I pull out my nutella sandwich, then carefully unwrap the plastic bag it was held in. I've being looking forward for this chocolate hazelnut goodness all day. Do they use some sort of drugs ? I'm totally addicted to this ! Nutella is my bae.
I took a bite and moaned. How can this be so good ? I moaned again and that earned a groan from someone sitting beside me. I opened my one eye and looked at the person who was pulling his hair out in frustration. To annoy him more I moaned again and he snarled at the book in hands and threw it away. I chuckled at his behaviour and when he heard that he narrowed his eyes at me and said,
"Princess I'm happy that you're enjoying the sandwich. But please can you stop making that sound ? I have Maths test to attend to !" Justin almost growled at the last part. Marissa looked up from her book and said,
"Oh if the nerd himself is finding hard to study then why are we even studying ?! There's no use, its sure gonna be tough !" She closed her books and kept it in her pink bag. Unwrapping a burger, she took a bite then as the cheese melted into her mouth she moaned and moaned.
"Thats it !" Justin huffed then angrily kept his books back in his back pack and left the cafeteria which earned giggles from me and Marissa.
We were at the cafeteria eating our hearts out when we all know we've got some tests to do. The month is almost over, just two more days. And the next month we've got final exams, my match and then vaccation. All I'm waiting is for my vaccation. I can't believe that my junior year is almost over. On the last day of this month there will be Prom which I'm not gonna go but my friends over here are going, even Mehara and Fathima that too dateless. I know they'll bug me but I wouldn't even think of going.
I recalled the very first day I entered Bloom woods with so many hopes. Most of them were fulfilled but some just happened again how it used to be in the past. I got new friends who likes me for who I am. I was met with X the bully who I still think is Jennifer. Now as I look at her sitting with her friends and laughing at something they said I still doubt whether its Jennifer or not.
I always thought that boys wouldn't even dream of talking with me instead I got myself three idiots - my charming Justin, Seth and Dan. For the very first time I got myself a best friend who've helped me in many ways - Mehara, my Meehu. And lastly Zee, well Zee is still and always will be a mystery to me. I never thought that I would have a liking to a certain boy, that too my senior. I wish that my senior year will be more blissful.
"Look at Izza's contacts !" I whipped my head towards Fathima who have got my phone in her hands.
"Hey give it back ! " I tried to reach for her but she quickly ducked out of my hand and sat next to Marissa who was across me. Fathima started laughing and started reading.
"Ya Allah this is crazy. Bubbly Ally, Glittery Marissa, Innocent Fathima, Idiot Anderson, Mehara the FM radio and -
Before she could read anymore I leaned over the table and snatched my phone from her. Everybody giggles whilst I shrink in my seat in embarrassment. Thank God I snatched it soon because I had Zee's contact there and there will be so many questions. Then everyone went into a conversation and my eyes landed on the person who was silent the whole time.
I looked at her confused as she was staring off to a distance, her eyes look lost and she had a blank expression oh her face. She didn't even touch her food and that too it was her favourite Alfredo pasta that Fathima had brought. She was far away in another world oblivious to the chaos over here.
When the bell rang and everyone started to pack and head off to their next class Mehara didn't even move from her place. I sighed and went towards her. I snapped my fingers in front of her eyes and then she blinks. She looked up at me and tried to smile but she couldn't. I sighed again, guess I have to ditch my class then.
"You need to talk" I said taking her things and keeping it in her back pack. She quickly stood up and took her back pack from me. She shook her head saying,
"There's nothing to talk about" Before she could turn and walk off, I held her by the arm and turned her around.
"There's everything to talk about and before you open your stupid mouth let me continue" I said when she started to argue and shut her mouth pressing her lips in tight line.
"I'm ditching my class for you. Cause that's what best friends are for, right ? You taught me that. So now I'm not gonna leave until you say it"
She gives a long sigh and then motioned me to follow her. I took my backpack and together we exited the cafeteria. She was silent throughout the walk and I followed her behind. We reached the park and when she took a right I looked up. I noticed she was heading to the bell tower. My eyebrows knitted together in confusion as in why she wants to talk in a bell tower rather than a normal place. She stopped infront of the bell tower and took a long sigh then opened the door and started taking the stairs.
I just shrugged my shoulders and followed. We reached the top of the tower stairs and she slowly opens the door. This place was rusty and seems like nobody cleans here. Then what I didn't expect was Mehara to hold on to the rail and grabbing it, she climbs up. I had my mouth hung open at her stunt.
"Are you coming or what ?" She shouts and I shut my mouth then followed her movements.
Now I'm standing on a narrow ledge, six stories above the ground. I'm so high up. The tower is pretty small, with only a few feet on concrete floor space on all sides of the bell itself, and then this low stone railing, which I've climbed over to get here. I knocked one of my legs against it to check if its still there. I looked up from the ground to the view that behold me and my lips parted in awe.
I could see the whole area of Bloom woods high school. The vast green football field. The park where its empty of no students because there was class going on. The trees dancing in the cool breeze. The beautiful sun that has been shining brightly today. I smiled at the view that was spectacular. Then my eyes landed on the school terrace where I was about do suicide. I gulped and looked away.
I see her, Mehara. She was also standing on a ledge and her hijab was waving in the breeze as she looks at the view. Very slowly her head turns towards me and her mouth opens to give me an answer.
"Welcome to my Thinking place" I gave a small chuckle and then continued gazing at her - waiting for her to speak her heart out. She was still gazing at the view then after long agonising minutes of silence she finally opened her mouth and spoke,
"I was meeting with Zohair for a few weeks" my head whipped towards her taking in the information. My Mehara, my pious Mehara meeting Zoh ?
"Close that mouth of yours. Its not like what you think" she chuckles and I smacked my lips.
"One day when I was coming after school I saw him playing basketball on the ground that was next to my house. The very same ground which I could see from my window door and were my Fai used to play. When I saw him first, I thought of ignoring and just continued walking. But all of a sudden that stupid piece of sheet called me loud 'Meehu' and I got that weird butterfly feeling in my stomach.
Then he jogged over and smiled. That smile which could literally burn my heart. He asked me if I was living near by, so I pointed my finger at my house. He was surprised and understood that the former captain of Daynes used to play here". She rubs her arms and inhales the air then slowly let it out. All the time looking straight at the view.
"Then everyday I used to watch him play through my window door. I tried hard to control my emotions as I always recall my big brother playing over there. Then Zoh would notice me staring before I look away and mumble an Asthagfirullah. He would wave at me and sometimes he would ask me to come over. And as always I reluctantly went to him.
He asked me about my brother. Maybe after speaking about my brother to you I finally gained confidence and told about my brother. He listened. He said he likes listening more than talking. I showed him some of my brother's basketball methods and he learned. When a match came by, they won and he said it was all because of my help" I saw Mehara blush at the memory.
"Everyday he would come by and play. He would sometimes eat at my home too. Everybody liked him because he said ' I have my charms'. Idiot, he's such an idiot. One night when we were having Zoh over dinner my two sisters barged into my room. They started annoying me and said that I like Zoh. But I said that I only took him as a friend and nothing else. But then again they are my stupid sisters they never left and continued gushing about me and Zoh.
One minute I imagined me and him, together in the future and they saw me blush. They awed and 'aah' d. I literally kicked them from my room. He was quiet popular in Bloom woods so dad always liked to have Zoh at home. After dinner I was walking him out of the door and he told me to wait for a second and I did. He took something from his car and came back. He showed me a bouquet of my favourite flowers. Tulips, Yellow coloured tulips. I fell in love all over him again and again. I was crazy". She sighed and then remained silent for few minutes.
"It happened all at once, One minute I was walking towards him when he was talking with someone whom I guess was his friend and the next minute I was running back home holding my tears. When his friend had turned around to meet me, you should see the way Zoh introduced me. He had that billion dollar smile which I like and turned to his friend and said,
"Jacob this is Mehara Siddiqie, my sister from another mother"
Sister. He said his sister. How much worse can it get ? I-I was humiliated. Well he didn't know that I had a crush on him. Its not his fault though. It was all my fault that I - I fell in love with him. I didn't cry because Fai always told me to be strong. Bu-but I couldn't handle this, its too fudging unbearable. It hurts. But still I never shed a tear. Today when I saw him again, he smiled at me and I tried to, I tried to show the pain behind my smile. But he- he didn't see, he just waved his hand and continued playing"
She had that blank expression on her face, giving away nothing to the world to know what she was feeling. So I just did the best thing that anyone would do. I slowly stood next to her and just hugged. And I felt her relaxing in my arms and sighs in tired. She was thanking me for listening and I didn't say a thing, but I wanted to say that my cousin was stupid and he can't read other's feelings. I wanted to say that she deserved much better. But I didn't, I kept quiet and rubbed her back in a soothing way.
I thought of Yousi, would he have done something like that ? No he wouldn't, because he likes her and he'll always protect and cherish her. But the tables were turned in the wrong direction.
She's whispering to me that she'll never fall in love now, that she's gonna wait for her future husband. She's ashamed of herself and she's saying that maybe this was Allah's plan and his plans are always better. I didn't speak at all, just listened and let her talk. After sometime she was all silent and now I'm on action.
I lifted my hands to her face and transferred that one tear that roll down just now to my index finger. Then I looked at her and said,
"This drop of tear will be the last tear you shed for him. And now you are going to blow it away. When you blew this, every worry and pain blews away with it and you're going to be strong just as you promised your Fai" She looked at me and then at the drop of tear. She sucked in air and blew the little water that was balanced on my finger. She smiled and hugged me tightly then together we watched the view with smiles on our face.
••••••••
Detention.
For the very first time I got myself a detention for ditching the class and now here I am in the vast room with paints, charts, and etcetera etcetera. Mehara had gotten herself to tutor the students who are weak in History. Tutoring was much better than this.
Aaarrgh !
I took the stupid brush and dipped it in the stupid paint can. I huffed in annoyance as I started to paint the stupid letters on the stupid big wall. I groaned now and then as I bend down to dip the brush and then again paint. I can feel my nerves bulging out, the anger is gonna reach up the highest level, then BOOM !! I will explode.
Blast this wall ! Blast this stupid brush ! Blast this disgusting PROM !
"You're doing it in the wrong way".
I jumped up in fear and quickly turned around to be met with the Emerald eyes that's being squinted at the art I've created on the wall. I kept a hand on my chest and calmed my nerves. I scowled at him and turned back. He was behind me and when he breathe out, I could feel tingles on the side of my face. Then his eyes met mine and I gave him a 'I don't care' look.
"You see, the brush has to be dipped fully into the can so that its fully coated and then positioning it in this angle you start painting" he said positioning the brush in an angle and showing it to me.
Blast your stupid theory !
"Wow thank you so much for your advice" I said sarcastically and smiling widely at him, then gave him a death glare. He narrowed his eyes and took another brush then dipping it in the can he went over to another wall and started filling it up. Looks like he was happy to do Ahmed's work so that he could be left alone.
Why does this idiot likes painting too much ?
I scowled at his back and started painting, this time doing in the way he told. Fourty five minutes, fourty five minutes I have to wait for this detention to get over and head to the hospital. I'll probably die even before it finishes. I turned to look at him and he was quietly enjoying since he've got a small smile on his face.
Stupid dashing - bright smile.
I was getting bored minute by minute and the stupid idiota behind my back hadn't even utter a single word. I sighed and sighed. My back was aching for bending down too much. I sighed again.
"Stop sighing" Zee said from behind and I sighed again. He groaned, I still haven't turned and continued painting.
"Whats wrong !" He asked annoyingly since he want calm and quiet atmosphere.
"Bored" I muttered under my breath and this time he sighed.
"Let's play twenty questions" he suggested. I turned around raising my one eyebrow at him but he has his back turned around.
"You first" he said and I turned around painting again. I can't believe we were playing the forbidden game again. I swear if he end up like the last time, I'll personally hire some people to threw him off the cliff. I smirked as I imagined him falling from the cliff. Ha ! He will clasp his hands and kneel down in front of me and beg me not to do this. I frowned when I realised that it'll never happen and its most likely to happen to me if I annoy him too much. Okay this time I'll ask simple questions.
"Whats your favourite colour ?" I asked and he chuckled.
"What ?" I snapped at his back and then continued working. He chuckled again and said "nothing".
"My favourite colour is blue".
"Oh blue as the sky ?" I asked with a smug smile. What a pathetic fellow, just like every boy he likes blue, I thought he would be different, I thought he would choose black or something.
"No blue as the ocean" he said and then he asked me,
"If you had money in hand, which is the first place you would think of travelling ?"
"Switzerland !" I said with a wide smile on my face. I've always wanted to go there and have written it in my bucket list. Also I can go anytime I want since my dad has money but lately thinking of Yussa's medical expenses I'd rather not go with his money. Also Allah would have been proud if I give the money to the poor instead. Maybe one day when I'll have money on my own, I'd definitely go.
"How old are you ?" I asked.
"I8. Before you ask 'what 18 ? and not 17 ?' I was join late for high school, took a gap year to travel north".
I frowned, I do not sound like that when he mimicked me by saying 'What 18 and not 17 ?' Dumb egg. So if he's 18 then Ahlan must be 23 since that day he said he was five year older than Zee.
"Favourite drink ?" He asked.
"Hocus pocus I need my coffee to focus" he chuckled and I asked him the same question and he said,
"Black coffee" I had a disgusted look on my face. I hated black coffee and how can he like it ?, since its so bitter in taste. He noticed I was silent so he chuckled and called out loudly from behind.
"Don't be a racist !" I frowned again and was about to retort when he asked the next question.
"How is she ?" I stood still for a moment and recalled what he asked. He had asked about my Yussa and now we were having some real conversation.
"Sh-she's fine. Alhamdulillah, she's surviving with the help of the new doctor that arrived" He sighed in relief and I was soaring with happiness as I realised he cares, he cares about me and my family. Who ever said Zee was arrogant, a jerk or an ash hole ? He've got humanity inside him people ! Give him an applause ! I mentally clapped for him in my head.
"Why do you like painting so much ?"
I noticed he was silent for a while and heard the intake of breath. Okay ! I should change the question. But before I could do something, he spoke so softly and I turned around, but his back was to me as he still continued painting.
"She loved to paint. Whenever she finds a blank wall, it could be anywhere - in the public or in our house, she'l always have her art kit with her and she would work her magic on them. For us it would be just a wall, but for her its a canvas".
I heard him sigh and I dropped the bush near the can and walked towards him. When I reached and stood right beside him, I saw he had a small smile on his face but he never met my eyes.
"Zery ?" I asked and he nodded his head.
"She's crazy you know ?, if she see's me sitting idly in the house she would drag me along with her and make me paint. I would ask her 'why do you like painting so much ?' and she would say 'you never question an artist'. But day by day when I tag along with her to paint I understood why she liked to paint - the calm atmosphere, worries and all of the chaos suddenly disappearing from us, its just the canvas and us in a silent conversation". He glanced at me and then back to the wall. I saw a sad expression clouded over his features.
"Sh-she wanted to become an Artist. I would always make fun of her and say 'You ? An artist ? Ha when the sky falls down !'. Then she would flick me on the forehead and say 'Wait and watch'. She was the mature one among the three even though she's the youngest. When I paint I would imagine myself with her. You know ? Its like when I-I paint she's here and she-she's smiling at me and scolding me, that I'm not doing it in the right way".
I watched as his Adam's apple bob up and down when he gulped. He looked lost and he was staring off at a distance.
"I miss her so much. That was her journal were she drew and I got it from her cupboard. I would read it everyday and assured myself that she's here and is still alive. That journal is the living thing of my Zery. I was her Zee, when she went to coma I thought I'd never hear myself calling me Zee".
So thats why he hated when I called him Zee, and that too I was a complete stranger at that time. Now I'm the only one who calls him Zee. I wanted to ask him what happened to her but I couldn't. What if he lashes out and say that its none of my business ? So I refrained myself from doing such a thing. But I couldn't and I was so curious that the next thing you know is me asking from my stupid mouth.
"What happened to Zery ?"
I prayed and prayed to Allah that he answer and not walk away. I heard him inhaling deep breath and slowly let it out. He didn't shout at me nor he said it was none of my business. Instead he dropped the brush, took his back pack, then slowly shook his head and exited the room leaving me with cold silence.
I swear I'm never ever playing twenty questions with Zeeshan Harris.
••••••••
When I entered the room, I saw her sitting with her knees brought to her chest, her hands wrapped around them with her chin resting on the top and she was staring off at a distance. What I did notice was she had a frown on her face and her eyes were moist. Even when I closed the door with a sound she didn't broke up from her reverie. Until I cleared my throat only did she snap out from her thoughts and blinked her eyes at me. I thought she would smile at me like how she always used to do when she see me for the day. But she didn't, she frowned more and my smile dropped from my face.
Maybe its because of Yahya, but it can't be because that was few days before and she never showed a sign of depressed emotion on it these days, she had smiled more and had also talked to Yahya whilst the guy always ignored and avoided her. Sometimes I just want to punch his face when I see Yussa's pained expression when he gives a deaf ear when she talks to him.
Doesn't he know that she loves him too and is sacrificing her love for him ?, doesn't he know that every night she cries in sleep and even calls his name during her dreams ? No he doesn't, because Yussa never wanted him to know and she was the only one who was suffering more because of all of this.
"What ?" I asked her as she was staring at me with a blank expression on her face. She blinked and looked away. I walked towards her and stood right by her side next to the bed.
"You know I have being in this Room for like twenty eight days. The least place I could go out of this room is for tests which is in this floor itself".
"Okay ?" I asked with a confused expression. Where was she leading this to ?
"You don't understand. You are so lucky ! I miss the outside world. I want to go out, its so suffocating here".
"But Yussa, you are not well. When you are back to normal we can go out as much as you want".
"No I want to go out today ! I want to touch my feet on the sand and I want to breath in the cold breeze that I'm missing".
"Yu-
"I want to go !"
I should have known, she was very much a stubborn girl. But I understand, how she feels in this room sitting here idly and doing nothing. I know all she gets to smell here is medicines and whatnot. So I sighed at her stubborn face and asked,
"Where do you wanna go ?"
"To the beach ! I want to see the beautiful sea and the waves" She smiled widely, then I left her room and dialed Yousi's number. After three rings he finally picks up.
"I saw you like five minutes ago. You can't leave me alone for few minutes ?" I sighed, if it was another situation I would have snapped at him.
"Its Yussa" That might have alerted him and he took a deep breath and started to panic.
"What ? Whats wrong ? Is she okay ? Wh-
"Calm down. Yussa wants to go to the beach" he sighs in relief.
"Thats not possible. The patient is strictly under the control of the doctors. We can't take her out, mom and dad will kill us !"
"She wants to go Yousi. You should think about her too, she's in that room for like so many days. She wants to go" he sighs again and asks,
"Whats your plan ?"
"We sneak out" I said confidently.
And now here I was trying to sneak out with Yussa seated on a wheel chair since she wasn't able to walk fast. It was almost midnight and pretty much there wasn't a single doctor in the hallway. I heard that Hilma had a night shift today but we haven't seen her at all and I prayed that she was stuck in a traffic jam or something. Because if she finds out then - the rest is history. Yousi was waiting for us in the parking lot.
I had made Yussa wear an Abaya (A full black colored dress that covers every part of your body except your palms) and the turban. A small smile had come to my face when I noticed her hair was growing back while I was helping her in turban. The doctors had said 'one month' but one month was almost over and my Yussa was recovering and she wasn't dead yet. Thats my Yussa !
I calmed my nerves and slowly opened the door. I looked towards my left and sighed in relief when there was no one. I slowly pushed her wheel chair forward and then we were out of the room. I had told Yussa to shut her mouth until we reach the car. It was dark in the hallway, but with the help of the dimmed lights we were able to make out the way.
"There's someone over there" Yussa whispered so I quickly pulled the wheel chair and hid under the stairs. We stood there for few minutes waiting for that person to pass by and when he did, I finally dashed away. We reached the elevator and quickly pressed the ground floor. Yussa was smiling widely and I rolled my eyes, apparently for her this is a 'escape game' and she was quietly enjoying it. Of course she would, I'm literally the one pushing her wheel chair whilst she just have to sit and enjoy. She had loose so much weight and she weighs like a feather. But the damn wheel chair is so heavy !
We reached the ground floor and before I could dash away I poked my head outside the elevator - turned to my right and left, seriously its like following the rules while crossing the zebra line ! Then seeing no one was there I slowly pushed the wheel chair. But I was too late as I saw the last person I wanted to see coming towards us. I gulped and quickly pulled the wheel chair to a corner where she couldn't see. Looks like my prayers were not answered and Hilma was here already.
She'll find out Yussa isn't in the room and we will be grounded for sure. I was going to call Yousi and tell him to cancel the plan but one look at Yussa and I couldn't. She was watching the entrance with a longingness. So I calmed my nerves and started pushing her wheel chair. I noticed Hilma going towards the coffee machine, with that opportunity I quickly pushed the damn thing and dashed away. We were almost going to reach the entrance and I could see Yousi in his car waiting for us in the parking lot. We were almost there but fate wasn't with us. We heard her shouting.
"Hey you two over there ! Stop !" Yussa turned her body towards me and showed me her wide eyes.
"Run Izza. Run !" She shouted turning back and I did. I ran like I never had. There was a small smile on my face as I heard Yussa's giggles. Now I don't care if I get grounded cause all I ever wanted was to see her laugh and be happy.
"Stop ! Izza and Yussa ! Stop I said !"
I quickened my pace as I realised Hilma was running behind us. Yousi saw us, his eyes widening in realisation and he quickly opened the door of the back seat. When we reached the car, I slowly made Yussa sit inside and rushed inside slamming the door on my way. But we were too late as I heard Hilma pounding on the glass. I sighed and rolled down the window then looked at her with a sheepish smile.
"Gosh you people ! Are you trying to kill me ?" Yussa and I kept our heads down ready to hear her lecture.
"Now are you going to let me in or what ?" I whipped my head towards her and looked at her confused then nodded my head to let her in. We were simply getting scared for no reason, Hilma could have helped us. Gosh.
"So where are we going ?" Hilma asked drinking her coffee that she brought along with her. How quickly Hilma and Yussa had change their composure, because few days ago both were crying their hearts out and now they are here as if nothing happened.
"Beach !" Yussa exclaimed happily and then I remembered my Ahsan, so sad he could have enjoyed with us but he've got school and he's still the baby so - mom makes sure he sleeps and wakes up on time. We three were seated at the back and Yousi all alone in the front. He sighed and took his phone, pressing some numbers, he puts his phone on his ears and waits.
"Where are you ?" he asks and I realised there was one more person to come in. He continues talking and we weren't able to hear what the other person was talking about
"Hey you can't ditch on me ! I'll suffocate myself with three ladies over here. I need company !" I rolled my eyes at him but felt Yussa stiffen next to me and realised she was frozen and stood still. I understood why, because we saw the last person Yussa wanted to see, enter the car with a greeting to everyone except to Yussa whom he completly avoided.
"Yeah let's go to the beaaaachh !" Yousi said loudly mimicking in a girly voice and we all chuckled. Then we were out from the parking lot and driving towards our destination. Yussa rolled down the windows and let the wind kiss her face. She closed her eyes and smiled at the beautiful night. I squeezed her hand then she slowly turns her head towards me and mouth the words 'thank you' which I smiled in return. All were silent, enjoying the cool night forgetting the mess we had left behind. Not thinking about what the future holds before us - just us and the beautiful night.
We reached the beach after sometime and I took the damn heavy wheel chair from the boot for Yussa. I held her in my arms and she slowly sat on to it. Yahya climbs down from the car and turns to Yussa who was waiting for me to shut the boot's door, his eyes boring into her's, he opens his mouth to speak but then closes his mouth. He blinks his eyes then with one last look, turns and walks away from her. I saw it - how Yussa clenched her fist, how she swallowed the lump in her throat and how she took a deep breath to hold back her tears. I reached towards her then bend myself down and whispered in her ears.
"Yussa just live in the moment. Okay ?"
Even though she didn't meet my eyes she nodded her head and put on a smile. I pushed her chair and we were now on the sand. I stopped and removed my converse shoes so that no sand could enter in them. Yussa also removed her sandals and kept it on her lap. I pushed the chair very slowly because it was difficult in the slippery sand. We reached the sea and we stopped right there. I raised my eyebrows as I saw Yousi and Yahya both sitting on the sand enjoying the silent night around them and not talking or fighting with each other for lame reasons. I saw Hilma looking at the sea with a blank expression on her face and unaware of the waves hitting on her ankles.
I sighed and looked down towards Yussa who had her legs down from the stand of the wheel chair and feeling the sand and the sea water splashing on her legs. She had a huge smile on her face as she enjoyed the cold water and the cold night. Cool breeze fanned my face and i shivered a bit. When I looked towards my left, I saw Yahya staring at Yussa with a sad expression - an expression which shows how much it pains him and how sad he is to be feel rejected. He blinked his eyes then averted his eyes and started talking with my brother.
"There's no moon up there" Yussa said and I looked up at the dark night sky filled with infinity number of stars but there was no moon.
"Looks like the black clouds hid the moon" I said looking down at her but her eyes were still focused at the beautiful sky. I pushed her wheel chair backwards, away from the waves touching us and then I sat down on the sand next to her chair. Gazing back at the stars I recalled something I've learned and spoke.
"You know Stephen hawking once said to look up at stars and not down at your feet. He said to make sense of what we see and wonder about what makes a universe exist. He said to be curious and however difficult life may seem, there is always something we can do and succeed at. It matter that we don't just give up". Yussa smiles down at me from her wheel chair then looking back at them, she said
"You know what I see ? What I see is the magnificent creation of Allah. So as your Stephen hawking said I'm trying to make sense of what I'm seeing and wondering how Allah made the universe. Indeed I'm curious about the creator"
I smiled back at her beautiful words then we both were in complete silence. Yousi and Yahya had gone back to the car but Hilma was here sitting away from us in her own thoughts. I really wanted her to pour her heart out so the weight on her shoulders will be reduced. I had tried to speak to her but I couldn't as I know she will block me out. Seeing Hilma like this was hurting me and Yussa too. But she wouldn't tell us and we know she's elder by us - but thats what sister are for, right ? I was waiting for her, but I know she likes to handle her problems on her own.
"I know it'll sound silly but "
I snapped from my thoughts and looked up at my sister who stopped talking and then sighed. She looked at me and then up at the stars, she said,
"I read a line from somewhere, but I don't believe it. You'd probably laugh at me. But still, now as I look upon these stars - maybe they are true ?" I nodded my head and smiled encouragingly at her, to continue and promised her I wouldn't laugh.
"Perhaps they are not stars, you know ? I think they are rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones shines down to let us know they are happy".
I took a sharp intake of breath as I realised her words. I looked back at the stars and tried to see something or rather someone whom I lost, to shine down at me and tell me that he's happy. I tried harder searching for him but frowned looking down. How can I be so dumb ?, there's nothing like that - I believed her fantasy which was just a pure imagination. But I just wished my Dada would be looking down at me.
"Remember Izza, no matter how far apart we are - we will always be under the same sky".
"Oh shut up you're not going anywhere" I said rubbing my eyes when i felt moist in them.
"Yeah let's just hope. If I'm not there remember my words and look up at the stars. Okay ?".
"Shut up. Why are you talking as if you are going to die ? Hadi told you are recovering and within few days you'll be discharged. So shut up !"
She chuckled and gazed back at the stars. I was so lost in the beauty of the stars as in how they twinkled and shined like diamonds. I'd say they were more shinier than diamonds. I like star gazing, thats one of my favourite moment with Dada. He used to sit with me and we'd both gaze at the stars. I felt a tear roll down from my eyes and didn't bother to wipe them. I miss him so much.
"One day someone will look at you the same way you look at the stars" She said and I didn't get to realise what she said as I felt a vibration in my pocket. I got up and excused for a minute. I unlocked my phone to see a message popped up from none other than Zee. I squinted my eyes at the message as in why would he send a message so late at night once again. Was he insomniac ? I shrugged my shoulders and opened the message.
As I read the message my heart clenched in pain and I tried to hold back my tears from nearly spilling out. A gasp left my mouth and kept a hand on my mouth not to make any sound again. I wiped the tears and took deep breaths calming myself then called out to Hilma and said that we were leaving. She stood up and walked away and I pushed Yussa's chair towards the car. Yussa notice my face and asked,
"Are you okay ?"
I nodded my head smiling as I slowly made her stand up in my arms and made her sit in the car. After keeping the wheel chair at the back I sat down next to her, this time next to the window seat. Yussa was in the middle of me and Hilma. She kept her head on my shoulders then closed her eyes and said,
"Thank you guys for today".
Yousi started the car and we were now driving back to the hospital where everything gets back to the way it was. She was fast asleep on my shoulders and Yahya kept glancing at her through the rear view mirror as if its the last time he's gonna see her.
As the cold wind fanned my face and my hijab swaying I recalled the message he had send me. How hard it might be for him to take in all this. How painful it might be for him as to see her lying on the bed - just breathing and its like she's half dead. And here he was full radiant and trying to live in this messed up world like me.
Zee - Remember how I couldn't make it up for last year's match ? Well that was the day when I found out my sister was raped. It was so painful Izza ! So painful that lead her to coma.
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Greetings ladies,
So no more Mehara and Zohair ? Do you think Mehara's being a little dramatic over here ? Do you think that she should have chosen Yousuf so that she wouldn't have gotten hurt in the first pace ?.
Zee. He lost his sister but not literally. What do you guys feel for him ?. There are lot more about his story, you know ?. This is just a sample.
Yahya's being harsh on Yussa. If only he knows.
And remember how in chapter 13 Izza drowns in the pool and i said that i found writing the 'drowning part' was bit difficult ?. Well not anymore cause I've got nice drowning experience now ;). I almost drowned in the pool, if not for my brother i would have died(wiping the imaginary tears). And you know what he said ? He said I'm being dramatic and the pool wasn't that deep(like what the hell ?!). He was the one who said to jump in the first place ! and he said nothing will happen !. God ! I'm never jumping into the pool in my life.
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