I go out with Ezra one more time before the week ends. We watch a movie this time. I have a good time but I look forward to seeing Josh on Saturday.
Turns out, when Josh said 'take you out on Saturday' he meant the whole day and I don't realize this until he shows up at nine in the morning. I'm wearing shorts with a T-shirt when I open the door. My hair is up in a messy ponytail. I'm pretty sure I look like a mess.
"Josh," I say in surprise when I see him outside. He's wearing jeans with a maroon T-shirt. Wow. I really love how that tattoo looks on him.
He looks at me and smiles. "Hey."
"What are you doing here? I thought we were going out later."
He shrugs. "I couldn't wait to see you so I decided to come. I hope you don't mind."
I smile. "No, it's fine."
"Here," He says handing me a flower bouquet that he is holding.
"Thank you," I say taking them from him. "Come on in."
"You look good," He says as he walks in.
I laugh. "Stop lying. I was just about have breakfast, hope you're hungry."
"I'm always hungry."
I smile. "Sit. I'll serve you."
He sits down on one of the stools, the same one where he was the last time he was here. I can feel his eyes on me as I serve us breakfast. I made eggs with chorizo and beans. I serve us a cup of coffee as well.
"Thank you," He says when I place the plate in front of him. I just smile at him as I sit down next to him. Savannah is home but she's sleeping. She doesn't get home from work until like two in the morning when it's her turn to close.
"How was your week?" He asks as we eat.
"It was good. How was yours?"
"Busy," He says. "I had to work extra shifts, that's why I didn't come during the week."
"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I know your job is demanding."
He looks at me. "I won't be working there anymore. I asked for my transfer."
My eyes widen in surprise. "What? What do you mean?"
"I'm moving."
My heart sinks. Is he letting me go again? No. God. Please no. "Where to?" I ask setting my spoon down.
He half smiles. "Here. I want to be closer to you so I could spend more time with you."
I look at him for a moment, shocked. "Josh, you don't have to do that."
"I know. I want to. I'm serious about you, Natalie."
"But your job. How is your dad going to feel that you're leaving?"
"I told my father a few days ago when I asked for my transfer. He told me he's proud of me for fighting for what I love," his eyes are intense as he looks into mine. "You."
My eyes travel around his face involuntarily. I can't believe he's serious about this. He's leaving his job and everything in Portland to come here. For me. I think that he knows that if we spend more time together, then I'll eventually go back to him. This is only the second time I'm seeing him in a year and I can already feel my body begging me to get back with him. I look down at his lips for a split of a second. I want to kiss him.
I force myself to look down, breaking the spell I was on. I don't know what to say. I'm speechless.
"I know that we just started this," He says softly. "But I'm ready to start our life together whenever you are. I would marry you today if you said yes."
I look at him. "You're being serious," I say slowly.
"Of course."
I rest my chin on my hand as I think about what he just said. "Are you proposing?" I ask slowly, my heart beating fast against my chest.
"I wasn't planning on doing it today." He admits with a nervous chuckle. And then he's reaching into his pocket. I place my fingers on my lips as I look at him in shock. He takes out a silver ring with a beautiful diamond in the middle.
"Oh. Josh-" I gasp.
He smiles. "I know, don't freak out. I know you're not going to give me an answer today or anytime soon but I want you to have it as a reminder of my commitment to you."
I gulp. "You're not playing fair."
"Never said I was." He winks at me.
I can't help but smile as I look into his eyes. "I can't believe you're just throwing proposals at ten in the morning."
He chuckles. "I want to marry you, Natalie. You already knew that. Here, try it on."
I hesitate but reach for the ring. I know I should be freaking out about the fact that Josh just brought up marriage like nothing but I'm not. I feel-excited. And scared. But my excitement is bigger. I really want to kiss him.
I put the ring on my fourth finger. I struggle a bit through my joint because it's wider than my finger but once I get it through, the ring fits perfectly. I stare at my left hand for a moment. Wow. Is this actually happening? I could be married to Josh. I could be Mrs. Andrews. He would be my husband. Husband. It seems silly that I was on a date with Ezra just yesterday and now I'm contemplating marriage with Josh. What am I doing? What do I do? I need someone to tell me what to do.
Josh reaches across as if to touch my hand but he stops himself. "I love you, Natalie. I know we can be happy together."
I look up at him. "You really are serious." I repeat.
"Yes," He chuckles. "Do you want me to get down on one knee?" He stands up.
"Josh, no," I say standing up with him but he's already kneeling on his knee in front of me.
"May I?" He asks reaching for my hand. I nod and he takes it. I can feel my eyes tearing up and I can't do anything about it. I can't believe he's doing this. We haven't even gone on a date. Though I know Josh and I are well past dating. We've experienced much more deeper and important things than a date.
"I love you more than anything in this world. You are the only woman I would marry," he says looking into my eyes. "If it doesn't happen with you, then it won't happen with anyone so no pressure." He jokes making me laugh. "Marry me, Natalie. You don't have to give me an answer right now but I really hope that when you do, the answer is yes."
I shake my head at him but I'm smiling. "You're unbelievable."
"I love you," He says in response and then he brings my hand to his lips and he kisses the ring.
"What is going on here?"
We both turn to look at Savannah who is walking into the kitchen. She's still wearing her pajamas. She probably just woke up. She looks at Josh then at me then at Josh again. Her eyes are wide. "No way."
"Convince her to say yes, would you?" Josh asks her standing up.
"You didn't say yes?!" Savannah asks me in shock.
I smile but don't say anything.
"Let me help you," Josh says when I begin to pick up the dishes.
"You guys are really cute," Savannah says behind us as we begin to wash dishes.
I roll my eyes. Wasn't she just telling me a few days ago that she was glad I didn't get back with him right away? This girl is not consistent.
My arm brushes against his as we wash the dishes. I can feel the heat between us. The ring in my hand feels like a thousand pounds. I have a decision to make and I'm pretty sure I already know the answer.
"We can wash dishes together for the rest of our lives," Josh says winking at me.
I laugh. "That would be a dream come true."
He looks at me and grins. I can tell that hearing that made him happy. I realize then that all I want is for him to be happy. For him to smile like that for the rest of his life.
I've been a fool.
I love him. He loves me. I want this to work between us. I want to marry him. I want to have his children. It's cruel to keep Ezra on the hook when I know that I'll eventually find my way back to Josh. I'll have to speak with Ezra. Soon.
"I'm gonna go shower," I say to Josh after we're done.
He nods. "Okay. Would it be alright if I hang out down here?"
"Of course!" Savannah says then she pats the couch next to her. "I've got a few questions for you if you dare."
Josh and I share a look.
"Oh Lord," I say.
"You know if you really want to be my brother-in-law." Savannah continues.
Josh chuckles. "It's alright." He tells me then walks to Savannah.
I shake my head with a smile then turn around and head for the stairs.
"First question," I hear Savannah say and I stop in the middle of the stairs to listen. "Well it's more of a warning really. I'll kick your ass myself if you ever hurt my sister again."
I smile down at the floor.
"I'll do my best to not hurt her," Josh says. "But I am a man. I'm bound to make mistakes if we're being realistic. I'll be counting on you to kick me back to my senses if that ever happens."
"I like that answer," Savannah says. "Okay next one..."
I continue my way up the stairs silently with a smile on my face. In my room, I take off the ring and put it in my jewelry box for safekeeping. It doesn't feel right to wear it when I haven't given him the yes and I haven't spoken to Ezra.
I feel the excitement in the pit of my stomach as I shower and fantasize about getting married to Josh. I'd want a small wedding. Just our families. And then I begin to get nervous. Would our parents be okay with this? I really hope that the time that's passed was enough for them to move on from what happened. Would it be all awkward at the wedding? Would Brad go? I haven't even said yes yet and I'm already stressing about everything.
I change into a jean skirt with a black crop top because I didn't get this belly piercing for nothing. I put on my checkered Vans then comb my hair and part my hair to the side like I always do. I put on some mascara. I can't believe I'm actually going on a date with Josh. Our first official date without hiding. It doesn't matter where we go, it's already the best date ever.
I make my way downstairs and he stands up when he sees me. I watch as his eyes travel down my body. That alone makes my skin burn.
"Wow." He blurts out.
"He passed the test." Savannah announces. "You can marry him."
"I'm glad I have your approval." I roll my eyes at her and she winks at me. I reach for my purse.
"Have fun." Savannah sings behind us as Josh opens the door for me.
"I'm so over you." I laugh.
We walk out and close the door behind us.
"I hope you don't mind if we walk," Josh says once we're outside. "I booked us a cruise. They promised whales."
I laugh. "I don't mind at all."
We begin walking down the sidewalk, our arms brushing against each other. I try to forget about the pain and pretend that this last year didn't happen. I pretend Josh and I are together. I love him so much. I want to tell him but it's not the right time. It does feel like the right time to touch him though. So I reach out for his hand and intertwine my fingers with his without saying anything.
Josh turns to look at me in surprise and I look down at the ground, trying to hide my smile.
One look, one touch and the fire begins again.
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