Trigger warning! There will be suicidal thoughts in this chapter! I'm planning on posting a chapter with a (WAYYY) bigger trigger warning!
I run through our house, passing my parents in the kitchen with my shaking hands and my wet cheeks.
"We're eating cabbage soup." My mom says as she turns around to face me. Her expression immediately changes when she sees my tears.
"Have you been crying?" She asks.
My eyes fall upon my dad who's sitting at the table already with his spoon in his hand. My mom notices where my glance went and sighs.
"You haven't said a single word to your dad. We thought you had gotten enough time now. Maybe it's time to talk about . . everything." She explains.
I can't talk with him. Hell, I can't even be in the same room as him. If the events from earlier this morning didn't happen, I could've considered eating lunch with my dad at the same table.
But now with my hands shaking, I can't. I'm not stable enough to talk to anyone right now. I have to calm down first but after having to give my sweater to those boys, I can't.
"I can't." It's hard to even say a proper sentence without my voice failing me.
"Please don't forget that we love you." She tells me with tears in her eyes.
This is the first time that those three words have been said. We love you.
I don't know how to feel about it. I love my mom and I know that I have loved my father as well but right now, there is no bond between us.
"Then why did you sent Five away?" The words leave my mouth quicker than I can stop myself from saying them.
My mom her face changes immediately and I can see that she's disappointed that I brought Five up. It's the first time that his name gets said here.
It always had been inevitable. This conversation will ruin me, maybe even literally since I'm having trouble keeping myself calm right now.
"Because he is dangerous!" My dad stands up with his angry eyes upon me. What have I started?
My hands are still shaking. I'm doing a pretty good job controlling my powers but I'm not sure that I'll be able to control them any longer.
"Not that again." I roll my eyes at my dad "Five would never hurt me. Wait you don't know that because you made him leave after not even an hour!"
"I did it to protect you!" He raises his voice. I can tell that he's trying to stay calm but he's failing miserably and he knows it.
"Of course. You did it to protect your daughter. Maybe you should have started with getting to know her! You know, who she is and what she is?"
For example a monster.
"You don't know me. I've changed. You know why that is? Because you both were dead! Five knows me and Five cares for me. You sent him away! How could you do that to me?" At this point I am yelling.
It doesn't take long for me to turn around and run. That's what I have gotten pretty good at. Running away from Five, Cha Cha and Hazel and now my own parents. I don't hear my dad yell anything back when I try to calm down as I walk upstairs.
I'm very glad that he didn't. It wouldn't have taken much more for me to cause the end of the world.
Once in my room, I open my window and climb on the roof. My parents don't know that I'm capable of doing so. They probably think I'm crying in my pillow right now.
The world looks calmer in this time period. No cars, no trains, overall just no transport except for horses.
My eyes fall upon the ground. For a moment I let myself wonder if anybody would care. If anybody needs me here.
My father and I didn't talk the last few weeks and he clearly didn't dislike it. He happily went to work and he also liked eating breakfast, lunch and dinner with my mom. He doesn't need me.
Then my mom. She could easily bring the clothes herself. Her and I still have the same bond as the one before the accident. She'd be sad but she'd survive.
Useless. Pathetic. A monster.
The thought of jumping has crossed my mind too many times. Still I come back to this spot every time. I can't seem to stop.
I'm sick of this life in the fucking Middle ages.
If I just used my powers to free myself from my dad's grip and ran up to Five, I would still be with him.
Somewhere with him and we would've grown old together. I would've had a real home.
"I miss you Five." I whisper as I close my eyes.
It doesn't take long for me to open them again. Every single time that I close them, even at night, Five's face flashes in front of me.
It does remind me that there is a chance that he'll come back to me. Even if it is a small chance, it is one and I won't give up on him yet.
Five, the boy who took my heart with him.
"Y/n?" A voice behind me says.
I let myself imagine that it is Five who came back but in reality it is my dad who's in my room looking for me. I ignore him and continue to stay quiet.
"I know that you're here." He sighs "Please, let's talk."
"What's there to talk about?" I say.
"Five."
The only name that can make sure I get down there with him. Of course he says Five.
I carefully crawl to my window and climb in my room again. My dad's eyes are immediately upon me. The poor man is probably shocked that his daughter was on the roof.
"Do you like him?" He asks, immediately getting to the point.
Like it wasn't obvious.
I'm not ready for this talk.
"You don't care so why do you even ask?" I roll my eyes at my dad who's sitting down on my bed.
"I do.." He starts but I don't let him finish.
"You don't." I cut him off "You sent him back. You don't even have any right to say his name!"
"His name is a number." He remarks "Can't I say the number?"
He's joking.
He isn't in a place to joke.
"But he is not a number." I walk up to my door, ready to leave. A sigh escapes my father's lips as I grab the wooden door handle.
"Alright. I'm sorry." He says.
"Are you really?" I turn around, facing him. My dad stands up as he thinks of what he can say best.
He goes with his hand through his hair as he walks closer to me. "I'm really sorry. I guess I was afraid of losing you." He apologizes.
"I lost you. Mom and you." I feel myself starting to tear up again "Five was there and now I lost him. . because of you. I'm going through everything again because of you."
"I know." He looks at his feet "In my eyes Five is dangerous and in yours he is. ."
"Everything." Is all I say. It's all I can say. It's the truth. My everything got taken away from me and I can't do anything about it.
My last hope is that Five comes back but with every day that passes, my hope is starting to fade away.
"I don't think I can forgive you for sending Five away." I sigh, walking backwards till my back is against the wooden door.
My father did this and I hate him for it.
"I wanted a new life. A new start for our family." He explains. I can't unsee the guilt in his eyes but I know even that won't heal the burning pain in my heart. A pain only Five can heal.
"I'm sorry for blocking everyone out." I finally say "I just miss him.".
My dad's face softens at these words and I can even see a smile appearing.
"You know they took it." I sigh.
"Who took. . what?" My dad frowns.
"One of the sweaters that I had from the umbrella academy." I explain "This brat took it. A rich boy. He said that I couldn't keep it because I don't deserve anything worthy in my life."
My father's jaw drops.
"Is that why Five left me?" I ask him.
"What?" He almost asks in a whisper.
"Because I don't deserve anything worthy in my life." I look down at my feet. This question had been on my tongue since the start of this conversation between my dad and I. I have to know.
"That's crazy y/n." He tells me "You deserve so much. Way more than we can give you and above that I took away what mattered most to you."
Yes he did.
I don't answer. He's right. I've been a complete mess since Five left.
"Why didn't you do anything to stop them?" My dad asks curiously.
"I'd have destroyed the world if I did." I answer him.
He knows that I can easily kill with my power but he didn't know that I could cause the end of the world. My dad's jaw drops and his hand goes through his hair once again. Still he doesn't seem that phased.
"I'm sorry that I can't get it back." He gives me an apologetic smile.
"I know you can't. I just wish you could."