Life: A Journey

"Sometimes"

Sometimes I feel like my mind is a prison
On those days my eyes aren’t windows or even eyes
But the bars that keep me trapped within myself.
Sometimes I feel like I am engulfed in flames
But I am the only one that sees me burning
Every hello, hi and outstretched hand shake a disguised smoke signal for help
Sadly though nobody ever seems to be able to trace the trail of smoke back to the flames.
Sometimes I feel cold in a way I have never quite found the words to describe and on those days a blanket of depression is all I have to keep me warm.
Sometimes I feel empty inside
Like the prisoner of my mind has finally found a way to escape and I’m the prison he has left behind.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to let the flames take me
To be ash floating in the wind.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I stepped out of my warm blanket of depression
Would I freeze to death in the indescribable cold or will I find some flickering flame of happiness waiting for me in the darkness?
Sometimes I feel like I am just a metaphor
Existing somewhere in between sad poetry and ghost stories.
Sometimes I wish I knew how to cry
Because maybe as my tears rain down my cheeks they would wash away all my pain.
Sometimes I feel like running away
Don’t even know where to I just want to leave.
Sometimes when people ask me how I’m doing I want to tell them the truth
I want to tell them that I feel like an active volcano like a ticking time bomb
Like every step I take only brings me closer to my self-destruction
Like someone is rolling out the ends credits of my life and I still have no idea what the movie was about
Like the next time I go to sleep I simply will not have the strength to ever wake up again
Like this is the last clean mask of happiness I have and it’s starting to slowly suffocate me
Like the whole world is falling apart around me and I am standing at the edge and I have forgotten all reasons I had not to jump
I want to say that every day I receive a million more reasons to give up
But then sometimes I remember how to smile
How to laugh and hold myself steady
Sometimes I remember how to be happy
And on those days I feel like I am going to be alright
So I guess sometimes I am doing okay.