"So..." Emily said. "How do you feel? Are you ready for all this?"
"He's not here." Cassy said. Her deflated tone sucked all the excitement out of Emily's.
"That's ok. You'll find him. Not everyone meets their soul mate the same day they are old enough." Emily said putting her arm around Cassy.
"You don't understand" Cassy shrugged her off. " You can't. Aaron swept you off your feet the second you turned sixteen. You both knew even before then and wouldn't admit it to yourselves..." Cassy shook her head. "I've waited all day and nothing. Not even a whiff. He's not here. The whole pack is here but he's not. He's not a part of our pack."
I glanced around at the people Cassy had gestured too. There certainly were a lot of them. I gazed out at the others. Most of them seemed to be around Cassy's age. A couple were glancing over at us. I couldn't tell if they were curious or just waiting for a show. My eyes were drawn to a familiar group of men. They were talking quietly amongst themselves. They looked a bit out of place but I understood they weren't really here for the party so much as to supervise so it wouldn't get out of hand.
My eyes caught a flash of green and I did a double take. I regretted looking around the second my eyes locked on his. The warm forest green swallowed me as I looked back. Why was he looking at me? Why couldn't I look away? An ache started deep in my chest. It was a reflection of the sadness I saw in his eyes. Probably a physical manifestation of my own agonizing depression as well. I blinked breaking the eye contact and jerked my head back to focus on Emily and Cassy. I couldn't deal with this tonight. I didn't want to face the pain of Silas leaving me. Not now. Not ever. I certainly didn't want to consider that he might be hurting from it as well.
"Come on RY. Let's get drunk." Cassy caught my arm and tugged. I looked up at Emily wondering what I had missed. Emily gave me a soft smile. It was sympathetic and understanding. She'd seen the look Silas had given me as well. Had she thought it meant something too? Maybe I did need to get drunk except I had to pick up Amelia after the party.
"Go. Have fun. I'll grab Amelia from Alisa." Emily said.
Before I could protest Cassy was pulling me along with her to the kitchen. I let her. If both Emily and Cassy saw this as some form of solution it was worth a shot.
The kitchen wasn't as crowded as the rest of the house seemed to be. Cassy opened the fridge and pulled out a few items. Then she went to the cabinets and pulled out some cups. She mixed some of the liquids together into the cups and then handed one to me. I sniffed it. It smelled like coconut and strawberry but the liquor underneath was strong. I took a sip. It wasn't bad. I took another sip.
Cassy hopped up on to the counter and patted the spot next to her for me to sit. I joined her.
"Do you know how Emily and Aaron met?" Cassy asked.
I nodded. I knew a little bit about what happened with Emily.
"She was Silas girlfriend..." Cassy started. I automatically glanced in the direction I knew Silas was. My heart jumped. He was looking at me again. He had probably heard Cassy say his name. I wished she would talk about something else. I held my breath and took another drink.
"They were like best friends for a couple months and then they started doing other stuff so they made it official. That only lasted for a couple months too because the chemistry between Aaron and Emily was like crazy. Silas knew what was going on and broke it off with Emily. He even told them 'You're mates' and they didn't believe him... Anyway they knew, we knew, before she even turned 16. Silas dragged Aaron to her party and the second the clock struck on her official birthday, bam, Aaron grabbed her in the hottest kiss I have ever seen. Silas was all smug. He leaned down to me and said 'That's why you wait for your mate'. I waited. I've been waiting 6 years and nothing. No insane connections. No chemistry. No mate." Cassy broke off finally and took a long drink form her cup.
'I'm 19 with no mate.' I signed and focused on the bright liquid in my cup. I could feel Cassy's eyes on me as she considered my words. I wasn't sure if I was upset by this revelation or if I was simply trying to make Cassy feel a little better. The longer I thought about the more restless I felt.
"...Do you think it hurts?" Cassy asked after several moments of silence. "I mean I know with your situation but if it had been different... If that had never happened and your first time was your real mate do you think it would have hurt?"
"It doesn't hurt." A deep voice interrupted grabbing both our attention. Alex reached over shoving Quinn. I hadn't even seen them come in to the kitchen. I had been too distracted by my thoughts about not having a 'real' mate. I couldn't decided if I even wanted one. I certainly didn't want to be marked but everyone was so adamant about the connection we're supposed to have with a mate. I wanted that connection. I wanted to know that I wouldn't be miserable and achy for the rest of my life. I sighed and took a longer sip of my fruity juice.
"That was a private girl conversation." Alex said. I didn't have to look up to know he was rolling his eyes at Quinn's interruption. He rolled his eyes at Quinn a lot. I glanced up at Quinn. I was sure that he secretly loved annoying Alex.
"Well I don't want either of them getting the wrong idea. Cassy when you start having sex the only one that's going to be hurt is the guy if he's not careful because I'll beat the shit out of him. And Rylan it's not going to hurt you because I know where the threshold between pleasure and pain is and I won't push you past that." Quinn said with a wink.
"Alright smart-ass for your information some girls DO hurt the first time they have sex." Alex said crossing his arms. I nodded. He was right after all. Maybe Quinn wasn't as promiscuous as he pretended to be.
"What? How would you know?" Quinn rounded on Alex.
"I wasn't... I didn't..." Alex gulped. I pressed my lips together in a flat line to hide my amusement. Since I was used to seeing Alex as a confident fighter it was highly amusing to witness this less confident, flustered, side of him.
"Alex didn't know he was gay until you came along and corrupted him." Cassy smirked and took another drink from her cup. I followed her example and took a long drink as well. Quinn smirked too. Even I had to could hide my smile. Alex was blushing and it was adorable.
"How many women have you slept with?" Quinn asked. I knew from previous conversations that Quinn's interest stemmed from curiosity alone. They were in an open relationship. It was an odd concept to picture when compared to the traditional aspects of mates but it seemed to work well for them. They were both happy and they loved each other even though they'd only known for a few months now. Quinn moved to lean on the counter by me and took my cup as we waited for Alex to find his words again. He took a small sip and handed it back with an approving nod. I took another drink. It was delicious.
"Only a few. Nowhere near the thirty's like you." Alex shook his head. I nearly choked on my tropical strawberries.
"Thirties?" I signed and Cassy spoke. That couldn't be right. Quinn was only a few years older than me. He couldn't have had time to be with that many people. Could he?
"I told you... Give me a chance. I know what I'm doing." Quinn nudged my leg with his elbow. An image of Quinn hovering over me in a bed flashed in my head. I shook it off. My stomach was knotting up just thinking about it. My face flamed.
"You're not her type." Alex groaned. I focused on him instead of Quinn. Alex was sweet. He wouldn't embarrass me the way Quinn always seemed to. Maybe I should go sit next to him. I took a sip from my cup and slid off the counter. My legs wobbled and didn't hold up very well. Quinn's arm circled my waist. I looked up at him. He had a half smile and he raised one eyebrow at me. I knew what he was asking and no I wasn't drunk. I rolled my eyes and pushed his arm away. I moved to the counter next to Alex and gave him a smile. He smiled back. I shifted to pull myself up onto the counter. It was harder to do than I remembered. I almost slipped. Quinn's hands appeared and lifted me by the waist. I blinked hard in surprise. Before I could process his sudden physical contact his hands had already vanished and he was back to leaning against the counter in my old spot. I shrugged it off and took another sip from my cup.
"So, what exactly is her type?" Quinn asked raising an eye brow.
"Uhh let's see... 6'1", brown hair, brooding dark green eyes, will snap Quinn's neck if he actually tries anything... Ring a bell?" Alex said exasperated.
Quinn blinked and turned to face me. His brown bedroom eyes held questions and concern instead of their usual teasing and seductive gleam. I knew exactly what Alex was talking about and so did he. I hated it. I looked back at Quinn but all the humor I'd felt earlier was gone. It had been sucked out of me. Even the pleasant tingles I'd felt a moment ago had vanished.
"Way to be a buzz kill." Quinn said looking back at Alex.
"You asked what her type was..." Alex shrugged.
"That's not a type. That's a person." Quinn said before turning back to me. "And you will get over him. It just takes time and sometimes it takes a really talented tongue or two but you will." Quinn said. His tone still held some of the playfulness of the conversation but it had a serious edge that made my stomach queasy. I looked down and swirled the mixture in my cup as I signed.
"What if she doesn't?" Cassy repeated my words out loud.
"What if she doesn't even want to try..." I signed again and Cassy translated.
Quinn tilted his head and looked over at Alex. I sighed and took another long drink from my cup. I shook my head. I shouldn't have said that. I raised my hands to sign about how I was being stupid but Quinn caught my hand so I couldn't pretend to take back what I'd just said.
"Why can't I hate him?" Quinn asked still glaring at Alex.
"Because you'd have done the same damn thing. Silas isn't a bad guy. He's...You don't know him like I do. You don't know how hard this is for him too." Alex said lowering his voice.
"Well he's my brother and I think I hate him a little for this." Cassy said.
I shook my head quickly and pulled my hand away from Quinn.
'Don't hate him. No one should hate him.' I signed. 'He has every right to make whatever decision he wanted.' Or didn't want. Which in this case was me. He didn't want me.
"He... He just... Ugh... Maybe you should hate him." Cassy said.
"She can't." Alex shook his head. "She still loves him."
I rubbed at the sore spot on my chest as if that could relieve the ache. It was so much harder to hear my feelings discussed out loud like this. I couldn't ignore them or pretend not to feel them if everyone else saw them so easily. I looked at the sparkly juice in my cup for a distraction. There were only a few sips left. Maybe I had drank this too fast. I didn't even know how much of it was alcohol and how much was juice. If they had juice flavored alcohol that's probably what it was. I raised the cup to my mouth and finished off the last few sips in one gulp.