Okay, so this is one of the most important chapter in a this story.. hope you'll enjoy it.
He just wants to see her happy, even if that means to let go of her. The crown prince walks away from the Dragon Palace, leaving the emperor and empress.
The wind is cold that night, stars are shining brightly. He take a deep breath. His head hurts for an unknown reason, he holds it and walks slowly to his chamber.
"At least she's happy." The crown prince says it in low voice, more to remind himself of what is his priority. "She is the most important." He smiles bitterly.
It still hurts. But he is sure everything will be okay, even though he is not okay right now.
After that, the crown prince visits the emperor's study almost everyday. To help the emperor, wins over the empress.
"I couldn't thank Crown prince enough for everything." The emperor sits on his usual chair in his study.
Lian Tian sips his tea, not yet answering.
"The empress, she's always so cheerful now. This emperor has never see her like that!" The emperor continues.
"This crown prince..is..glad..to hear that." He replies. That's good, Lian Tian, he tells himself.
"If that's everything, this crown prince will take his leave." He bows a little and walks out of the emperor's palace.
_____
At Hua Palace.
"Consort, this servant brings you sweet plum soup from the Tu Province. How would the consort like to eat it?"
"I don't want it." The Consort answers shortly.
Consort Hua has been like this since she is out from The Cold Palace. She doesn't have any will to live anymore. She seems depressed.
"Please, my lady haven't eaten in two days.." Tutu begs her.
"Share it with the other servants." Consort Hua says in monotone.
"B-But.."
"It's not a question. Now go."
-
Tutu really doesn't know what to do. She is now back in her room, eating the plum soup with six other servants who are also halfheartedly shoving the soup inside their mouths.
"Don't say our Consort wants to starve herself to death?!" A servant says.
"Hush!" Another one stops her. Everyone knows it, but nobody dare to say it.
"But why? It's not the end of the world if-" The same servant continues.
"Stop it! That's enough."
It's now silent, they know this will be the end. They cries together pitying their consort. Whatever other people say, the consort never once mistreated them.
"If that's it, we can't let our consort suffer longer.." She is implying to give a potion to the consort.
"You are talking about killin-" some of them don't agree with the idea.
"This is the best thing that we can do for Consort Hua. For everything she had done for us."
Tutu who works the longest for Consort Hua couldn't let her go like that. She knows her best.The consort is just in her early 20, all she did her whole life is for her Clan. She is just a mere puppet, for her power-hungry Clan.
Tutu holds her head. "She did everything that she can, like it or not she did a great job. She is the one who brings us here.." she says, crying.
"The consort has took Hua berries this couple of weeks, she doesn't have much time left." Tutu explains what she saw earlier.
Hua berry is a potion that Hua Clan uses to kill themselves , slowly but surely. The Clan is known for its high self-conception, they are a very proud people. So when someone thinks they failed, honor suicide is the way to go. Just like her mother, the consort will do the same.
"I agree, she is the least selfish person I have ever met." Another one adds. "Our consort even borne a daughter of the man she doesn't love."
the servant's job starts in the morning and ends at night. The consort's job never ends, every second of her life is a misery. Pretending that she is someone else, pushing her own desire. Being 'the stupid and cruel consort' because it will get the emperor's attention.
"She is never a failure. She is the strongest." They sobs.
Everyone nods in unison. At least in her last month she could be truly happy, as herself, not just a mere puppet.
"Then it will be our responsibility to make her free." Tutu says.
______
Consort Hua stares blankly to the vase in front of her.
"How long does it takes?" She asks the thin air. "One month? Two? Or-"
"My lady!" Tutu enters cheerfully.
"Hm?"
"Let's go out for a walk. My lady hasn't been doing that since forever." Tutu suggest. She remembers that the consort used to like walking around, but somehow stopped. After the first 6 months in the palace, all she did is reading rolls and rolls of report.
"I'm tired Tutu.. I can't do that anymore." She answers weakly.
Tutu moves closer to the consort. She understands the consort's situation can not simply getting better because she fakes happiness .
"I'm here, you can tell me everything." Tutu tells her, emphasizing her choice of words.
The consort breaks down crying, she uses her hands to cover her face. Tutu sits next to the consort, trying to comfort her.
"It's okay, let it all out." She hugs her. The consort rarely shows her own emotion, all she displayed is a programmed emotion, the emotion that 'Consort Hua' will display, which is never herself. She has been trained so long to be someone else, she forgets herself.
"Tutu, I'm a bad person.." She sobs. "I failed my Clan, I am a disgrace to my parents, I-I even killed my own daughter! She's mine Tutu.. I borne her myself, my blood and flesh.." she cries harder, her hands and body starts to tremble. She hates herself, her fate.
"It's not my lady's fault. My lady already did her best." Consort Hua always think that she has to do everything by herself, she burden herself a lot. To bring the Hua Clan back to its peak she always says.
"No! I should have-" she doesn't know what she should have done instead because he truly did everything that she can already.
"This servant is very proud of my lady, and I'm very sure that your parents are too." Tutu tries to calm the consort down.
"My father.. he is killed because of the Wei, and I am here to give him justice. It's my life purpose Tutu, a revenge. Or at least, I have to clean up his name."
"..." Tutu doesn't know what to say. "But my lady is hurting herself every day pretending to be someone else." Tutu knows her long enough to know this. Before, the consort is a smart and friendly person. But she changes drastically to get the emperor's attention. Even when she first enters the palace, she is so friendly and innocent, Tutu afraid that her good intentions will turn into something bad in return.
"It doesn't matter if I'm hurting." She answers that way too quickly. The consort never cares about how she feels.
"It does matter.. because my lady deserves happiness."
Consort Hua smiles bitterly. "A monster like me?" She takes a deep breath and continues "Tutu, when you stopped hoping, stop caring about yourself and just let everything flow naturally. You will stop hurting. Also stop feeling happiness, that is when your heart is dead, and you won't feel anything at all. Just emptiness, I have lived like that."
"..." the consort has been hurt so much that she decided to shut down her feelings. "I don't understand.." the only thing tutu knows is her lady is the strongest woman she has ever met. Trying to be someone else must be hard, living with her clan's burden, pretending to be interested in a guy who has 300 other women must feel so terrible.
Tutu now understands, it is much easier to be the lowest servant that washes laundry in freezing cold than to live as the favored consort. At least if a servant get hurt it's physical, and they can quickly treat it. While being the consort, it's mentally and physiologically traumazing, yet everyone is underestimating it. Because it doesn't show physically, it's harder to measure the damage.
"Is that mean that my lady never feel sad?"
"We can never be immunized from pain, even when we felt it the thousand times. We just stopped being disappointed, and start to accept the pain, like it is indeed part of ourselves."
"My lady.."
"Tutu I was the empress's best friend once." The consort stops.
Yes, Tutu remembers. It was a very long time a go when Consort Hua just enter the palace. When Consort Hua is herself, a likeable young lady.
"I talked to her a lot. She is a very beautiful, smart and a wonderful person, she is born to be the empress.."
Tutu nods but she doesn't understand where is this going.
"But she doesn't need it. She doesn't need the title.. Her life is already perfect, she has two heirs, her family Clan is strong and steady, many of Lu Clan members holds very high position. She has loyal followers. Even if she's not an empress, it won't hurt her. In fact, she doesn't even want it, she told me. The empress only want the emperor's affection, I guess if your life is perfect enough that will be ones goal." She starts.
"But I don't have that much privilege handed out for me. I have to work to revive my clan's name. And for my father's death.. it was my life purpose, the reason I became a consort."
Tutu gets it now why Consort Hua stopped being the empress's friend. She is sorry to take away the emperor. she had no choice, because she desperately needs to climb the ladder. And staying as the empress's friend while seducing her lover just doesn't seem right. So she backed away.
"I surely did unforgivable things. But in the palace, the weak have to fight for power, or elsewhere they don't have a chance to live."
Yet everyone thinks of her as a villain.
She wants to fight for justice for her Clan, sacrificing herself in return. Forced to fake her whole self, yet still have to smile and seduce a guy who is the son of a ruler that let her Clan falls.
The consort smiles, she doesn't have much time left. That's good, she doesn't have to suffer anymore. She is finally free.
"Let's go." She stands.
"Where?"
"For a walk." She sips her Hua berry tea and walks out.
The sun shines brightly that day. And the sky is clear blue without any clouds. She raises her hand to feel the warmth, it really has been a long time, she whispers.
The consort smiles to Tutu. A real smile, something that Tutu haven't seen since Consort Hua's mother died. A smile that used to be so familiar.
She has done enough. Now she frees herself.
Well.. well.. well
If you guys remember that in earlier chapters everyone thought that consort Hua is an illiterate, stupid consort, everything is just an act. She wants to be seen as that. She gotta do what she gotta do to survive. I want to show that no character is a plain evil, everyone has their own reasoning for what they choose to do. If you care enough to listen to their story, you will understand.
what do you think of her? I think that no one lives a happy life in the forbidden city.
Thank you for reading! Please vote and share is you'd like~ Have a nice day❤️