"I was learning to always expect the worst. I was learning how to hate life."
- Elias Witherow
Still in my suit coat, I lie on my bed. My eyelids are heavy with sleep that won't come. I've never been more exhausted, but I'm too wired to rest.
I'm so pissed at myself. Not only did I drive Raelyn to kill herself, but now I've ruined her funeral, too.
I was just so angry. My sister's always been an emotionally inept dunderhead, but she truly outdid herself today. She should have listened to Levi's speech instead of taking offense and having a tantrum. Admittedly, my outburst was no better. I caused just as much of a scene and embarrassed myself beyond mending. I should have kept my mouth shut. I was mad at Gemma for being selfish, but I was just as bad.
"What the fuck is wrong with me?" I wonder aloud.
Benson. That's what's wrong with me. He ruined my childhood, not to mention Raelyn's life. He hurt her in a way that she couldn't recover from. I saw the look in her eyes when I mentioned my older brother's name. She was terrified.
And now she's dead.
In desperate need of fresh air, I stand up. I'll go for a walk. Maybe that will clear the cobwebs that have been spun around my brain.
As I open my bedroom door, I see Gemma and Levi in the hallway. She moved out a year ago, so I'm surprised to see her exiting her old room.
She surprises me even more when she extends her hand, beckoning for me to slip my fingers through hers.
"Thought you were mad at me," I mutter. I know I'm still not thrilled with her.
"I was," she replies, "but like you said, today isn't about me."
I can't help but smile. Gemma's a moron sometimes, but she's a good person deep down. Taking her hand, I say, "I guess you can't help it. You've always been a princess."
"Ain't that the truth," Levi mumbles.
Gemma glares at him. "Mom and Dad got pizza," she informs me. "We should eat it while it's hot. I guess Benson started without us."
Fuck. Benson's still here. I thought he would have gone home to his fancy condo by now. I'm not in the mood to socialize with him, even if pizza is involved.
Today's already been painful enough.
"What's wrong, man?" Levi questions me. He must have noticed the change in my mood. He's always been an observant guy.
"I, uh, should get changed first," I stutter, hoping my excuse sounds believable. "I don't want to get sauce on my suit coat. I'll... I'll meet you guys down there."
Quickly, I draw back into my room and shut the door. I don't intend on coming out until Benson is gone.
<>*<>*<>*<>*<>
"You guys want to be what?"
"Foster parents."
"Aren't you too old for that?"
"No, Bowie, we're not too old."
I offer a sheepish grin, hoping Mom and Dad aren't too offended. I don't know much about the foster system. From what Winter's told me, it's super fucking corrupt. She's majoring in psychology. One day, she hopes to be a social worker and fix the broken system.
My parents, apparently, know a thing or two about it as well. I just discovered that they not only have their foster licenses and are looking to take in a child, but the child they want to welcome into our home in none other than Evangeline Porter.
"In her will, Raelyn left Evangeline to your sister," my mom explains to me. "We both know that Gemma, god bless her, is not ready to take on that responsibility. Until she makes a decision, your father and I want to ensure that Evangeline has a stable home."
"That's sweet of you guys," I reply. My mom and dad really are good people. I don't know where Benson got his wickedness from. "When are you picking her up?"
"Waverly is going to drop her off around noon," Dad tells me.
"Will you be here, Bowie?" Mom adds.
I answer with a nod. It's not like I have anywhere else to go.
As the morning nears its end, my parents tirelessly clean the house. I offer to help, but they shoo me away.
"It's winter break, kiddo," my dad says, wiping a nonexistent mess off the kitchen counter. "Shouldn't you be watching TV or something?"
I shrug my shoulders. I seldom ever do what I should. When it comes to poor decision-making, I'm a professional.
Raelyn is proof of that.
At twelve, the doorbell rings. Mom and Dad lock hands and open the door, ready to welcome our new guest.
"Waverly! So good to see you again," my mom greets the social worker. She looks down at Evangeline and grins. "Hi, sweetheart. How are you?"
"Fine," Evangeline whispers. It's the same thing she said at her mom's funeral.
I notice that Evangeline's belongings are stuffed into a black trash bag. The sight makes me cringe. Couldn't someone have spared twenty bucks to buy her a proper suitcase? This is dehumanizing.
Waverly does a quick sweep of the house and promises to return in a week to see how the six-year-old is settling in. Before leaving, she gives Evangeline a hug.
"Be good, honey," she urges her. "See you in a few days, okay?"
Evangeline nods her head. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't even smile.
When Waverly leaves, Mom and Dad show Evangeline to her bedroom, a.k.a. Gemma's old room. It's exactly the same as my sister left it. Some of Gemma's clothes from high school are still hanging in the closet. Her books are still packed into the shelves. My parents really are nostalgic people.
"We want you to be comfortable here," my mom says, taking a seat on Gemma's old bed. "We'll get you new clothes, new toys, anything. Whatever you need, just ask. This is your home, too."
"Yeah, and Calista and I both work from home, so one of us will always be around," my dad pipes in. "We really hope you like it here, Evangeline."
The green-eyed girl nods her head, clutching a ratty teddy bear to her chest. I notice that she has Raelyn's emerald irises and freckled cheeks.
She also has Benson's brown hair and nubian nose.
My stomach flips. Suddenly, I feel queasy. I wrap my arms around myself and swallow hard, hoping to keep my breakfast down.
"I'm gonna prepare lunch for everyone," my mom announces.
"I'll hang with Evangeline," my dad offers.
"Don't you have to call Duncan back?"
"Shoot! You're right. We're working on the material for his upcoming campaign."
"Bowie...." My mom's dark eyes linger on me. Her lips curl into a beseeching smile. "Would you mind keeping Evangeline company for a bit?"
"Sure," I agree. It would be cruel to say no.
Mom and Dad exit the room, leaving me alone with Evangeline. I don't know much about children. I like kids, but my experience with them is minimal. Being the youngest child, I never had anyone to babysit.
I look around, desperate for something to talk about. I'm not a loquacious person, but I hate uncomfortable silence. My eyes land on Gemma's old Xbox, the one she never used, and I have an idea.
"Do you like Minecraft?" I ask.
She shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know."
"Have you ever played?"
"No."
"Come here." I turn on the console and hand her a controller. "I'll teach you."
Her lips curl into something dangerously close to a smile. "I've never played a video game before."
"I wasn't allowed to as a kid, either. My parents used to say they rotted your brain."
"My mom said that about watching TV."
"Your mom was smart." I frown. Speaking about Raelyn in the past tense still feels weird. I don't know if I'll ever get used to it.
Evangeline's somber expression mirrors mine. "Yeah, she was pretty smart."
I jump into the game, eager to change the subject. I teach her how to stack virtual blocks on top of each other. She gets the hang of it right away, soon playing without my assistance. By the time my mom calls for us to come downstairs, she's already constructed a small house. She wants to add another story and build an elevator inside of it.
Mom, Evangeline, and I sit around the table and dig into our turkey and swiss sandwiches. I can tell by the six year-old's face that she's not a fan. In her defense, I don't like swiss cheese, either.
"Your dad and I are going to pick up a Christmas tree today," my mom informs me. "I figured we could all decorate it tonight."
"Sounds fun," I reply.
"Are you getting a real tree?" Evangeline's eyes are sparkling. "I've never had a real Christmas tree before!"
"Of course we are," Mom assures her. "Want to come with us to pick it out?"
"Can... can you come, too?" Evangeline looks at me. "Please?"
"Of course, kiddo." I rustle her long, dark hair, open her sandwich, and remove the slice of swiss cheese. "That better?"
"Much!" She smiles and takes a hefty bite.
My mom rolls her eyes. "You guys have no taste."
Evangeline sticks out her tongue. Mom doesn't notice, but I do. I place my hand over my mouth, stifling my laughter.
I decide in that moment that I like Evangeline Porter.