I try to stand up as quickly as humanly possible and reach for the bag and box but Josh is already leaning down to pick it up. I watch in panic as he glances at it. His eyes widen in surprise as he looks up at me and I shake my head once. His eyes look around the room and then he puts the box inside the bag quickly while he glares at Brad. "Brad, what the fuck?"
"I'm sorry, Nat," Brad is saying behind me.
I ignore him and grab the bag from Josh's hands. "Thank you." I murmur as I walk past him.
I really hope Cassie nor Crystal saw anything. Josh was quick to hide the box. I think it just felt like it happened in slow motion because I was panicking.
I'm still panicking. God. Please let this be a negative.
I go straight into the bathroom. It takes me a moment to pee but I use the three tests then wash my hands and pace around my room.
There's a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" I ask nervously.
"It's me, Crystal."
I frown but reach out to open the door. I haven't seen her since Clint's birthday party so it's been a while but I remember what she did for me that day and my expression softens. "Hey, whats up?"
"Just wanted to see if you were okay," she says slowly. "You seemed a bit out of it back there."
I take a deep breath. "Come in."
"Also Josh sent me," She says quietly as she walks in.
I lock the door behind her and, despite everything that's going on, I smile. "I'm fine." I bite my lip as we look at each other for a moment. "Can I trust you?" I finally ask.
"Only you can answer that," she says with a small smile.
"Right." I sit on the edge of my bed. "I think I might be pregnant." I whisper looking at her nervously.
"Ah," she says with a nod. "Josh, I'm guessing?"
I nod. "I'm probably overreacting. I had a stupid dream during my nap." I shake my head. "I'm never napping again."
She smiles. "Just relax, okay? I'm guessing you took a test?"
"Three," I say. "From the dollar store."
"Okay. Do you want to go check them?"
"Not really," I say nervously.
"Do you want me to check them?"
I nod eagerly. "Yes, please. They're on the sink."
She nods. "Okay. I'll go take a look."
I look down at the floor, moving my leg nervously as Crystal goes in the bathroom. It's probably only a few seconds that pass before she comes out but they feel like hours. I can't stop my mind from thinking about everything that can happen if I am pregnant. I know I wouldn't get an abortion. I'm all for women having the choice to choose and respect that but personally, I could never do that. That's just me.
So I would keep the baby. Would Josh even want a baby with me? We would have no other choice than to tell everyone about our relationship. Everything would turn into chaos. Don't get me wrong, I do want to have kids someday but not like this. Not with an unofficial boyfriend. I can't bring myself to take accountability for my actions how am I supposed to become responsible for a whole new life?
I know I probably got myself into this. Though I have been taking care of myself. I know for a fact that I haven't missed a single pill. I take it everyday and always at the same time. This gives me a little hope. It's practically impossible for me to be pregnant. It would be a miracle if I was. I don't want any miracles.
Crystal finally walks out of the bathroom and I stand up and look at her, my eyes searching any kind of response. "Negative," she finally says. "They're all negative."
"Oh." I let out a breath of relief, my shoulders relax and I suddenly feel a thousand pounds lighter. And then I'm hugging Crystal. "Thank you," I say pulling away.
"Hey, I just read it. You did the peeing."
I laugh. It's a laugh of relief and happiness. I'm not pregnant. Yes. Thank you, Jesus. "Oh my God. I was so scared that I was," I say with a sigh.
"I bet you were," Crystal says.
"Are you judging me?"
"Not at all," she says with a smile. "We've all been there."
"I don't even want to imagine what would have happened if-" I shake my head. "Oh, thank God."
"You should probably tell Josh. He's probably shitting bricks right now."
I laugh. "Right. Yes. You're right." I look at her. "Crystal-"
"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me." She assures me.
I half smile at her. "I hadn't gotten the chance to thank you for what you did last time at Clint's party."
She smiles. "There's no need to thank me. I-" she looks at me. "I can't pretend to know what's going on between you and Josh but I know he's a good person and so are you. Plus, I felt that I owed it to Josh." Her cheeks turn a bit red and it guessing she's thinking about the time she hit on him. It seems like so long ago. So many things have happened since then.
"Well, thank you anyhow," I say.
"You're welcome." She smiles. "That girl Cassie seems to be really into him. She's your roommate right?"
I nod. "You know the story?"
"She was telling me and Brad about it before you got here." she almost rolls her eyes and I feel like I have a connection with her. She gets me. That's exactly how I feel. "She seems determined."
"I know," I say quietly.
"I don't really know what's going on with you two but he really cares about you, Natalie. He's told me so."
"I care about him too."
She smiles. "I'm sure you do. I hope you guys figure this out."
"Me too. Thank you again."
"Anytime."
We smile at each other before walking out of the room. We go outside where everyone is. There are a lot of people out in the beach today. Everyone's waiting for the fireworks. I allow myself to enjoy the music and even get some food. I look for Josh but see him sitting next to Cassie so I go get something to drink.
I'm reaching for a soda when I feel him next to me. I look around us but it's just us two. Everyone else is around the campfire a few feet away. I look up at him. "It was negative," I say quietly.
He takes a deep breath. "Wow, okay."
"Sorry I scared you. I wasn't going to tell you until after I took the test."
"How are you feeling?" He asks studying me with his brown eyes. It's dark outside except for the campfire.
"Relieved." I sigh. "I mean, imagine a baby right now?"
"Yeah, it's not the best circumstances." He agrees.
"At all."
He hesitates. "Natalie I-"
"Hey!" Savannah calls. "Natalie! Get a me a drink will you?" She is giving me a look from where she's sitting.
I sigh and look at Josh. "We should probably go back."
He nods with his hands in his pockets. I look down then turn around and walk back to the campfire. "You guys need to stop being so obvious." Savannah tells me as I sit next to her. "Where's my drink?"
"Oops. I forgot it."
She rolls her eyes at me and I laugh. I look at Josh and notice he didn't come back to the campfire. He is sitting down on the sand a few feet away with his legs propped up and staring at the ocean. Why does he look sad? He should be celebrating. Though I guess this scare is probably making him contemplate his whole life kind of like it did to me. I wonder if he's thinking about ending this between us. This has made us realize that it could turn into something life changing really quick. I'm scared because I don't want to end this but I also know that it'll be for the best if that's what he decides.
I watch as Cassie walks over to him and frown. She places her hand on his shoulder making him look up. Then she sits next to him. I look down, trying to ignore the jealousy I feel seeing him with her.
"Hey, Natalie. Can we talk?"
I roll my eyes at Brad as he sits next to me. "I really don't want to talk to you, Brad."
"I know I was out of line, okay? I'm sorry."
"Whatever," I say looking away.
"You're really not going to give me another chance are you?"
"No. I've been honest with you since the beginning. I don't know what to tell you anymore to make you understand."
He nods slowly. "You'll always be my first love, Nat. Always."
I look around us, hoping no one is listening. Everybody seems to be in their own conversations. Mom and Dad are chatting with Louisa. Clint had to work so he couldn't make it. Savannah and Crystal are talking about their gym routines to my left and of course we have Josh and Cassie bonding in front of the freaking ocean.
I finally look at Brad and sigh. "Just let me go, Brad."
He nods looking down in between his feet. "It's not Josh right?"
"What?" I ask my heart suddenly beating hard against my chest.
"The person you're seeing." He looks at me. "It's not my brother right?"
"Why would you think that?"
He shrugs. "I don't know. You two have been hanging out lately."
"Yeah, well, he's always been my friend."
"I know that," he says.
"Then why is that a reason for you to think we're more than friends?"
I'm trying to see if there is something else that is making him think there's something between Josh and I. I want to know if this is a real suspicion or if he's just trying to get me to tell him who it is that I'm seeing.
Brad looks at me then shakes his head. "You're right. I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't do that."
I look down at his words. I know you wouldn't do that. He's partially right. The Natalie I was before Josh came back wouldn't have done that. Brad doesn't know that I've changed. I'm not the same woman that he was with for eight years. I wish he understood that. It scares me to think that he might never understand.
"I think I can to be with whoever I want, don't you?"
I ask carefully. Now that we're having this conversation, I need to know if there's a chance Brad might ever understand if I were to tell him about Josh and I. This might be my only chance.
"Sure, yeah," He says then shrugs. "I mean it wouldn't be cool at all if you decided to be with Josh after me considering he's my brother. It would be as if I were to date Savannah, you know?"
I look down and nod. "Yeah." I do know and I hate it. It would be weird if he and Savannah got together. I know I wouldn't like it. I wouldn't be able to hang out with them. We would never have a normal relationship. There's a reason why there's an unspoken rule of dating your ex's brother or sister. It's just not right.
Brad shrugs, completely oblivious to the fact that I have been sleeping with his brother. "I don't know why I even thought of it in the first place though. I know you wouldn't do it. I just freaked out because he didn't seem to be that serious with Crystal. I'm sorry."
I gulp the knot in my throat. "It's fine. You deserve someone good, Brad. I hope you find her."
He looks at me. "I won't ever do better than you, Nat."
"Don't say that, please," I say quietly. "I'm not as good as you think."
"I'm just letting you know," he says with a playful grin.
I just roll my eyes at him feeling happy and sad at the time time. It seems like we have finally reached a common ground. I think he's starting to let me go which is good but now I know that he would never accept a relationship between Josh and I. I know he wouldn't take the news lightly. I'm scared of what he might do to Josh or himself if our secret were to come to light.
"Look! The fireworks have started!" my Mom exclaims looking up at the sky with a smile.
Josh and Cassie walk back to the group and my eyes meet Josh for a second. I give him a sad smile and he reflects it.
It's like we both know what's coming.
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