A/N: Near the end lovelies.
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XXXVIII. Well, I Wasn't Expecting That
HEATHER
I'm in the middle of finishing up dinner for tonight when I notice what time it is. Carter should've already been home a couple hours ago. Where the hell is he? Maybe he got caught up at work?
I haven't gotten anything from my alert app on my phone about a major incident that would require the fire department. He hasn't texted me either to let me know if something happened that required him coming home late. I decide to take a deep breath and calm myself down before I let my thoughts go crazy.
He's not Bryan. He's not doing anything shady. He wouldn't do that to you. My subconscious reminds me and I slowly, very slowly start to calm down.
Just as I'm finishing cleaning up the kitchen, the door slides open and Carter walks in. He looks up at me with a smile and when he walks over to me to give me a kiss, I can tell something is up. He's acting nervous while avoiding my gaze.
When he begins to put his stuff on the entry table, he runs his hand through his hair nervously. I watch him curiously, wondering what's going on. I've never seen him like this before. Usually he's very open about what's on his mind. That's one of the many things I love about Carter, no bullshit.
"Carter, is everything okay?" I finally ask and he looks up at me with wide eyes.
"Yeah everything's fine," he smiles sheepishly but it doesn't reach his eyes.
"Uh huh," I squint my eyes at him and bite the inside of my bottom lip to stop from letting my emotions show, not buying it. He's not being honest with me and I'm not in the mood to play games right now. I'm going to blame it on my emotions lately for my lack of patience. What happened the other day with Hillary really got to me.
I push away from the counter and walk towards the bathroom. I'm in the mood to take a shower and go to bed. I'm not even hungry now. Carter can enjoy dinner alone. Before I make it to the bathroom though, Carter grabs my hand and pulls me into his arms.
"Where are you going? Aren't you going to eat?" he asks as he looks into my eyes intently.
"Not really hungry now," I avoid his gaze and move away from his embrace. I cross my arms over my chest and slowly back towards the bathroom door.
"Something is wrong, what's going on Hev? You've been acting different lately and I haven't said anything because I was waiting for you to come out and tell me. But, you need to talk to me Heather. What's wrong?" he pleads with me but I'm not in the mood to talk about my feelings right now. I just want to take a shower and go to bed, alone. How can he ask me to be honest and tell him the truth when he's clearly hiding something from me?
"I don't want to talk about it right now Carter. I just want to take a shower and go to bed," I roll my eyes and turn towards the door.
"Damnit Heather, talk to me. Is this about what happened with the girl from high school? Does this have to do with feeling like it's too late? Like you failed in life because you're not married or have kids like everyone else from high school?" he asks with aggravation. I turn on my heels and glare up at him. I'm assuming he talked to Bex about this.
I'm not surprised though. He'd been asking me if something was wrong but I kept telling him everything was fine and changing the subject. I didn't want him knowing what was going on with me out of fear he'd run away once I told him. Maybe he's planning on it already by the way he's acting all shady. Well I guess there's no better time than now to talk about it and I might as well get this conversation over with.
"So what if it is? Am I not allowed to be upset about it?" I try to hide my emotions but it's not working. My eyes begin to burn as tears form in my eyes. Carter looks down at me with a frown as he reaches for me but I quickly jerk away. I don't want to be held right now. Not by him, not until I get this all off my chest.
"But honestly what does it matter? I'm probably never going to have that so I've given up on it," I shrug, trying not to cry but I can feel the tears falling. I know I'm most likely overreacting about all of this but I don't even care. He wanted to know what has been on my mind so I'm letting him have it.
"So you're just giving up on it? On marriage, children? I don't believe that Hev. You've wanted this for too long to just give up," he looks at me, stepping closer.
"I don't have a choice. I have to," I cry and I'm finding it hard to breathe. I grasp the door frame for support as I look up into his wounded green eyes.
"What do you mean you don't have a choice? No one is making you give that up Heather," he asks with confusion. He's so close to me now, I can feel the desperation to know what's wrong coming off his body. His hands are balled up at his sides with yearning as his body is desperate to touch me. Needing the physical reassurance that everything is fine.
"I have to, because I'd rather give all that up than lose you forever Carter!" I shout through my tears and he looks at me thoroughly appalled.
"Heather what the hell are you talking about? Why the hell would you lose me because you want to get married and have kids?" he gently puts his hands on my arms, holding me in place. His hands are shaking in fear at my words. Is he thinking this is us breaking up?
"Because you don't want the same things as me Carter. You've never mentioned it, not once. And I'm not going to make you do it. I already tried making one man do it and look how that ended," I sob, putting my face in my hands.
Carter grabs my face, making me look up into his eyes. I see hurt and aggravation in them. I've upset him with my words. My heart aches at the confliction on his face. Is he going to leave me now after what I said? I don't want to lose him but I won't beg him to stay. I refuse to go through once more what I did with Bryan. Even though this would be a million times worse since I'm desperately in love with Carter.
"Just because I didn't mention it out loud Heather, doesn't automatically mean I don't want it. Also, I'm not your ex, I'm not Bryan. Haven't I already proved that to you? What more do I have to do to prove that Hev? What do I have to do to prove that I love you more than anything in this world? That you're my future," he asks and I can't answer him. Instead I lay my forehead against his chest and sob.
"I don't know Carter. I'm such a fucking mess and if you stick around you'll realize that even more. Plus, who would want to be married to someone like me?" I cry into his chest, gripping at the front of his work shirt.
"I do Heather, I want to be married to you baby," he speaks clearly. I look up at him and I can tell by the look in his eyes that he's 100% serious. I'm taken back and nearly choke on my saliva. I can't believe he just said those words.
"What? Are you crazy or something?" I ask while wiping my face clean of tears and stepping away from him.
"I am about you baby. I've wanted to marry your ass from day one. You drive me crazy most the time, especially when you get like this, all moody, but I love you anyways. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want to have little versions of us and the sooner, the better. I want all of the same things you want baby," he smiles down at me, pulling me back into his arms.
"But Carter I cant get-" I begin but he quickly cuts me off.
"Pregnant? No, Bryan couldn't get you pregnant. But I'm going to do everything I can to create a child with you and I'm not going to give up on it. I'm not going to give up on you, on us. Everything happens for a reason baby. And you just weren't meant to have a child with him, and thank God you didn't because look at him now. It just wasn't in the cards for you guys."
"But for us, it's there baby. I know that it is. And even if we somehow can't conceive, there's other options. There's tons of kids out there that don't have a family that need one. I don't care Hev. I just want you as my wife. I want to spend every day with you, making memories, creating a house full of love and laughter," he confesses to me and every word he's saying is everything I've wanted to hear for so long. It sounds too good to be true.
"Carter..." I sigh, putting my hands on his.
"No let me finish Hev. I just spent the last two hours getting this and thinking of a way to ask you. I wasn't going to do it tonight. I was going to do this big surprise and something wonderful that you'll always remember. But I can't wait another minute, another second," he pulls a small box from his pants pocket and gets down on one knee in front of me.
"Heather Nichole Daniels. Will you marry me? Will you let me make an honest woman out of you and spend the rest of your life with me, letting me love you?" he looks up into my eyes and my heart nearly stops.
I'm taken back and complete surprised. I wasn't expecting this at all. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever guessed Carter Allen was going to ask me to marry him. When he opens the box and I see the engagement ring, the butterflies in my stomach go wild.
"Now listen here woman, I'm not going to take the whole playing hard to get thing you do. I want an answer and I want it now. I know you haven't given up on what you really want, what we really want, together," he gazes up at me with green eyes that are on fire right now. Every word he's saying is coming straight from his heart and I don't sense a hint of humor in them. This isn't some joke to him to laugh about later.
"Carter..." I sigh and close my eyes. I take a deep breath before I give him my answer.
I love this man more than anything. I want a future with him and I want to have all of the same things he wants. I know with him, every day will be an adventure. There will never be a day where I'm not absolutely loved and cherished by him. Every day will be filled with fun and laughter.
Carter Allen is my better half. He brings out the best in me and vice versa. I know if I say no, he'll keep trying but I don't want to put him through that and I really don't want to tell him no. For the first time in a long time, I'm not scared to move forward in the next chapter of my life. As long as he's by my side, anything is possible.
"Carter," I open my eyes, looking into his. He's staring up at me with worried eyes, probably scared I'm going to reject him. That his confession meant nothing to me, but it meant everything to me.
"Baby please...please don't break my heart and for the love of God, don't leave me hanging on our wedding day," I beg him with a warm smile, giving him my answer. He beams up at me and quickly gets to his feet. When he pulls the ring from its box and slides it on my finger, I begin to cry. He pulls me into his arms and presses his lips to mine.
"Never baby. I'll never leave you or break your heart. If I did, I'd only be breaking my own," he smiles and picks me up in his arms as he leads us to the bathroom.
"Carter what are you doing?" I giggle as he walks us into the shower fully clothed.
"Taking that shower woman," he grins as he turns the water on.
As he kisses me passionately under the water, I know that everything will be alright because I'm going to be marrying the love of my life. Finally, the rain has stopped pouring and I can see that rainbow glistening in the sky ahead.