A/N: It was supposed to end after Chapter 150 but it just didn't so here's the epilogues that ARE NOT REAL. Y'all asked too much so here they are.
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All I could see was white. White walls, white socks, white tiles, white skin. I had probably puked out my entire stomach due to the overracking nerves I had. The heartache I was experiencing as I just... stared. I didn't know how to feel, I felt like I was having a stroke. I just wanted... to punch the living hell out of something again.
I was so numb to the world that when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder I didn't jump. I didn't even look at who it was all I could see was the row of babies. I just felt crushed to the very core at this fucking surprise.
"Y/NN." I heard the gentle tone of my mom's voice that brought me back to life and felt tears spring to my eyes.
I let her bring me into a tight hug and I just broke down into her arms. I didn't care about anyone around, they didn't know what the hell I was going through. I just wanted to fall into a hole and never get out. This deep, deep anger and sadness made me wanna go to jail tonight. I wanted to fucking hurt them.
I had no goddamn words. A true actress Camila was, should've won an Oscar for her performance. But for now, I just sobbed like never before into the comfort of my mom's arms. She started to tear up a little as I just let it all out, all my love and trust that I put out was just rattled in a box. Camila shook that shit until no one could even recognize the words. All over some boy.
"You need sleep."
"I need my fucking daughter." I groaned in such heartache that I couldn't even describe.
"But I don't have her, she's..." I couldn't even say it but I had to, "She's not even mine."
She didn't come from me, I wasn't the one that planted the seed in Camila. I wasn't the only fucking one any longer. Now I had to see his face every damn time I see hers. My sobs slowly turned into a heavy angry breaths as I really felt like I started to lose it. How do people deal with this shit? How in the hell could I ever fucking trust her?! How could she say she loved me when she fucked another person? Again!
"Y/N." I heard Natalie's voice and I looked up to see the girls.
They rushed to hug me while Erica looked me dead in my eyes with worried, tired ones. I then looked down at her hands and noticed her hands bruised.
"Er?"
"Don't worry about it." She whispered and just grabbed me from them and hugged me as tight as she could.
"You don't deserve any of this, do you understand me? Don't you ever think for a second any of this is your fault. They made a choice and you made the choice to be there no matter what. You were right, you were fucking perfect. You are perfect. Do not let this tear you down because I know in my heart that you can get through this. With your wife or without her and no matter what decision you make we all will support you. And no one will be upset. You have every right to feel like the world is collapsing around you, you just have to find your way out and you will."
"I love you so much and I have the biggest faith in you. You're gonna be okay, whatever you need to do right now, do it. Scream, yell, cry. Go for it and we will be right here."
"...well maybe not in the baby area we should go outside." Amber suddenly spoke up and I cracked a smile causing my mom to shake her head.
"If you don't shut your little ass up." My mom giggled and I just laid my head down against Erica's shoulder.
"I..." I just closed my eyes and honestly I only wanted one person at the very moment.
"I need to see Adrianna." I mumbled and they nodded as I peeled myself away from my friend.
Without their permission I started to walk down the hall in the strongest haze I've ever been. It felt like a dream. There was no way this was real, could it? It couldn't be.
When I walked into that God forsaken room where Camila gave birth to a child that wasn't mine I witnessed Camila crying her eyes out to her mom. Adrianna was trying to peek over the hospital bed but when she heard the door open she fell straight to her butt. She giggled when I instantly smiled her way, I didn't want her to know I was mad or sad.
I didn't wanna fuck her up if everyone around us was just in chaos. Especially the person she trusts most. Camila quickly looked my way with Alejandro and Sinu while I picked up Adrianna.
"Mija." Her parents sighed sadly but I just shook my head not wanting to talk right now.
It wasn't their fault their daughter was a big bitch at the moment.
"I'm just here for my actual daughter." I whispered not trusting my voice and gave them a small smile.
"You want to leave you two-"
"I'm gonna go for a small walk, so no." I firmly but politely declined them and their eyes were practically begging me to stay.
"You wanna go to the park?" I asked my daughter and she quickly nodded.
"Yes, please." She sang and I smiled at her knowing she was the only one in this world who could make me beam at a time like this.
I turned around to not look at Camila as I grabbed the baby bag and anything that had to do with me or my child.
"Y/N! Please don't-"
I left out of the door easily without regret and noticed the once grouped up hall was empty. I looked at Adrianna and I smiled at her to reassure her everything was okay.
"Hi baby." I gasped like I usually did with Camila and tried my best to not tear up.
"Hi mama." She smiled cutely and nuzzled into me comfortably.
Honestly, she was the only one I truly needed in this world. I didn't need anyone to make me happy or make me complete. Adrianna was my child and I wouldn't dare do anything to damage a hair on her head. Let alone inside of her head. So, I kept walking and I knew I had to come back, civil talking solved shit not irrational actions.
_
"Uhm hey..." I was stopped by two familiar Canadians and gave them a small smile.
"We won't say anything, we just wanted to know if you were okay?" Macy questioned and I nodded as I walked out of the hospital.
"I don't care if you tweet, do what you wanna do." I just shrugged because I really didn't care.
If the Netflix series was coming out then everyone was gonna know anyway. People were gonna fucking know since the baby was gonna look like Shawn and not me. The thought had my blood boiling again and I clenched my jaw, "Just... just don't let anyone say shit about Adrianna. That's all I ask for." I whispered and Ash stepped up to me to grab the baby bag.
"We got you." They both sympathized and Adrianna looked at them in confusion.
They noticed and quickly cooed at her causing her to giggle whole heartedly.
"And she's in her own world again, good." I chuckled and I watched her put her tiny hands over her eyes.
"She's gonna start screaming soon because she likes all the attention and can't handle it." I informed them and they continued to tickle her and coo.
Then suddenly she screamed causing us all to laugh along while I started to walk to the vehicle with the girls inside.
"Come on." I let them pile into the industrial van and I held Adrianna close to me.
But when she noticed we were leaving she looked back at the big building.
"Mommy?" She questioned and I shook my head.
"She can't come, her tummy needs to be fixed." I tried to explain as best as I could and she then gasped.
"Sissy? Where's sissy?" She gasped excitedly and I just looked out the window.
"She's sick, mija." I mumbled and she frowned while I put her in her car seat.
"Awww!" She whined over dramatically, "Baby's going to be okay!" She intelligently spoke as she let me buckle her up.
"I'm so sorry." Amber whispered and I just shook my head trying to forget everything.
I wanted to get my ass handed to me so I could fucking wake up from this terrible nightmare. At least not remember anything. I didn't wanna remember any of this... I wanted to drink, I wanted to fucking run him over with this van, I wanted to cry myself to sleep, I wanted to throw myself against a wall. Everything felt so pointless... only one here was Adrianna and that was the only thing that held meaning at the moment.
I'd do anything to keep her happy, to keep her smiling, laughing. I didn't want her to know so much at a young age. I wasn't gonna let Camila be weird around her either because no one knew where we were gonna stand. It was gonna take a lot to even remotely get shit back to normal. Did I even want it to go back to normal?
I looked back at the ring I had on my left hand and just breathed in deep. I felt ashamed to wear it so I slid it off and shoved it into my pocket as a lone tear fell from my eye. All I wanted was to love someone and be okay with them for the rest of my life. Guess I trusted the wrong person.
I knew I wasn't fucking crazy. I knew it.
_
"You wanna go to grandma's? Sleep in mamas bed?!" I asked with a happy smile as I leaned down to look at my daughter.
"Mommy?" She pouted as she noticed we were back at the hospital.
"She's still hurt, she'll be home soon."
"Soon?" Her tiny voice heightened and I nodded.
"Yup, soon..." I paused and I closed my eyes briefly, "...with sissy!" I gave her a new excitement and she clapped her hands.
"Okay!" She happily stopped tugging at her buckle.
"I'll see you later, baby." I leaned down to kiss her head and she smiled at me.
I turned around to walk back into the hospital as I looked down at the blue cast on my lower arm. I smiled to myself where Adrianna scribbled what she thought was a dog. I made my way back upstairs but with each step I was dreading it, my heart was getting heavier and heavier. I thought I was gonna puke it out and die right in this hallway before even reaching her door.
My breathing was labored and I could just feel my gut telling me this wasn't going well. I should've listened to it. I should've just listened to my damn gut because it was always right. I walked into the room and the first thing I saw was him. The fucking little boy who fucked up everything, who chased an engaged woman. A dumb easily sidetracked woman.
"Mila... come on-"
"I said I didn't fucking want her if she's yours. I never wanted you to be the father."
He was sitting on the chair that I was on where I watched that baby come out. I stood tall feeling that fucking deep, immense hatred come to me all at once again. He stopped trying to talk to her when he noticed I walked in and he sighed deeply. I could see a bruise on his cheek but I wanted more than a simple bruise. I wanted him to fucking bleed.
Camila looked at me with hopeful, scared eyes and I just felt my entire body shake with anger. I felt someone behind me and I turned to see Dr. Osler locking the door discreetly as she cleared her throat. She turned back around to falsely check on the machine that was hooked up to Camila.
"Y/NN-"
I cut Camila off when I took a step while Shawn tried to stay back with his head down. As if he were ashamed. Bullshit. Should've fucking stayed back like Erica did- I closed my eyes tightly before leaning back and unlocking the door. I opened the door and clenched the handle harshly wanting to rip it off and shove it into his neck.
"Get the fuck out." My voice violently shook from my anger and Dr. Osler sighed to herself.
He stared at me before he looked down at Camila and she just shook her head.
"It's my kid, I have a right to be-" I cut him off with a harsh punch to the nose and it happened so fast that no one knew what to do.
No one even gasped or jumped.
How fucking dare he?
I gulped and stood my ground as I kept the walkway free so he could leave freely. He held his nose as I started to see blood and he groaned to himself. He lightly stumbled back and gripped the chair to keep himself steady.
"Go see your fucking kid then." The venom to my voice spat violently at him that if words could kill he'd be dead on the spot.
He went to speak but he stopped and I felt my arm painfully throb from inside my cast.
"Camila needs someone right now-"
I punched him again and I heard Dr. Osler snort to herself and he groaned again.
"If you're not gonna be here then I'm allowed to be here for support-"
I kicked him in his groin and he toppled over as I heard Camila start to cry all over again. He shook his head and finally started to move towards the door. And I let him. He held his bloody nose as he stumbled out of the room while Dr. Osler followed him to close the door. Leaving Camila and I alone.
I sat down in the chair and clenched my jaw as I was shaking with this fire so deep inside of me that I thought I could fucking move mountains. I closed my eyes as I bounced my legs harshly as a million thoughts bounced around my head.
"Y/NN... I'm sorry." She breathed out as she held back a deep sob and I felt tears in my eyes.
Angry and depressed tears mixing as my body didn't know what to feel right now. I felt like I was gonna just shut down and never get up again. My heart was fucking shredded as I was trying so goddamn hard to think of something to say or ask when there was a billion to pick from.
My hand came up to cover my face and I just started to cry since it was automatically there. My body shook with each cry and soon enough I was sobbing into my hands wondering why the fuck would she do this? Lie continuously as if I was never going to find out.
Then I just started to think of literally everything over the past year. The way she'd just randomly come up to me and love me, her eyes holding so much adoration for me. Her lips against mine, her laugh being captured by my mouth, her bright smile bumping into mine. Her laughter echoing into my head every time we had any family time. The damn nights where she told me that the baby was gonna be just like me because of how she listened to me!
The kicking I felt whenever I spoke to her belly and the fact that Camila wanted to express how much she loved me. The sudden disinterest of wanting another child when she had just said she wanted another baby. It all made sense and now... I was crying even harder than I was before. I yelling into the bed as I felt my heart in my hands. Her shaky hands cradling my head when she pulled my head up to hold me despite me wanting to be as far from her as possible.
She heavily sobbed with me as I tried to make sense of it all and felt like I was dying against her body. My hands fisting the hospital bed and blankets as I was bawling out harshly. My soul was aching so badly and I had no idea where to fix it. All she kept doing was repeat how much she loved me and how sorry she was.
"It was a mistake, that's all it was, it was a mistake! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Y/NN. Please, I'm so fucking sorry-"
That's all it ever is, a mistake, a mistake, a fucking mistake.
"After all the shit..." I spat angrily, "After all I told you! Goddamn it! What is so good about him?!"
"Fuck!" I yelled loudly not caring if anyone else heard me.
But I quickly stopped yelling and I breathed in deep to hold my breath for a few seconds. She was crying so hard that I was afraid she'd choke and croak over. But I knew what I came back to do and arguing wasn't going to do shit. She was most likely going to lie anyway and I couldn't handle anymore fucking lies. I tearfully slid my hand into my pocket and pulled out the ring she had gotten me a couple months back for the wedding.
"Baby, I am begging you don't do this-"
"Here." My voice cracked terribly and I grabbed her hand gently as my body was trembling.
My emotions were off the fucking wall and she got more desperate and her breathing got quicker.
"I need a break." I cleared my voice as it wavered harshly.
"I can't do this right now, I can't be married to you when all I see in you is disgust and heartache. I see a terrible person and I know you're not and I need to go to get my head right. I can't see you as a terrible person, Karla. It wouldn't be fair to Nova." I tried to compose myself but my tears just kept reappearing and she started to lean up.
"Y/N Y/L/N it wasn't real!"
"It wasn't some fucking fling! You had a fucking..." I stopped when I felt myself break down again, "You have a baby with him! A baby." I cried deeply when I felt that pain of Larissa not being mine.
"I wanna fucking kill him." I calmed myself down and looked at her.
I looked right in her eyes like she wanted, "I wanna kill him."
"Y/NN... we can get through this. I'm sorry-"
"Maybe." I stood up and wiped my tears, "But right now, right at this moment I don't wanna be with you. I don't wanna be married to you...not right now."
"But we just- Y/N, please."
"You're right, we did just get married but I just found out you cheated again and not only that, you have a baby now... that isn't mine." I hoped she could understand and I looked away as my blood was boiling but my body was telling me to calm down.
I didn't wanna be with anyone other than just be a parent to my child.
"I can't be with someone who doesn't know what they want. I'll have your mom bring Adrianna back around in the morning." I started to walk off and I could hear her pleas getting louder and more frantic.
"Y/N! Stop! Please! Don't leave, just wait-"
"I love you." I whispered softly as my entire body just rejected my words when I felt everything crumble down.
I walked out and when that door closed I heard her scream out in agony and I walked off. My footsteps echoing around me as I just focused on wanting to go home to my daughter. To take care of her while I sorted myself out, I needed to truly know if I wanted to be in a life long commitment to her.
I didn't wanna be in a lifetime sentence when all she would do is lie and sneak behind my back. I would rather spend my life alone if that's the case. I needed to go get my own help and focus on me instead of this extremely upsetting event. Camila needed to think for herself as well. Did she want me and all of me or did she wanna keep getting distracted?
I just felt everything start to come to an end and this was it, this was the end of all the bullshit. I was not going to let another person or situation tear me into pieces where I couldn't even think for myself. To put me in a place where I didn't wanna be me. I was done with that horrible feeling. I started this by myself and I could definitely get through it without a troubled lover.
No matter how hurtful everything was at the moment there was obviously still something precious between us. Maybe something to save? Maybe something to keep to myself and cherish forever without going back. Throughout this chaos I found a sincere calm within me about me. I smiled to myself as I walked out of the doors of the hospital and just let everything be.
Everything about my life was a bit of a serendipitous discovery.
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don't hate me y'all there's gonna be quite a few alternate endings 👀😗👀😗👀😗👀😗
I'm also gonna create a random ass story just for mine and Kiahs convos cause they get wild and weird
I hope y'all enjoyed and if you didn't then you will get what your spoiled asses want within the next 3-5 endings. Idk how many endings there will be but I can assure you I think everyone here will be happy 🤙🏼🤙🏼🤙🏼🤙🏼
Have a great day or night beautifuls x
- Maddie
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