HARRY
Merry Christmas Harry xx
I forced my eyes shut and then reopened them, the message was still there. It had been months since we'd spoken. Not from a lack of trying on my part, she still consumed my thoughts.
I had ended the fake relationship with Jada the day after she'd walked out. When management and the boys tried to fight me on it I told them that it was hurting myself and the person I cared about and if they had a problem with it, they would have to do the rest of the appearances without me. That seemed to take care of that. I'd muddled through all of my obligations. I knew I should be soaking this up, enjoying what was left of this time with my brothers, but I couldn't bring myself to enjoy being here. My heart was somewhere else. Interviewers and industry friends alike had noticed my shift in demeanor. They commented on it but in a way that beat around the bush and I gave no direct answers. No one knew about us. To everyone else she was the girl in a few photos but to me she'd been more from the moment I'd met her. The press speculated that my somber mood was caused by the band split and I just let them believe it.
I pull myself out of my head and back to the screen in my hands. There's so much I want to say but I can't fit my feelings into a simple message. I sigh defeated before typing back a simple reply.
Merry Christmas to you too, El. I hope all is well. -H xx
I don't have time to wonder if she'll respond, if she'll even read it, before I'm pulled off into another string of endless interviews.
•
It's nearly midnight by the time we arrive at the hotel we're staying at tonight. The parking is underground meaning we avoid fans and for that I'm incredibly grateful. I love and appreciate them but I just am not in the mood to put on a fake smile right now. I'm not okay and it's not alright. I barely make it to the bed before exhaustion takes over.
When I reopen my eyes the alarm clock on the nightstand says it's 10:48 in the morning. I rub the crust from my eyes and feel for my phone. As I come further into consciousness I realize I'm still in my clothes from yesterday and I've forgotten to charge my phone. A click on the home button reveals that it's dead. I huff in annoyance before attaching the device to the charger and fumble through my luggage for clean clothes. I start the shower and hop in. The warm water rushes over my body and I feel some of the tension in my body release. It helps a little, but nothing relaxes me like when I'm with her. With my hair and body washed I cut the water and towel off before throwing on the black skinny jeans and white T-shirt I had picked out. With my clothing sorted I step back into the room. My phone is lit up having charged enough to cut on. I flop on the bed and lay on my side to scroll through my notifications a lump forms in my throat as her name fills my screen.
Everything is good. I hope it is for you as well. Listen Harry, I'll be in LA for New year's. A friend's idea to go to the countdown party...I know you guys are performing for the last time. I wasn't sure it'd be okay for me to be there.
She'd then sent a separate text an hour after I hadn't replied to her first message.
Not that I expect you to still care or anything just...I know it's gonna be a hard night for you all, I don't want to make it worse.
Hah. If only she knew what her absence had been doing to me. I think for a moment before sending my reply.
I want you there.
It was straightforward, but it was the truth.
•
New Year's came faster than I ever could have expected. While I was sad to see this chapter of my life end, I knew this is what was best both for myself and the rest of the band. We were all exhausted and the freedom of the future was both daunting and exhilarating. It was full of possibility. My stomach was jam packed with butterflies as I thought about tonight. She would be here.
I ran through sound check and tried to keep my composure. As our performance neared my excitement only built. Our green room was located on the 3rd floor of a building next to the stage that was set up outside. I peered down onto the waiting crowd but couldn't separate her from the mass of people. I wanted to see her. I needed to see her. I grabbed my phone and typed out a quick text.
Are you here, love?
I waited for the bubbles to appear indicating that she was responding. I frowned at my phone as my message stayed delivered and didn't switch over to read. Maybe she just wasn't looking at her phone right now? I mean it made sense she was down in that crowd. My worries eased as my notification sound echoed through the room.
Yeah, just got here!
Where are you? I'll send someone for you!
Idk if that's a good idea Harry. I'm with a group....they'll ask questions.
Say you need to go to the loo...
I need to see you
I held my breath as I waited for her reply hoping that last message hadn't been too forward.
Where should I go?
I smiled at how quickly she'd agreed before spinning around, away from the window, and walking out into the hall. I spotted one of our security guys and showed him the picture of El I'd just had her send through and asked him to fetch her from the entrance.
As I waited for him to return the anxiety that had building all day raged out of control. It still amazed me at how much control she had over my emotions.
I heard voices down the hall and my feet moved without instruction from my brain. I felt something pulling me towards her, like we were magnetic. She came into view and my heart leapt in my chest. I struggled to swallow the lump in my throat as I took her in. Her dark brown hair hung in curls down her back, her lips were painted red and immediately I was distracted with thoughts of placing mine to hers. She wore a gray deep V-neck shirt that hung off her shoulder tucked into black cut off shorts finished with a black belt and a black Panama hat.
I bit my bottom lip as I studied her trying not to let my excitement show. She looked beautiful as always and I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the thoughts of us I did my best to keep at bay these days. I'd dreamt of this moment for months now but here in it, I had no clue what to say to her.
"Hi" I finally got out.
She smiled and help her arms open and I welcomed her embrace.
"You look great, El" I said as I held her at arms length to take another good look.
"Not too shabby yourself, Styles" she replied with a smile, it wasn't her real one though. It didn't reach her eyes.
I knit my brows together as I studied her face. Something was off.
"Are you okay?"
She nodded but I remained unconvinced. For the first time since I'd known her there was something almost...awkward around us. I had no clue what was going on and I had no time to figure it out as we were being called down to the stage.
"We're only doing one song, you'll wait here until we come off?" I asked hesitantly worried that with something up, she wouldn't stick around.
"Yeah, I'll wait. There's something I need to tell you."
••••
Dun dun dun.....anyone have any guesses on what El has to tell Harry??? I'd also really love any feedback you guys could give me good or bad I can take it I promise 😅 I'd love to hear from you if you're reading!
-Sav