Desmond subconsciously felt like something was wrong. Habang pauwi siya sa bahay nila'y hindi siya mapakali.
He stared at his phone and thought about sending Orvyn messages. Ano naman ang sasabihin niya? He wasn't much of a conversation maker. He didn't text that much. That was also the reason why he didn't make a Facebook account. He didn't feel the need to do so. He had one before but he had forgotten the password.
Nakatitig lang siya sa pangalan at numero nitong nakarehistro sa cellphone niya habang iniisip kung anong sasabihin niya. He didn't know why he felt that way. The uneasiness he felt was evident as he grasped the cellphone tightly.
Coffee?
He finally sent the message before breathing deeply.
Ilang minuto rin siyang nakatitig lang sa cellphone niya at naghihintay ng reply pero walang dumating. He didn't feel alright with it. He really knew something was up and it bothered him knowing nothing, especially it if involved Orvyn.
Dumaan muna siya sa Going Merry para bumili ng dalawang kape. Hindi niya napigilan ang sariling mapalingon sa paligid, nagbabakasaling makita niya ang babae. Muli siyang napabuntunghininga nang wala siyang nakitang pamilyar na mukha.
He really should've had taken the book about dating when he had the chance. He felt dumb dealing with things like that. He didn't even know if they were dating or if she were really thinking about him the way he did. He felt rather dumb.
Hindi niya alam kung saan siya lulugar, kung mag-de-demand ba siya ng oras at ng atensyon dito, kung may karapatan ba siyang kunin ang iilang libreng oras nito. He wanted to be with her but he didn't know if he had the rights to even demand for things.
Gusto niyang tanungin kung nasaan ang babae sa oras na 'yon. Gusto niyang sabihing nag-aalala siya rito at kung hindi ito magrereply ay baka sasabog siya sa sobrang pag-alala.
He wanted to do silly things but he felt like those were too off-character and embarrassing. Who would've thought a guy like him had the possibilities of doing silly things for the girl he liked? Nababaliw na siya.
He thought and thought about her and with sloppy lines, he drew her face that didn't quite look like her on the cup of the untouched coffee. Napatitig siya rito nang ilang segundo bago napatawa nang mahina. The drawing looked silly. It didn't do any justice with how good she looked in his mind.
It didn't even capture her smile.
At that moment, he didn't know if he was just bad at drawing or if it was just impossible to capture her beauty.
He missed her more seeing the failed illustration.
He finished his coffee before driving back home. Pinag-iisipan niya pa nang mabuti ang gagawin, tinitimbang ang mga dapat itimbang. Sa tuwing nagagawi ang tingin niya sa ginuhit, natatawa na lamang siya nang mahina.
Desmond received no reply when he reached his house. He thought of sending her another message but he stopped himself. If she wanted to reply, she would. Maybe she wasn't in the mood for texting or easing his worried mind.
Maybe something had happened.
Napasimangot siya sa naisip.
Cut it out, Desmond.
He believed Orvyn wasn't the kind of person who ignored texts just like that. He couldn't remember anything that would make her ignore him. They didn't fight. Was she upset?
Alam niyang kung saka-sakali mang may nangyari rito'y hindi niya pa rin malalaman kung ano ang dapat na gawin. He had ideas about Orvyn. It was easy to get the idea but was hard to understand.
He didn't know what approach he should make or if he would be a help or he would only worsen the situation. Nababaliw na siya.
Ang plano niya'y magpapalit lang ng damit at kukuha ng dalawang libro bago pumunta sa bahay nina Orvyn. Wala siyang planong magtagal pero nang makita niya ang ate niyang nakaupo'y wala na siyang ibang nagawa pa kung 'di ang mapalunok.
"How's school?" tanong nito nang makita siya.
"Typical."
Bumaba ang tingin nito sa kapeng hawak-hawak niya tsaka napakunot ang noo. "Para kanino 'yan?"
He thought about lying of course but he knew better. It would be adding fuel to the fire if he would lie to his big sister. He remained composed before answering, "someone."
"Sino 'yang taong 'yan sa buhay mong hindi mo kayang sabihin sa 'kin ang pangalan?" Matalim ang titig nito, binabasa siya. Iyon ang mukha ng babae kapag may gusto itong malaman at kapag ganoon ay hindi ito titigil hanggang sa makontento ito.
Desmond knew his sister more than she thought he did. She had a strong personality and could easily intimidate people who don't know better. But he did. He wasn't the same young boy. "Orvyn," he said before showing her the illustration he made.
Napatitig ang babae rito bago ibinalik ang tingin sa kanya. "What about that Orvyn?"
"What about her? What about the coffee?"
"Is she your girlfriend?"
Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Enya sa gilid na nakatingin din sa kanya. Desmond didn't need to think. He answered in an uninterested tone, "no."
Nanliit ang mga mata nito at hindi mukhang kumbinsido. Desmond remained standing and composed. "May I change my clothes now, Ate? I'm going out tonight."
"Only because I trust you," sambit nito habang malalim ang titig sa kanya. "I know you're smart, Desmond. I know you know how important it is for this family. You can't make the same mistakes that I did. Hindi ko hahayaan 'yon. If you aren't responsible, I will be." Desmond didn't say anything else. He bowed his head a little before walking towards his room to change.
May kaonting kaba sa dibdib niya habang nagbibihis siya't kinukuha ang mga dapat kunin. Alam niya kung saan tungkol ang naging usapan nila ng kapatid niya. Alam din niyang hindi ito lubusang kumbinsido. It was only a matter of time till she knew.
Nang bumaba siya'y wala na ito. Ang sabi ni Enya ay lumabas daw ito pero hindi sinabi kung saan ito pupunta.
He bid his sister farewell before setting out.
Nakahinga siya nang maluwag pagkapasok sa kotse. He didn't want to think about what Niña said. He didn't want to think about the weight of the situation they were in but he couldn't help himself to think how unfair it was. Bakit pati siya'y nasasakal dahil sa kasalanang hindi naman siya ang maygawa?
He pulled over at the side of the road before calming himself. If he would face Orvyn, he shouldn't face her with that countenance. Ayaw niyang makadagdag pa. He could settle his own problems. Huminga siya nang malalim nang ilang segundo bago bumalik sa pagmamaneho.
He played some songs so he didn't think of anything else.
Malakas ang kabog ng dibdib niya nang makita ang bahay nito sa malayo. Wala pa rin itong reply at sa tingin niya'y hindi na talaga ito magrereply pa.
He checked his hair in the mirror before shutting the engine of the car off. Huminga siya nang malalim bago lumabas ng kotse.
Desmond didn't know what to expect. Hindi rin niya alam kung anong sasabihin niya kay Orvyn kung saka-sakali mang magtanong ito kung bakit siya pumunta. Hindi niya alam kung pwede ba niyang irasong pakiramdam niya'y kailangan lang talaga niyang pumunta. What did that suppose to mean?
Hindi niya alam kung anong mga nangyari. Ang alam na lamang niya'y nasa harapan na siya ng pinto ng kwarto nito habang nasa tabi naman niya si Lyso na nakaupo lang.
Dumapo ang tingin niya sa kapeng hawak-hawak bago kumatok. "Orvyn?"
The countenance that he saw behind the door made his heart break in many new ways. Parang nablanko ang utak niya nang ilang segundo nang makita itong umiiyak, nakatingin sa kanya, kinakalmot-kalmot ng babae ang braso nito.
He immediately placed the coffee on the near table before embracing Orvyn, Lyso trailing behind him. She cried more but he didn't say anything. Niyakap lang niya ito nang mahigpit nang ilang segundo bago lumayo para makahinga nang maayos ang babae.
She couldn't look at him. She was looking everywhere but him and that sight broke his heart. There was something heartbreaking with seeing the person he wanted to protect crying helplessly. He didn't like the feeling of not being able to do anything to make her feel better.
He held her hands that were trying to scratch her own arms. May mga kalmot na ang mga braso ng babae. Pakiramdam ni Desmond ay sasabog siya sa emosyon.
"Do you hate me, Desmond?" Nagulat siya sa tanong nito. Nakatingin ang babae sa kanya nang diretso habang patuloy na tumutulo ang mga luha nito. "I'm sorry, Desmond. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you hate me. It's my fault, I'm sorry."
Muli niya itong niyakap habang umiling-iling. "I don't hate you, Orvyn. I can never hate you," he whispered.
Napalingon siya nang maramdamang dinidilaan ni Lyso ang binti niya. The dog was eyeing a bottle of capsules. Bumitaw siya sa pagkakayakap. Desmond picked it up before reading the label. He wasn't familiar with it. Lumipat ang tingin niya kay Orvyn na patuloy pa rin sa pag-iyak. "Luvie, do you take anti-depressants?"
He had the repeat the question for the second time and when she nodded, he wanted to hold her in his arms. "Uminom ka muna--"
"I'm sorry, Desmond, I'm sorry."
Hinaplos niya ang buhok nito bago ngumiti nang tipid. "There is nothing to be sorry about. Take muna ikaw meds mo ha?"
Tumango-tango ito at kaagad siyang napangiti.
Desmond wasn't the kind of guy who people would normally think to do silly things but with Orvyn, he can be the silliest of all.
-
Note:
Word vomit. Sorry for the late updates T3T.
-Peb