*Pretty long chapter*
2 Weeks Later
I rolled over in my bed and looked at my phone to see the time.
9:35
I looked again and saw my screen.
I felt a tear roll down my face. I quickly wiped it away and then locked my phone again. I got up and went to take a shower and get ready for the day. It had been awhile since everything blew up. I hadn't talked to Cade or Zion or any of the boys since. I barely had even spoken to Kayla. It seemed like every conversation I had with somebody just didn't feel right. Actually nothing felt right. I hadn't even thought about the pregnancy I just thought about the mess I made with the people I cared about. I tried calling Z after the first few days, and I tried showing up to the house with some made up excuse of why I had to speak to him, but it never worked. I would get so close to hitting the call button or knocking on the door, but after talking to Nick the day after it happened I couldn't handle being rejected like that again. Even though I didn't speak to Z or the boys I stilled checked up on their progress and what they were doing. They just released their EP like a few days ago which made me want to reach out to them, but I knew I couldn't. My mom decided to extend her stay after everything that happened, but I was trying to avoid her as much as possible. I still had so much to unravel but I didn't know if I could handle the pain that would come with untangling the web of lies I told. I mean I didn't even know if Zion actually knew the truth or thought I cheated on him while we were together or if Cade knew that I didn't sleep with him out of spite or that I did actually care about him. I hadn't even been to the doctor yet to see how far along I was or what the hell I even needed to do. I knew I had to handle my business cause I'm the one who created the mess, but there was so much invested in this situation I didn't even know where to start.
MY OUTFIT
I grabbed my phone and headed to the kitchen. I grabbed some food and then heard a knock at the door. I walked over and opened it and then immediately felt anxious.
"..Hey, Mom."
"Hi, sweetie. How are you?"
"I'm good.."
"You haven't answered any of my calls since I first came here."
"Yea, I've been... busy."
I turned around and walked to the kitchen to finish making my breakfast.
"Well, what have you've been doing?"
"You know... work."
"Work?"
"Yes, Mom. Work. Like the studio and stuff like that."
"Oh with your friend Cade?"
I paused and stopped spreading the avocado on my toast. I felt my throat start to burn a little. It frustrated me that I couldn't even handle hearing either of their names without feeling like I was going to burst into tears.
"Nessa?"
"Yes...uhm, sorry. I actually have been going to the studio by myself. Just figuring out some song concepts and other stuff."
"Oh.... well I'm so proud of you. I know I was a little worried and angry when I first heard that you decided that you weren't pursuing dance anymore, but seeing you be so immersive and passionate about this. I couldn't be happier."
"Thanks, Mom. I appreciate it."
"Who knew my daughter was so multi-talented."
"Yea..."
We both stopped speaking for awhile and I turned around to start a smoothie.
"Nessa?"
"Yea, Mom."
"Would you like to talk about what happened two weeks ago?"
I paused at the fridge and got the same feeling like before, but this one was worse. I felt my chest start to close and my heart ached just remembering anything about those two days. I felt tears start to roll down my face, but acted like I dropped something out of the fridge and then quickly wiped them away. It wasn't that I didn't want to share what happened with my mom. I just knew that I was obviously not ready to talk about it and I wasn't ready to explain to my mom that I screwed up an almost two year relationship for like the fiftieth time. I couldn't handle her disappointment especially not now.
"Nessa?"
"I don't want to talk about that. You want a smoothie?"
"No, Vanessa. I want you to talk to me."
"Well, I don't, so do you want something other than a smoothie?"
"Vanessa."
"Mom, I said I don't want to talk about it!"
She looked at me and didn't say anything.
"Vanessa, what's going on?"
"Nothing, don't worry about it."
"Something is going on in my kid's life so yes I am going to worry about it!"
"Just drop it."
"No! I have given you your time because I saw how upset you were that day and didn't want to grill you, but it's been two weeks and you barely have said a word about the situation let alone said a word to me in general since I've been here! I let you move out here and live your life despite my better judgement. You barely call, and you never come home to visit. I have to figure out what's going on in my own daughter's life through her friend because she doesn't have the decency to tell me. So pleaaaseee forgive me, when I don't take no for an answer from my daughter!"
"I'm not doing this with you."
"Like hell you won't. I'm tired of you disrespecting ME and telling me what you will and won't do!"
"It's not disrespect. If I don't want to talk about it I'm not gonna let you force me to talk about it."
I grabbed my phone and my keys.
"You can eat breakfast by yourself."
"Vanessa!"
I walked out the door and got in my car and started driving. Once again, I didn't know where I was going I just knew I needed to get out of there. I got on the highway and kept driving until I got to a strip of stores in Glendale that Kayla and I used to shop at. I parked and started to walk around. I looked around and did some window shopping and then went into Urban Outfitters that was around the corner. I looked around and picked up some stuff, and went to the changing room to try it on. I picked up one of the shirts and put it on and then looked in the mirror. I went to pick up my phone to take a picture and then heard a song in the background that made me freeze. I heard Edwin's voice and then recognized they were playing Phases which made a memory flash into my head.
FLASHBACK
I picked up the remote and flipped through some channels. I pressed the button and then heard my phone ring. I picked it up and looked at the contact.
Edwin🚀
I answered the call.
"Hello?"
"Hey."
"Hey, what's up?"
"Nothing, I just wanted to check up on you."
"Edwin, I told you and the boys you guys don't have to do that."
"I heard what you said, but I mean break ups aren't easy."
"You're right, they aren't, but I'll be okay. I knew why I need to break up with Z, but I didn't truly realize the entirety of why I did it and now understand."
"What exactly do you understand now then?"
"It's kind of like... right guy, wrong time. Don't get me wrong, I love Zion and I always will love him, but how quickly we both jumped into things and the fact that I was so dependent on him for how I was feeling or... what I needed to do for myself wasn't healthy. I mean it's still hard, but we both needed to grow as ourself before being with each other. It's like we had to go through a process... like our own phases in life."
"Phases?"
"Yea, I know I want to end up with Z, but I can't be the person he needs me to be right now. I'm just not there yet, and I feel horrible that I didn't realize that before I fell in love with him and vice versa... I just need to be me right now, you know? Or at least figure out who I want to be."
"Yea, I get that."
"I just gotta go through my own phases and watch him go through his and hopefully it works out in the end. I know it sounds selfish but I just hope he can be patient with me, and doesn't give up on what we had because I knew from the beginning and just being around him and how we used to be I knew that he was mine like he was who I wanted to be with no matter what."
There was a pause over the phone.
"Edwin?"
"Sorry, I just had a thought."
"Which was?"
"I don't want you to think I wasn't't listening to you, but that's a really dope song idea."
"A song? You wanna write about me and Z?"
"Not specifically you guys, but that happens to a lot of people. You have the right person, but you meet them at the wrong time in your life. I don't know it was the way you spoke about your relationship and the thing about going through phases sounded like a really cool song concept... If you don't want to it's fine-"
"No no, go ahead. I'm glad I could inspire you I guess."
We both laughed and then continued talking with each other.
END OF FLASHBACK
The memory ended and I remembered it was like a month after Zion and I broke up.... the first time. I had listened to the song before, but the flashback just played in my head now which made the lyrics hurt a little more now than it did before. All I wanted to do was pick up the phone and call him and tell him they were playing their song in the store, but I knew I couldn't. I realized there were gonna be really good moments that were gonna happen and I couldn't share them with him anymore. I quickly took off the shirt and put mine back on then I grabbed my stuff and walked out of the store. I quickly walked around the corner trying to get to my car as quickly as possibly. I turned the corner and accidentally bumped into some guy. I dropped my phone and stumbled back but regained my balance.
"I'm so sorry-"
I looked up and saw Nick, Brandon, and Edwin.
"Uh... Hey.."
"Hey, Nessa."-Nick
"Uhm... how are you guys?"
"Good, how are you?"-Edwin
"I'm-I'm good, uh yea. I'm doing good."
There was an awkward silence for a second.
"I uhm- I heard you guy's EP. It's uhm.. It's really good. You guys should be proud."
"Yea, yea we are. Thank you."-Nick
"Yea, we appreciate it."-Brandon
"You're welcome."
We both stood there for more awkward silence.
"Is this how it's gonna be from now on?"
They looked at me and then kind of looked at the ground.
"Look, Nessa-"-Brandon
"I get. Trust me, I know but I was friends with you guys before anything between Z and I ever happened. I don't want to lose that."
"I don't know what you want us to say."-B
"Z's our friend and we can't disrespect that."-Edwin
"So he really hates me that much?"
"Nessa, you slept with another dude."-Edwin
"If I could just explain to him what happened-"
"Then what, Nessa?"-Nick
I paused and just looked at him.
"What do you think is going to happen? What exactly do you think you speaking to him is going to change?"-Nick
My eyes started to burn so I cleared my throat and kind of looked away.
"No words you say are going to change what happened. You can't fix this, Nessa. Not this time.-Nick
He looked away and sighed.
"Look, we care for you and know you're hurting, but it doesn't change what you did. We're sorry, but we can't."-B
"Brandon."
"We gotta go."-Edwin
They passed around me and then walked down the street. I started to feel the streams of tears down my face so I ran back to my car, and got inside. I broke down with my face in my hands. It hurt every time that I heard those words. "You can't fix this. Not this time." There wasn't anything I could do to get him back. After all the times we both hurt each other this is how it was going to end. I ended up pulling myself together enough to drive back to my apartment. I got out and walked inside and saw Kayla and my mom sitting on the couch.
"Nessa.... I uhm.. I called Kayla and spoke with her and she was worried as well so she came over..."
I stood there and didn't say anything.
"I'm sorry for how hard I pushed you earlier. It wasn't my place to grill you like that. I'm just worried. You've stopped calling as much to let me know if you're okay or-or if something this wrong. I just don't know what's going on in your life while you're out here and to be frank it scares me. I just don't know what's going on and I can't help you-"
"I'm pregnant."
She looked at me and all the color drained from her face. Kayla looked like she had seen a ghost.
"When I went to New York, Zion broke up with me and so when I flew back to LA I felt broken so I slept with Cade. Then you and dad surprised me at my song release party and I thought Cade flew you guys out when it was actually Zion so before he left to see his family I drove to his house and slept with him. Now I don't know who's kid it is."
My mom stayed completely silent. I felt my eyes start to burn and at this point I just started crying while speaking.
"Oh and to make it better I went to Cade's house to tell him but got scared then I told him without really telling him then I ran out. Then he called me on my phone but Zion was over here and I was talking to him so I didn't answer and then Cade called my home phone and left a message basically exposing that I was pregnant to Z and that it was okay if it was his kid. Then Zion broke up with me without actually breaking up with me and he won't talk to me and neither will the boys."
She looked at Kayla and then looked back at me, but didn't say anything.
"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to let you know how much of a disappointment your daughter is and I thought I could fix it on my own, but the boys made it very clear that Zion never even wants to be in the same vicinity as me so I guess there's nothing to lose, right?"
I looked over at Kayla with tears running down my face.
"That covers everything right?"
I dropped my keys and then went in my room and shut the door. I sank into my bed and silently cried by myself. I heard the door open and then my mom came and sat on the edge of my bed. She sat there for a second and didn't say anything.
"I'm not proud of what you did, Nessa."
She paused.
"But you are not a disappointment."
I looked up at her.
"Come here."
She pulled me in for a hug and I continued to cry in her arms. I cried for awhile and then pulled myself together.
"Have you been to the doctor yet?"
"No, I haven't gone."
"You want to go today?"
I paused and took a deep breath. I didn't have anything to lose anymore and I was being naive to think that being pregnant would just magically go away if I ignored it.
"Yea, I'll go."
"Okay, I'll see if they have any availability. Remember Kayla and I will be right there will you."
After Mom booked an appointment we all got ready and then I drove us to the clinic. We got inside and waited then they called my name.
"Vanessa?"
We all stood up and then walked in. They went through all the protocol and introduced me to Dr. Viro. He took some blood samples and checked my vitals and then let the room.
I started to shake my leg and mess with my hands.
"Hey, it's gonna be okay, baby. We're here."
"We're not going anywhere, Nessa."
It felt good to know I still had people by my side. I didn't feel as alone which I hadn't felt in awhile. After everything it felt good that I didn't mess up something. Even though it was nice to have Kayla and my mom comforting me I still wished that Z was here. I tried to stop thinking about it and focus on the positive. Then Dr. Viro walked back in.
"Okay, so I might have some bad or good news depending on how you're feeling about this pregnancy.
"What do you mean?"
"It appears that you were never pregnant, Miss Wilson."
"What?!"