"Alli, get your ass downstairs! We're leaving in two minutes, and I'm not waiting any longer!" That's my best friend Jade, and does actually love me, believe it or not. She hates being late, which I'm aware of, but I can't help the slow start. I'm always taking my time for everything I do, to make it better. She's being shady, because most of the time she isn't on time at all.
Jade and I've been living together for almost a year now, and I am not planning on moving anytime soon. We're like sisters, maybe even closer. We fight like sisters, which makes us closer. Jade has been my best friend for as long as I can remember, which might be not that long, since I've a short term memory, but I can promise you we've been friends for a very long time. She's like a sister, and I would do anything for her, even if she's a pain in the ass. Before my life turned upside down, I used to tell her anything, but I've changed. The situation has changed. Our friendship has changed. I trust her with my darkest secrets, and I would give my life up for her, but something changed me. It changed the old Allison. I never had a real sister, but Jade has always been there for me, like the sister I would wish for on my lonely days. My mother and dad couldn't offer me siblings, but I found one on my own.
Jade has always been good at keeping secrets, especially mine. There are some situations I prefer not to talk about, because it changed me as a person, even as a friend. Talking is difficult, but talking to her about it seems impossible. I just don't want her to feel like I'm pathetic and helpless. My mother always told me, 'Sweetheart, one day you'll have to speak up, that person could be your closest friend,' and she was right. If I gained the balls to speak up I would speak up, but maybe after all these years I still haven't gained my balls. Maybe I never will.
We talked about my past, and we talked about the hard parts, but I couldn't tell her or anyone about my darkest days. She knows about him, and she knows how he handled stuff. Me being the stuff, but some parts are just too painful to talk about. She knew this wasn't her fault, and she never forced me to talk about it with her. Hiding the truth from her wouldn't change a thing, and it wasn't because I didn't trust her. It's just too difficult. She would actually listen to me, and she would try to help me, but there is no hope for me anymore. That much I know. After him there wasn't much hurt anymore, because the moment I felt him was the moment the pain left my body. When the weeks flew by the flinching started to disappear more and more.
"Alli, we should go!" Jade calls out for the second time. She interrupts my thoughts, thank god. My therapist said being outside will do good, well Ms. Sutter you're so goddamn wrong. Being outside won't fix everything, but she's highly conviced by that. Being out of the house does do me good most of the time, but it won't fix what's already broken. I don't have the need to speak to strangers, but she won't get that, because that's literally her job. Exiting the house always feels like being hunted by the voices of people looking and judging. Before him I used to love going outside, I used to be... confident. Being outside the house makes me feel locked in. Isn't that funny? Being outside makes me feel trapped, while being inside makes me feel safe and secure. I never thought anything could make me feel this anxious and broken. Little did I know that I couldn't blame anyone but me, or that's what I did over the last years. I blamed myself for what happened, because I could've stopped it from going further.
"I am ready, and I'm sorry it took this long." Anxiety kicks in, and I start swiping my shorts. She looks at my hands and grabs them. This was the reassurance I needed. She didn't push me to talk about it, she didn't push me to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. Tonight we're visiting a home game, and I'm not going to let my problematic past ruin everything. I just want it to be great, like the old times. The good old times.
Jade knows how to rock an outfit, because she does it all the time. She loves showing off, especially when there were guys she liked watching. I used to be a little jealous about her looks, because she's absolutely gorgeous, but then again, she actually made sure she looked nice all the time. Jade liked this guy Matthew, so she made sure he was looking her way. This guy hasn't put much effort in the relationship train, from what I've heard he's just doing casual. She might not be ready for 'just casual', but it's her own choice and life. Besides that, they are attractes to each others looks, so it might work out for them. Jade was up for the game, until she fell for them.
Matthew is a good player, off and on the field, sadly. He's tall, has a muscular body, nice shoulders, which everyone appreciates. His body wasn't exactly awful to look at, and she'll always go after the people I warned her about. It's because she's stubborn, just like me. According to what she told me she wants to have children, which meant she might be going after the wrong type of guys. Her first relationship was with her ex boyfriend. He was a hockey player who decided to break her heart by cheating on her. Cheating is a selfish move, but the guy even made it worse. He cheated on her with her friend, a cheerleader on the opposite team. That must be terrible, seeing your boyfriend getting head by someone else. I must say, forgiving him would never been on my priority list, but who am I to judge right? The second time it felt like I had to jump in, before she forgave him again. I stood up to him, gave him a fuck-off and punched him in the nose when he called me a selfish whore. He's one of these people who think they are better than everyone else, it just simply disgusts me. She's a girl with a good, pure heart, and no one deserves to be treated that way.
I was different, before the incident. I was a show off like Jade, I did appreciate the attention of people looking my way. Not anymore, never again.
2 months ago
"Baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't even know we were together! You said it yourself, you said that you wanted to try new things, well so did I." Jade doesn't give away her emotions, but I can see them in her eyes. There isn't anything besides anger and hurt in there. This isn't the Jade I know, the Jade I know isn't quiet. He gets closer, and that's when I get into the middle. It's my time to speak up.
"Look, go home. She doesn't want you here, she's hurt as you can tell. Or maybe you can't, because you don't know her too well. You cheated on her, you live with the consequences." I love this girl way too much to let her accept his apology. He doesn't deserve her love, or any love for what I'm thinking.
"You goddamn bitch. You don't get to talk to me like that. This girl can talk for herself, she's always this girl witj this huge mouth. So talk, Jade." He takes a step closer, but I'm not backing down, not today.
"You don't want her to be happy, right? You're a selfish whore-" And that was my last straw, that's when I hit him. Jade looks at me in shock, and Sam's face turns red. He looks like he wants to kill me, which he probably wants, but that's when Jade interrupts us.
"Sam, leave. I don't want to see you anymore. You can come over tomorrow to grab your things. We're over. After that you'll delete my number." With that Sam spits on the ground and walks away.
Present
Not right now... a flat tire, fucking amazing. An uber it is then, because there's no way Jade isn't watching tonight's game. It means she really wants to see Matthew.
>After a long discussion Jade pays for the cab, which made me feel worse. Being broke sucks, but having people to pay your rides sucks even worse...
We arrive at the match and decide to sit on the third row. Jade wants to sit as close as she can, and the first and second row are occupied. She told me about the team, and I start looking around me, until I notice some players. These guys are attractive, but after the incident I stopped looking at hot jocks. I turn back, and I notice Jade's lover, but I'm not looking at him. My eyes are completely focused on the guy next to him, a tattooed god. No Allison, you told yourself to stop looking for players, stop it!
"What a hot weirdo." Jade says in my ear, while watching Matthew, but I know she isn't talking about Matthew. I'm not asking her about him, it'll make her suspect things. He looks different, but he's extremely attractive and covered in tattoos. Guys like him shouldn't attrack me, they scream bad news, but he's beautiful. A few years ago I wouldn't even notice someone like him, I used to fall for 'the' perfect son-in-law types to make my family happy. He changed me, but maybe this is for the best. My heart changed, after he broke it and maybe it was for the best. He wasn't saving me, but now I realize I shouldn't be saved. I should save myself. Everything that happened was meant to happen for a reason, it made me whole.
"I can't function like a normal human if he's this close. Just look at him." She's still focused on Matthew, but I don't see it. Am I a terrible friend for not supporting her? The guy isn't my type of person. I never liked him, and call me a bad friend for upsetting her about it, but I don't want her to be hyped up, because of the lies I told her.
"How can a human being be this hot, he seems so cute and nice and kill me already." She isn't waiting for my reaction, which is great. She shouldn't like people just based on looks. You can't judge someone on their looks. She's amazing and I love her, but it triggers me. She'll get hurt again, just like Sam did. Matthew's a player, and he doesn't give a fuck about her feelings. She shouldn't let herself get hurt again. I want to help her, but I don't want to be that friend. The bulldozer.
Our team won with twelve against nine points. Jade's dancing around like a crazy fangirl, and I go along with it, because she's my crazy best friend. We look like two happy idiots, but we don't care at this point.
We start talking about the game, but it isn't just about the game. Jade can't stop talking about this boy, but I can't see it. He isn't that perfect. A few minutes later someone walks up to us, which makes her stop.
"Some girls are very happy. Y'all wanna join us for the party? It's Jones' house. Do you know the guy?" Matthew asks us, and I nod my head. Jade isn't doing anything, but staring. She's speechless, that's first time in ever. I tell Matthew we'll meet them there, and he leaves his phone-number to text the address. This better be one good party or I won't be there for long.
"Can we split the money this time?" I ask Jade, but she is too busy with her own thoughts. The only thing on her mind is Matthew, Matthew and Matthew. We sit in the cab, and I'm not in the mood to change clothes for a party. It isn't like I'm there to impress someone, I'm there for Jade, the boozes and the music, that's it.
We arrive at the party, and I go straight to the bar. Drinks will be necessary to survive this night. Jade shoves three shots my way, and I drink them like they're nothing. There're something for sure, but that's what I need right now. Now we wait for them to kick in. I look up, and I see some hockey players leaning against the wall, they're talking.
"We're going to dance, and we'll show these ladies how it's done." Jade tells me with a smirk on her face, she'll show them and I'll move awkwardly. I look up and I follow the finger she points at someone. On the other side of the room, two girls grinding against each other.
She drags me to the dance floor, and we start dancing. She starts grinding against me, which isn't that weird knowing it's her. After three songs I got back to my safe spot, the bar and my best friend, the bartender. I need a few more drinks, before heading back. I look back to the dance floor, and I'm not needed anymore. I sit down on a chair, and I place my elbows on the bar. The bartender looks at me and smiles, before handing me a drink. He knows I need them.
"Thank you." I tell him, and I see him nodding. He looks at me one more time, before he goes to the other side of the bar, serving someone else. This time I drink a little slower. I decide to head back to the dance floor, and I started swinging my hips to the beat of the song. This is a different feeling, good different.
"I've to ask you something, are you like, I don't know, a porn star? I do think I know you, and I don't go out too much." A guy behind me asks, while grinding his crotch against my butt. My head tells me to be offended, but I pull the guy closer and I smile at him. I cock an eyebrow up and I laugh.
"Please, I'm better than any porn you'll ever see. Don't tell girls the thing you just told me, it's pathetic and weird." And with that I walk away, these boys are making me want to puke. They make me think about him. The moment I see Jade, I tap her on her right shoulder.
"We should go, hun." I tell her with a smile, and I see her completely focused on him. I don't want to ruin her moment, but I've to get out of here and I don't want to leave her just like that. I don't want to leave her with a weird stranger.
"Cops!" Someone calls out, and I look behind me and I see the cops entering the building, fuck no. The moment I turn around I don't see her, fuck, fuck, fuck. Running seems like my only option, but someone pulls me inside a dark room, and I feel two strong hands wrapped around my waist. That's when I notice his beautiful dark green eyes.