JOSH
I watch as Natalie walks out of the water. My eyes roam all over her body. She's wearing a white bikini. Her legs look long and gracious as she walks. The belly button piercing shines as it catches the light. Her hair is wet and water drips down her body. Time seems to stop. It feels like we are shooting a movie and this is the part where the hot girl walks out of the ocean with background music playing. Wait. That is exactly what is happening right now.
Gunner slaps Brad's back as he whistles. "Dang man, you done messed up."
Brad shoves his hand away angrily. "Shut the fuck up."
He knows Gunner is right. He turns around and stands next to me. I lower my gaze, feeling annoyed. He's been pushing my buttons since I got here. He's still pissed about what happened yesterday. I know he's not going to let it go.
"You're really still whooped on her aren't you, brother?" Brad asks looking at me with a stupid grin on his face. He chuckles. "You really think you got a shot with her?"
I take a deep breath. "I don't think you'd like the answer to either of those questions."
He laughs. "Natalie is way out of reach for you. She is my ex-girlfriend."
I clench my jaw then I turn and smirk at him. "You said it, Brad. She's your ex-girlfriend."
He narrows his eyes at me. "You would really betray me like that?"
I look away, feeling angry and frustrated with him. I know his point is valid. If the coins were flipped and Natalie would have been with me first and was now messing around with Brad, I wouldn't take it lightly. I would definitely feel betrayed by both of them. Why am I even thinking about this though? It doesn't matter. Natalie made her choice. She doesn't love me. It's over.
I don't even know why I'm here. I've never been into parties. At least not these kind of parties. There's a lot of people dancing on the sand. Some with drinks in their hands, most of them already drunk. My eyes search for Natalie. I see her across the dance floor taking a shot with Crystal. She looks half drunk, if not already drunk. I know I'll spend the rest of the evening making sure she's fine. I can't help but look after her.
I'm helplessly in love with her.
"Hey, want to dance?" Cassie asks when she comes back from the bathroom.
"Not really my thing," I say as kindly as I can.
Brad and Gunner have already ran off with some group of girls. That's what pisses me off the most. Brad likes to act like the victim when he doesn't even care about Natalie as much as he claims to. He cheated on her for fuck's sake.
"Do you want to walk?"
I shrug. "Sure."
Walking is better than standing here and staring at Natalie like a hawk. We walk away from the party, in the direction of Natalie's parent's inn. The sound of the music diminishes as we walk farther along. I consider asking Cassie about something that's been bothering me since the last time Natalie and I spoke. Natalie accused me of kissing Cassie when that's never happened. I've been meaning to ask Cassie why she told Natalie that we kissed but I realize that I can't do that without her understanding what was going on between Natalie and I. If I ask her, she'll wonder how I know that she told that to Natalie and then she'll ask why Natalie would care that I kissed someone. One thing will lead to another.
I realize that there's really no point anymore. What Natalie and I had is over. I don't have anything to prove to her. There's no reason for me to go on and start something without any point. I just wonder why Cassie would lie. She obviously wanted Natalie to think there was something between me and her. It doesn't sit right with me.
It's the reason I don't want to lead her into thinking there can be something between us. We've gone on a few dates but it's nothing serious. I've done a lot of soul searching to see if my feelings for her are still there. I think part of me wants to feel that way about her again in an attempt to forget Natalie. I know Cassie would be the ideal person to start a life with. We have history. We're both ready to settle down. We're on the same page. I just don't want to be with her when Natalie is still very much present in my head and in my heart. It wouldn't be right. But I'm trying.
"Remember the last night we were together?" Cassie asks as we walk. "It was a night like today. There were no stars in the sky," she says looking up.
"Very poetic," I say with a smile.
She looks at me and smiles back. "Our time together was quite poetic, wouldn't you agree?"
"It was definitely special." I tell her looking down at my feet as we walk.
"Did you ever think of me?" She asks me.
"I did," I say in honesty. "I wondered many times why I didn't ask you for some form of contact."
She laughs. "I know. It made sense to part ways the way we did back then...but the more days passed, the more I wished we would have stayed in contact." She pauses then looks at me. "Then you wouldn't be so indifferent like you are now."
"I'm sorry, Cassie," I say apologetically. "It's not that what I felt for you then wasn't real. It's just that a lot of time and things have passed since."
I try not to think about how different it was with Natalie. With her, eight years of misfortune and fortunate events didn't take her out my mind. I would always wonder about her at random times during the day. I wondered how she was doing, if she was okay. I've loved her since then. I just didn't want to accept the seriousness of my feelings.
"I know," she says. "We both thought we were never going to see each other again...but here we are."
"Here we are." I echo lost in thought.
She doesn't say anything else and neither do I.
We walk in silence for a couple more minutes before walking back to the party.
"Hey! Josh!" Crystal calls when she sees me. "Come! Have a beer!" She yells over the music waving a beer in her hand.
"Wow, she looks really wasted," Cassie says as we approach her
"It is her birthday," I say feeling a little defensive. Crystal has been really kind to me. We've become good friends and work well together. She deserves to loosen up a bit. She's always working hard.
"Hey," I say when we reach her.
"Here," she says giving me a beer. "One for you and one for you," she says in a sing-along voice as she gives one to Cassie.
"Thanks," I say opening it. I think I actually do need a drink.
Natalie walks out of the house then. She swings her hips to the rhythm of the music. Jesus. She looks so sexy. She trips as she's walking down the porch steps and I reach out and put my arm around her bare waist. She gasps as her eyes meet mine, they're a bit hazy. "You alright?" I ask her, not wanting to let her go.
She giggles. "Yeah. Sorry. I think I tripped."
I chuckle. "That you did."
She straightens up and I let my hand drop. Then she smiles at me. "Dance with me."
"Uh-I can't really dance." I chuckle nervously.
"I doubt that," she says with a smile. Then she grabs my hand and pulls me to the dance floor. "Come on."
I'm not kidding. I really can't dance but I can't say no to her especially when she's holding my hand and looking at me. She's the hottest girl here and she chooses me to dance with. I'm sure I'm getting a lot of envy looks behind on my back. Besides, I love how careless she's being. For once, she's doing without thinking. I know it's mostly the alcohol but I decide to enjoy it. She grabs my arms and moves them around making me laugh. She's being silly and free. I love it.
"You know that Brad is watching us, right?" I ask her after a few songs. She has her hands around my neck and I have mine around her waist. It's not really a slow song but nobody seems to care. Everyone's kind of doing their own thing.
She shrugs. "Screw Brad."
I grin. "Wow, okay."
She smiles at me then rests her head on my chest as we move to the music. After a few moments, I feel her body limp and I realize that she's falling asleep while dancing.
"Alright, let's get you to bed." I murmur then pick her up in my arms. I carry her into the house and up the stairs. After a few tries, I finally find the room where her bags are so I know it's where she's staying.
She opens her eyes as I'm laying her down. She looks around the room, probably wondering where she is. I can tell she's really drunk. I've never seen her like this. Out there in the dance floor she was fearless but in here, in the dark room, she looks a bit vulnerable.
"Don't leave," she says sitting up.
"Okay. I won't," I say sitting down on the bed.
She moves so that she is sitting on my lap, her legs on either side of me. She's just wearing her bikini top with shorts and I allow my eyes to travel down her chest and stomach. She's so sexy.
She places her hands on my shoulders and looks at me. "I've really missed you." She whispers. There is some sadness in her voice that makes me believe her.
I put my arms around her waist. "I've missed you too, Natalie."
She smiles then looks down. She runs her thumb across my lower lip before she leans in and presses her lips against mine. I close my eyes and tighten my arms around her. God. I really missed feeling her skin, her lips, her hands on me.
She pulls away to look at me again and then she says something I never thought she would say to me. She says, "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, Josh."
My eyes widen in surprise and pleasure at the same time. "What?" I ask. She didn't just say that right? She's drunk. She probably doesn't know what she's saying.
She kisses me using her tongue this time. She tastes like beer, reminding me that she is not in her full five senses. We kiss until we run out of breath. I feel like I'm coming back to life with every kiss she gives me. Before Natalie, a kiss was just a kiss but kissing is more special and pleasurable when it's with her. It's just different.
She puts her arms around me after and rests her head on my shoulder. I want to talk, ask her if she meant what she said but I know I won't get a straight answer in the state she's in. I'll have to wait for tomorrow. I suddenly can't wait.
She falls asleep in my arms but I hold her for a long time before I finally lay her on the bed. I walk out of the room and linger in the hall for a moment. Most of the people are outside but the party is dying down.
"Hey."
I turn to look at Cassie as she makes her way up the stairs. "Hey."
"Natalie fell asleep?"
"Yeah, she passed out," I say looking away.
She stands next to me. I can tell she's hesitating to say what she wants to say. After a moment, she finally says, "So you and Natalie..."
I don't say anything, not really knowing where she's going.
She turns to look at me. "You know, I was there the night you told her you loved her," she says quietly.
I feel my shoulders tense as I turn to look at her.
She nods. "I was in my room. I know you guys didn't know."
I think about my conversation with Natalie that night. We didn't just talk. We had sex against the wall of their living room. And Cassie was there. I look away. "Sorry you had to hear that."
She smiles. "Not gonna lie, it wasn't pleasant. At all. But I'm glad I was there because now I know that she's my competition."
I frown. "Cassie-"
"I know you love her." She interrupts. "And I know she doesn't love you but I do, Josh. I've loved you since four years ago and I know you did too. You wouldn't have to pry a love out of me. You don't know if Natalie will ever be ready to confront Brad or her family. She can't give you what you deserve. I can. I want to."
I think about her words and what Natalie said to me tonight. She was drunk but I want to believe that she meant it. I need to speak with her. I wish she wouldn't have chosen tonight to get drunk.
"Is that why you told Natalie we kissed?" I ask her.
She bites her lip. "I was already suspicious of you two and I wanted to know how serious it was. I'm sorry."
I just nod but don't say anything.
"Aren't you glad I did it though? Because now you know she doesn't love you."
I hesitate. "Cassie-"
"Just think about it, okay?" She places her hand on my shoulder. "Give us a chance, Josh."
She drops her hand then walks away leaving me alone with my thoughts.
They've never been louder.
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