Wrote this chapter to Smother by Daughter, listening is super optional but it just hit right for some scenes.
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Damon's P.O.V
I watch Will walking away, instincts blaring at me to follow him and make sure he made it home okay.
I shouldn't have let go of his hand.
I take a step forward but stop when Mekhi reappears in front of my path.
I look over his shoulder at Will's receding back, Theo whines loudly at the space growing between us with every step.
Each one tearing at me until he's out of sight.
I fix my eyes to Mekhi, feeling them glow as I glare at him. My talons extend slowly with my canines, the anger rising as I pin him under my gaze.
"Someone better be dead or damn close to it," I growl lowly making him take two careful steps back.
"The pack was challenged to the arena and we couldn't turn it down, Alpha Julian had to represent because Alpha Aiden... he hasn't been himself since you left." Mekhi scrambles quickly, his words only slowing towards the end. "Alpha Julian had to face a new alpha, one much younger than him."
"But he won." I finish crisply, fists clenching with the need for it to be so.
"Barely." He admits with a pained expression. "He took one hit in particular, it was really bad Damon."
I blink at him, mind clearing as my heart stops just like everything around me, suddenly coming to an overbearing halt as I stare at him. I blink again, hoping the action would clear things, but it doesn't. I try to breathe and fail, not a single capsule of air willing to fill my lungs. I stare at Mekhi, his face showing that he saw the pain, the agony that rippled through me at the thought of my father hurt.
"Is he okay?" I ask, my voice cracking slightly as I try to kickstart my heart again. "He's okay isn't he?"
"He's healing."
That's not okay. He's not okay.
"The pack won this match but word is spreading, quickly." He explains, his features dipping with sadness. "People have heard that you have not taken your position as alpha, they know you're not there and aren't afraid to challenge anymore. More packs want to challenge us for the number one position, all with younger, stronger alphas."
"I w-"
I stop myself, tongue running dry at the reminder that I couldn't step in even though I wanted to. I let my talons sink into my palms, needing something to steady me against the sting of my mocking thoughts. Each one hitting me like fresh whiplashes as everything I'd pushed away for the last two months comes rushing back in all at once.
I am not alpha.
They lied to me.
They didn't believe in me.
They think I'm a demon.
"You need to come back." Mekhi finishes, his eyes searching mine desperately as the rage tries to take over. "You need to come home and take your place as alpha."
Zero regards for life.
"I can't," I reply through gritted teeth, speaking the words from my own lips felt like declining my responsibilities. "My parents won't let me."
"They will now." Mekhi pleads but I shake my head. "They have to Damon or they'll keep getting hurt."
"They won't!" I snap back making him quiet immediately.
I knew my parents well enough to know they didn't go back on their word and they wouldn't go back on this. Besides, even if I showed up, they wouldn't change their minds just because they needed me.
They wouldn't use me like that, I knew that much.
"Then at the very least, call them Damon." Mekhi protests with growing vigor in his tone. "The pack is suffering without your presence, but more importantly, your family is suffering without you. They miss you, Damon."
I close my eyes. Focusing on the rapid rising and falling of my chest as all the air comes flooding into my lungs, making things blur suddenly. I try to slow my breathing, trying to focus on something other than the way his words cut me open, draining me of all my anger and left me empty with only hope.
"They miss me?" I ask hesitantly, opening my eyes to see his face.
"Damon your family is falling apart without you," Mekhi reveals, mixing the hope with guilt to create something bitter within me. "Every single one of them is suffering without you. The pack barely sees Hagen or Josey, they've kept themselves locked inside of the house.
Peter doesn't even speak to me anymore, no matter what I do he won't talk and your brother Levi and his mate, they came back to look for you."
"Levi came home?" I ask taking a desperate step forward.
"He's refusing to leave until they find you, he searches every day with his mate."
My heart lurches, memories of Levi and I flickering through me, bring distant emotions to the surface to completely consume the anger. Memories of Levi taking care of me, fighting for me, looking after me... the knife he gave me.
I press a hand over my chest, yearning for the erratic thumping to stop as it pushes against my fingers. Theo whines and howls, instincts reaching forth desperately with the need to be reacquainted with my home and my family. To fix all that I'd left shattered behind and make sure they were all okay again.
I just wanted them to be okay, to be happy.
But in all the pain there was joy, a sick twisted spec of joy that was relieved that they mourned my presence on noticed my absence. I knew it was wrong but it made everything, just a little bit easier.
"And my parents?" I press hopefully, hope that fades the moment his face drains with agony.
"You're parents aren't doing well Damon." He whispers gently as if sensing one wrong word could break me more than I already was. "The pack doesn't see them much anymore but each time we do is worse than the last."
"Worse?" I ask hesitantly, not wanting the answer but knowing I needed it.
"They're different now, different without you." He says with softening eyes. "Damon you're their firstborn child, they haven't heard from you in two months and they don't know where you are. Haven't you thought about how that would affect them?"
I hadn't.
I couldn't even imagine them missing me through the clouds of pain when the agony was raw and the anger was poignant. I hadn't contemplated a scenario where they felt a missing element without me, hadn't considered how my absence would hurt them.
But things were different now, being here with Will, with his light and affections had made the rage reticent and the misery I'd held onto within my heart, airy.
Will was mending me.
Now, within clouds of enmity, I could see how it'd hurt them, my parents. I could see how my parents, who were so loving and protective, would feel heartbroken with my disappearance. I could imagine the tears and I could feel the pain, especially the one that would've festered within them at my parting words.
You did this to me.
A shaking hand covers my mouth while my body begins to fracture, muscles breaking down, skin tearing and eyes gleaming as an image of my father's torments expression revealed itself without the anger.
He looked destroyed and I'd done that.
"I can tell you've clearly got something happening here." Mekhi continues, reminding through my guilt of Will. "So please just call, for now, let them know you're okay maybe, that you're safe."
I nod mindless, the image of my father's face clearly displayed in my mind and haunting in it's besieged state.
"I'll check back in a couple of days, seriously think about coming home, Damon. When I agreed to help you, I didn't think you'd be away for such a long." Mekhi admits while bending his head a little to meet my downcasted eyes. "I didn't expect to be trying to hide your from the world's greatest witch."
Wait a minute, what?
"Aunty K is trying to find me too?" I question in surprise after lifting my head, eyebrows narrowing from his words.
Aunty K had always been close with Levi, not me, she hadn't ever shown any real interest in me or anyone else but Levi.
"Yes, and it is a serious bitch trying to fight her off, especially since she likes a challenge and knows someone is hiding you." He sighs dramatically, rolling his eyes several times. "I've been interrogated many times man and the only reason I'm keeping her off you're scent is because Nikola is helping me hide you. He's doing most of the work against her now, I'm in charge of everyone else."
"Nikola?" I exclaim with a deep frown. That made no sense, that kid cared about nothing in this world but Hagen and that was a fact.
"Yeah, only because I take him with me when I go to check up on Peter so he can check on Hagen," Mekhi says while rubbing his face. "He is highkey contemplating trapping you in the pack to make Hagen happy, but he's a selfish bastard and loves the alone time with the kid. Point is, it's hard as hell hiding you from two alphas, the greatest witch and a pack with over ten thousand people. I'm fucking dying Damon."
"The pack is looking too?" I question unsurely.
"Damon, most of the pack is trying to find you." Mekhi sighs tiredly. "Did you think that after an entire year of getting to know them, that not a single one would start to like you?"
I blink once at this before doing it again, shock making me mute with his absurd words.
"The pack wants to find you too, not only your family." Mekhi finishes with a small smile. "We want you home."
Home.
The pack lands which ran for endless acres, the ones I'd grown up in and learned everything I cared about in. The ones where I learned to run as a wolf, the ones where I watched my fathers be the best alphas on the planet, with the goal of one day being the same. It was where I learned the history of the wolves, where I met other species who were welcomed in the safe haven that our pack had become. Home was the pack and I loved it.
Everything I knew revolved around the pack but I never imagined it would stop spinning without me.
I look up at the sky, staring at the moon with silent prayers for Goddess' wisdom to lead me to where I needed to be and what I needed to do. For her to show me the pack that would end with everyone being safe and happy, but not only the wolves I cared for but the human that'd cared for me.
My eyes part instantly, horror racing through me as I look around the now dark skies.
Will had left only a few minutes ago, would he have made it back before it got too dark? I wish he'd waited for me, or that I'd kept him here. But there was no way I could ignore my family in a time of need, there was no way I could just walk away from that.
But by choosing them, I left Will alone.
"I'll call home, and prepare to come back," I say finally before circling him and taking off.
It was pack, you couldn't ignore something wrong with the pack or your family - Theo argues against the mountain of guilt that began to build as I ran through the streets.
I keep my eyes sharp and eyes alert as I follow Will's scent, running after it with desperate prayers that he made it home safely.
But he's my mate, mate comes first - I groan with growing anxiety as I let his scent lead me. Will won't understand, he doesn't know about the pack or anything about me really.
I think Will is a sensible man who won't blame you for choosing your family - Theo begins as I approach our building, relief spiking through me when his scent leads inside. He got back in time. However, I think his past has left him scared enough to be cautious. If you're not careful, he may run.
I think we should tell him, about what we really are, what I really am - I reply, heading up the stairs with too much impatience to wait for the elevator. It'll make everything easier.
Just be careful with him - Theo warns carefuly as I approach Will's door.
I knock against the door, waiting patiently as my heart slows down while my mind continues its determined sprint. I knock again, frowning slightly when the small jingle of locks shake from behind the door.
Will hadn't locked up like this in weeks.
"Will?" I call after knocking on his door several times and receiving no reply. "It's me, Damon."
No reply.
I listen for his heart and find it racing, only spiking my worry as I shift my feet.
"Will," I call again, knocking a little harder but he doesn't come outside. "Are you okay?"
Nothing.
Perhaps he wants to be alone tonight - Theo offers despite the obvious concern laced within his words.
Something doesn't feel right - I argue, knocking once more only to be greeted with silence.
You can try again tomorrow, for now, let's call home - Theo urges softly, I stop knocking but don't move. He's human Damon, such aggression may be frightening.
I step away then, reluctantly listening to Theo's words, trusting in them as I unlock my own space and head inside. I don't pet Blaze when he comes barrelling towards me, heading straight for my nightstand before I could think twice.
I stick it's awaiting charger inside and step away so I wasn't tempted to unplug it. With an anxious heart, I distract myself by feeding Blaze, freezing in my place in the kitchen when none stop messages come through my phone. The small device vibrates in its place while a cycle of never-ending alerts come through its speakers.
I catch it before the vibrations send if all the wood top, tugging it from its source of life in the process. With Theo's strength and my own shriveled up courage, I flick through the most recent messages.
Dad: Today I cooked Salmon, your favorite, our favorite. I thought you may want it if you came home, so I made it and I'll keep making it so the day you come home you'll have your favorite meal waiting for you.
Dad: Are you okay? Safe?
The Food Addict: We miss you Damon, please come home.
Levi: I'm sorry D, I wish I told you now but it wasn't my place.
Levi: Please come home.
Dad: I just need to know you're okay.
Bunny Enthusiast: I promise to hug you, everyone, if you come home.
Dad: I'm sorry about the way we handled things Damon, I'm sorry I hurt you.
Warrior Princess: You're getting a serious beating the second you come back.
Dad: I'm sorry.
Bunny Enthusiast: Please tell me where you are Damon, I won't tell anyone else if you don't want me to.
Levi: Just a call Damon, just a call so I can hear your voice and stop worrying that it's too late.
Dad: I've been cleaning all you're knives so they're not dusty when you get back.
Warrior Princess: I'm going to stab with your own fucking knife if you don't come back, Damon.
The Food Addict: Food doesn't taste the same without you.
Dad: I searched beyond the pack boundaries again, if you're there please be safe there are a few wolves there.
Bunny Enthusiast: I hope you and Blaze are okay, Mr.Fluff and I pray for you every day.
Levi: I won't go back until we find you.
The Original Shitbag: I'm sorry for doing this to you Damon, I just wanted you to be stronger than I was. I'm sorry.
The words for the remaining messages blur from the tears in my eyes, the ones which ran down my face freely, falling on the screen to make the edges of the words spread. I sit still, body curling over itself as hoarse, unbridled sobs came out of me, hands shaking terribly as I cling tightly to the phone. So tight it struggled to not break to pieces within my mournful grasp.
Pain.
Pain, as I've never experienced before, radiates through me with determination and an act of vengeance that pulls me apart from the inside out. I sink down further, pressing the device to the top of my head as I shiver uncontrollably. Sob with lawlessness at the pleading, genuine words which had rung through the messages, only the first of thousands that waited to have a chance at me.
I wipe the tears enough to see again, hands shaking as I press the call logo beside dad's name. Bringing to my ears with a fidgeting heart, fearful muscles tightening as I hold my breathe and wait. The phone rings and rings, no answer coming as I wait, hopeful that he'd hear my call.
"Damon?" Dad's shaking voice comes through on the last ring. "D-Damon, are you there?"
"Dad." I croak, shutting my eyes tightly at the relief which comes filling me at the sound of his voice banishing the worst of my fears, he was okay. I cling to the phone as a small cry comes through his side.
"Damon," He cries, sobbing louder than me, his voice sounding ill with his pain. "Damon." He calls again, his cries carry out alongside my own, hearts willing to be together despite the distance between us.
"D-Damon, I a-am so sorry." He begins through desperate sniffs and strained breaths. "I am s-so sorry for hurting y-you the way we did. I a-am so sorry pup."
I squeeze my eyes together tighter, the term of endearment sending me back to the early years when that was all he called me while he held me every opportunity he had, smiling joyously not knowing the troubled waters that would rock and push us apart.
"I-I am s-so sorry." He presses, hiccuping as I cling to the phone. "I'm sorry."
It's okay. The words stick on my tongue, refusing to be released no matter how hard I wanted to speak them. Needed to free them to console my father's pain, needed to take away the guilt I'd caused, needed to take the pain away from him.
It refused to be spoken because they weren't true, it wasn't okay. It wasn't okay what they'd done, how they did it, none of that was okay.
"D-Damon?" He calls shakily drawing words from my tongue.
"I'm here dad," I manage, opening my eyes to wipe at the wetness beneath them. "I-I'm here."
"Are you okay?" He asks quickly, the tenderness in his tone petting the parts of me which ached the most. "Are y-you safe? A-Are you hurt?"
"I'm fine Dad." I breathe, taking in a lungful to keep me going. "I'm fine so don't worry about me. You don't need to w-worry about me."
"Of course I'm worried about you!" He snaps, his voice shaking with equal frustration and sadness. "It's b-been two months s-since I've seen you, Damon."
I sink down further against my knees, pressing my hand over my face to hide me from the layers of guilt which blend together to keep me suffocated with guilt.
"I-I know and I-I'm sorry I didn't call earlier." I apologize, voice shaking under the weight of his words. "I just needed some time away."
"I know." He says quickly taking a deep breath before replying. "I'm s-sorry for yelling... I've just m-missed you so much."
"I miss you too dad," I admit, cracking under the pressure of the truth, needing him to know he wasn't alone in the pain.
"A-Are you coming home?" He asks gently, his voice rising and quieting with hope.
"Not yet," I admit, feeling Theo whine at the admission while a barely audible sob came from the other side.
"Will y-you be soon?" He asks again, after pulling himself to manage the three words.
"I will, but not now," I assured him quickly, needing to comfort even a part of him. "So please stop looking for me, I'll come when I'm ready."
"Okay, i-if that's what you want," He begins weakly, sounding as if my words battered him, "Then I'll wait."
I breathe out a sigh of relief, grateful for the space to tell Will about our world without having to worry about looking over my shoulder. I freeze then, contemplating whether or not to tell him about Will. If things weren't in their current state, my family would've been the first to hear about my mate. I knew they'd be ecstatic, dad especially, he'd break down with tears.
I wanted to live that fantasy.
"I have to go, dad," I say after a moment longer of silence, hating the way my eyes filled again from my own words.
"W-Wait, just a minute longer Damon," Dad begs frantically, voice hitching with desperation. "Everyone else w-would love to talk to you."
You did this to me.
"I can't," I reply letting the fear lead me.
"D-Damon please don't go."
"I'm sorry," I reply before ending the call, slamming the phone shut within its small home.
The tears fall once more, the feel of our straining family bond pulling at me to go home right now. To go be among my own people, my pack, my family, my parents... but I couldn't. Couldn't even imagine facing my father after the vicious words I'd thrown at him, the ones I'd always denied and kept far away from him. I'd released them at left him to deal with the effects of them.
Facing him was something I hadn't ever expected to fear, to loathe and want to avoid. I bury my face within my hands, crying softly while begging Goddess to put these torturous emotions to rest. But the anger was rising alongside the grief, the rage caused and directed to me as I rocked gently in my place, willing, begging for it to leave me alone.
It was here and it was loud and wanting, demanding for the pain to be unleashed against someone else. But I didn't want it, didn't want to it drown me in it's suffocating darkness and leave me empty without it. I didn't want to feel the way my blood boiled within me, my urges roared to life, misdirecting me to take lives.
I stand shakily, pacing slightly as the wave of guilt builds, pulling the anger with it to leave me wanting.
Theo - I beg desperately, hoping he could make it go away before I made it go away.
Go to Will - Theo says quickly, voice urgent with it. Go to Will, he always calms you. You're not doing this alone Damon, you have a mate, you don't always have to hurt this much. You're not alone.
It quells slightly at the mention of Will, everything quieting to a tolerable ache, giving me the push I need to leave my room and go to Will. I wipe at the tears furiously, knocking and calling for him, needing him more than I knew I could.
When the door finally opens, it takes effort not to immediately cling to him and let it all run out. I watch instead, a feeling of unease washing over me as I look down at his detached figure. His hand tightly bound to the knob as he looks up at me, revealing red eyes, slightly puffy from past tears.
My eyes travel down his frame, insides twisting as I find small marks of bruises over him, some places still bleeding like his scrapped knees. Terror ropes itself around me, holding me there as I look at the bruises until my eyes lift back to his face where his cheek was red with a harsh scrape.
"What happened?" I question shakily, reaching a hand up to touch his cheek.
I stop when he flinches away, leaving me suddenly sore all over from the harsh rejection. The action ricochets through me as I stare at me, letting my hand slowly fall, hanging limply to my side as I look at him. Theo howls loudly with pain that echoes through me, as I stare into the transparent eyes that seemed dull now, lacking the light that'd blossomed there over the past few weeks.
"Will, what happened?" I press fearfully, needing to know why he was hurt and suddenly so unimaginably distant.
"I think we need to take a break from one another." He says looking me in my eyes, his filling with each word as the ground beneath my feet begins to crack. "We've been spending too much time together and I think it's time we took some time apart."
I shake my head before he can finish, taking a step forward but stopping when he only takes a step back. My heart squeezes itself with an unrelenting pressure as I look at him, watching with a yearning soul as his tears wet his face.
"Wait, Will." I plead with wobbling lips as I grip the doorframe, needing something to hold me steady. "W-What happened? Why would you say that?"
He doesn't answer, looking down while his body shakes terribly. My fingers twitch with the need to pull him into my arms, to hold him still but he wouldn't even let me touch him. Hopelessly I hold out my trembling hand for him, placing it where he could see it, offering him the bridge he'd learn to cross with confidence.
He stares at it, tears falling faster as he wraps his arms around himself away, looking away from it in rejection. Theo's howling ring through my ears as I watch the crossing crumble between us, pulling the remainder of it back to me and holding it tight as panic flared through me. Dangerous with its taunts, wicked with its force as I look at my distant mate needing him close but I could feel that I was losing him instead.
"Will." I plead, voice heavy with need as I grip the frames to keep from going any closer. "Tell me how to fix it, t-tell me how to fix it and I will."
"Damon, I don't w-want to be someone's secret." He replies through gentle sniffs as he rubs at his eyes. "I can't d-do that to myself again."
"You're not a secret." I protest but he only shakes his head.
"I am." He says sadly. "W-When someone you knew saw us, you p-pulled away."
I shouldn't have pulled away.
I close my eyes. Wishing and wanting the perfect words to show him that'd it'd just been a moment too much. A moment of panic and fear that'd made me release him. A single moment where my old life met my new one in a brutal collision, leaving me to pick between the two. Switching back to the person I'd been before Will left me scared with the new one, the lines becoming blurred and I let go.
"I-I was surprised." I try but it only seems to make him retreat further into himself. "I just panicked for a single second Will, I'm not ashamed of you or us. I-I'm not, I promise. I j-just got scared for a second."
He nods slowly, swallowing around the lump in his throat as he digs his fingers into his arm. Tears still falling as he looked at me, eyes pleading behind their barricade to be freed but also too distant to reach right now.
"So then I think the time apart will be good for both of us." He whispers, eyes darting away the minute the words were spoken.
"I don't need time apart, I need you." I press desperately making his grip on himself tighten. "I need you, Will."
"And I needed you, Damon." He replies with his first sob, the sound tearing a hole straight through me. "I n-needed you and y-you weren't there. Y-You said you would be, promised to stay with me and you didn't."
Scorching misery flickers to life at his words, growing and conquering until it's flame take me whole with a different, foreign type of suffering that shows no mercy in its administrations. Bleached images of Will in the same state as the one I'd found him in the first night we met making guilt ripple through me until it was drowning me under it.
"I-I know you had to deal w-with your family and I hope they're okay, but I o-only have me, Damon." He confesses voice strained as he reaches for the door. "I h-have to take care of me because no one else will."
I will! I'll be there.
The words don't come out because I knew they'd fall on deaf ears, I hadn't been there when he needed me today, why would he believe me now.
"W-Wait," I say desperately, putting a hand in front of the door before he can close it. I try to breathe, try to keep my voice steady to hide the pure terror clawing through me as he leaves the distance between us uncrossed. "Just wait a second Will. I'm sorry I let you down and I'm sorry I didn't stay with you, I'm sorry. Please just, let me fix this, I'll fix this... I-I need you, I can't do this without you, Will."
Please don't shut me out.
"We need time apart Damon." He sobs gently before pressing the door forwards against me. "I-I need t-to be away from you because I don't think about m-myself when you're here. I t-think about you, a-all I think about is you."
I loosen my pressure against the door, his words portraying a burdened state having me around created, his plea to be alone unconsciously rejecting everything mates represented. I step away and let him shut the door one me, eyes holding his wet ones until they were hidden behind his new barriers.
The sobs haunt me, his pain casting one larger in force against me knowing I was the cause of it. I push away, locking myself inside my space and crashing to my knees, unable to hide from the sound of my mate's agony. I shake in my place, this new version of guilt making me burn with self-hatred which sparks all the other emotions leaving me adrift in my own expanse of pain.
The need to hurt stronger and louder than ever before, a strained mate bond fueling it to lay waste to everything that had breath and peace while I suffered. The pain of my family, the pack and now Will all gathering to push me into a deep well of torment that makes the anger viscous with the need to escape. I cling to myself when I see Blaze coming towards me, scrambling away from him when everything lurches to hurt him. I sink my talons into my legs, sob as I beg Goddess to make it go away.
But it doesn't, only grows and grows.
Theo - I call through my sobs as I close my eyes, trying to steel myself away before I hurt one of the few things I loved in this world. It hurts.
You can control this Damon - Theo urges desperately as I cry. You are strong enough to control this.
No, I'm not - I sob back, the sound of Will crying only spurring the neverending spiral of dismay. I'm not and Will... oh God, I've lost him, Theo.
You haven't lost him - He assures me despite the hesitance in his own voice. You haven't, he's just hurt.
I can't do this without him Theo - I say shakily, holding myself tight as the anger pulses beneath me with the need to be released. Will...
It's okay Damon, it's okay.
Take over Theo - I beg desperately feeling my control slipping quickly. Please take control.
You're in distress and you know that it can b-
I don't want to hurt anyone, Theo. I don't want to hurt anyone and I will - I say desperately as the shift begins to press against me. I don't want to hurt anymore.
Damon try to f-
T-Take over - I beg not carrying about the dangers of it. Just make the pain go away Theo, please...
Okay - He whispers sadly, letting me fall in the background as he slips forward. It's okay, I've got you, Damon. I'll bare it for you, rest Damon.
Rest.
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............ wow
Thoughts?????
Can't lie, I cried for certain parts. Didn't know how truly wicked my fingers were until the bitches did this. Blame them. Fuck that part with Jules took me to the crying fountain.
Lowkey mad at Will, but lowkey get it as well. Lowkey still mad though.
And why didn't Theo want to take control? Hmmmmm.
For some reason notifications are fucked for both books for most people, I notify for coming updates on my Instagram Tippy446_ as well as when I post them.
PS - you guys are doing AMAZING WITH THE VOTING FOR THE FICTION AWARDS. I'm preparing a gift for you all, win or lose. Love you.
Until next time,
Byeeeeeee Humanssssssssssssssss