep" I responded shortly. "They are still outside?" I referred to The Kims since I heard TV noises when the door was opened earlier.
"Yeah, they still want to have another round of movie"
I hummed, staring at her shadow until she finally climbed the bed, pressing her knees on the mattress to claim her spot next to me.
"Why didn't you come out if you can't sleep?" Chae asked, pressing her chest against the side of my arm as she squeezed me in her hug.
"I don't know," I sighed. "I feel like I want to be alone for a while"
Chae didn't wait any longer, pushing herself up with her elbow on the pillow while I stared at her face even though it wasn't that clear in this lighting condition.
But at least I could still see her main features.
"Are you alright, my darling?"
Her soft voice sent a different kind of aura to me; delicate and so pure in concern and love she had in her heart that I could always feel.
"Maybe," I chuckled. "I just have so many things in my mind, baby" I started to caress her exposed arm. "Don't worry about it"
"Do you want to share?"
"It's just my work stuffs"
"So you don't want to share?"
I sighed again, thinking of how in the world I could win this. I never won before and never would. Chae would always want me to share the burden with her anyway even though it wasn't necessary.
But I didn't want to offend her either and she had always been my comfort; someone I would look for whenever I had a hard time and someone for me to share anything I couldn't with my friends.
"Okay," I agreed, pushing her hair that just fell off her shoulder back to its previous position. "You know about Samantha Young right?"
"Yeah, it's all over the news" She focused.
"The post mortem results are just bad news. She was drugged at first" I started to open up to her about one of the things that had taken over my brain in the past 2 days. "She had bruises due to struggling and also vaginal trauma" I said. "They found semen in it too," I brought my eyes to hers. "...from 3 different men"
Chae was silent as I saw how her face just changed, probably trying to digest the unimaginable tragedy that happened to a 21 year old girl.
"She was gang raped?"
I nodded weakly, still feeling how soft Chae's skin was with my fingers. "And the vaginal trauma is-" I shook my head, doubting myself if I should tell her about that violent information that kept lingering in my brain.
"What about it?"
I cleared my throat. "She was sliced up after the rape. They inserted a sharp object that we believe was a knife-" I paused. "...in her vagina and caused her to bleed"
The discomfort in Chae had became more visible as her mind was forced to picture a disturbing modus operandi of the murder of Samantha Young my team came up with based on the current findings we got from the post mortem.
"What's the cause of death? Bleeding?"
She asked, looking like she tried to brush away the cruelty she heard just for the sake of sharing the same mental torture that I had to endure.
"I wish it was bleeding, baby" I grasped her arm, pulling her to lie down but she just didn't want to move, still establishing the eye contact. "But her lungs were filled with blood"
"Jesus-"
That was the only word Chae could utter, looking away from me.
"She was still alive when they shoved her in that garbage bag" I continued. "And she was drown in her own blood. That's the COD"
I heard her sigh as her hand was stroking my chest.
"That's very hard for you, Lisa" She spoke. "I can't imagine being you, doing the work you do"
"I'll be alright, baby" I reassured her. "I just can't accept this one thing" I began to complain. "I'm not saying it's okay to rape someone, a crime is still a crime no matter what" I spoke. "But since they already drugged and raped her, why did they feel the need to torture her some more? Like, what was the purpose of it?" I could feel my blood boiling. "Rape wasn't enough?"
Chae shifted on the bed, hand reaching for the bedside lamp and she turned it on.
"Lisa..."
She called me in the same soft tone of voice, which was the sign that she was about to say something positive. Dating her for 6 months was already enough for me to memorise her reactions, gestures and postures. Chae was really good anyway at being opened in thoughts, making her the less judgemental person I had ever known in my entire life.
And as we were talking, I was actually anticipated to hear the positive side about people who raped, tortured, and killed someone for their own pleasure. I would love to hear Chae's opened thoughts about that if she could ever come out with one.
Because in all honesty, I couldn't.
Because none of these criminals deserved anything positive about what they had done to other innocent people.
Grabbing both of my hands, she kissed them.
"People do what they think is necessary at that point of time. People choose the choices they see at that moment of time" She spoke. "Because even though we are living in the same world, same location, same year, same month, same day" Chae rested her chin on my knuckles, eyes staring into me that felt like she didn't just talk with her voice, but her pure heart as well. "We will never live in the same point of time as the others, Lisa"
I frowned in an instance, restraining my mouth from objecting the stuffs that just escaped hers no matter how seducing the urge was to fight her.
She had been talking about these metaphorical things ever since we had our first movie date but I didn't show my disagreement towards her thoughts. I had always respected her opinions just like how she respected mine.
I was scared if this time, I wouldn't be able to do the same anymore.
Because never in million years, I would be gentle about cruelty.
I was a civilised human being who worked for the law enforcement. I breathed the law in me. I was trained to enforce the law with all the guts I had.
That made it so hard for me to accept anything that was out from the context of laws.
"What are you even talking about, Chae?" I still tried to control myself. "I am getting upset with your response"
"That's because you got me wrong" She smiled.
I had to say that her smile was the kind of deadly weapon that could blow off the anger in me without any delay.
"I understand what you are saying, baby" I continued the conversation. "It's all about making decision at that point of the time. And sometimes we regret it later on or we realise it was a wrong choice to make, but it's already done and no turning back" I sighed. "I'm just so frustrated. I want to know why they made such decisions"
Chae pushed herself up and pressed her lips on mine for good seconds.
"Not everything has its answer, Lisa" She spoke after our lips parted. "There are things in this world that are impossible to understand, and that is because they are meant to be accepted, not to be proven"
I couldn't believe that I was looking at someone who still managed to create positivity out of contextual things.
As I became pensive about stuffs Chae just made me realised, she cracked open my mind about much wider perspectives in reasoning things that were happening around me.
Chae was right.
I could only find out the reasons why those suspects committed the crime; for pleasure, for fun, or they were just mentally illed.
But I would never be able to know why they choose to make such decisions at that point of time.
These two concepts were often be seen as one, but actually they were different and divided just by a thin line.
I couldn't see that line before even with my eyes wide opened, even with my brain wide awake.
Chae Richards made me, using only her heart.
"Where did you learn these things?" I asked in curiosity because she had always been one of the wonders in the world for me.
She was just wonderful to even start with.
"You have heard of God works in mysterious ways, right?"
"After going to the church every Sunday with you, yes I have" I giggled.
She smiled again. "If God himself is mysterious, imagine His creations" Her words and thoughts once again, had muted me. "The human itself is mysterious, can't be understood" She continued. "And that's why we humans work in our mysterious ways too. We think differently, feel differently, do things differently-"
"Make decisions differently"
I cut her off when everything she was pouring into my brain was like a light of sense that changed the way I saw the world completely. Thus, I began to get excited in getting new knowledge that wasn't taught in any lecture in university, but in a pillow talk on the bed instead.
"Yes, Lisa" She chuckled, looking like she was so relieved that I finally understood what she had been trying to tell me. "We are all running to each other to find similarities in a set of differences"
Feeling how hard my heart was beating at the moment, I found myself speechless as I got nothing else to use to argue with her.
Because finally, after years of living as a skeptic, I accepted the things that I couldn't understand, things that I couldn't prove.
Not everything was meant to be argued.
"But what do you think about it?" I asked another question while Chae was brushing her lips against my fingers.
She connected our eyes again. "Which one?"
"Why do you think God created us differently?"
"I believe that everyone on this earth lives to benefit the others. Everyone plays an important role" She gave out her answer. "Since we think differently, do things differently, a cleaner is needed for people who can't throw rubbish into the dustbin" Chae grasped my wrists. "A teacher is needed for people who can't understand something-"
"A chef is needed for people who can't cook for themselves" I joked around about her own role on this earth.
Chae laughed a little.
"A police is needed for people who can't give peace to the others-"
And suddenly she stopped herself, removing the smile and laughter that I loved to see from her face.
Chae looked down as she refused to look into my eyes, kissing both of my hands that felt so different. The touches she gave by her lips were soft, almost sent the thoughts of her being so grateful of me, in her own mysterious ways that I wouldn't be able to understand.
"Someone like you, Lisa" She muttered, lifting her head back up and I saw the lights in her eyes again, shimmering with a thin layer of tears. "Someone like you is needed for people who have voices that can no longer be heard," Chae whispered. "People who have hands and legs that can no longer fight for their own" Her tears had became visible, hanging at the edge of her waterline while her voice had started to lose its momentum. "People who have rights that can no longer speak for themselves" She sniffled. "People who have pillows that can no longer bring rest at night, demanding for justice for their loved ones"
I was about to move my hands off my chest, thinking of holding her face in my palms but she tightened her grip around my wrists.
"Chae-"
"You are doing such a noble job, Lisa" She kissed my hands again, resting her forehead there afterwards. "God bless you with His grace, my love. For your heart, for your willingness"
My mouth was shut. My tongue was glued.
Yet my eyes were opened, looking at someone who really honoured the things I did for people. Yet my heart was vulnerable to feel how sincere her words and feelings were.
"And someone like you is needed for someone like me, Chae"
She giggled, placing her chin back on my hands as the tears had run on her face.
"Really?" She asked in excitement.
"Baby, you are so amazing" I smiled, thinking of what Jisoo told me in the kitchen after dinner. "You make me want to marry you"
I took advantage in the way this whole conversation flicked her emotions just to subtly open up about how far our relationship would go.
Or how much she loved and wanted me to stay in her life without actually asking her about it, if that would make any sense.
"What?!" She exclaimed and I could feel her grip gone even stronger. I might surprise her that bad. "You want to marry me?!" She repeated what I just told her, probably making sure that she heard me right.
"Of course, I love you and you are so wonderful to me" I answered with a slight nervousness in my voice, guessing what she might say later.
Chae went for my lips again, freeing my hands for me to wrap them around her body.
"Oh Lisa," She chuckled. "You make me want to marry you too"
My heart just exploded when I heard her.
JISOO!!!