"Ma'am," Babu says, grinning, as he opens the gate for me. "It's been so long." I smile at him, the compound behind him drawing my attention towards it.
"May I come in?" I ask, my feet aching to step into my home. I'm still quite unsure about how I ended up at this particular residence, or if I'm even welcomed here. What I do know, however, is that this place was once my home. A home that I shared with my husband, Manik.
"Most certainly," Babu says, hurriedly opening the gate further to allow me entrance. As I head down the driveway, another memory hurls itself to the forefront of my brain; a recollection of the first time I challenged my faith in Manik.
I stand rooted to my spot, as Manik continues to rev the engine. His eyes are challenging me to back up, and flee into the safe confines of the house. Manik's knuckles tighten over the leather covering of the steering wheel, as he floors the gas pedal, the car tearing across the compound, heading straight for me.
The bumper of the car is mere centimeters away from my stomach. I raise an eyebrow at Manik, a small smile adorning my lips. The strong stench of burnt rubber invades my nostrils.
The soles of my feet know exactly where to take me, as they continue to carry me down the driveway and towards the front door.
"Everything about you repulses me. The mere thought of sleeping in a room next to you..."
These words no longer hurt me, for I know that Manik said them in a state of betrayal. And so they bear no truth whatsoever. In fact, I'd say my husband's actions highly contradicted his words, and actions most certainly speak louder than words.
"This woman...Nandini, is my wife and whether you like it or not, you're going to have to live with it."
That was the day I realised Manik truly respected me. Regardless of the issues he and I were facing, Manik didn't let his mother, or anyone disrespect me. Nyonika made me feel like a worthless nobody that day. However, my husband ensured that my head was held high.
As I step into the kitchen, my fingers trail across the cool countertops. This section of our home was my only source of hope during the initial days of our marriage. After all, I intended to win over Manik's heart through his stomach.
"That's the rightful place for food made by you." Manik had told me, mere seconds after emptying the food I had cooked into the dustbin. A smile breaks out across my lips. We've come so far, Manik.
I stand in the centre of the kitchen for a few more minutes, before making my way upstairs. As I enter the room Manik and I once shared, my heart begins to cause an uproar in my chest. To many, the time that he and I have spent together may seem inconsequential. However, we have shared a lifetime of memories; priceless moments that I never wish to forget again.
The first object that draws my attention towards it, is Manik's guitar. It is leaning against the wall, missing the skilful touch of its owner's fingers.
"Your hands can heal," I whisper. "Your mouth is wine," my voice cracks. All the emotional knots inside me untangle, and I burst into tears.
"Manik," I sob, sinking to the ground. "I've been missing you for so long." He was in my heart and yet so distant from me. Pulling up my knees against my chest, I wrap my arms around them and allow my body to shake with sobs. For the past six months - six long months - I was away from my family; away from Manik. There was a time when I thought parting from them, for even a day, would be a punishment. No wonder I underwent those spells of feeling low. My heart was craving for the people I love, but my mind was on a completely different track. However, since Manik re-entered my life, I didn't undergo a single moment in which the world was weighing down on my shoulders. After all, the one I share all my burdens with was finally back in my life. How could Sushant do this to me? Sure, my mind would've been weighed down, but at least my heart would have been at ease.
More importantly, how could Manik see me with Sushant, without letting out a peep from his lips? I don't deserve my husband, and the love he has for me. He watched from the sidelines, as I stayed in another's arms. I doubt I will ever be strong enough - for even a second - to view him with another.
Was Manik even planning on telling me the truth? Or was he okay with with being my friend for life? Although, truth be told, I could feel my heart opening up to Manik, before I started putting the puzzle pieces of my life together. I bet my life that without knowing Manik was a part of my past, I would've still fallen for him and welcomed him with open arms.
Manik and I are meant to be. No matter what, he and I will end up together; in this life, in the other world and in all the lives that we have to live through.
Another sob bursts out from my lips as I think of Chachi, Rishabh and Chacha. How in the world did they all manage to keep their emotions in? I guess it's true that love is selfless, and one would rather undergo pain themselves than have their beloved experience it.
The urge to throw myself into my husband's arms and stay there is consuming me. However, before I re-open a door, I must shut another one.
*****
"You came," Sushant says in utter disbelief, as I near the table he's seated at. Although I am greatly disgusted by this man's mountain of lies, I can't help but wonder if he did it all in goodwill?
I mean, throughout the past six months, Sushant's been nothing but kind and caring towards me. Perhaps he truly kept me in the dark for my own good. Maybe I wanted him to tell me everything because I'm thinking with my heart, as I usually always do where Manik's concerned.
"I don't turn back on my commitments," I say, lowering myself onto the chair that's opposite Sushant. Now that I know the truth - at least most of it - it's harder to sit in front of this man and talk to him as if everything's perfectly normal.
"So now that we're here," I say, "I have somethings to clear out and ask."
"Go ahead. Anything," Sushant says. "I'm sure you feel cheated, but trust me, my intentions weren't malicious." I don't make eye contact with him. "Believe it or not, I love you, Nandini." Sushant says truthfully. This encourages me to look him in the eye, only to see he's watching me with nothing but candour.
"You should've at least informed my family and husband." I say, unable to feel completely angry at Sushant, despite everything. The truth is, I still feel indebted to him, regardless of all he's done wrong. The man in front of me stays silent, his gaze lowered towards the tablecloth in shame and regret.
"Can I ask you a question, Sushant?" I ask, raising my eyebrows. He nods his head, without making eye contact with me. "Would you have ever told me? Perhaps once the year was complete?" No response. Maybe Sushant knows the answer I seek is not the one I'll be receiving from him.
"I don't know, Nandini. Lying to you makes my skin crawl, so I won't give you a wrong answer," he says. "I...I really don't know. Seeing you and Manik, I have come to think that love is selfless. Then again, when I look at the love I give to you...that's the selfish kind." Sushant makes eye contact with me, as he gives a slight shrug. "Who's going to tell us which of us has grasped the rightful meaning of this twisted emotion?"
"This emotion, Sushant, is like water." I explain slowly, testing the words out in my mind before I speak them out loud. "It moulds itself into the vessel who feels it, and takes on a different meaning each time. Frankly, I think it would be highly wrong to term anyone's love as right, or wrong, and that's why this emotion is unique each time." Sushant's watching me like an attentive student, absorbing my words.
The irony in this entire situation is that such words are coming out of my lips, a woman who has only ever had one man in her life - Manik. Honestly, though, he's all she'll ever need. Because ever since my Devil has entered my life, I have experienced the purest form of love and affection. What I have also learnt is that love isn't simply black and white. Oh no...it comes in a spectrum of colours and shades. However, each tone is imperative for this love to grow.
"This is our song," Sushant whispers, sitting up. The spark that I've oft seen in his eyes is back, as he stands up and offers me his hand. "Would you do me the pleasure of honouring me with one last dance?"
"Why not?" Shrugging nonchalantly, I stand up and slide my hand into his. With the ease of a man who's done this many times before, Sushant guides me towards the dance floor and positions us on one side of it. Although falling into step with Sushant has always been easy, I now know why it never came naturally to me, simply because he's not the one I'm meant to dance with. Even now as Sushant and I sway from side to side, all I can think of is Manik. My lips tug upwards into a smile as I imagine the look on his face when I return to him with good news regarding my memory recollection. Sure, all the gaps haven't been filled yet. However, I know enough for now.
Suddenly, Sushant stops swaying, causing me to snap back into the present world. I look up at him questioningly. Perhaps, absentmindedly I stepped on his toe?
"I made the mistake of not telling you then, Nandini, but I won't repeat the same mistake tonight. Manik saw us dancing and now he's gone. He didn't look too happy about it either," Sushant says. At once I swivel around, my husband's name at the tip of my tongue.
"Thank you," I tell Sushant, rushing for the exit. Midway, I halt and turn back around, bolting straight for him. "Goodbye friend." I say, wrapping him in a tight embrace. "We may not live together anymore, or hang out daily, but I'll always be your friend."
"I know," Sushant whispers, squeezing me tight, as if he doesn't wish to let go. Unfortunately for him, I can't wait to get away. Someone else's arms are waiting for me; a man whose arms are my home.