Danielle did her best to get back to her normal. She spent a lot of time in her workshop and went on long hikes with Duke when she wasn't working. She tried hard to keep Kristine from her mind, but the nun always found a way of slipping into her thoughts.
She thought about her conversation with Jamie. She wasn't falling for Kristine, that would be ridiculous. The woman was a nun after all. Not to mention the terrible things she'd been through. Then, of course on top of that, they'd only spent a few days together. That's hardly enough time to fall for someone. But dammit if Kristine hadn't made Danielle feel...something.
Something she hadn't felt in a long time. There was a reason Danielle avoided relationships. All of the feelings made her head hurt.
"God, what is wrong with me?!" Danielle said shaking her head. Duke cocked his head to the side and gave her a look.
"She and I could never be, so why can't I get her out of my mind?" She pondered, pacing the kitchen as she made dinner. "And it's not like she'd want anything from me other than friendship" She continued on.
"But damn, she really is a looker don't you think?" She looked at Duke with a smirk.
"What is wrong with me!" She said again, blushing at her own train of thought. She carried on an entire mental conversation, reminding herself of all her short comings. She finished cooking and sat down with a plate of food she no longer wanted.
"Fuck I really do miss her.." She whined aloud. Duke whined back at her and came to rest his head on her thigh. She scratched behind his ears and gave him a wistful look. "You miss her to, huh bud?"
"Ugh four years I've spent out here. Just you and me, Duke. I love our life here, there was nothing I would change. But now?" She trailed off, slapping her thigh which caused Duke to grunt and lift his head.
"Four days with her...four days and I can't get the woman off my mind. Four fucking days and I miss her, Duke. Suddenly it's not the same without her. For the first time in a reaalllyyy long time, I'm fucking lonely....how pathetic." Danielle ranted.
"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Come on let's get you a treat you big baby" She looked at Duke who had cowered away from her. His ears perked up at the mention of a treat and he was at her side in an instant as she rummaged through the pantry for doggie treats.
"Thank you for listening to me bitch" She chuckled tossing the dog a biscuit.
***
After Kristine's declaration, a weight lifted of her chest. She'd known before she even returned to convent that she didn't want to stay. She couldn't. Not after everything she'd been through.
She was a good girl and always had been. As a child, she was bright and got good grades. She cared about others and was alwayd more than willing to offer a helping hand. She'd done everything that was asked of her and usually with a genuine smile on her face.
During her teenage years, she never rebelled like most of the other girls she grew up with. She was respectful and kept her focus on school. She didn't care about boys or dating, never tried drugs, or broke any rules. When the opportunity to stay with the church and prepare to take her vows arose, she was thrilled.
Kristine loved and cherished her relationship with God. She was raised by nuns in a home for girls, but her love of her faith was not forced on her. It was something she nurtured and took the time to understand for herself. It meant something to her. Behind every triumph or struggle, God was there, her faith was strong. And then He wasn't there, He wasn't listening, He didn't help.
Kristine's life had changed in those 26 days. She had been repeatedly broken down in the worst of ways. And she knew now, that that's what he wanted. The man wanted to break her and make her question everything she had devoted her life to. In many ways, he won, as much as Kristine hated to admit it.
Throughout her captive time she had stayed true to her faith for as long as she could, until she just couldn't anymore. She'd stopped praying and hoping and reasoning. In a way, she just gave up. Then the man let her go. That could hardly be coincidence.
"Kristine?" A voice whispered into the darkness. "Are you awake?"
Kristine looked across the room and met Abby's gaze. The two hadn't spoken much to each other since the incident of the previous night. Kristine hummed in response.
"Are..are we okay?" Abby asked hesitantly. Kristine sighed and got out of bed to cross the room and lay next to her friend.
"I'm sorry Abby. I didn't mean to treat you so poorly. I'm just so frustrated. You know I love you, right?"
"I love you too. And I forgive you. Annnd I'm sorry too. I want to help you, I wish I could, but I seem to always say the wrong things."
Kristine sighed softly and looked up at her friend. "I don't think there is a right thing to say...but I was wondering...would you help me with something?"
"Of course. Anything." Abby replied.
"I'm want to leave the church and to be honest I'm frightened to tell Elena." Kristine admitted.
"Oh Kristine, you can't leave!" Abby whimpered.
"I can't stay." Kristine said sadly. Her faith was shattered and her work no longer held meaning to her. She couldn't bear the pitiful looks people gave her. It ate at her to hear the whispers as she walked past. Every awful thing that happened to her was thrown back in her face each time she walked out the door. The painful memories too easily triggered in a place that no longer offered the solitude and peace it once had.
Abby sighed, it would be hard seeing her friend leave, but it was even harder seeing her so broken and unhappy. If their roles were reversed, Abby figured she would be doing the same thing. She could understand Kristine for wanting to leave. "I'll miss you so much..." Abby replied softly.
"And I'll miss you too." Kristine said pressing a soft kiss to Abby' s cheek.
"I wish you'd reconsider. Stay a little longer, try and get your bearings back."
"I can't, Abby. This just isn't for me anymore."
Abby sighed out a long breath. "I know. I don't blame you...so how can I help you?"
Kristine smiled softly, relieved her her friend was willing to understand. "Will you come with me to talk to Elena?"
"Of course."
"Thank you. Tomorrow after morning prayer, it's the best chance to catch her in a good mood."
"Elena has good moods?" Abby laughed. Kristine laughed along with her, rolling her eyes. Elena was often a difficult woman. She had a good heart, but was strict and sometimes down right ruthless. Kristine felt the nerves creeping in at the thought of their conversation. She knew though if she was going to leave through the proper channels, she needed the woman's approval before the church would accept her decision to leave.
"What will you do? Where will you go?" Abby asks quietly after a few minutes of silence.
"I was thinking I would get my nursing degree." Kristine said thoughtfully, dodging the latter question.
"Oh that's great. You'd make a wonderful nurse. Carrollton Children's hospital is always in need of more nurses." Abby smiled.
"Thank you." Kristine replied. She smiled at her friend's thoughtfulness but shook her head slowly. "I don't think I want to stay in Virginia. Everyone knows me and what happened to me here. I just want to start over."
Abby frowned, "So where will you go?"
"North Carolina maybe" Kristine mumbled.
"North Carolina?! You mean with that woman from the mountains?"
"Yes, Danielle. That is if she'll have me. Why? Do you think that would be weird?" Kristine wonders aloud. She didn't have any family and the only real friend she had was Abby. That left her with no where to go. Plus considering the vow of poverty she'd taken, she wouldn't be able to afford a place of her own until she had a few months of work under her belt. Danielle said she was welcome back, but now she wondered if the woman really meant it or if she was just being polite.
"You don't really know her" Abby shrugged.
"I don't have anywhere else to go." Kristine replied.
"I'm sure Eric wouldn't mind taking you in. At least you know him." Abby said referring to her brother. Kristine liked the man well enough, but wouldn't want to impose on his life with his wife and children. The idea seemed more awkward than anything. Plus Eric lived in Virginia, which Kristine wanted to get far away from. There was a peacefulness to Danielle's home in the mountains that appealed to Kristine. Those few days with her had been the best since her whole ordeal. A part of her believed she could really heal and start over in North Carolina.
"I suppose if Danielle weren't open to having me then maybe I'll see if Eric would take me in until I can get on my feet." Kristine said after a moment.
Abby nodded, unsure what else there was to say. She wondered why Kristine seemed so dead set on Danielle and North Caroline, but she shrugged the thoughts away. "God, I'll miss you." She said again.
"I'll come back and visit."
"It just won't be the same."
"I know. But I have to leave, Abby. And I want to get far away from here."
"I know. I can understand why." Abby sighed.
The women layed in silence until they each drifted off to sleep. Kristine was up early in the morning and pacing as she mentally rehearsed what she might say to Elena.