❝ don't you see me crying ❞
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
Billie has been at home for three days now, and those three days were spent wondering what she could have done differently. Her thoughts were consumed by a certain blonde haired girl.
On tour she had the music, the fans, and the exhausting flights to stop her mind from wondering to the light haired girl. But now that she was finished with touring and sharing her music with the rest of the world, her mind was clear to think about the things she had been putting off.
The things that she could have prevented if only she had faced her fears head on instead of blaming them on someone else. She should have never of done that because now she was left with the second most shittiest emotion; heartbreak.
With everyone out of the house after coming home from the tour, left Billie to cry out what she was feeling completely alone, and alone was one of the most dangerous things but not when you had musical instruments at your disposal.
Billie sat alone on the bench placed in front of the piano that sat in her living room. Her nimble fingers sitting the keys to form the melody that came into mind when she thought about the lyrics she had written earlier.
"please try to be patient and know that i'm still learning," her angelic voice hung onto the last word of the song before it sped up again. "i'm sorry that you have to see the strength inside me burning."
Billie's voice cracked while she sung with the emotion she was feeling. She always had the mystery of not knowing which one of her songs were purely apart of something she was going through, or one of someone else but this song was one she was going through.
Billie took a breath while a tear escaped from her eye and rolled onto her cheek before continuing on with the song. "But where are you my angel now? Don't you see me crying."
Unknown to the silver-haired girl, a figure had been standing behind her while her fingers hit the right keys, and her mind was focused on the melody that was still playing in her brain.
"i know that you can't do it all but you can't say I'm not trying," her voice strained while she tried to keep her emotions in to finish the song, but it seemed like the person behind her had other ideas.
"That's a beautiful song, Bil." A voice she knew all too well called out to her from the silence, and Billie felt herself jump slightly from surprise.
"I didn't know you were there, Finn." Billie responded as she tried her spilled tears with her black sweatshirt she put on this morning.
She did not want her brother to know she was crying, but Billie was not very good at hiding anything too long from her brother, who spun her around to look at her face with concern in his eyes.
Finneas' blue eyes softened as he looked at his troubled little sister, whose tears had not tried on her cheeks even though she tried to hide the evidence. "What's going on, Bil." he asked her, which made Billie lick her lips.
"It's nothing." She tried to brush him off, "just got too into the song." she told him while his eyes looked back and forth at her slight puffy eyes.
"You've been upset since we've got home." He had studied her when she had requested for him to drive her to an address before going home Thursday.
Finneas never thought anything of it when she came down from the condo's fifteen minutes after she left, since it was dark and he couldn't really see her face when she returned. But ever since Thursday, Billie was different. It was almost like she was there but she wasn't. He could see his little sister hurting silently.
He watched as Billie bit down onto her bottom lip as her blue eyes watered up like the ocean, but none fell onto her cheeks as she looked up at him until she blinked. Tears rolled down like waves leaving the shore and Finneas' eyes fell as he tucked his sister into his arms to soothe her.
"Hey, what's going on Bil." Finneas stared out into the window while he felt his sister hung onto his body, her shoulders shaking slightly. "You know you can tell me anything."
"I fucked up, Finneas." Billie's jaw wobbled while she cried her reply, which made her brother pull away from her slightly to see her wet face.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean Fallon." Billie told him which made his eyebrows scrunch up in confusion.
He had heard that the blonde girl that Billie recently met did awful things to his sister, but he never believed any of those internet articles.
"That party we went to I kissed her and blamed that she forced herself onto me but it wasn't true." Billie told him truthfully while more tears streamed down her cheeks while her brother held onto her. "I said all these awful things to her and I went to apologize to her on Thursday, but she told me to leave."
Finneas moved her to the couch so they could sit down and talk about it before their parents came home from their shopping trip. "She told you to leave?"
Billie nodded her head while she spoke. "She told me she needed time but she's posting things on social media like everything's fine and it's not. It's almost like I don't even matter to her anymore and all I can think about is how I could've avoided this. I just want her back in my life.. I- I miss her."
Finneas nodded his head while he listened, holding onto every word from his sibling's mouth. His thumb coming up to wipe her tears from her face while he held her in his arms.
"I don't think she's fine, Bill. You might think she's fine because of what she's posting, but that's only a snip of her entire day." he told her while running his hand up and down her clothed shoulder, making sure to squeeze when he felt her shake when a sob escaped from her mouth.
"You don't know whether or not she's crying herself to sleep or she's been thinking about how she could have handled things differently. She cares about you."
"How do you know she cares for me?" Billie turned her head to look at her brother with a questionable look on her face.
Finneas smiled before saying, "It was the way she looked at you at that party we went too. It wasn't the look of a starstruck teenager like your fans look at you. I can't explain it, but it was just different."
Billie's eyes left her brothers as she thought about the party. Maybe she was too blind to see how Fallon looked at her with adoration. Even when they first met, Fallon never looked at her the way her fans did - they all saw her as Billie Eilish, the talented seventeen year old musician.
Fallon saw her as Billie O'Connell.
After some time of thinking, Billie's blue eyes met her brothers again. "What do you think I should do? I don't know how to do this stuff, it's different."
"Why? Because she's a girl and not a guy?" Finneas questioned her which made her furrow her eyebrows. "It shouldn't be different because of what she identifies as. Just do what feels right."
Billie eye's flickered to the ground again as she thought about what she could do to make Fallon believe that she was sorry for what she done. She knew that words weren't enough to take back what she said, she needed to physically show her she was sorry.
Her blue eyes looked towards the piano again, and the opened notebook that housed all of her thoughts at oddly hours.
She knew what she was going to do.
A/N
if u dont know the song in this chapter, judging u but i out here with a chapter because imma be busy all weekend becaus this beluga whale is going where she belongs. the water park. so check out my snap on the weekend because i might actually post on my story heyyyy. @lahnistersden boiis. follow me mmk. ANYWAYS. what ya'll think about the chapter, like I know she's short but it's hella cute.