“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” – James Baldwin.
•••
The atmosphere was more than refreshing.
It hummed with the soft buzz of conversation—the voices overlapping over one another pleasantly, as if they were melodies being strung together on a guitar. The soft cool breeze that whooshed around the facility, glided over their skins—providing a soothing sensation, like the steady hands of a lover, massaging one’s skin thoroughly. The sun wasn’t scorching hot, yet it brightened up the large expanse of the beach adequately as if it were a ginormous, filament coated circular chandelier hovering in the clouds.
All these and more, was instrumental in putting Anjola in a wholly good mood that she hadn’t been in a while. She had been moseying through a dark path, from one tragedy checkpoint to another, and so it was revitalizing to arrive at a juncture that was illuminated with lights, and although she wasn’t quite sure if there was more sorrow ahead or if she had finally trumped it all, whichever it was—she figured she’d slow down and relish the moment, before progressing in her sojourn.
As she had planned with Tiolu, they were throwing a picnic at the Badagry beach. She thought it’d be quite the chore in convincing people to attend, but virtually everyone had hopped on board—jubilant about the fact that they were considered, as if it were some decorous, corporate event hosting esteemed, venerated dignitaries and principalities. The truth was that she had invited practically every young adult that she knew, since she didn’t exactly know a lot of people and wanted to prevent the dent, a low populace, would indent on the collective vigor.
And so she had invited them all. Even people she weren’t close enough to call acquaintances—Temi—and persons blacklisted for causing her great pain—Lekan. An hour had lapsed since the last arrival, so it was safe to assume at this point that Lekan wasn’t going to be gracing the occasion with his presence. She had mixed feelings about that. A bit relieved, so she didn’t have to face him and relive the heart wrenching pain his infidelity had dealt her but also disappointed, because enemy or not—Lekan was great company, and a spark that was needed in gatherings like the current one.
“You do know that the host of any social event, is supposed to stay around and make herself available right?” Adaure’s high-pitched voice was louder than usual due to their deserted surroundings. She knew it was only a matter of time, before someone left the group ahead to come meet her at the vehicles, where she leaned over the boot of Tiolu’s Mercedes and watched the proceedings with satisfaction. Her friend was wearing a long sleeved t-shirt that had a Sassy text scrawled on it in a cursive watermark, with ripped jeans and low heeled ankle boots.
Stopping in her front, Adaure folded her arms and pouted in a cautioning manner. “As a Yoruba person, your tribe is acclaimed for throwing the most kick-ass parties, so I kinda expected more from you. How can you separate yourself from the action? You’re supposed to go about and engage everyone. And I’m not saying this just to hassle you, but if you don’t do this then some people won’t feel like you invited them, because you wanted to, when they see you socializing with a select set of people.”
“Oh, please stop acting like most people are here because they love Anjola so much, and not because they know there would be free food here.” Anjola rolled her eyes, and kicked a lump of sand into the air gently, so it didn’t spiral into her friend’s face and blind her. “Ehize who is my own OG, said that with his own mouth. Now imagine the rest that I’m not my guys like that.”
“You know better than to take anything that comes out of that guy’s mouth seriously,” Adaure said, before reaching out for both of her hands and tugging hard, until she had pulled her off the car. “C’mon, let’s go back. What’s your problem? Is anything wrong?”
“Nothing, actually. I was just going to take the toothpick and serviette pack, and I got distracted.” She replied, letting herself be pulled away back to the action.
Several meters ahead of them, was a huge, mobile drink counter that was stationed beside a hut tent—several of which was situated at strategic positions on the beach. The counter overlooked a throng of plastic tables—crammed together in one line, with occupied chairs, running down its length. General conversation became more audible, as they drew closer to the tables, with a few heads turning their way.
It was a bit past noon, and that was why population on the beach generally, was still a bit sparse. By the time the evening came around, the atmosphere would be bursting to the seams with life. Not that it wasn’t lively enough presently, but majorly because she was keen on bringing the gathering to a close before then, as she had no interest in staying around when the place would have erupted into a happy rumpus. The few people not for their gathering, were laid out by the edge of the surging waters—on mats, mobile mattresses or on the sand itself. For now, it was easy to distinguish the outsiders but she knew that was going to change soon, when her crowd dispersed.
“You know, if you’re not going to go around to engage everyone, the least you could do to circumvent it all—is call for a cheer and thank everyone for attending, like people do at parties thrown for them.” Adaure continued, as they walked back to the counter that was manned by Ehize, Tiolu and Dayo. Adaure was the last member of the group, but she had abandoned her post to come fetch her, it would seem.
Asides from having able hands on deck, a handful of people had also freaked out on the grounds that the Dayo Tijani was serving drinks at her picnic. He wasn’t a musician, who had millions of followers on Twitter—but it still felt pretty awesome to have a celebrity of such caliber, as her barman. Even Adaure initially panicked when he arrived, and had strangled a promise for an autograph out of him, because she had neither of his books on her at the moment. Up until today, she never knew her friend was a fan. So far, so good—it had been a healthy, euphoric saturnalia.
“I think I should do just that,” Anjola replied, as she rounded the counter and drew out a high stool—across Tiolu, who was leveling her an inquisitive look. “I wasn’t trying to run away abeg, before you descend on me like a vulture. By the way, pass a stainless tray and a spoon over for me, would you?”
Tiolu, who donned a cream cashmere sweat-shirt, blue jeans and women brogues—had her long hair, twisted into two huge ponytails that rested on her shoulders. “What are they for?”
“To draw the attention of everyone,” She replied, as Adaure rounded the corner and returned to her station, beside Tiolu—pausing to give Ehize a knock on the head. While Tiolu ducked low, and went about to doing her bidding, Adaure questioned her.
“You know that people use spoons and glasses for that, right?” Adaure pointed out, setting her hands on the wood speckled cabinet of the counter. There were four stands, three for drinks—chapman, soda and smoothies manned by Dayo, Ehize and Adaure respectively. Tiolu who was in the right center, manned the one for barbecue. Occasionally, people seated in the tables behind them would step forward for a drink or snack refill. Right now, there was no line behind any stand on the counter.
“Yeah, I know but there are only disposable cups here.” Anjola rolled her eyes, pointing to Dayo’s section where the glass, chapman mugs were arranged horizontally in front of him. The young author had an apron on—like everyone else behind the counter—over his black pullover sweater, that looked so prissy that Anjola knew it cost more than her entire outfit of a black high neck jersey midi dress and gladiator peep-toe summer sandals. “And the only glass stuff we have, we rented for the Chapman. I’m not about to risk making a dent or cracking anything, when I can just use a stainless tray that would be more efficient in drawing people’s attention since it’s louder.”
“I know right, unbelievably cautious and logical.” Tiolu said with a smug grin, to Adaure after she handed over the stainless tray and spoon. “Sometimes I wonder why she risks walking with her legs, when a mishap could happen like her tripping over something and falling. If she was rich, she’d have invested money in an hover board.”
Anjola scoffed, and didn’t justify Tiolu’s jab with a remark. Taking the tray and spoon off the table, she slid off the stool and walked over to the table—approaching the center, where Amanda and Ife were seated—eating and talking—and she squeezed herself into their middle, apologizing forehand for the intrusion and felt a hand hit her rear, playfully. She couldn’t help but laugh. The girls didn’t exactly meet her first, second or third choice of qualities she sought for in friends, but they were fun people with good hearts nonetheless. She figured that was enough.
“Hey, everyone.” She said, before raising the tray into the air and hitting the spoon in its center, causing the reverbing of a loud sound that automatically, hit pause on general conversation and caused everyone to move closer to the table.
It was a daunting task, to ensure her gaze covered everyone as it had to roam from one person to another, from acquaintance to friend, from coworker to family relative. From her vantage point, she could estimate the population didn’t exceed twenty people. “First of all, I want to thank everyone for gracing this occasion. I can’t even call it an occasion, really because it’s just a chilling…oh, wow. Words have deserted me. We all know what this is, let’s not dwell on it much.”
A small chuckle rose from the crowd around, that had clustered together to form a circle.
“These past two months have been very, very trying for me. Matter of fact, the extent of blows I’ve received from life in this time frame, has been more than my entire life put together. Sorta. Some of you here know the details, but not the full gist and so your curiosity has been roused, but I’d rather not go into details, because I don’t want to turn this into a funeral, where everyone is giving me this pitying look and everyone is worried about not having too much fun, so they won’t look insensitive to Anjola’s plight.
“Truth is, I don’t know if I’m really okay. I mean, on some days I feel really good like today, but on some other days, I can’t get myself. We can all relate to that, whether we’ve suffered tragedy or not. Everyone has their own good and bad days. What am I driving at? Honestly, I don’t know. My close friend from work cajoled me into doing this, and I just realized I didn’t even think it through and consider what I was going to say, before coming over here with this big-ass tray, as if I’m some boarding school mistress, trying to round up stubborn students to the dining hall. But what I do know, is that I’d be fine. Because I have people in my life that care.”
She paused to blink back tears, that had started to surface—terrified at the idea of breaking down in front of an audience. “Y’all have your own lives, and shit to attend to. But it’s glad to know that people can turn up, when you need them to. This is horribly cliché I know, and some of you guys are low-key rolling your eyes and grumbling within, that I should get it over with.”
Another bout of laughter rose.
“I don’t blame you, if I were in your shoes—I’d probably do the same. But the bitter truth is that it’s easy to take these things for granted, until you hit rock bottom and realize there is no one there to pull you up, because you take love and support from friends and family for granted. I don’t want to be that person, and that’s why I’m here thanking you all. Have a great day.”
She left a mild applause in her wake, as she strode back to her friends back at the counter. After climbing back to her previous seat in front of Tiolu—Adaure slid over to their side again. For a while none of them said anything, and she simply reveled in the moment. Let her gaze drift from Adaure to Tiolu and Ehize, assimilating the fact that this trio were her pillars, and without them it would be hard to function. This was the family, Mofe talked about and she knew she’d be foolish to take them for granted.
“Ugh, I was cringing here all through the speech.” Tiolu gritted her teeth, mild displeasure in her voice as she distributed barbecue—from a huge stainless pan—into several plastic, disposable plates before her on the cabinet. “It’s a good thing you acknowledged it was cliché yourself, good save. Now the people would accept it like it is some masterpiece speech, because there is nothing anyone loves more than a person calling out the bullshit on themselves.”
Tiolu’s brutal honesty hurt sometimes, but thankfully she had Adaure’s empathy to quench it. Her friend had noticed that Tiolu’s words stung, and hopped right in to the rescue. “The way everyone ridicules cliché though, I don’t get it sometimes. Yeah we know cliché is something that has been overused to the point of exhaustion, but some people genuinely love predictability because of how chaotic life could be, at times. Plus, there are always refreshing takes on cliché elements that are incredible fun.”
“And Anjola’s speech would happen to be that fresh take?” Tiolu quirked a brow at Adaure, and shook her head before resuming her work. “Admit it, Ada. You know deep down, within you that the speech sucked, but you’re only being all warm because you think it’s mean to say it straight to her face, but the truth is…no matter how nice you are to A.J., I’d always be the best friend and you’d still remain the side-chick. I found her first, loved her first and called eternal dibs. Sorry.”
Anjola couldn’t help but blush, as she watched the two people she cherished most, vie for the prestige of who was closer to her heart. Tiolu always knew the route to take for the perfect comeback. Her approval ratings had dropped for that brief moment where she openly lambasted her speech, but her endearing declaration of love coated in malice had goosed it back up.
“Jeez, you’re married already. Let us have some of the spoils.” Adaure groaned, and eyed Tiolu saucily before the trio laughed in unison. It was great to see Adaure and Tiolu get along. She had once thought it would be a difficult task to merge her two worlds together, as one would inevitably suffer from the inability of equilibrium to coexist, but she had been wrong.
“Oh, and you don’t have a boyfriend?” Tiolu spat bitterly. “If you don’t get out of here nigga, and pack your load to where you came from.”
She thought Adaure was going to fire back in defense, but the girl’s voice lowered. “Um, Anjola we have incoming.”
She spun around in the chair, to follow the direction in which Adaure whipped her head and sure enough—there was incoming. Approaching them was Delano in a sky-blue button up, and black khakis. He looked…happy. Not that he usually had a sober aura, but he looked uncharacteristically high-spirited and bright.
She looked to his side, half expecting Temi to be there—because they arrived together and had pretty much been in each other’s company all day—but she wasn’t. Relieved by this, Anjola turned around to meet an unmanned stand. Damn it, she cursed under her breath. Her friends had of course fled. She appreciated the privacy, but she didn’t like the idea of Delano being suspicious.
“Hey there, pretty.” Delano greeted with a highly contagious smile, that she couldn’t help but return as he came up by her side. His gaze roamed the counter, and his forehead wrinkled in curiosity of where the counter attendants had disappeared to, of course. “I thought your friends were here, just now.”
“Um, yeah. They had to run back to the truck to get something.” She replied, worrying the lie wasn’t believable. “So what’s up? Once again, thanks for coming. I was almost worried you were not around, because I didn’t notice you early. You’re kinda scarce these days.”
“I’m scarce these days?” Delano echoed her words, as if she had asked if he had an extra pair of body at home. “What are you talking about, Anjola? We’re partners. We share the same office, and see each other like…eight hours every week day and Saturday, sometimes. How much more regular could I be? Unless you want to bundle me up, and take me to your house when you close up shop, then yeah.” She paled at this, wondering if his statement had a double meaning and if he were flirting with her. He caught on to this and quickly clarified. “You know I don’t mean that in a dirty way. I’m just wondering how less I could be scarce.” He laughed nervously.
“Of course, you didn’t.” Anjola said, tearing her gaze from his and lowering it to her fidgety hands. “I just meant that at work, all we do is work. Which makes sense, because it is work after all. But before—when we weren’t partners, there was time for occasional laughter here and there, and a bit of jokes. I’m not making much sense, am I—”
“You are making a lot of sense, Anjola.” Delano assured her, and her anxiety plummeted. “Well about that? I don’t know really. I guess it’s just the new changes that have made both of us stiff. I’m sure with time, we’d be able to find our rhythm again and our work relationship would return back to what it was.”
“I hope so,” Anjola said, and then blurted out immediately. “Where is Temi, though? Didn’t see her earlier when I was addressing everyone.”
“You mean, you didn’t see her when you were giving one heck of a speech.” Delano laughed, and she’d have interpreted his laughter as mockery, if it didn’t sound so innocent. “I sort of deliberately left her alone, so she could mingle with others from work. Sigma’s structure doesn’t exactly permit a lot of socializing between its workers, and so she hardly knows anyone asides me, you, Ehize and Adaure. I thought it’d be good for her if she took advantage of the fact that some of her coworkers are here in a casual, laidback environment.”
Anjola nodded. “Makes sense. You seem to care a lot about her, though. I mean, you’re a very friendly and hospitable person, but I don’t remember you giving me this much attention when I arrived at Sigma.”
She said nervously, playing off her jealousy as a joke which had its intended effect, since Delano laughed. But it was much more than that. She was dying with curiosity to know, if there was romance between him and Temi. She was yet to get to the root of the reason of her sudden jealousy, but that didn’t necessarily stop her from getting answers.
“Um, well. I don’t know,” Delano didn’t sound so sure of himself, which implied he was nervous and further hinted at the fact that he felt for the girl, if talking about her made him giddy. “I’m sort of the department head now, and I’m taking a different approach. I decided that anytime there is a new worker, I’d socialize extremely with them in the first month so that they feel needed and special, before I’m sure they are well settled in and can handle themselves.
“That’s simply what is going on. Although, I’d admit Tope is very fun, smart and attractive, and we also share a lot of interests, but I don’t think there can be anything more than friendship between us, because I don’t think I can mix business and pleasure together, that way. I don’t think it gives off a good image.”
“I see,” Anjola maintained her cool, although her insides were going through an uneven expansion of relief.
“I mean like, it was sort off different for me and you,” Delano continued, and she mustered the courage to meet his gaze. “When you arrived at Sigma, we didn’t have much to do together and when you got to know me, you got to know me as Delano and not Sigma Delano. If I try to chase a relationship with Tope, it would seem somewhat unprofessional, since right now I’m the only bridge between her and the company, and she might assume that my initial friendliness was just to get close to her. It’s not a good first impression, really.”
“Always thinking everything through huh,” And for the first time in a long time, she found the fact that Delano was every bit as logical and rational like she was—attractive. She couldn’t exactly state at the moment that she felt a strong pull to him, like the one she had with Lekan—but perhaps, maybe relationships didn’t necessarily have to be built on such magnetic grounds. Maybe one could start at the base ground, and work their way up to the apex.
“You know me,” Delano winked. “Where is your boyfriend, though? Expected that he’d be here today.”
The pain that zinged through her chest, like the stab of a spear—whenever Lekan was referenced, hadn’t dissipated. It reminded her of the fact that she still had a long way to go in getting over him, and moving on. And for the first time, the task didn’t seem insurmountable. She felt she could brace it.
“We broke up, stuff wasn’t working out.” Anjola said, plainly. She wasn’t the type to throw anyone under the bus, and she wouldn’t make an exception for Lekan despite the gravity of his actions. “So no boyfriend, I’m on my own for now.”
“Oh,” Delano’s eyes widened, and was that a smile she saw twinkle in his eyes? She couldn’t be sure, because she was making it a conscious effort not to stare so hard at him. “Would you like to grab a cup of coffee sometime then? Nothing serious of course, just hang out.”
“Yeah, of course. That’d be nice.” She nodded, with a smile and before anyone of them could say more—someone barged into their middle and intruded on their moment. It was Dolapo, Dayo’s younger sister dressed in a blue Jeliqa off-shoulder slit Midi dress and brown strapped wedges. Her cornrow braids, fell in a glorious mess all over her face and she looked as visually stunning as ever. Dolapo was the only teenager she knew, that could intimidate her with looks.
“Sorry, to barge in but Anjie, there is someone back at the truck looking for you. He said his name is Lekan.” A cold chill coursed through her spine, as Dolapo addressed her. “I told him to join us if he’s a friend, but he insisted in staying back and seeing you privately. Do you mind?”
“Of course not, I’d be with him right away.” She hurried to her feet, as Dolapo arose also. She apologized to him for having to leave abruptly, but he smiled and shrugged it off—saying they still had time, as he was going to be around all day and wasn’t planning on leaving early.
Quickly, she headed back to the truck, and spotted Lekan’s upright figure from afar, standing with his back faced to her. He hadn’t come for the event, but had honored her invitation anyway. She couldn’t help but wonder what he wanted to discuss, and whether his presence would be a detriment to her joy, but when their gazes locked from the distance, she knew it wouldn’t—because she needed this, needed this conversation they were about to have.
Because it was the first essential step she needed to take, before she could move on.
***
When their gazes met, Lekan expected the contempt in Anjola’s eyes to eat him up, and suck him in like a chasm. But there was none. Not that she was beaming all over, like she was ecstatic to see him—but her expression was mostly dour, neutral, which passed as a smile for him as far as he was concerned, considering the fact that she slapped him the last they met.
He cracked his stiff knuckles, and pocketed his hands—standing ramrod straight like he was a soldier at attention, paying respect to his higher-up in command. She eventually came into full view, looking mouthwateringly beautiful as always and he couldn’t help, but kick his subconscious for betraying her and knowing, he wasn’t the one for her.
He had received her invitation, and hadn’t contemplated visiting at all. He knew she extended it merely out of benevolence and not because she was leaving open, a window of opportunity. More so, he didn’t want to be around her if he couldn’t be with her. It was too much of an excruciating pain, because he was very distant from her heart, as she had shut him out already. That was the main reason he had stayed away, and didn’t join in the proceedings of the day. He hadn’t changed his mind of course, and was only dropping by before he headed to his main destination. It was all in a bid to tie up loose ends in his act of recompense.
His heart rate picked up, but he forced it under control. She couldn’t exactly unsheathe a shotgun and blast him to smithereens. She had invited him here after all, and so he wasn’t stepping out of line by showing up. Still, that didn’t bring a stop to the hurricane of worries flooding him within. When she finally stopped in front of him, and tilted her mostly blank face to look at him, he found the will to speak again.
“Hey, hi.” Lekan forced the words out of his throat, as his voice became stiff and hoarse—leaving him no choice than to clear his throat and repeat his words. “Hey.”
“I heard you pretty clear, the first time.” An amused look seeped into the void on her face, before it vanished as quickly as it came. “I had already assumed you didn’t plan on honoring us with your presence, and so I was shocked when I heard the news that you had arrived. But then, when I was told, you insisted on seeing me privately, I was able to infer that you are not here after all. Just wanted to drop by, perhaps?”
“You’re right,” He nodded, removing his hands from his pocket and entwining them together. “I’m actually heading to the hospital for my first ever therapy session. Tiolu recommended it. She said it’d be good for me and that I need all the help in the world, if I’m intent on truly changing and leaving my old habits behind.”
“That’s great, I’m happy for you.” Her voice was somewhat sardonic, but he could see the honesty glowing in her eyes. “Happy that you’re open to getting all sorts of help, and also happy your relationship with Tiolu is back on track. She told me that you guys talked about your issues, and realized that it was the intention of neither of you to drift apart from the other.”
“I guess you could say that.” Lekan replied, and then started to rack his head for the perfect apology. “Um, so I came out here for a mission of course. I know you don’t want to hear this, probably because you don’t need it to move on but I need you to know I’m doing this because I think you do deserve the apology, and not because I’m merely sorry. I’m sorry for what I did, but this visit was mostly brought about by the need to let you know that what I did was wrong, and isn’t the order of the day that you’re supposed to accept and move on, like it isn’t something wrong in the first place.”
“Uhun,” Anjola folded her arms at this, and her eyes seemed to glow with curiosity. “I’m listening, Lekan.”
Her use of his name, stirred up a familiar sensation in him. “What I did was wrong, very wrong. But I need you to understand, not that anything justifies it, but just so you can…ah, what’s the word? Know where I’m coming from? Thing is this relationship wasn’t all about trying to stay committed to you. It was much more than that, as I had to pretty much change my lifestyle totally to fit into the new demands—”
“I didn’t exactly force you to do that, you know.” She cut him off, coolly. “And definitely you knew what you were getting into before you agreed, right?”
“I know, I’m just trying to explain stuff.” He ran a hand through his hand, before clasping it with the other again. “It was basically about changing who I was. I knew what it would entail, before I came over to your office that day to suggest that we give the relationship a shot, and I knew it was going to be difficult, but should I say I had a poor judgment of my willpower, because it turned out to be more difficult than I thought, but I pressed on anyway because you were worth it. We were worth it.”
“What changed then?” Her facial expression was becoming more of irked, and less of neutral.
“Nothing changed. We were still worth it, but I wasn’t strong enough. After two months, I was missing the canny pleasures of my old life so much, that on some days I thought I was going to run mad. And then I met you after this long time, and I really missed you and I was needy. The entire meeting crapped out, and you told me straight in the face that I was no different from the old version of me, that I’ve been running away from. I thought I had made reasonable progress, but that day I realized I had only been in denial.”
“And so you just decided to hell with it all, and did what you did without caring for the consequence of your actions?” She asked, her hands propped on her waist—and an elusive ache in her voice.
“Of course not, I could have never intentionally hurt you.” He clenched his fists, to prevent himself from closing the space between them. “That doesn’t make any difference, but it’s the truth because I did care for you that much. That moment I kissed Naade, wasn’t one of my brightest moments. It was one of my lowest, that I couldn’t trump because she was right there next to me. I just needed to let you know that I was going through much more than I let on, and so you shouldn’t assume like I was just being classic me by kissing Naade—”
“That was the problem,” Anjola interjected, and shook her head. “You kept it all bottled in, and didn’t talk to me. Why? One would think you had learned from your mistake after doing the same thing with Tiolu, when you were kids but you repeated the same thing again. If you had told me, it’d have been our problem and not just yours alone. It’d be our fight, but you shut me out and didn’t say all of that, until the last possible moment that I couldn’t be there for you.”
Lekan swallowed. “You wouldn’t understand, Jay. All your life you’ve always been this…upright, virtuous person. You didn’t struggle to have a moral compass, and if you did, it’s nothing compared to mine, trust me. And you were already paranoid about us, can you imagine what it’d be like if I told you every week, that this new path I’ve decided to take was somewhat suffocating and that I wished I had the liberty of my old life? I think opening up would have done more harm than good.”
A bit of Anjola’s scorn melted away. “You do have a point with my paranoia and insecurity, but trust me I’d have been able to work past it eventually. Come on, I stumbled upon the fact that your partner at work was someone you’ve been with in the past and I managed to stomach it.
“And fine, I might not be able to relate so much to your struggles, but sometimes it isn’t the fact that I can relate or that my words could remedy the situation that matters. What matters is the fact that someone who cares enough to listen is there with you, to share your burden. Remember the exact words you and Tiolu told me back at the hospital? You should take your own advice, sometimes.”
“Well, it’s too late for that anyway.” He said, conclusively and began to round up his speech. “So once again, I’m sorry for the pain I put you through. It wasn’t my intention, as I really did wish we could work eventually at the end.”
“It’s all good,” Anjola shrugged, and gave him a tight smile. “Not like it’s good for you to have done that, but now that it’s all done…be rest assured that I’m not going to set fire to your properties and break the windshield of your cars, to get revenge.”
“Say what you want, but I’m not taking any chances. Main reason, I parked my car out of the premises and didn’t bring it in.” He quipped, and they both shared a laugh. “So how has your day been so far? I mean like, the whole picnic thing. It’s been fun? I hope it hasn’t suffered much from my absence.”
“You wish,” She rolled her eyes. “Well, it’s been good. Everyone is just chilling around, talking, making new friends, nothing much.”
“I see,” He nodded. “And you? You’re doing okay? Taking all things into consideration, like your dad’s death and well…you-know-what.”
“You-know-what?” She laughed once more, and the laughter reached her eyes. “I’m doing good, I guess. Buried up with my eyeballs with work and all, so I’d be fine. By the way, did I tell you of my new promotion? I must have forgotten to tell you, throughout the chaos of things that dad’s death set into motion. Anyhoo, I’m now the assistant head of the accounting department.”
“Damn,” He exclaimed, half flabbergasted, half impassive because of the fact that he expected that much from her. It was one of her winsome traits, that had drawn him to her. The fact that she wasn’t an empty head, and had essence, intellect and grit. Once again, he cursed himself under his breath for relinquishing a gem as precious as her, because of a flimsy mistake. “I can’t even say I’m surprised or shocked or anything, because I expect nothing less from you. But for you, that is still warp speed. I mean, assistant department head at a firm like Sigma? Your salary is definitely in the million-Naira range?”
She nodded, her face swelling with self-pride. “More than triple of what I used to earn. When I received my first salary last month, I stared at the new balance in my account and felt so unsettled, as if someone had mistakenly wired that much to me, and police were going to barge into my house soon enough to interrogate and arrest me.”
“I’m truly happy for you, Anjola. You deserve it and much more.” He said. “What about that Delano dude? You told me he was your boss sorta, as the acting department head. Did they sack him?”
“Oh, no.” She shook her head. “He got promoted also. You know, he was the assistant before so now he’s the head, and I’m the deputy. We share an office and all, now. We’re the youngest executives in Sigma’s history though. I wished there was like some sort of Hall Of Fame record, of the company where our names could be entered.”
“Haha, I bet the female director that you admire so much would notice you now, huh?” He asked on impulse.
“Aww, you remember that?” Her face lighted up at this. “You sure got that right. The first day on the job, she summoned me to her office and instantly recognized me as the tissue paper woman, just like you had said she would.”
He made it a conscious action, not to laugh too hard. “It did leave a lasting impression then.”
“It sure did. Anyway, she commended me on the promotion and practically made me her goddaughter on the spot. She said I should remember, that she’s always there watching out for me, and that we should definitely watch each other’s back, since we’re amongst the few population of women in high positions of the company. We even exchanged numbers. She’s so nice in this professional, cool way that I don’t know how to pull off because I do want to be like her, in the next couple of years. You know, when I’m old and there is a young female recruit in the company, ascending to a high position.”
“You’d be all that and more,” Lekan said, with a finality so loud that Anjola straightened up, already knowing what his words presaged. “I need to get going, Anjola. It was good seeing you for a final time—”
“Final time? Why you talking like you’re leaving here to go commit suicide or something. My best-friend is your twin sister. We’d definitely run into each other frequently, from time to time.”
“Of course, I know that.” I was only saying goodbye to our relationship. Lekan knew without being told, that his relationship with Anjola was about to revert back to its default. To what it had been, before the wedding brought them into close proximity. It was all for the best of course, because he couldn’t remain close to her heart as a friend, without complicating things. It was best for them both, if they moved on. “I’m just rambling, don’t put too much meaning into my words. Goodbye then. For now.”
Just as he whirled around to leave, Anjola did the unexpected. She closed the space between them, and hugged him. It was nothing intimate, since their bodies weren’t squashed together and her head wasn’t nestled on his chest, but it was a heartfelt hug nonetheless. After about three seconds, she pulled away and sauntered off, back into the action by the beach. He remained static for a bit, and watched her go—watched her walk out of his life, before swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat and heading outside, to his car.
Goodbye, Trailer.
Like he relayed to Anjola, Tiolu had suggested therapy to him in the hopes that it would aide in his second trial of making a transition to a better version of himself. According to his sister—and even Anjola—one of his many flaws was the instinct to bottle his emotions up and not open up. It was pivotal for him to overcome that genetic defect of his and there was no better remedy, than partaking in therapy and opening up to a professional, adept at empathizing with his dilemma from a critical standpoint and offering useful advice.
In no time, he had arrived at the hospital for his appointment and was waiting in the office of the therapist—while wondering if therapy was truly that efficient. He knew of the many complaints lodged about therapists, and the general consensus about how infuriating they could be in their probing capacity. But he didn’t exactly have a lot of options to choose from, and he did need all the help he could get to ensure that he didn’t fail the second time.
“Why exactly do you think you failed to change completely like you wished, Mr. Keye?” Lilian Anegbe, the therapist who was a middle aged dark complexioned slender woman, that managed to look daunting in her white coat, despite being petite—asked him a couple of minutes into their conversation, on why he was here and seeking out professional help.
“I’m not exactly sure, but I know it has to do with a number of things.” Lekan replied. “But the one I think is more legit, is the fact that I didn’t love her enough, I guess.”
Lilian reclined in her chair. “I think otherwise, Mr. Keye. At least, according to your explanation I don’t think that’s the case. You did love her enough to make an effort to abandon your life and sacrifice all that you loved doing, just so you could adjust to her standards.
“That’s the primary definition of love. The willingness, ability to make sacrifices, prioritize the needs of the other person above yours. The decision to do whatever it takes, to be what they need. You had all of these, and maybe you did falter along the line, but that has to do more with the circumstances surrounding the relationship and your perception of things, rather than your love for her.”
“Sorry?” Lekan sat up. “I don’t think I’m following.”
“It was in your moment of weakness that you fell victim to your vice. It wasn’t an intentional action.” Lilian continued. “Love doesn’t promise that you won’t ever make a mistake, because most mistakes are involuntary after all. Love says that when you do a mistake, you’d do all that you can to make amends, even if the outcome of making amends isn’t pleasant for you. Like how you went out of your way to make amends with Anjola, even if you know she’s never going to be yours again.”
“Right,” He sighed. “So what’s my problem then? Love isn’t the answer?”
“Oh, no. Love is the bedrock of all compulsions to do good things.” Lilian clarified, with a smile. “But it isn’t the only thing you needed, and that was why your change wasn’t complete. It’s not only a matter of you needing more time, you see. You’re changing the crux of your habits, the very essence of what your life revolves round. It’s perhaps the hardest decision a man can ever make, and for another person? It’s the true epitome of love, that’s why I want to iterate that it wasn’t that your love wasn’t enough. It simply wasn’t adequate.
“From your story, I can deduce that you hardly liked anything about your new lifestyle. You saw it as constraining, cagey, and restricting and so on and so forth. That is where you started to go wrong. For anyone to make any defining change, asides being motivated—they have to see the light in the new life, the prospect of it being even better than the one they’re leaving behind. They have to love the change. You didn’t love your change. You loved Anjola yes, but the change? No so much. And it also didn’t help that you were changing for her.”
He frowned. “That was the point of the entire thing.”
“Yes, and that’s why it was doomed to fail. You can’t change who you are—your habits, not your personality which is impossible to change—for someone else, Mr. Keye. It’s too big of a thing to do for anyone. You want to change? Change for yourself, and not for someone else. It is then that change is possible.
“Because as long as the compulsion to change—is brought about by the need to be something for someone that’s not you, if a moment comes when that person is not in the equation—you’d hit rock bottom and find yourself at square one, once again because the change was all for them and not for yourself. You, Mr. Keye need to change your toxic habits for yourself and yourself only, and not for Anjola or anybody else.”
The weight of Lilian’s words hit him, and he found himself reeling in the realization of what could have been, if he had been aware of the truth right from the onset. He didn’t know if it was still possible to salvage his broken relationship with Anjola, but what he did know was that he was doing this—changing for himself, irrespective of if his relationship with Anjola was redeemable, because he was first of all his own person, before he loved Anjola and he couldn’t truly be what anyone needed him to be, if he wasn’t that person already.
“So, you still want to go ahead?” Lilian asked, sitting up straight.
“What do you think?” Lekan smiled, before extending his hand for a handshake—marking the beginning of his journey to redemption. He wasn’t of the notion that his second trial would be his last, because it was perhaps the most difficult thing anyone could set out to do, but he was determined to go all the way and persevere to the end, until the day that he’d come out the victor because he was tired of his old habits, tired of his old life, and needed—wanted the change that was going to come his way.
-------------------------------------------
And that’s it!!! We have come to the end of the story, and the series invariably.
How was the ride? It was one heck of a journey writing this 180k word book trust me, and all I can do is hope fervently that every single word of it was worth it.
I do have a plea to make, a favor to ask. (I mean, I released the full novel at once? How many authors you know, on this platform that do that?) Go to my wall, and write a review of your experience reading this book. It doesn't have to be anything professional. Just express yourself, and say all what you loved about the novel.
Anyway that's that. I hope the story resonated well with you. I know you're probably wondering, “oh no, they didn't end up together.” Well, that’s not the story I wanted to tell. They might get back together in the future, who knows? I wanted to write a story on change, how it is possible and why many people go about it wrongly. The author’s note, that follows this—is more explanatory.
Thanks for joining me on this journey again. Hope you had a great time reading. Don’t forget to post your review on my wall. And if you’re too shy for that, perhaps you don’t want people to see your thoughts, then you can just message me privately or comment here, directly.
I look forward to hearing from you. God bless you.