Damon's P.O.V
I watch carefully at the many pairs of pack members fighting in the large open field. Surveying their movements from afar as skilled warriors walked around them, inserting little pieces of advice which seemed to help a bit.
But even with the help, they were still shit.
A smile tugs at my lips when I catch Josey throw someone easily three times her size over her shoulder and onto the ground. She teases them aimlessly before offering them a hand and pulling them up, then they start again.
I keep observing at my spot beneath a large oak tree, catching the mistakes that the warriors didn't, making a mental note to tell someone to deal with it later. I could not necessarily go and tell them myself, they'd back away, some even run. I didn't even train with my pack anymore, I'd sent too many of my own to the healing centers and in my dad's own words, 'didn't know when to stop' and 'had a minimal level of self-control'.
It wasn't my fault they were all weak.
So I just had to watch from afar and take mental notes. It wasn't all that bad since some of the pairings were a bit mismatched and that made for great entertainment. My favorite ones to watch were the pairings which involved a witch or warlock and a wolf. It was usually a little bloody, rawer as people diverted to their natural instincts.
Over the years, many of their kind had trickled into the pack and we'd learn to accept them, despite the way our genetics detested it. But it'd given us more than a step up when facing our enemies, it changed the game entirely.
I was the one who suggested that we let them join the training sessions, it was a good way to let each species release the natural tension formed with one another's presence and I was right. The pack relations had quelled a shitton ever since and the hatred lingering between the two groups faded significantly. I personally never mind them much, after all, I grew up with the best of their lot as an aunt and one of my closest friends was one.
As if hearing his name, Mekhi approaches me after finishing his own little sprawl. His shirt drenched in sweat and clinging to his skin, claw marks slashing through it at various parts. The blood beneath was easy to see, yet Mekhi was smiling while drinking his water as if he'd just won the fucking lottery.
"You did good out there," I admit as he slumps down beside me.
"You don't have to do that alpha nice shit with me, practice on someone else." He says dismissively and I release a small breath of relief.
I'd say Mekhi was probably the only person I knew who didn't mind the way I was. That's why we got along. He was the exact same in his own rights, a killer to his kind but he didn't care. Mehki joined our pack after I ran across him in the woods, I was enjoying chasing a rogue and crashed into him when he was chasing an incubus. After we'd both killed our prey, we kind of just started talking and then just went out separate ways. Until we ran into one another again and again and again, all during one of our hunts. So after many conversations, he told me that he didn't have a home and no coven, so I invited him to the pack. It was dumb in hindsight, he could've been lying but I didn't get that vibe from him so I went with my gut and my gut was right.
"Your brother looks like he's in hell," Mehki says after a moment pointing across at Peter.
He was right. Peter was shaking like a leaf, tears streaming down his face while dad tried to encourage him to try a little harder. It was the first time Peter was training in years and it was all because of what happened last week Thursday.
Dad basically lost his shit when we got home and saw Peter's condition. After fawning over him for countless hours, he decided that it was time that Peter went back to training. Peter begged and cried for him to change his mind but he didn't and for once, I didn't fight him on it.
I didn't necessarily understand Peter's strong dislike for any form of violence but I learned to accept it and made sure to keep it away from him. But the kid needed to learn to defend himself, we wouldn't always be around to protect him and he needed to know how to at the very least, do that much for himself.
"He may pee himself," I admit with a sigh as I watch Peter curl into a ball on the ground in front of dad, giving in to his genes and submitting to an alpha. "I love my brother but thank Goddess I'm not an omega."
"Why not? Wouldn't be able to take another's cock?" Mehki asks, emphasizing the word cock on purpose. I glance at him, frowning, but of course, Mehki just replies with a grin like always.
"Mehki, stop flirting with Damon and actually do something for once," Amelia says as she approaches us, his faint muscles flexing with each step as she tied her hair back in a ponytail.
"Are you blind? I have been, all session in fact." Mekhi says gesturing to his shirt before sliding a piece of gum between his lips.
"You think I don't know magic when I see it, my brother is a fucking warlock." She argues and Mehki shrugs helplessly at that, giving up within an instant. "Isn't it more work to completely fabricate a second you to fight than doing it yourself?"
"Yes." He replies truthfully and stands up so Amelia can take his place. He lets himself float in front of us as he stretches out as if laying down on an invisible bed. It was a spell Aunt Kat created and one only she mastered, but she was a sort of teacher within the pack for the other witches and warlocks and shared a lot of new stuff with them.
"I will never understand you." She sighs tiredly.
"Sounds like a personal problem." He replies and closes his eyes.
I feel Amelia's eyes on me but don't look her way. We were both here trying to complete our probationary tasks and she was doing a lot better than I was. The elders doubted Amelia as our beta because she came to the pack when she was five, they made up a lot of bullshit about her missing 'key elemental phases'. I didn't do any key shit in my first five years here except for poke people in their eyes, an activity I missed severely.
But now, the elders were her biggest fan, praising her every time she took a fucking breath. They'd even stopped their bullshit about not letting her out of the pack. She went to school with us now, which was a bigger pain than I imagined and finally started going out to parties with us, the ones outside the pack. She was happier than ever and I was happy for her too, but I was also bitter as hell.
I could admit that much, after all, I was doing the same shit as her yet everyone still feared and doubted me. I hadn't killed anyone in months, stopped hunting rogues down and I was civil with the elders when they were around. Big improvement for me, but was it enough? No. I was still the Demon. But that wouldn't matter in a few more weeks, I'd be alpha and they won't have any choice but to listen.
"Can you believe we're almost there?" Amelia says softly, snapping me from my whirlwind of thoughts.
"Where?"
"At the top." She says, voice full of excitement and tenderness. "We've been dreaming of this since we were kids Damon, alpha, and beta. The pack will be your's, the strongest pack in the world... all yours."
"Ours." I correct letting my eyes meet hers. "And we'll make it stronger together."
She smiles weakly at that but doesn't reply. She just twiddles the butterfly crystal on the necklace I'd given her between her thin fingers. She never took it off, wore it every day no matter what. It made a piece of the heaviness in my chest disappear, the doubt that had built over the last few weeks easing a fraction.
"And I'll clean up all your messes and make the stuff you can't deal with go away." Mehki inputs making our eyes glance his way, his eyes were still closed but he was grinning. I couldn't help but smile while Amelia burst out laughing.
We continue to talk idly until they are forced to go back and finish the session leaving me alone in the shadows of the tree's leaves. I smile to myself as I replay Amelia's words, we were so close to what we always wanted that I could taste it.
We're almost there
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I lean against my headboard, biting at the pencil between my lips as I tried to figure out a physics question. It made sense what they were asking, but they'd given little to work with and even though I was raking my brain for a suitable formula, I was coming up short.
"What do you think Blaze? Try to figure it out or check the answer booklet?" I ask taking a moment to glance across at my bunny Blaze who was chewing at yet another one of my t-shirts. I groan in anger but don't bother threatening him, Blaze's will to live seemed minimal.
"What about you?" I ask, lifting the question booklet to look at Mr.Fluff who was sitting in my lap. He was Peter's bunny but he, like all the fucking animals in the world, was drawn to me and I often found him in my room with Blaze. "Figure it out? I'll try."
I stop for a moment, vaguely aware that I was talking to bunnies but continue with the comfort that they didn't annoy me as much as talking to people. They couldn't piss me off because they never answered back.
I eventually end up figuring out the question, the process repeating itself several times until I've finished all of the questions successfully. I rub my temples tiredly as my brain thumps from having to think so much. Sinking further into my bed and pick up my phone, scrolling through my messages and snaps with no intention of finishing the rest of my homework.
"Knock, knock."
I glance up from my phone to see my old man standing in the doorway with one of his goofy smiles that made me nauseous.
"Slacking off on homework again I see." He says as he walks into the room. I frown and push aside the physics booklet, it wouldn't make any difference if I pointed it out.
"Naturally," I reply sarcastically and he rolls his eyes. "What do you want?"
"Can't I just have some one on one time with my first born shitbag?" He asks innocently and I snort in response.
My old man, Aiden, had a way of calling all of us shitbags. I think it was his way of being endearing but to other people, not so much. I didn't mind it really, we got him back in our own ways, making fun of his age to piss him off.
Despite him being the exact same age as our dad, Julian, Josey and I still referred to him as old man or grandpa. He almost popped a vein every time we did it.
"Okay, go ahead." I prompt as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed. "This shitbag is listening." I offer and he laughs at this.
"How are you doing?" He asks as his smile fades a little. "Without Levi around?"
My smile fades along with his, I force myself to look away, not wanting him to be able to read anything through my eyes. Levi is the eldest child in the family, he'd been gone for only two months but it felt like an eternity without him near. Levi and I had always been close, no matter what everyone else said about me, Levi didn't care. Foolish people judged Levi for not having a wolf, they looked at us like a pair of freaks. I think that's why I clung to him so hard when we were younger. He still loved me despite it all, despite the way they'd judge him or stared at me, Levi was always on my side and he would always be. I knew that much for sure.
But Levi had met his mate and they had moved away to start a pack of their own, after all, Levi was an alpha who our dads adopted when he lost everything. Now, he'd found the one piece of his old pack which remained, his mate and he was happy again. I didn't hate him for being happy, I just wished he could be happy much closer to home, where I could make sure he was safe as well.
I didn't feel like such shit when Levi was around, even though I wasn't the best brother all the time, he never changed how he treated me. But now Levi wasn't here and I was left with everyone looking at me instead of the both of us.
"I'm fine," I reply pushing Mr.Fluff off of me.
"Damon." He starts but I slide off the bed and pick up one of my knives off the dresser. Twirling it between my fingers as I lean against the wood, keeping the distance between us.
"I'm fine. You asked me how I was doing and I gave you an answer, don't try to make one up for me." I grind out, glancing up at him as I pressed the tip of the knife against my finger, not hard enough to cut, just enough to feel the pressure there. He studies me with worried eyes, eyes which kept glancing at the knife as if it was the cause of my hostility.
"Put the knife down Damon." He says calmly but I shake my head.
"I'm not going to stab you." I spit, anger growing deep inside at the words. I would never touch my own father in a harmful way, I wasn't that fucked up.
"Yeah, but seeing my son spinning a knife in his hand while we're talking, isn't comforting at all." He replies, voice still calm and gentle. It was different for him and made me mad just to hear it.
"It calms me," I explain but he didn't budge so I set it back down and instead fold my arms, letting my talons poke at my skin where he couldn't see.
"Now, when was the last time you spoke to Levi?" He asks leaning forward slightly.
"I don't know, a few weeks," I reply and he frowns deeply at this.
"You guys used to talk daily when he was in university." He argues and I have to fight my urge to grab the knife.
"Well, he didn't have a mate in university or a pack to build." I offer, foot shaking a little. I still it before dad could catch it and look back at him. "You should know that if this is twenty questions, you only have eighteen more."
"Funny." He replies before he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I just want to make sure you're okay Damon."
I feel some of the tension slip away as I look at him, he looked worried, tired and even a little guilty. I didn't get why he had the last emotion, but I didn't think to ask about it, that would just lead to a further conversation I didn't want. I release a sigh of my own, retracting my talons before I walk back to the bed and sit beside him.
"I'm fine dad," I confirm and he glances at me as if for surety. "I haven't done anything wrong in months, I've stopped talking back to the old people and I don't snap at the warriors anymore. There are only a few more weeks until my coronation and I'll be alpha next. Everything will be the way it should be, so stop worrying. You're too old to stress this much."
My attempt at lightening the mood falls flat as he looks at me, eyes filling with even more guilt and I can feel the heaviness in my chest seeping back inside. My fingers clench and unclench, aching to have my knife back in my grasp as I look at him. Holding his gaze as he holds mine, a million emotions running through me, the strongest being terror.
"Damon," He starts but doesn't get far when Peter comes running into the room. Eyes wide and panicked as he looks around, all the tension seeps away from him when he sees his bunny which he picks up and holds tightly to his chest.
"S-Sorry." He stutters when he looks up and sees dad in the room with me.
"It's fine Peter, I was just leaving," Dad says as he stands and walks away.
"Dad," I call and he stops in the doorway, turning his head over his shoulder but refusing to look at me. "What are you not telling me?"
He doesn't reply right away, his eyes stuck to the floor. I grip the soft sheets tightly between my fingers and wait. Peter holds the stupid bunny closer as he backs himself into a corner, dad blocking the doorway so he couldn't quite run away.
"Nothing." He says finally but the anxiety doesn't fade from my chest. "Goodnight guys, I love you."
Peter whispers a shaky response but I don't. Something was wrong, something was wrong and every vessel inside of me screamed to tell me that nothing was okay. Peter stays in his corner while I stand and grab my knife again. I turn a throw it at my large target, it hits the center and I release a deep breath. I turn back around and gather all my knives and blades which were scattered around and begin throwing them at my hung target. Peter jumps with each hit until he finally finds the courage to run out of the room.
Somethings not right.
I could feel it, Theo could feel it, but I didn't know what it was. I threw one of the thin blades and it hits the last space in the center of the target, the rest filled with all the other knives. So I begin throwing them at the other ridges, my jaws clench down while my teeth grind in frustration. I try to keep myself focused on the target, focused on the feel of the knives slipping from my grasp to hit something. I imagine the target has breath, imagine it hurts it, imagine that it hurts it the way my body hurt with this heaviness.
If I didn't, I would go and find something that would actually feel pain.
When there's no more, I stand panting for air, staring at the full target, mind racing with suspicion and fear. I hated feeling fear, hated feeling weak, hated it more than anything in the world. Weakness was dangerous, it left you vulnerable, left you open. Weakness allowed others to take advantage of you and the thought of someone even trying to do that to me, made me want to beat them into submission.
I walk to my bed and pick up my phone from its place on my crumpled, black sheets. I dial Levi's number before raising it to my ear. While it rings, I shut my door and windows, trapping the sound as best as I can in a house full of wolves.
"Hey, Damon," Levi answers cheerfully, the sound of his voice easing me slightly as I stop pacing and stand still.
"Levi, something is wrong," I say quickly, words tumbling out of me before I can stop myself. "Dad was acting strange when I started talking about the coronation, he's been acting that way a lot recently, both of them have. They won't tell me, but I knew something is wrong."
Silence follows for a second after and then another and another. Moments passing without a response that I have to check my phone to make sure that the call hadn't cut. It hadn't, yet he wasn't replying making me begin pacing again.
"Levi," I call when too much time passes without a response.
"I-I'm here." He answers, voice shaky.
"You okay?" I ask with a frown, a new form of worry crawling up my spine. "Did Jayson touch you?"
"No." He dismisses quickly, voice a little angry. "I'm fine Damon. About dad, I'm sure it's nothing Damon, you're probably just anxious about the c-coronation and the mating."
"No, Levi. I can feel it. I do-"
"If they had something to tell you, they would, when it was best." Levi rushes out making my frown deepen. "Now I have to go, b-but don't worry too much okay. Bye."
I keep the phone to my ears despite the beeping which replaces my brother's voice. I stand still, heart pounding and heart racing as my mind rattled in further confusion. Levi sounded nervous, scared even... what the hell was going on? I slide the phone down, forcing myself to at least try and believe his words.
Levi was usually right about these kinds of things, he kept calm when I was ready to attack. Levi was fair and he never lied to me, I could trust Levi. Levi was like me, Levi knew me. Levi was always on my side.
I put the phone down and force myself to trust in that if not anything else.
I could trust Levi.
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Lowkey wanted to tear up here, I kid you not. Like fucking hell, I feel so bad for Damon. Like shit.
Thoughts?????????
I want to squeeze him and hold him tight and never let him go. But like it's lowkey his own fault, but like is it truly??? I just want to understand him!
Until next time,
Byeeeeeeeee Humansssssssssssss