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XX. It Is Not A Date-Date
"Fuck Heather!" I moan loudly as I spill into the condom.
I lean my forehead on her shoulder blade and gently kiss it. I can taste the sweat on her skin and I really love the taste of her. As of right now, it's my favorite flavor and I'm savoring every ounce of it.
Reaching down, I unfasten my belt that's around her wrists and let her arms free, gently rubbing the redness to bring the circulation back into them. She sighs as she rolls over onto her back.
When I lay on my side, leaning up on my elbow, I look down at her and smile. She's so beautiful as she closes her eyes and regulates her breathing. While her eyes are still closed, I lean over and gently put my lips to hers. I kiss her softly and run my hand up her body, resting it on her waist. I so desperately want to lay in bed with her and fall asleep but I've got to go home and get ready for work in a few hours.
As I pull away from her, she opens her eyes and looks up at me with a warm smile. I tuck her hair behind her ear and off her neck. Even all sweaty and make up smeared from crying earlier, she's still the most gorgeous woman in the world, and I'm desperately falling in love with her every second we are together.
I want to tell her so bad but I know she'd laugh it off, thinking I was crazy. Right now, I'm nothing more than a lover to her, someone who can satisfy her needs. Most people would probably tell me this isn't healthy, that we should end this friends with benefits thing we've got going on but I can't. I need to be near her and have have her in my life. If this is the only way it can happen, then so be it. I know eventually, I'll change her mind on it and show her that I can love her like no one else can. Don't they usually say the best relationships start out as friends and work their way to more?
"I don't want to leave right now but I have to. I start my next 24 hour shift in a few hours," I groan in annoyance and then a thought comes to mind. I already know she's going to fight me on this but fuck it.
"I want to take you out somewhere on Monday," I smile down at her and gently caress her face, trying to ease my request into her.
"Like on a date?" she frowns at me and I shake my head. I already knew she'd ask that.
"Only if you want it to, but it can be like two friends just hanging out," I smile down at her and she instantly smiles back.
Why does she panic so much when the word date comes up? Is she that afraid to be in a relationship with someone? Fucking Bryan, the piece of shit had to ruin her whole attitude towards men, dating, relationships, love, all of it. I should've done more than punched him in the face last night.
I lean over and kiss her lips softly before I get out of the bed. Sliding the used condom off, I throw it in the trash and pull on my clothes. When I look up at Heather, she's laying under the covers naked and smiling at me. I return her smile and grab my shoes as I sit on the edge of the bed, sliding them on. She sits up, holding the covers to her chest and I can't help but chuckle. I reach over and tug down on them so they drop to her lap, exposing her breasts to me.
Heather giggles at me, grabbing my collar as she pulls me into her and presses her lips to mine. I have to remind myself that I have to go before I start stripping down again. Telling her bye and that I'll text her when I'm off tomorrow night, she smiles with a nod as she lays back down in bed. I'm hoping that she falls asleep and doesn't go back to drinking.
•-•
The next twenty-four hour shift goes by quicker than I thought it would, thankfully. I'd texted Heather last night when I got home and we talked back and forth that way until she finally went to bed. I love talking to her, even if it was just through text messages.
When I pull up in front of her house to take her on our not-a-date, I notice that Bex's car is here. I ring the doorbell and the tiny, wild-eyed short stack answers. She smiles up at me and pulls me in for her signature warm hugs.
"So are you ready for your not-a-date-but-we-all-know-it-is-one outing with Heather?" she laughs and I return the laugh, finding amusement in her code name for it.
"Yeah I am. I wish she'd just accept it for what it is already," I chuckle and shove my hands in my pockets.
"Well I will say she's dressed nice for something that is suppose to be just for friends," she informs me and I glance at the stairs just in time to see Heather walk down them casually, like this isn't a big deal at all.
I'm in complete awe of her as she's dressed in a yellow sundress that stops at the middle of her thighs. As she walks down the stairs, she's sliding her arms into the sleeves of a navy blue jean jacket. She's wearing brown boots that go up to the middle of her calves, looking absolutely beautiful. Grabbing her curly hair, she pulls it up into a ponytail and checks herself in the mirror above the entryway table before turning to me with smile.
"Ready?" she beams and gives Bex a quick hug before walking out the front door, leaving me stunned in the doorway.
I'm awestruck right now at how she's acting. She's not nervous at all and to her, this is like any other day. I guess that's what's to be expected when you're treating this as just friends hanging out.
"Good luck," Bex grins at me as she walks towards the kitchen where it smells like she's baking cookies. Interesting. I close the front door and make my way to Heather as she leans back against the passenger side door, waiting for me. She smiles up at me as I approach her and it can't be helped when I lean over and kiss her lips while opening the door for her so she can slide in.
"Where are we going?" she asks and bites her bottom lip as I drive down the main road of Clinton Hills.
"How do you feel about pizza?" I smirk at her.
"I love it. It's one of my favorite things to eat," she smiles excitedly and leans back in the seat comfortably.
Of course it's her favorite, who doesn't love pizza? I grin as I get another tally mark on the board of Heather for doing something right to prove myself to her. We enjoy our time at Jay's Pizza and by the way Heather is acting, I know she's happy. She walks out of the pizza place and grabs my hand, taking me back at first but I don't dare ask why she's holding my hand and decide to run with it.
Instead of going to my car, we walk down Main Street hand in hand as she asks me questions about my career and what I did in college. She is thoroughly surprised when I tell her I graduated with a bachelors degree in business. Even gives me a laughs when I tell her I use to work in an accounting office wearing a suit and tie for four years after I graduated college.
"So why did you give it up? What made Carter Allen go from wearing a suit and tie, which I'm having a hard time seeing, to being Mr. Sexy Firefighter?" she laughs.
"First of all, I don't look as bad as you'd think. Second, I gave it up because I felt like I wasn't doing anything with my life. I wanted to make a difference for actual people, not the numbers on a spread sheet. Third, Mr. Sexy Firefighter huh?" I smirk at her and wrap my arm around her shoulders.
"Well you'll need to try a suit on so I can see that," she bites her bottom lip and blushes, wrapping her arms around her waist.
"So what did you do in college? Let me guess? Went to every Frat party you could?" I laugh.
"Actually, no I didn't. I went to school at first for business, to help my mom run hers better but by the end of the first semester I just wasn't feeling it. So I switched my career. You'll probably never guess what to," she laughs.
"Let me guess, art?" I mock with a hearty laugh.
"Haha, no. I actually got my doctorates in psychology," she beams up at me and I wasn't expecting that. Holy shit. That kind of career takes years and a lot of hard work to achieve.
"Wow. I wasn't expecting that at all. So she's not only beautiful but has a smart brain in that pretty little head somewhere," I playfully pull at her ponytail, granting me a giggle while she smacks my stomach.
"Yeah I know, not many people would expect that from me. I was suppose to finish my training but that got derailed after what happened," she frowns. Of course, Bryan once again fucking up her life.
"Well you could always continue it now. It's not the end of the world. You got the hard part done," I encourage her and she gives me a small defeated smile.
"True but who would want to pay a woman to help them learn how to battle their demons when she can't even manage her own?" she frowns and crosses her arms tightly over her chest.
I stop walking to grab a hold of her and place her hands in mine as I bring them up to my lips, kissing each one gently. She happily smiles up at me and leans in close.
"Look, we are creatures that learn from habit and our own life experiences. Right now, you're learning and you can take what you've learned from all of this and put it to good use to help the next person who goes through the same thing. You're not a bad person for going through a struggle in life. You've had your heart broken and had bad news given to you. At least you're still here and fighting every day to survive. You'll get through this Heather. Stop putting yourself down like you don't deserve happiness," I encourage her and kiss her forehead, lingering there for a moment.
When I pull away, she smiles up at me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I return the hug gratefully as I tightly wrap my arms around her.
"And I thought I was the shrink in this relationship," she mumbles into my chest.
"Relationship?" I mock her and she giggles.
"Yes, our friendship. You know, just friends," she reminds me again and I smirk down at her. Ahh yes, that just friends thing again. Classic Heather at it again, denying her feelings. Give it time baby, you'll be admitting the truth soon enough.
We make our way to the park and Heather sits on one of the swings while I awkwardly sit on the one next to her, turning it so I'm facing her. Slowly, she turns in circles, letting the chain tie around itself and when she releases, she spins around. Heather giggles to herself, making me smile at how childlike she's acting. That's just her personality though. Someday she would make a wonderful child psychologist and most definitely would be one hell of a mother.
I don't know the specifics but from what Bryan said the other night, apparently she received bad news regarding fertility a few months back. I know that can be hard news to handle, especially for a woman. Either way, it doesn't change my mind about how I feel about her. I lean towards her and press my lips to hers unexpectedly. She reaches up and runs her fingertips along my jaw, sending chills down my spine. I feel the sparks ignite just like they do every time I kiss her and when we finally separate, I lean my forehead against hers, taking in a deep breath.
"Go out with me Heather," I burst suddenly, encasing her delicate hands in mine.
"Let me prove myself to you, please. Tonight wasn't that bad and we could have nights like this all the time," I try to persuade her and she smiles at me. Biting her bottom lip, she gives me a quick kiss before standing up.
I turn myself to watch her as she slowly positions herself between my legs. I reach up and put my hands on the back of her thighs as she looks down at me with curious eyes. I lay my chin on her stomach and look up at her with pleading eyes. I just want her to give me a chance so I can prove to her how amazing we'd be together.
"No it wasn't bad, but give it time and you'll get sick of me. Everyone shows their true colors eventually," she frowns and gently runs her fingers through my hair with a hint of sadness in her eyes. I softly squeeze her thighs and lay a kiss on her abdomen before leaning back up on the swing.
"Hev, I'd never get sick of you baby and I never hide who I really am. The way I am now, right here in this moment, is how I'll be in six months, two years, a decade from now. I'm not him and I'd never leave you. Bryan was a fucking idiot for leaving someone like you. Someone that any guy would be thankful to have. But in all honesty, I'm glad he did, because now I have my chance with you. I want to be with you Heather and I know that he hurt you, that you need time to heal but I can work with that. Just give me a chance baby and I promise I can make you happy," I plead with her more as she slowly smiles down at me with every word I say.
She cups my face in her hands while leaning over to put her lips to mine. The kiss is passionate and loving and I can feel myself melting from her touch, her kiss. I slowly slide my hands up the back of her legs and cup her ass in my hands underneath her dress. I'm gifted with Heather in a thong and it makes me want her more than I already do. She moans into our kiss and buries her needy fingers into my hair. As she pushes off of me and begins to walk away, she gives me a look that I need to follow her. I quickly stand up and follow her as I wrap my arms around her waist from behind.
When we finally make it back to my car, she grabs ahold of my collar and pushes me against the passenger side. Pulling my face to hers, she kisses me once more, telling me she's in the mood by how aggressive she's getting. She sensually bites down on my bottom lip and pulls, making me press my body into hers.
"Take me to your place and show me just how happy you can make me," she moans seductively, pushing me over the edge of absolute desire for her.
Before she can say another word, I open the door and shove her into the seat. She giggles and when I get into the drivers seat, she leans over, pressing her lips to mine. I'd love to take her right now in the back seat but she wants to go back to my place, there's always later for steamy back seat sex.
As we drive back to my place, I keep stealing glances over at the woman I'm falling in love with and spend every waking minute together. The very same woman who for some reason, she may not even know herself, won't give me a chance to call her mine.
I still have hope though. She didn't tell me yes earlier but she also didn't tell me no when I begged her to give me a chance. There's still a possibility to change her mind and ultimately heal her heart.