I stepped out of the car and looked at my house. Even though we've been living in it for the past 4 years without Dad. Memories already poured out at me, tears wetted my eyes, then I felt two comforting arms wrap around me,
"We'll get through it together. I promise" Kane whispered.
"You know you are all welcome to stay with us" Susannah said, she was trying her hardest to try and make everyone feel comfortable, it wasn't working,
"Thanks Mum, but I think we all need to be together" Kane replied,
"You, you know where we are if you need us, we'll..." She said trailing off at the end,
"We'll sort out all the things that need to be sorted to do with your Dad and everything okay" Frank said,
"Thank you very much, but we'll want to help you sort it out as well" Trent said, then looked at me, I couldn't make eye contact with him,
"Come on Baby girl..." Kane said taking my hand; we walked in together leaving the others outside. The whole house was swimming with memories, it was so...so eerie,
"I'm going to our room, can you leave me alone for a while please Baby" I said quietly,
"Okay, but I'll come in and check on you later" He kissed me softly on the lips, then I walked away.
When I was upstairs and in our room, I led on the bed and shut my eyes. Hoping maybe that if I fell into a really deep sleep, I may see my Daddy again.
My Dream:
"Joel...Joel...I wanna play with you too" I pouted
"Okay...you can be the copper and Trent and I will be the robbers, you have to chase us"
"Okay" I grinned...
"Run Trent...the copper is after us" Joel laughed, Trent smiled as I ran at Joel,
"Don't laugh Twent. I'm gonna get you too" I giggled.
Then suddenly it went dark, like someone turned out the light...
"What do you lot think you are doing out here...get in now..."
"But mommy we're playing" Joel whined,
"No fair" I huffed,
"We're not doing anything bad" Trent said,
"GET IN NOW" She screamed...
"But...but..." I protested, she shoved me and I fell over, scraping my knee. I burst into tears,
"Mommy, that wasn't nice" Joel said attending to me,
"What is your problem?" Trent snapped, kneeling down beside me...
Then mom disappeared and Daddy appeared, he picked me up and cuddled me,
"It's okay princess...don't cry...don't worry...Daddy's here and he's not going anywhere",
"I love you Daddy, very...very...much"
"Daddy...why is mommy so..."
"Evil" Trent finished, he laughed...
Then it went white...
"I love you Lyric...I'll always love you..."
I woke up with tears running down my face. The dream obviously was completely wrong, Trent was with us for a start. I also wasn't a baby. But Daddy was there and my Mom. Thinking about it. I'm actually an orphan.
"Lil Sis'" I heard someone call as there was knock on the door, I didn't reply but they came in anyway, it was Joel, he came and sat on the bed and I hugged him tight as I began to cry even more, "It's going to be okay...shhh...don't cry Rics"
"I miss him. I miss him so so much"
"I miss him too. I miss him too". He held me for a while, stroking my hair,
"Are you going to come down for some dinner? Cole and Kasey have cooked something, or..." He asked softly
"I guess so" I said quietly. He kissed my forehead,
"I'll meet you downstairs Sis'" then walked out. I sat there and composed myself before going into the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror,
"You have to be strong Rics, you can do it..." I said to myself then walked down the stairs.
Everyone was sat around the kitchen table. Meaning Kane, Joel, Wyatt, Trent, Cole, and Kasey. They all looked at me, Kane patted the seat next to him, I went and sat down. The dinner was very nice, they'd made a curry, the chat however wasn't so thrilling though. Maybe that's because I just sat there saying nothing. Sam was going to come round tomorrow, so was Della. I didn't really want to see anyone if I was being completely honest. I mean, why would I. I just wanted to be alone.
"Thank you very much for tea it was very nice..." I stood up, "I'm going for a walk on the beach" then walked out, I ran upstairs to grab one of Kane's hoody and slipped it on, putting the hood up and walked out of the house and across the road.
It was at that stage in the evening when it was in between darkness, the sun hadn't gone fully down yet and the moon hadn't risen yet either. I walked onto the sand and softly across it heading to the sea. I sat down about a metre away from the sea and scrunched my knees up so I was hugging them. I listened to the sea crashing and smashing, every wave a memory, every draw back a regret, a sorry, a goodbye. I shut my eyes, hugging my knees tight. I felt some strong arms around me soon after. I didn't open my eyes though, but leant into whoever it was who was holding me tight. I was guessing it was Kane.
"I love you," he whispered, "Baby girl I love you so much" Yep it was Kane.
"And I love you more" I replied in a whisper back. I slid in between his legs and opened my eyes, he wrapped his arms securely around me and I leant my head back on his shoulder.
"Everyone's here for you, you know that"
"I know, I just don't want to bring everyone's mood down"
"What mood? Everyone's so worried about you. Joel and Trent are also mourning as well. Wyatt's so upset, even Cole hates seeing you like this and well my parents...Mum keeps crying and Dad's trying to keep everything together"
"I knew it was going to be hard, but...I never knew it was going to be this hard," he squeezed me tight.
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It was now 9.30pm and I was huddled up on the sofa with Kane and Wyatt. Trent and Joel were next door with Susannah and Frank, Cole and Kasey were upstairs. We were watching Daddy day care. The film was making me smile as I did love it a lot.
"Laminated" We all called out at the same time as Phil did when he waved the piece of paper at Mrs Harridan. I snuggled deeper into Kane. The rest of the film went on. The ending made me cry when all the parents and children were in there new Daddy day care centre.
"Rics don't cry" Wyatt said softly, leaning over to comfort me as Kane had popped to the bathroom, I smiled through my tears,
"Trying not too..." he kissed my forehead
"We'll that's all you can do beautiful, that's all we can all do". I leant into Wyatt playing with my wedding ring. Daddy's not going to see me get married, he's not going to give me away. Daddy's not going to see any children I have. Daddy's gone and he's gone forever. My Daddy really has gone...
Kane came in 10 minutes later. I looked up at him, he had red puffy eyes which meant he'd been crying. Wyatt must have noticed to,
"I'll leave you two alone...bro you know where I am if you want to talk"
"Thanks Wy'" and he walked out, Kane came and sat on the sofa next to me, I sat on his lap facing him, wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed him. It was a kiss which felt so, so real, so warm, so loved.
"You don't need to go off and cry Baby. I cry in front of you, you can cry in front of me. I know your not one of those men who can't cry, because Kane Baby, we're getting married"
"I know, but I thought that it would just make things worse if I was crying and that it would upset you"
"Baby, you were the one that told me everyone else was upset and worried and everyone is allowed to be, your allowed to be as well, don't bottle it up or go and hide whilst doing it for my sake"
"Are you done lecturing me?" I smiled and kissed him again,
"Yes I'm done"
"I'm going to take you to bed..." He said lifting me bridal style and headed out the door and up the stairs. Once we'd made it to our room, he led me on our bed gently and kissed my forehead,
"I will be back in 5 minutes. II'm going to talk to Wyatt," I nodded, going over to the draw to get one of Kane's t-shirts to sleep in, then going into the bathroom. I had a quick hot shower then slipped into Kane's t-shirt, turned the telly on and snuggled into the bed under the duvet. I heard movement outside my door,
"Kane" I called, the door opened and Trent came in, "Oh hey Trent"
"Can we talk?"
"Sure" I replied, he came and sat on the bed next to me,
"How are you holding up?" I shrugged, "You know you can talk to me Sis"
"I know..."
"We all miss him..."
"I know..." Trent sighed,
"Dad wanted this to be given to you...if something ever happened to him," he took out a silver bracelet with the words courage engraved into a small plaque, "Dad gave it to me when I came back here 4 years ago, he bought it when he lost me to Mum all those years back. He bought it to remind him to keep going, to have the courage to go on and hope that one day he'd get me back. He did, and he told me that it would be your turn one day to have it and to go on without him and live a life to make him proud," he took my wrist and slipped it on. It was a bit big, but wasn't going to fall off. I ran my fingers across it, then hugged Trent tight, wrapping my arms around his neck,
"I love you so much Trent"
"I love you too Sis and I'm here for you, we're all here for you," he kissed my forehead, "Sleep well" and he walked out.
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Joel's POV
My Dad was gone...
I'm not like Lyric.
I don't show my feelings; I end up bottling them up. Which is not good I know, but what can I do? I have to stay strong with Trent to help our little sister get through this.
You don't really think about losing anyone, then when you do...BAM, it hits you and it hits you hard. We're orphans now. I sit up and ruffle my messy hair. I have no idea how I'm going to sleep tonight. Maybe if I get Sam to come over, it might help, Nah...she's got Nic to dote on, she doesn't need me as well. I get up off the bed and head out of my room. Maybe I should go and see Lyric, no I don't want to break down in front of her, it would just make things worse. My feet ended up taking me to Wyatt's room, I knocked on the door,
"Come in" was the reply, I opened the door, Wyatt and Kane were sat talking on the bed,
"Are you okay Joel?" Kane asked,
"Y...Yeah...I'm fine...I...I just" Shit. I broke down.
15 minutes later...
"Are you okay now?" Kane asked,
"Do you think I'm a prat and a baby for crying?" I said,
"I think you're a prat for saying that" He replied, I smiled,
"Any man is allowed to cry and you have a damn good reason, we don't judge, we support each other. You're like a brother to us and don't ever forget it" Wyatt said,
"I love you guys" I said, they smiled,
"We love you too" They replied together.
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Kane's POV
"You look very cosy in there, may I join you?" I said, she smiled softly,
"Indeed you may," I pulled off my t-shirt and trousers and crawled in next to her,
"You're so cold" she shrieked,
"Well warm me up then," I told her as I put an arm around her, she snuggled into me,
"Trent gave me this from my Dad" she then said showing me her wrist, I traced my finger over it,
"Don't let him down Baby girl" I whispered,
"I won't" She answered, "I love you so much and I can't wait to marry you"
"I love you even more and it's all I've wanted to do since you told me you loved me,"
"It seems like a life time ago"
"It sure does"
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