They're silent again. Blaine has kind of expected a stronger reaction to his statement, but Kurt just sits there and pushes the fragments of the paper napkin into orderly little piles. Then he speaks without looking at him.
"If you're trying to tell me you're Christian and can't get divorced because of the sanctity of marriage or something, I should probably enlighten you that in case you haven't noticed, you're married to a man, and I'm pretty sure most religious people would agree you shouldn't do that."
"No. Yes, I mean." Blaine drags a hand through his hair and winces as it comes back with the sticky residue of yesterday's gel. "But, no. I'm gay and out and proud and everything, and considering how sore I am, there's little doubt I had sex with a man last night. But -" He sighs. "It's a long story."
"If I'm leaving here, I'm going home and tell my lawyer to prepare the divorce papers. So if you don't want me to do that, you should start entertaining me."
Blaine sighs and sits cross-legged on the bed. "It's a very weird story, just so you're warned. But I swear it's true. It's also an amount of crazy I'd normally subject a husband to after...minimal five years of marriage. So."
He sighs again, looks at Kurt. Kurt looks back with a politely waiting expression and some amusement. "My great-grandfather had a small legal business and a larger illegal one. I'm not sure what he did, but he made a lot of money, and apparently, he had business with, um...the Sicilian mafia. And he...apparently, he um, he liked that concept of...famiglia. You know. Leaving a legacy, and making sure his descendants would do what he wanted even after his death. I'm not sure. He even...he was a John, but he made everyone call him Gianni, and all of his children have Italian names."
He ignores Kurt's soft snort and scratches his belly. "I'll have to take a shower soon," he states. "I'm gross."
"Chest hair and dried cum is never a good combination," Kurt says. "Finish your tale, and then you can go shower. I'll even come with you and blow you."
"No!" Blaine says. "We can't do that!"
"Why ever not?" Kurt asks with a frown. "We already did it, and it seems to have been good. Why can't we go for round...five, six? I've forgotten."
He flops down on the bed, propped up by his elbows, and Blaine's gaze automatically goes to his ass. Which is, as stated before, very nice. He almost relents. But, no. He can't be that person. He's not that person.
"Because -" he starts, but Kurt interrupts.
"Wait! Sorry. But first things first. Finish your story. I admit I keep getting distracted by your bed head and trying to remember what your dick looks like, but I really want to know why we can't get a divorce. You seem really nice, but I'd still rather not be married to you, you know."
"Yeah, me too," Blaine mumbles. "My crush on you isn't that big, thanks."
"You have a crush on me?" Kurt says, sounding equally scandalized and delighted.
"Anyway," Blaine deflects quickly, shaking his head. "John – Gianni – was a devout Catholic and incredibly happily married. So, in his will, he decreed that his descendants would have to marry for love, and they weren't allowed to ever get divorced. I don't doubt he's rotating in his grave right now, but his will doesn't say anything about gay marriage; I guess he just didn't think of it. Anyway, if any of his descendants marry for another reason, or separate, they forfeit their part of the inheritance. Which has grown considerably over the years."
Kurt sits up. "So I have to stay married to you so you can continue being a spoiled little rich boy? I don't think so."
He sits on the edge of the bed and starts putting on his shoes. Blaine jumps up and runs around to his side of the bed.
"No, please!" he says. "Please don't do this."
But Kurt's already at the door. "Perhaps you can't get divorced, but I can," he says. "And I will."
"Please!" Blaine says again. "It's all in the foundation. Everyone would lose so much, so many people would lose their jobs..."
"The foundation," Kurt repeats, his hand on the doorknob, without turning around. "You told me about it yesterday. The -"
"The Warbler Foundation. You seemed interested. Please, listen to me. Please. Only for a minute, you can always leave later if I can't convince you."
"You won't," Kurt says, but he turns around and sits down on the single chair in front of the small desk. Blaine drags his hands through his hair and sits down. He is silent for a moment, starts talking only when Kurt looks at him impatiently.
"They cut down all of the arts programs where I live. And I was....I used to be in a pretty bad place in high school, and choir was what helped me make it through. And I thought, now there's nothing that would help a kid like me, that would give him a purpose, and help him make friends, and give him a way to escape...and so I took all of that money and put it in the foundation. We offer dancing and singing and acting lessons, we have a show choir and we put on plays. Those who can pay, do, but those who can't get it for free if they have the talent. And I...sometimes I ask professional performers to come in and tutor or do a workshop or talk about how they made it. You remember me asking you yesterday, you seemed interested in helping us. But now..."
He takes a deep breath and finally looks at Kurt. "If you...do this, I lose everything. The foundation is my whole life, and if I lose the money, there's no way to fund it. The kids and I, and all the people who work there, we'd lose so much."
Kurt's face is calm, and he doesn't say anything. So Blaine tries again.
"Please," he says. "You must have been a theater kid once. Did you never feel like your drama club or choir or whatever was the only thing that kept you...sane?"
"Alive," Kurt says. "I'm pretty sure my glee club was the only thing that kept me alive, sometimes."
Blaine holds his breath.
"If we...if we did this," Kurt says. "It would be temporary, right?"
"Yes,"Blaine says. "I'm sure my nonna – don't laugh, she isn't Italian either, but the name just stuck. I'm sure she'll figure something out. She knows these things."
Kurt's hands open and close. There's nothing left of the paper napkin, or Blaine is sure he'd be picking at it again.
Suddenly, Kurt's face brightens. "Annulment! That would work, wouldn't it? It'd be like we never married at all, right?"
"It...should? I don't know? Until now, I've never had much reason to think about that, I'll have to call my lawyer and ask."
He starts looking for his phone, it's not in his pocket, and when he finally finds it on the floor under the bed, it's nearly dead. He puts it on charger to make his call, and before he dials, he asks,
"On...on what grounds would we get an annulment?"
"We never consummated the marriage, of course. I'm sure we had all this probably amazing sex before we got married."
Blaine nods. He has a hole in his left sock, and it's driving him crazy. "Right. I'll put him on speaker, okay? So I don't have to repeat everything he says."
It takes a while to actually reach Wes, and while he's asking secretary after secretary, he fiddles with the hole in his sock until Kurt loses patience and just pulls both of them off his feet and throws them in the trash right on top of the condoms. Blaine stares at him indignantly, but has no time to complain as he finally gets Wes on the phone.
They make small talk for a while, but Blaine sees Kurt tapping his foot impatiently, and he remembers that Kurt can still just leave and get a divorce. So he interrupts Wes's tale of something his baby daughter did.
"Listen, Wes, could you maybe look something up for me in Gianni's will? Yes, I know, I'm sorry, but it's kind of urgent. Look, I seem to...I accidentally got married."
He explains the situation and then paces the room and glares at Kurt's silent laughter while Wes has a completely appropriate freakout, the kind he somehow wishes he'd had before. Now it's too late, he'd feel ridiculous, but he feels he missed the chance for a good freakout.
"Okay," Wes says after a while. "So I take it you want an annulment, seeing as you can't get divorced. I'll see what I can do. Upon what grounds do you propose?"
"We never consummated the marriage!" Kurt shouts, still shaking with suppressed laughter.
"Yes, I'm sure," Wes says. "Only, unfortunately, that isn't a reason for an annulment, not anymore. It's a common misconception."
Kurt's face falls, and Blaine is sure his own face looks similar. But before he can ask, Wes continues.
"There are other reasons for an annulment ab initio, though...your...husband's of age, I take it?"
Blaine nods. He's read Kurt's bio in his playbill a thousand times, he knows he's one year older than Blaine.
"Yes," he says when he realizes Wes can't see him. He can hear the sound of paper rustling as Wes looks something up.
"Lack of consent would apply, I think, since you were drunk and not able to consent, but....unfortunately, that's nothing the will accepts."
"What?" Kurt's unbelieving voice rings in his ears. Blaine feels only resignation.
"I'm sorry. There is a clause that allows annulment in case of coercion, but not in case of drunkenness. I'm afraid there's no way you could get an annulment and still keep your inheritance, except..."
"What?"
"Well, are you closely related, or is one of you still married to someone else?"
They've been brainstorming for the last half hour, trying out scenarios that they both know sound desperate and unlikely to succeed. It's surprisingly comfortable; they order food, and at one point, during an elaborate story involving Kurt being Blaine's long lost half-brother who was forced to marry him by an evil stepmother who afterwards probably plans to murder them both to inherit Blaine's fortune, they double over laughing, interrupting each other with even more outrageous reasons and outcomes.
Even though there's really not much to laugh about. He's married. His mother would be so happy, if it wasn't the wrong man he married. He'll never get Sebastian back now. If they do this – and it looks like they will, Kurt doesn't look like he's about to bolt any second now anymore, and they are nearly resigned to the fact that they can't get an annulment that'd allow Blaine to keep the foundation – if they do this, they have to act in love. It's part of the deal. Marry for love, and stay together. He'll have to look Sebastian in the eye and tell him he loves another man.
A knock on the door interrupts this train of thought and makes him hold back the tears that have threatened to rise. When Kurt opens, there's a delivery man outside, with effort carrying a huge and gorgeous flower bouquet.
"Mr and Mr Anderson-Hummel?" he asks.
"Why did we take your name first?" Kurt asks, with complete disregard of Blaine's surprise to be addressed like this, or any embarrassment that might arise from the question.
"I don't know!" he hisses back. "I can't remember!"
Then he schools his features into a polite smile as he turns towards the delivery man. "Yes?"
"These are for you."
While Blaine tips the man and shuts the door, Kurt digs out the card that is hidden somewhere in the flowers. He reads it aloud, disbelief and sarcasm dripping from his voice.
"With congratulations on your nuptials and the best wishes for a long and happy life together. Sincerely, the Anderson Family."