We all sat at the table, like any other Thursday Night. Another day of breathing had gone by, even in my case. I sat there quietly admiring the dim light above our heads. It wasn't the light I really wanted to see, but at the moment it would do. In the background I could hear their chewing. The small bits of food sloshing around in their mouths along side with the grinding of teeth. It was a harmony that I had gotten use to.
I looked to the left then I looked to the right. I was admiring everyone. Their skin, the radiant warmth of their heat, the intake and release of breath, and the beat. The beat of their hearts, the sound of it brought joy to my ears. If I could wish anything, I would wish that I could have that back. Oh, if I could wish.
I died in a car accident 5 years ago.
I can remember every single detail.
It is just as if it had happened yesterday.
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The cool wind whipping around the car as we raced down the road, we all felt alive. Me, my girlfriend Anne, James, and James's girl Monica. It was late autumn and we were heading back from college. We raced down the back roads singing along to the song playing in the car. You Found Me by the Fray.
'I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad. Where the West was all but won.'
My hands patted the clove box of the car as James gripped the black steering wheel.
'All alone, just smoking his last cigarette. I said "Where've you been?" He said, "Ask anything."'
We took a pretty sharp turn, making us all bounce in our seats. The girls in back were giggling, amused.
'Where were you, when everything was falling apart. All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang.
I looked back at Anne, her golden honey curls bounced around as her sparkling blue eyes light up. She was being hugged by a smiling Monica. The soft waves of her black hair falling over her beautiful grey eyes.
'And all I needed was a call that never came to the corner of 1st and Amistad.'
I looked over at James. He wasn't singing anymore. There was something about how he looked. Something that was strange. I looked ahead to see what he was looking at.
.....Seconds passed.....
'Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me. Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded.'
I saw it, just before we hit. The tree that had fallen in the road. If you were going the speed limit you might have seen it. You might have been able to stop. That wasn't the case right now.
'Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late, you found me, you found me.'
We collided. Simple and short, but truly that's what happened. We collided. It was all going so fast; I couldn't fully focus on what was happening. It was as some would put 'a spiral void of chaos' and I was stuck right in the middle. Few things actually became stuck in my mind. Their screaming, the high pitch of it; the calling out all of it so painful. Then Darkness.
I was surrounded by it.
Consumed by it.
It was I and I was it.
Yes this does sound like some psychological bullshit but kid you not- this is what happened. I became fully part of this void of chaos. Time was just a word where I was, just part of your imagination. I never would have thought death to be like this.
It was like being stuck in a constant loop. You were in a dark room. There were no doors, no windows, nothing. It was just you. I don't know how people could stand this. All by yourself stuck in a little room. Was this it? Was this how my forever is to be spent? Locked away in a mental dungeon. Alone. Again Time was just a word. I was there for a while, I don't know who long. I might never know how long.
Then a light began to emerge. It reminded me of an old fashion movie projector. The lights flashing on and off. Faster and Faster. They came closer and closer blinding me with their light till they won. I was blinded. Though with no sight my hearing was spot on. I could hear loud ear blazing sirens, cries, shouts. Was this a dream?
I opened my eyes to realize I was in what seemed to be a tunnel. I was laying on the floor looking at the small bit of light in the distance. I stood up off the ground and I brushed off the mud that was now caked onto my black leather jacket. I ran my hand through my hair letting the dirt fly out of it. I needed to escape it.
I slowly and steadily walked towards the light, watching everything that lay on the ground. I maneuvered around rocks, holes, and the small animals on the ground. I kept walking till I was out of the tunnel; from there I was amidst a crowd of people. They were huddled around a large area. We were on the road, lights of ambulance flashing, fire truck blasting, bits of crying. It was like watching a nightmare, from the outside.
I went through the crowd, just making my way past people. They would turn my way then look at me and turn back. I wasn't going to stop and argue about their rude behavior. I had to learn what had happened. I was being driven by something. Something with much more power then I. I kept going towards the source of this crowd. I kept focused on it ignoring everything around me except for the path I was keeping. I pushed past one last person and my feet stopped immediately.
I saw bits of everything.
James's body being put zipped up into a black body bag. The white car crashed against a tall pine tree. It was almost flipped over, and was leaning against the tree. Like a child looking to a parent for support. The personal, in EMT attire, walking around looking for something. Taking three body bags away. James, Monica, Anne. I just stood there. Then everything rushed back to me, the tree. The crash, the void, the chaos, the screams, the nothingness.
"Wait there's one more!" A man yelled as he pulled out a body from the passenger seat. Realization has hit me, though I truly don't know what I have just realized. I watched as the EMT pulled out a young man from the passenger seat. His brown hair caked with blood, his head with a huge gash in it, his body limp, blood everywhere. The young man, that young man was me.
I sank to the ground, hunching into a tight ball. I held up my hand as my breathing began to spiral out of control. The lights flashed as I realized my hand was missing. I was gone.
Then Darkness.
Oh Please not again.
The Room, the quiet, the loss of life, being alone, stuck.
It hit me hard, as I tried to control my breathing. I felt dizzy. My breath began to get shorter and shorter. This cell I sat in began to get smaller and smaller. I tried to open my mouth so I could call for help, scream, do something. I opened my mouth and quiet air came out. I couldn't move anymore either. I was stuck. Stuck like this as everything began to close in on me. I prayed, but what was the use. I was dead.
Quiet Air.
Still Night.
Alone Forever More.
Seconds Pass.
A Bird flies across the night sky.
Is this the end?
She looks at me, her eyes are gentle.
One more moment.
End.
I was very cold as air filled my lungs. The air was relaxing, there was a taste of salt on my lips. My skin was cold and damp. Where am I? No...Where am I now? Lost again in Death, finding my way around my past? No, can't be. There was a tapping sound, it was steady and quick. Then a hushed voice that was far away from me. Maybe the voice was hiding, maybe it was lost like I. I forced my eyes open and with that I sat up. A scream filled the room.
Where am I? I looked around as the scream kept on. My eyes fell on a small short man who stood inches away from me. He held a small knife in his hand and he wore a smock. I looked at him a bit longer. Then I looked down at myself. I was here, I was here.
All over my exposed body was marker, marking where to cut. My skin was cold, my breath ragged. I looked up at the man. His scream came to a stop as he looked up at me. Fear filled his face. "I won't harm you." I said as I brought my hands up to my sight. I was here. I was now here. He moved over to the wall, clinging to it.
"How are you Alive!?" The man shouted as he shook with fear. This stout gentleman stood there, his black hair with the grey streaks through it covered his head and his green eyes were alert and wide. "I don't know." I spoke truthfully. He looked at me and with that he took a step away from the wall. He inched over to a rack were a large black coat hung from it. He grabbed it and his eyes looked right back at me. He flung the coat over to me. My reflexes acted automatically and I caught it. It's soft fabric lay in my hands, it was comforting and nice.
"Well put it on.......Chris." He uttered as he looked at me, he had spoken my name as if it was an omen. I began to slide the coat on as the man stood there. It was silent. Too silent. Something was missing. Something was missing.......Something was missing! I let out a loud gasp as my hand dropped the coat to the ground. It rested on my chest. I had no heart beat.
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Well I hope you liked the chapter.
It was a lot of hard work.
I wish you a safe and happy day.
~Emilie