Damon's P.O.V
I place my fingers just above the tiny knob of the draw, watching them shake around the metal as they balance between touch and hovering just above it.
I lock my jaws together, trying to cage away my cowardice, shoving it deep inside of myself so it couldn't stop me. But it fought back, driving itself deeper, clawing for a spot in my chest where it gripped my heart in an unrelenting hold.
It wasn't going away, not when I was possibly making a decision that could leave me further buried inside the darkness I already inhabited.
I don't think this is a good idea Damon - Theo whispers nervously as my grip on the knob becomes firm.
I miss them - I argue, my emotions building at the admission. I just want to talk to them.
It's too soon - Theo presses, dropping his suggestions to facts. You haven't even begun to pull the hurt apart, it's too soon to dive back in.
The hairs on my arms stood at his words but my overwhelming want bouldered them down.
I missed my fucking family. Missed them more than I knew possible to miss another living thing. Missed their wildness, missed the obnoxious amount of noise they made when we were all together and the turmoil that could arise because of it. I missed their love, missed the abundant love that ran between us all - I missed that more than anything.
I'd woken up missing that, the love, more than ever before. My mind filled itself with memories of when we were all kids, when everything was easier and there was no disappointment to be forged. When there was nothing to be found but happiness and hugs when the smiles seemed eternal in those moments. Warmth and comfort invading from all angles to smother us all in joy.
I'd open my eyes wanting nothing more than to experience it all again, even if it was only once more. Not allowing myself to admit that they were memories of a distant past, the happiness long gone and replaced by the cruel distrust that'd bloomed in recent years, accompanied by poignant disappointment.
I didn't let myself think about what they'd done, how'd they'd lied and hurt me because it didn't matter when the pain was so strong. Didn't matter when I missed them this much.
I tug at the draw's knob, watching it slide open the reveal the black, forgotten system at its base. I'd kept the space empty excluding the one object, not brave enough to face it on any other occasion. Now staring at it, unease built inside but so did joy. I pick it up, the usual feather-light tool now feeling like the full weight of a pup, specially designed to drag me down.
I stuff the phone with its charger, waiting for life to return to the phone and hold my breath when it does.
Time ticks slowly, slugging along with every passing moment. The slow moments giving my mind the time it needed to remind me of the pain and the betrayal, it took the time hungrily.
The hurt resurfaces as I remember the look on my parents face when they saw the blood, the disappointment that dripped from their unspoken words as they mouths hung low in raw horror. I recalled the look in their eyes, nothing like the ones they held in the moments of happiness I'd awoken longing for.
The agony builds to a tipping point against the need to see them, the softness that's formed hardening to shields. I needed a moment to reconsider but then the entire screen shone with light and the weight increased. The tool demanding for a choice to be made, for the cowardice to be relinquished by a certain power I didn't possess.
Fear boils to a scorching heat and I tug at the charger before my data could reconnect itself. I drop the phone as if it was soaked in wolfsbane, slamming the small draw shut with a disgruntled groan. My feet scramble to get away from the device, taking me up and away from the wobbling nightstand.
I stare at the innocent furniture, chest heaving as my mind curled like my fingers, fisting to shield myself but the efforts were aimless. The undeniable cowardice had made a path for the vengeful rage and anger. It was building and fast, my skin itched at the force of it, the tameless rage that bubbled with the need to be released.
The need to shift and to hurt sparking.
I need to run. Needed to connect myself to where I was strongest and needed to blare that power loud and clear to any that were near. Needed to release the hurt to something else so it wouldn't plague me while demolishing any spec of cowardice which dear to stay
I stumbled back, talons dropping suddenly while my canines poked at my lips. I press my hands to my door, letting one search aimless for a handle, every fiber in my body needing the earth's finest soils. I manage to reign myself in enough to keep my wolf form in and swing the door open. I freeze along with the anger when my eyes land on William, his hand curled into a fist just about to hit the space where the door once stood.
He stares up at me, eyes widening in surprise before he jumped back. Heat rushed up to his cheeks at the proximity we'd been at, tugging at my fingertips like controlling puppet strings, wanting nothing more but to feel that heat again them. I grind my teeth together angrily, the inability to touch my own fucking mate mixing with my emotions to create a toxic concoction.
"Hey," He says looking up at me with one of those smiles that quelled the seas of rage for a moment, a moment long enough to let me breathe. "I was wondering if m-maybe you wanted to get that dinner tonight, but I was thinking we could order some pizza. No cooking, if that's okay."
My heart galloped at the gesture, relief and delight making themselves known at the thought of spending more time with William. I'd hoped he'd ask for another meal sooner than this, but he stayed away. It didn't matter now though, we'd be spending the evening together and that's what mattered.
I try to focus on that, using the calm it brought me to push down the raging need to shift before it could swallow me whole.
"Sounds good." I manage through clenched teeth, the two words allowing his lips to slip into a bright smile.
"Great!" He exclaims, seeming to make himself jump at his own excitement. "I mean, good. That's good. Seven?"
"Yeah," I agree with a mindless nod. I grit my teeth together with a greater force when my talons begin pressing against my skin, trying to escape once more. I pull my fist behind my back and force my chest to settle into a normal breathing pattern. "Got to go now, can't talk."
"Okay, see you later," Will replies, completely oblivious to my struggles as he entered his apartment while I bolted for the stairs.
You can control this Damon - Theo tries as I sprint my way through the town, trying to find the closest escape to woodlands.
Not now Theo - I snap back angrily as I sprint, pumping my legs faster as my body weighed itself down on each bone, begging to break them into a shift.
You don't have to hurt to feel better - He argues as I spot the first sign of woodlands.
I shoot forward, crashing to the ground the moment I was far enough out of sight to shift easily. I rake the floor with hazed eyes, barely warding off the shift as I searched for masking elements. I grab the first set of weeds I need and drench myself in the plant.
Then I let go.
My bones shatter in my body, my skin reforming into an animal and I soak in the pain of it all, letting it comfort me as I became something bigger and stronger than I felt. The shift takes longer than usual, new pieces building together to create a wolf bigger than I'd remembered. When I settle, I find my view taller than usual, my build feeling larger than I was accustom to.
It was because I was an alpha now, it was the only meaning that made sense. But I wasn't the alpha I wanted to be, I wasn't surrounded by my family with a pack listening to my every word. No, I wasn't any of that but I was still one by blood. Just a rogue one.
The thought heightens the discord within my chest and propels me back into the depths of the blinding rage, sending me deeper and deeper as my legs took me further and faster.
I caught a scent within minutes, a rogue. My wolf ran like never before, propelling through the spaces of the trees at lightning speed to leave nothing but a white streak in its wake. The need, like my size, was larger than ever before. As if it'd grown with my size, but I knew it wasn't because of that. It was because I was an alpha without the one thing my genes demanded - a pack.
My mind drifts to Levi, worry, and sadness plaguing me at the thought of him quietly experience this feeling for so many years. But it would've been worse for him, he didn't have a wolf, he would've been suffering alone. The thought of my brother in pain slows my chase, but only makes it faster when I remember that he lied as well.
I'd trusted Levi and he, like my parents, lied to me for months on end. He even helped me with some of my ridiculous tasks, had he known the entire time as well? Had he played along just so he could get out of the pack, go to the woods where his mate, someone he truly loved, was waiting? Did he even care about me the way I thought he did, the way I cared about him?
He probably didn't.
He probably saw me as a demon as well. Someone with zero regards for life, just like our parents. He probably only saw the wrongs, he doubted me too I bet. He didn't think I'd make a good alpha, he thought I had no control. He thought I was nothing more than a mutt running in shoes too big for me.
Josey used to say that all the time. She thought I was a mutt. She thought I wasn't good enough to be alpha. I bet she knew all along, so did Hagen and Peter. They all probably knew. All laughed and smiles around the table, all in on the secret and let themselves be amused that I wasn't.
They didn't care about me. Not truly, not like I missed them. They didn't miss me. Why would they miss the person that disgusted them more than rogues themselves? They were probably happy without me, at peace without having to appease their demon mutt.
I sink further into the darkness, my vision blackening as I pounce on my first kill. I let myself fall into the pleasure of my struggling prey, that's all demons were good for after all.
---------------------------
I walk through the little human town with nothing but exhaustion to be felt through every muscle. The smell of blood was poignant to any wolf but the humans just kept walking, one or two offering a smile as they passed me by.
Stupid humans, I wouldn't smile back.
I just kept walking, the same way I'd been since I'd resurfaced in the woods. I'd cleaned myself up, buried and cleaned up any traces of me and began to walk. Now I was in the human town, holding a bag filled with different lettuces for Blaze to munch on instead on my clothing.
My bones ached like it had the first did after my first few shifts, the size and weight of a wolf foreign to me. The same feeling to be found with my bigger wolf. Images of dad's wolf flash before my eyes, I always had to look up to him, I wondered now if we were on the same level. I wondered what he'd say if he saw me, probably wouldn't react with the same joy he once had when he saw I had a white wolf.
The familiar scent of honeysuckle I'd grown to love tugs me away from the edge, pulling me towards it as my feet change course without a second thought.
I follow it all the way to the front doors of a shop called Blue's. I frown up at the music store, curious as to what Will could possibly be doing in there for his scent to be so strong. I could tell it was a place he visited frequently.
I push the door open and wince at the bell that rings directly above my head to announce my entrance. The chiming echoing through my skull to pummel my senses.
The bell. It was one of the human contraptions which I hated the most. Werewolf history taught us that they'd been created a long time ago during the war when wolves got too good at camouflaging among the humans.
The bell was an easy way of distinguishing a wolf from a human, a wolf wouldn't be able to hide a wince or the subtle twitch of their ears from the amplified ringing we heard, while a human would walk in without so much as blinking.
But when the war ceased and the history pages of the humans were bleached of mostly everything they had on werewolves, the bell just become a way of telling when someone entered. But some hunters still remembered and used them to segregate us from their own.
"Just a minute," Will's voice rung through the air from a corner in the colorful store.
I survey the space, feeling a little happier when I find that I'm the only one in. I roam the colorful shelves decked in records of all kinds and sizes, surveying the artists for any I knew and only found a few. But I wasn't interested in getting any from this store, I listened to music provided by the supernatural adjusted for wolves' ears.
I was one of the few in the pack who refused to train my ears to suit the humans' insanely loud volumes which they claimed to be low. I preferred to be among wolves, so I never needed to adjust much more than I had naturally. But I suppose with one of these humans as my mate, I would have to make an exception.
My eyes shot to Will the moment he comes out of a room at the deepest corner of the store, he quickly shuts the door behind him before coming to the counter.
My heart does an annoying flutter when I lay eyes on him, his petite form drawing me in as his crystal, blue eyes shimmer in all their beauty.
He sends me a smile, different to the one I'd grown accustomed to, this one seemed to be a customer smile that made me frown. There wasn't a single sign of recognition to be found on his face.
"Anything, in particular, you're looking for?" He asks as his eyes dart around my face. For a moment his eyebrows draw slightly as if confused but it smoothens out just as quickly.
"Not really," I reply and my frown only deepens when his face morphs into one of realization, eyes brightening as he offers me a small smile.
Did he really not know it was me?
I narrow my eyes as I study him, confused beyond comprehension how that could possibly be the case.
"Damon," He replies with such happiness in his tone that it made the confusion subside for a moment. "What are you doing here?"
"Just thought I'd take a look in, see what music was here." I lie and let my gaze run the shop's length once more. "I didn't know you worked here."
"Well, surprise." He tries with a small laugh before raising a brow. "Do you work somewhere close by? I've never seen you in any of the shops."
"I don't have a job," I say with a huff I didn't mean to let out. But I couldn't help it, I couldn't really have a 'job' because I was born to do only one.
It was in my fucking genes to be an alpha and I was being denied that right. Besides, only stupid humans got 'jobs'. Stupid humans and Peter, he wanted to be a marine biologist.
"Okay." Will stretches, seeming a little put off as well as curious. "Wait, how old are you?"
"Eighteen," I reply with the hopes of him sharing his age as well.
"Oh shit, seriously?" He asks, his face blanching as I nod slowly. "I thought you were way older... I can't believe I'm older than you."
I rub at my cheeks as if I could wipe away whatever made me look old. I knew werewolves usually looked a little different from humans, subtle things like prominent facial features that crafted faces humans deemed as 'attractive'. But that never made people mistake my age.
"Wait, how old are you?" I ask with a similar look on my face.
"Nineteen." He replies and I relax at that.
"Don't let it get to your head," I say waving him off before I begin weaving through the store lanes.
"So you're eighteen, living alone without a job. How on earth do you pay for the apartment?" He asks with a certain level of curiosity he wouldn't have entertained when we first met.
His question sits, waiting patiently to be answered, while his eyes track me like prey as I slip smoothly between lanes. I smirk at the undeniable intensity he follows me with.
"I'll share when you do," I answer, knowing he had a lot more hidden than I did. "I highly doubt this place pays you enough for the apartment not forgetting money for food and your stupid dog." I shoot back, glancing his way over one of the shelves to find his mouth agape.
"I suggest you stop hating on Sassy because I have quite a lot of words for your failed attempt of a bunny." He shoots back, forcing a breathless laugh from my lips when his words settle in.
I watch with building need as Will pulls from the counter and begins making his way through the aisles as well, his eyes tracking me as I track him. A game mirroring chasing prey in the woods, tempting my darkest urges as the irrefutable need to catch him surges up hungry in my chest.
"So, what's your favourite genre of music?" He asks with a raised brow, his finger running along the wood of the wall.
"I don't really have a favorite genre of music." I reply carefully, knowing that he wouldn't recognize any of the supernatural tracks I mostly listened to.
"I'm pretty much the same, I'm kind of all over the place when it comes to music." He admits with a nervous chuckle.
"Is that why you're working here? There's a little bit of everything?" I ask stopping for a moment to look at him and he does the same.
"Well yeah I guess, plus its fun." He says making me roll my eyes. "Pretty much the best job I could ask for."
I make a mental note to further my knowledge of human music for William before I continue my slow trailing and he continues his teasing avoidance.
"What about you? What would you like to do, if you got a job?" He asks, innocent to the emotions his words triggered.
"I'm not sure." I reply, clenching my fists to settle myself. "Still trying to figure it out."
"I'm sure you will, things come with time." He voices earnestly. "May take some time to get there, but you'll get there... unless you die."
"Unless I die..." I agree with a helpless chuckle, the sound soothing my mate's growing blush. "You're horrible at comforting people." I comment with fondness, knowing I was the same.
"It's not a gift I want or need, so me trying to do so is the best you'll get out of me." He replies with a helpless shrug.
"Why didn't you recognize me earlier?" I ask, unable to push away my question any longer.
Sure, just ambush him why don't you Damon - Thei growls angrily.
"I did." He replies after a brief second of shock. His steps faltering only an inch while his heart jumped in confession.
"Marcus," I warn the single word seeming to take the edge away from him as he smiles a little but it fades just as quickly as it came.
"I don't want to talk about it." He says, pulling his eyes from me while his step slows. His hard tone leaving no room for discussion, but I liked discussions.
"Why not?" I press, my feet moving to him as I watch the way his nose crinkles with discomfort. He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, clenching onto the roots for a few seconds as he fills his lungs desperately.
"Because it's not something I want to talk about." He grits out. The tone was meant to be a warning, a warning to back off but I could hear the way the words tremored when passing through his lips.
I don't waste any more time, making my way to him as I watch his walls stacking up quickly but I climb them just as quickly.
"What is?" I ask and stop when I turn into his lane, my presence bringing his eyes up and to me.
He stares at me, chest heaving with clear fear but he doesn't turn away. I take the few steps left between us, closing the distance as he stands in the same space, each step taking his heart higher and higher with every thump. I stop in front of him, leaving a safe distance between us not to trigger his inner banshee and stare him straight in his eyes.
"What is it?" I ask again, keeping my voice gentle enough to not break the moment.
His eyes darted around every inch of my face like an electrified pinball trying to find its seemingly non-existent destination. He panted quietly, a simple question taking him off course to unknown territory, or maybe it was familiar and he didn't like the outcome.
I could tell that he wanted to back away, shut me out and tell me to fuck right off. I could see through the small gap left in his walls that he was ready to fill the last space, but he didn't. He stayed still, watching me despite the fear and panic, facing me head-on with silent vigor.
I hoped and prayed to Goddess that the slowly forming bond that had barely begun to weave together would pull him to trust me, even if it was just this once.
"My eyes." Will answers so softly, human ears wouldn't have picked up on it. He drops his head, taking those luscious blue eyes with him as he glares angrily at his feet, shutting down as if he couldn't bear what was to come next. "I'm blind."
I stare blankly at my mate. Mind clearing to create a new map to figure him out, the old one clearly useless. My lips part, questions littering my tongue but I hold them back, my eyebrows pulling with confusion.
How could he be blind and how the fuck did I miss that he was? He got around just fine and didn't have a cane of any kind or shades, blind humans wore shades and had canes...in the movies
"Are you sure?" I ask foolishly, voicing the stupid question on my tongue.
William's head shoots up, his eyes going from softness to blazing with rage, seeming to think that I was mocking him. His eyes harden to rocks while I remained the sole focus of his gaze, his jaw ticking its equal frustration. I open my mouth to correct my stupidity but he beats me to it, his lungs filling themselves before he exploded.
"Am I sure that I'm blind? Yes, I am." He growls, voice rumbling hard enough to be mistaken as a wolf's. "Everything I see is a blur or blend of what they should be. I can't see your face properly, that's why I didn't know it was you when I first saw you. It's the reason I didn't know that Blaze was a bunny, I just saw a black blur."
"I didn't mean it like that," I say quickly, holding his angry gaze. My skin tightens at his scrutinizing gaze, Theo whining in pain to know that our mate was angry with us. "I just couldn't imagine it at all, you never seemed to be."
"And what does a blind person seem to be Damon?" Will questions, taking a bold step forward that made me somehow feel small despite him having to look up at me.
"Blind," I answer honestly. William stares at me, eyes softening before the crinkle, his lips tugging into a smile despite the way he tried to stop it. "You don't seem blind at all but you're also the first blind person I've met so maybe that's it."
"I'm partially blind." He explains, taking the step back making my heart squeeze, my entire body wanting nothing more but to be that close again, even if it was caused by anger. "I can see objects and people enough to get around and if they're close enough, it's easier."
I nod slowly as understanding drapes itself over me. It explained why his reaction to Blaze and the little pieces of our interactions that didn't make sense, like the automatic frown he had when he saw me before it cleared with recognition.
"Why didn't you tell me before now?" I ask searching those tortured eyes that looked at me with so much hurt I wished to take away and replace with happiness.
"People usually react in a way I don't like." He says dismissively. I decide to let it slip, knowing I'd already pushed him enough today. "For some reason, yours was better."
"The ignorant response?"
"Yup." He replies with a helpless chuckle. He bits his lips as silence reigns between us, my mind running too fast with the need to equate the William I'd known with someone who couldn't see. It seemed almost impossible and distracted me from comforting him. "Does this.... does this change things between us?"
"What?" I ask with utter confusion. Where the hell did that assumption come from?
"Does me being blind, change things between us? This friendship we're building, does it affect that?" He asks, clarifying the question as much as he possibly could.
I tried my best to get past the way my insides twist at the mention of a friendship. Every bone in me rejected it and wanted to vomit, needing him to recognize us as our mate. A mate meant for things that friends didn't do or felt. Meanwhile, my brain rejoiced with glee, not ready to be the target of affection or lustful touches no matter how much my instincts wanted them.
I didn't even know if William was gay, just because he looked a little small and fragile, like an omega, didn't mean he didn't shoot straight.
I push away the new onslaught of worries that made themselves known and instead focus on my mate.
A bundle of frantic nerves looking up at me, blue eyes practically sparkling with hope as his question hung in the air. Disappointment hung behind his gaze, lingering there as if he already expected a response from me that would shatter the desire for simply someone to trust. It was so faint I nearly didn't catch it, so faint my heart ached to bring it back to life.
"Why the fuck would that change anything between us?" I reply with a smirk meant to ease the tension in his muscles. "Just because you're 'partially blind' doesn't change jack shit, it just explains why you don't know how great Blaze is - you can't see him."
William's eyes slowly fill with tears making me freeze as agony slips into my bones and tears me apart from the inside. Panic flaring up loud and clear while Theo screamed at me to fix it and not say anything so stupid again.
"It was a joke." I scramble taking a step forward only to jump back five more when I realize that just made shit worse. "I-I thought a joke would make things better. Shit. Fuck. Shitfuck! I'm so fucking so-"
"It's okay Damon." Will cuts in, a wobbly smile taking his lips as he rubs his tears away. "It did, it really did."
Then why the fuck are you crying?!
I swallow my question fearing it would trigger more tears and instead nod my understanding. Will closes the space between us as if coming to hug me but stop, I glare at the teasing action but then snort when I realize he probably couldn't see the glare. Or could he...
My eyes narrow with suspicion but fade instantly when William looks up at me with a fondness in his eyes that made my spirit fly. My heart leaped with joy at the happiness wielded by my mate, directed to and caused by me.
The look alone brought enough pleasure to make me melt to his feet, my instincts steering with the need to mark him and make him mine and me his. The need to feel his lips against mine, to test of they were as soft as they felt, to claim him in every possible way.
Fuck I was losing it.
"Thank you, Damon," Will says softly basically sending me off the edge at how fucking sweet he looked, smelled and sounded. I was facing a losing battle and I knew it.
Dear Goddess, help me...
----------------------------------
Damon is actually adorable, don't try and tell me different. Yes, he is fucked in the head, but I'm fucked up enough to overlook it.
Thoughts????
This update was longer than usual but I loved writing it, it's so sad that Damon thinks this way about his family. He sees them differently just like they see him differently. I think both sides are fucked and need to talk, but not now - more Will and Damon first.
Make sure to vote and comment you're love if you enjoyed, you know I love hearing from you guyssssssss.
Until next time,
Byyeeeeeeeee Humansssssssss