I took a seat next to him on the lounge chair and neither of us spoke for probably 60 seconds. While in reality that was only a moment, it felt like forever.
"Hey." Thomas finally said, breaking the silence.
"Hey." I responded quietly.
I had no clue where to start, but I knew I needed to start speaking actual words to him... They just wouldn't form.
"I've been out here for a while, waiting. I was worried." He spoke first again, but with this admission I knew he'd seen me get out of his older brother's car.
"I'm sorry, Thomas. I really am. I was planning on leaving with Sam, but-" I tried to explain, but I hated that it sounded like I was making excuses for my behavior. He didn't deserve excuses, he deserved the truth.
"When I first got here I had a few... moments with Beau. Nothing serious, just strange and fleeting moments where we connected. I think in the beginning I knew he was just trying to see how far he could push me, but something changed. I started to develop real feelings for him."
Thomas visibly cringed, and it killed me.
"I knew he didn't feel the same, so I tried to shove the thoughts from my mind. And you- Thomas you were so kind to me. You were everything that I have ever wanted in a guy, and I really did want to make it work between us. When he was gone I thought it could be possible."
"But then he came back." he says flatly, and I nod.
I continued, "When I saw the way it affected him seeing me with you... it stirred up those feelings again. I didn't want them to, I swear. He came to me that night, after you brought me home. Since then I tried, I begged him to back off. I really believe he tried to back off, but he couldn't."
"You do understand he is using you? That this is probably a game for him? I thought you were smarter than this, Katherine." Thomas' words break my heart, both for the hurt he is feeling and the fear that what he is saying could be true.
I shuddered at the thought.
"You could be right, but I hope that you aren't. He's not the same with me. I know you don't want to hear that. I think he is sincere about wanting to try to have something real with me. I will never forgive myself if I don't try... if I don't see where this could go." I try to gauge where his mind is at, but I can't.
His elbows are propped against his knees, and face buried in his palms. He looks exasperated.
"You are making a huge mistake." That is all he said before standing and putting distance between us.
"I don't want to lose you Thomas, you're still important to me. I just- I don't have those feelings for you. Not like-"
He raises a hand to stop me, "Not like my brother, I get it."
I know I've blown it, this didn't go at all like I'd hoped it would. Then, as if on queue to stir it up even more the sliding glass door opens to reveal Beau sporting a very concerned expression.
"Seriously, man? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Thomas is lashing out at his brother, and I am praying that this doesn't take a turn in the wrong direction.
"Look, we didn't plan this. It just happened." Beau shrugs, his voice unnaturally calm.
"You realize how pathetic that sounds right? Nothing just happens, Beau. What are you playing at? Is there a bet or something? Make the new girl fall for you so you can break her heart? Leave me to pick up the pieces when you sail off into the sunset again?" Thomas is spitting nothing but fury, and I can see the anger rising within Beau as he mentions him leaving.
He takes a step towards Thomas and balls his fist. "You have no clue what the fuck you are talking about."
Any small hope I had that Thomas would back off disintegrates as he opens his mouth again.
"Everything you touch turns to ash, and you want to do that to her? She's pure, and innocent. She has no clue who you really are. That's the only reason she even feels anything for you. She sees the best in everyone, even a piece of shit like you."
Thomas turns his attention to me now, "You are too good for him, Katherine. Please realize that. He is going to break your heart."
The tears are flowing from my eyes, and Beau loses it when he sees them.
"Who is the one making her cry? She sure as hell wasn't crying when I left her. In fact, she was having the time of her life when we were together." he retorts.
That comment guts Thomas, I can see it... but Beau doesn't care.
"Or maybe she's crying because she knows what I'm saying is the truth! How many girls have you screwed over? How many girls have fallen for bad-boy Beau Dalton and then had to be scraped back up off the ground when you got bored and lose interest?" Thomas screams back.
I wanted to throw up. Standing here, watching these two brothers scream at one another is shattering me.
"Please stop, both of you." I beg, but neither of them seem to hear me.
A light flips on inside the Dalton house, and now there is a good chance I am actually going to vomit. Cynthia rushes outside, obviously trying to figure out what all the commotion is about.
"What in God's name is-" She stops, and takes in the scene unfolding before her eyes.
Her two sons spewing fire at one another, only a few feet separating them. The girl next door at a safe distance crying intensely. Realization flushes over her as it must be obvious that I am the clear culprit.
"Boys, you will keep your voices down. I will not have you make a spectacle of our family like this." Her demeanor is calm, but stern. Beau tenses his jaw and Thomas turns to break the fierce eye-contact with his brother.
About that time Shelly and Sam step out onto the patio, and I want to make a run for it. My transgressions are now public knowledge, and all I want to do is hide.
"Cyn, is everything okay?" Shelly asks, taking in the distraught look on her friend's face.
"I have no clue, Shelly. I have no clue what the hell is happening. All I know is that my sons look like they are moments from killing each other... and I have a sneaking suspicion your niece may know why." Her tone isn't accusatory, but it's clear she wants an explanation.
"I - I'm so sorry." My voice is shaking. "I didn't mean for an-any of this to happen."
"This is such bullshit, this isn't anyone's fault. Jesus Christ. She didn't want to be with him, it's not that big of a damn deal." Beau throws his hands up in frustration.
Thomas scoffs, "No one's fault? You went after her, Beau. You manipulated her. You fucking stole my girlfriend."
Oh God. Kill me now.
"Girlfriend? Please, save the pity party. You have been on a handful of dates, it wasn't even serious. She wants me, and you need to get over it." Beau smirks, and I want to slap him. He is being cruel, taunting his brother.
"Stop it Beau, stop it now." I yell, and everyone turns to stare at me. "What I did was wrong. I should have stopped whatever it was we were doing as soon as I made the decision to give things a shot with Thomas. I also should have been honest with him from the start about my feelings for you. I lied to everyone, and I'm sorry."
Beau's face falls, "Kat, you aren't to blame here. I knew you wanted me to back off, but I just couldn't do it. You know that. Don't blame yourself, not for any of this."
I shake my head, "No, it is my fault. I won't lie anymore. I do have feelings for Beau, but now I am even more confused than I was before... and I didn't even think that was possible."
He takes several steps in my direction. "What do you mean by that?"
Fear. There is fear dripping from his words.
"You- you enjoyed this. You knew it was breaking my heart to hurt Thomas, that I felt horrible for what has happened here. You taunted him, and you rubbed his nose in it. You were cruel, and I don't want to be with someone like that." I am surprised that I was able to get those words out, and his hands are clasped around my face.
"What? No. I wasn't- He was being a dick too. I just wanted him to know-" Beau is fumbling over his words.
"You wanted him to know what? That you'd won? I'm not a trophy, Beau." I whispered.
"I know that, Kat." He whispers back.
Shelly clears her throat, breaking the moment that was happening between us in front of everyone. "Katherine, I think we should go inside."
I nod and pull away from Beau, the boy who only hours ago I never wanted to leave.