Chapter Thirty.
The morning came too soon and as I blinked my eyes open to try and adjust them to the light I realized her and I actually ended up sleeping here and thank god we were hidden behind the trees in this park because the early morning runners were out and about, their sneakers thudding against the gravel like no tomorrow. I almost wish I were in their shoes right now instead of my own. Maybe they were living the perfect life while mine on the other hand was basically ruined.
But when Alyssa let out a little groan and clutched onto me tighter I realized my life wasn’t all that ruined. If it was completely ruined then she would have decided to stay with her father yesterday night but that wasn’t what she did. She came here with me because she loves me and I don’t know how I got so damn lucky to have such an incredible girl in my life but she chose me. Alyssa chose me and that’s something I will never understand. I’m selfish, I can be such an asshole at times, and I’m just worthless. I’m just a stupid teenager who gets the shit beaten out of him by his dad yet she still wanted me. She was still here clutching onto me for dear life and as I rubbed my fingertips up and down her side I just realized how difficult I made her life. She didn’t deserve any of this to be happening to her so why the hell did I do that last night? I should have just kept my mouth shut.
“Baby…” I smiled, moving on top of her. “Hey, wake up.”
Placing gentle kisses along her neck, she sighed and finally opened her eyes and for whatever reason that made my heart skip a beat. I’ve never woken up next to a girl before and if I can be honest I never really wanted to but Alyssa made everything so much different. She completely changed my perspective on everything and lying here with her in a park seemed way too good to be true. I thought I was dreaming.
“mmm…” She laughed as I continued to kiss her. “I wouldn’t mind being woken up like this every day.”
Then I rested my chin on her chest and looked up at her, moving my fingertips so I could brush them against her jawline. She may be younger than me but she really knew how to capture someone’s heart. She was the first girl capable of doing that to me.
“God, you’re even more beautiful when you wake up Alyssa. I don’t know how that’s possible.”
“Justin my hair is probably all over the place right now. Stop lying.”
“I’m not lying Lyss. You look adorable.”
She rolled her eyes and just looked up into the sky, the smile that was on her face being replaced with a look of confusion. It seemed like she was finally remembering what had happened yesterday and before I let her continue thinking about it I kissed her cheek.
“I can’t believe we actually slept here.” She said in disbelief. “My parents are probably wondering where I am.”
“Mine probably are too except the difference here is that I’m going to get the living shit beat out of me.”
I probably shouldn’t have said that because she stopped talking and just continued to run her fingers through my hair looking deep in thought. My words were honest though. I was just speaking the truth and I know she doesn’t like the fact that it happens to me but I’m used to it.
“Maybe we really should just run away.” She laughed. “It seems better than actually having to face our parents.”
“Well I think we need to face them as much as we don’t want to and I just want to apologize Lyss for what I did. Last night it seemed like the right thing to do but it was the right thing to do for me and not for you. I wasn’t thinking about how you would feel about everything and I just made your life an even bigger living hell so I’m sorry. I mean that.”
“It’s okay Justin. I was thinking about it last night too and as much as what you did created a huge fight it needed to be said. Eventually it was going to happen and unfortunately it happened last night but I knew my dad would react that way and I think you knew too.”
I did have a feeling he would react that way and as much as I didn’t want to do that last night I thought it needed to be done although lying here with her terrified out of my right mind wasn’t exactly how I pictured it to end. I sort of hoped her parents would accept me but they didn’t. It wasn’t that way at all.
“It’s gonna be okay.” I said. “You know, we’re gonna be okay Alyssa. I’ll make sure of it.”
“I just really don’t want to go back home Justin. When I get home they’re going to literally murder me and I especially don’t want you going back home without me with you because who knows what the hell is going to happen. You’ll probably end up in the hospital again or even worse. What if-“
“Stop.” I soothed, kissing her neck. “I’m going to be just fine. I’m more concerned about you than I am me so let’s just go home, sort things out with our parents, and you call me whenever you get the chance.”
“I wish you could walk me home. It would be a lot easier that way.”
“Yeah and if your dad saw me walk you home I think I’d be killed too Lyss. In no way would that make things easier.”
“I know.” She sighed, standing to her feet. “I love you, okay?”
“And I love you more baby. Call me when you can.”
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When the door shut closed to my house it was silent. My parents cars were both in the driveway, which was also unusual because they both are almost never home at the same time and when I walked into the living room seeing my dad with the reddest face I’ve ever seen and my mom with a black and blue eye I just know they had both found out what I did and I’m guessing Alyssa’s parents had somehow informed them. Fantastic.
I wanted to take my mom somewhere else and take care of her. Seeing her cry was something I never wanted to witness but right now she was a wreck, her hands trembling when she looked up at me before she quickly glanced to my father who was holding a piece of paper in his hands.
“Sit down.” My father sneered. “Now.”
So I did, taking a seat across from them on the leather couch and anxiously awaited the beating that I’d get. The only thing I kept telling myself though was that this was to keep Alyssa and I’d do anything I could to keep her in my life. She was worth it.
“Care to explain this shit?!”
He flung the paper across the table and I could tell it was taking everything he had to not jump across it and tackle me to the floor. I turned the piece of paper over for me to read and felt my whole body freeze when ‘RESTRAINING ORDER’ was printed in bold letters at the top of the page.
I didn’t have the time to ask because his fist came into contact with my face, the pain flowing throughout my entire body as I had to sit there and take it hearing my mom cry, feeling my heart burst into pieces from the piece of paper, feeling my whole entire world crumbling around my feet.
“YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!” He yelled, the blood streaming out of my nose. “I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM HER!”
I was coughing now from crying and my mom just sat there and watched because if she tried to stop it she’d get hurt one thousand times worse and I told her awhile back to not help me if it happened. I would rather me get hit than her any day.
Her parents had actually gotten a restraining order against me. I knew that it was possible that they could do such a thing but I never actually thought it would resort to that and now I can’t go near her or I’ll get arrested. Does she know? Is she fighting with her parents right now as we speak?
“Get off.” I finally got the courage up to say, feeling him completely stop moving where he was.
“What the hell did you just say to me?”
“I said get off. Now.”
And when his hand went to pound into my face again I had enough. I flung him onto the coffee table, the whole thing giving out from his weight slamming against it and I rammed my fist into his face repeatedly. Once I started I couldn’t stop because after all the years of the pain he’s put me through and after all of the years I’ve put up with it I’ve had enough. This court paper that separated me from the one good thing that’s ever happened in my life made me reach my breaking point. There’s nothing left to me now and it’s all because of my stupid decisions and my stupid mistakes and dammit I’m so over my life. I am so over it.
“Justin, stop!” My mother cried, doing everything she could to get me off of him but it was useless. My dad was lying unconscious and I didn’t feel bad even when she finally pulled me off of him and his blood was splattered all over my hands and all around the room. He deserved every ounce of pain he just got.
“DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT JUST HAPPENED?”
My mother was terrified when I was in her face, the piece of paper being crumpled into my hands as I tried to calm myself down.
“I JUST LOST HER! I JUST LOST THE ONE DAMN THING THAT MADE MY LIFE SLIGHTLY BETTER. THE ONLY THING THAT TOOK ME AWAY FROM THIS SHIT AND YOU LET IT HAPPEN. YOU CONTINUED TO LET HIM BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND I HATE YOU FOR THAT. I HATE YOU.”
She was sobbing now and I pushed my way past her so I could go into my room, tearing open my closet and finding the one suitcase I’ve ever owned. I’m nineteen and the only reason I stuck around was to protect my mom but she just told me to stop hitting the man that hit me. She cared more about him than about me and that’s saying something. Why the hell do I continue to protect someone who will never want to be protected? I need to start taking care of myself and that’s exactly what I intend to do.
I threw random pieces of clothing into the suitcase along with the poems and the corny shit that probably would have made Alyssa crazy if she read them. She’ll never get to until she’s eighteen and she can actually drop the restraining order. Right now she’s young enough to where her parents can control her and the only thing I can do now is wait for another two damn years for her to finally be with me. The real question is if she’ll even love me still then.
“Justin don’t go!” my mother pleaded when I reached the door. “We can fix this. He’ll get help I promise!”
“He’s said he was going to get help years ago and look where we’re at! He’s still the same damn lifeless cold-hearted father he’s always been and he’s lying unconscious because of it. I’m not sticking around for him to wake up and I don’t think you should either mom because you deserve better than to have a bruised eye. You deserve better than to be hit and that’s exactly what I deserve. You aren’t being a mother right now if you don’t let me leave. I need to take care of myself.”
I expected her to fight a little more or to literally drag me back inside but instead she just threw her arms around me and began to weep, her tears soaking my t-shirt as I held onto her and pulled her closer. Leaving my mom is something I’ve always feared but she needed to figure it out for herself. Maybe when I leave she’ll face reality.
“I’m sorry mom. You know I love you but-“
Then my dad was groaning from the other room and her eyes widened in fear, glancing back before she glanced to me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Go.” She whispered. “Now”
“Mom come with me. We can both get away from this. You know exactly who he’s going to take his anger out on and it’s going to be you. Just come with me, please.”
Then the door closed in my face before she had time to answer, shutting out the screams and the cries for help that would echo off of the walls not even two minutes later.
A/N:
what. a. flipping. nightmare.
I am so so so sorry for not updating as much as I should and i know you guys are probably pissed af but i've just been so busy but i promise to try and update regularly. I try to update once a week but unfortunately it's been like a week and a half. *sigh* I'm sorry but hopefully you forgive me.
Comment and let me know what you thought. I know some of you are probably in shock but yepp that just happened.
The next update will be sometime later this week. ILY.
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